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#1 of 22 Old 05-11-2012, 06:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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my child is 3 weeks old today and he either needs to be held or needs to be moving to be calm. The being held thing is tough because nothing gets done in my house that way. We do not have, nor can we afford a swing. I am worried that I have spoiled my baby already. What do I do?

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#2 of 22 Old 05-11-2012, 07:15 AM
 
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Let the housework go. It's such a brief moment in time, when the babies are this little, just let it go. Or wear her in an Ergo, wrap, beco, or mei tai type carrier if you absolutely must get something done. He sounds normal, and very much like a 3 week old.

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#3 of 22 Old 05-11-2012, 08:08 AM
 
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I absolutely agree. Totally normal. This period is so so short. Just hold that baby and love on it and enjoy it while it lasts! I remember being very stressed about it, too, and now that my lo is ten months old I miss is! I agree that getting some kind of wrap or sling or other carrying device can make a big difference. You can often find them cheap second hand.
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#4 of 22 Old 05-11-2012, 01:22 PM
 
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Yes, the infant stage is so short, and it is very typical for them to need to be held or on the move at 3 weeks.  You must let go of some of your standards of housekeeping. No one else will care - they expect it from a new parent. Soon he will settle into more regular naps so you can get things done, and it won't be long before he will want to play a little. In about a month he will want to lay and look around and at hanging toys, kick his legs, and will not need the constant womb simulation. Just try to enjoy it as much as you can now, it does go by in the blink of an eye. I know it's hard, it seems so hard to enjoy when you are just trying to survive.

If you can't afford a carrier, could you get some fabric? There are lots of DIY instructions online to make a wrap. If you get some stretchy material, you could wear him on your front. Infants love it because their heads are supported, they are warm, and can just drift off near mom while moving.
 

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#5 of 22 Old 05-11-2012, 02:14 PM
 
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My DD was very clingy as a newborn, had colic, and did not sleep. When I say "did not sleep", I mean that we were averaging 7 or 8 non-consecutive hours per 24 hour period. I feel your pain, mama. I used to HATE it when people told me to "enjoy it!" because it was torturous.

The good news is that the light is coming, soon. I know that it will not feel like it comes soon enough. In the meantime, don't worry about what isn't getting done. Take each day as it comes, and know that you will be able to start to get caught up on your house in a few short weeks. Ask for help with specific things. I asked my friends to make dinner for us whenever they wanted to know what we needed. If you have visitors who you feel comfortable letting hold your baby, take advantage of every 10 minute opening to walk around the block or take a shower or start laundry or whatever. (Laundry is another good thing to ask for help with, if you have family or friends visiting.) Lower your standards knowing that it is only temporary. Ask around to see if you can borrow a swing or a bouncer or a wrap - ask at church, ask in your neighborhood, ask on Facebook, have your partner ask at work. Other mamas love to help a new mama!

You cannot spoil a newborn. It isto very normal for them to be bottomless pits of need at this age, and you're doing a great job meeting those needs, even if you feel overwhelmed by it. Hold your baby, let other people hold your baby, and this phase will pass. Very, very soon, I promise. My girl still loves to be cuddled, but she's always been good at playing nearby while I clean or cook or read for short periods, since the age of about 12 weeks. From about 7 weeks, she became interested in hands, feet, etc, and needed to be held less and less - and it also got more and more fun to be mama. Hang in there, things are going to get better and easier soon.
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#6 of 22 Old 05-13-2012, 02:05 AM
 
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I'm in just the situation with my two week old daughter.  At night she sleeps fairly well but not during the day.  Yesterday I fed her at 9.20 am and between then and 23.15pm she only slept once in a wrap.  She constantly needs to be held, rocked or driven in the car.  I'm so worried that it just can't be healthy for her to be awake this much.  Then I start doubting that she's getting enough milk and that maybe she's just hungry all the time.  She loves to suck on things all the time so I've given her a dummy but this also makes me wonder whether she's hungry or not.  Sometimes I literally get stuck on the couch in my pjamas if I'm home alone, I can't even eat a meal!  The wrap is a blessing but I'm trying just to use it once a day, so she doesn't get too used to it, at least I get up and about then for a while.  Maybe she sleeps better at night because I'm so tired that she falls asleep at my breast?  During the day she falls asleep in my arms but if I lay her in her play-pen she will be awake within 5 mins.  The midwife says I have to wait for her to cry for a minute, pick her up, comfort her and then put her back down and do this as many times as necessary.

 

Sometimes you just can't see the wood for the trees with everyone giving you advice, my husband goes back to work on Wednesday so I'm expecting to still be in my pjs by the time he gets home!
 


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#7 of 22 Old 05-13-2012, 09:44 AM
 
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Clairebear, don't put her down when she falls asleep! Just hold her and let her sleep while you rest and get a break. My son couldn't sleep on his own for naps at that age either even though he could at night. It took months for him to nap decently during the day on his own.
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#8 of 22 Old 05-13-2012, 04:25 PM
 
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Agreed! At that age, put them in a wrap, and let them just sleep and wake at their leisure while you go about your day. It does NOT LAST LONG.

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#9 of 22 Old 05-14-2012, 06:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your advice. Clairbear, my mom came over and watched my little one last night, and she figured out that he wakes up when I put him down because he is cold. She put him in a long sleeve, long pants onsie and layed him down with this hand crocheted afgan and he slept for two hours. Its just a thought, and it might help you to be able to get a shower and get dressed.
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#10 of 22 Old 05-15-2012, 09:46 AM
 
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Wear him, wear him, wear him!!  That's the only way you'll get through the day.  Here's something that also worked WONDERS for us for nighttime sleeping: http://thefullmontessori.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/topponcino/

 

You will notice his sleep patterns becoming more stable around 3 months, so hang in there... 


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#11 of 22 Old 05-15-2012, 09:52 AM
 
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maybe someone else already said this- but to reinforce- YOU CANNOT SPOIL A BABY!!! If anyone makes a comment to you about holding or sleeping or whatever and claims you are spoiling baby- remind yourself- babies are MEANT to be held, it is UNNATURAL for them to be alone when they're this young, and there's NO SUCH THING as spoiling a young infant! Human babies are born when they are becuase if they waited any longer their big brains would be too big and your upright-walking-pelvis would be too small- so they are born very neurologically immature as compared to all other species, even primates, and still really need another trimester of closeness- so needing to basically be in a womb-like place until 3 months old is NORMAL.  My DD was home for 1 week before we got our baby carrier- and I don't even know how I lasted that long without one! 

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#12 of 22 Old 05-15-2012, 09:55 AM
 
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The only reasonable goals with a newborn are to feed yourself, feed the baby, sleep as much as possible.  Anything above that is a bonus but not to be expected.  Clothing (other than PJ's) is above and beyond.  I found the only way to make it was to reset my standards.  Caring for a baby is its own full time job and accompishing that (and only that) is a huge success.

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#13 of 22 Old 05-15-2012, 10:13 AM
 
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For my DS, I wore him constantly. He needed to be held all the time, so I held him all the time. He is my third, so if I didn't have slings and wraps, my other two children would have been neglected.  I agree with whoever said to let the house go...there's the rest of your life for that, but only one newborn time in your baby's life.

 

As for showering, I actually bought a mesh sling so that he could come in with me, otherwise, it never would have happened.  He slept with me, ate with me, cooked dinner with me, and everything in between.

 

I know it seems rough sometimes, but babies were meant to be babied. Before you know it, he'll be 12, like my oldest, and the only time you'll really be able to get a good look at  him is when he is in bed asleep. Sigh...

 

Good luck. Unfortunately, this too shall pass.


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#14 of 22 Old 05-20-2012, 01:24 AM
 
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So it turns out that our little girl wasn't sleeping because she was hungry all the timegreensad.gif  I was constantly nursing her but she wasn't able to suck hard enough/be awake enough to get enough milk, consequently my milk production backed off.  My god did I feel so terrible when we found out that she wasn't gaining weight, I promptly burst into tears because I felt so bad for her and it is really important to me to be able to breast feed.  My husband has coeliacs disease and to minimise the chance of her getting it I have to breast feed as long as possible.

 

Now i'm on a course of motilium to try and boost my milk.  I substituted two feeds for formula and I started expressing milk after every feed so now I have enough of a supply to be ahead of her so she gets 90ml of breast milk every 3 hours in a bottle and then I pump.  At the moment I can only get about 65ml per session.  I know it's good that she's still getting breast milk and not formula but I really miss breast feeding!   Now she drinks, burps and falls straight to sleep for three hours, I was used to nursing her constantly so it feels really strange not to hold her as much, sometimes I just let her sleep on me or we take a nap together in the bed.  I really hope I can produce enough milk to go back to breastfeeding her.  Also it's not that easy using the electric pump in the middle of the night or if you have to go somewhere!  I will be so worried though if I can go back to breastfeeding her normally, that I won't know if she's got enough to gain enough weight and if she doesn't suck enough my milk might back off again and the motilium course you can only take once.

 

I'm trying to drink a lot of water, two cups of breast feeding tea per day and drinking full fat milk, hope this helps...greensad.gif
 


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#15 of 22 Old 05-20-2012, 08:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by clairebear3 View Post

So it turns out that our little girl wasn't sleeping because she was hungry all the timegreensad.gif  I was constantly nursing her but she wasn't able to suck hard enough/be awake enough to get enough milk, consequently my milk production backed off.  My god did I feel so terrible when we found out that she wasn't gaining weight, I promptly burst into tears because I felt so bad for her and it is really important to me to be able to breast feed.  My husband has coeliacs disease and to minimise the chance of her getting it I have to breast feed as long as possible.

 

Now i'm on a course of motilium to try and boost my milk.  I substituted two feeds for formula and I started expressing milk after every feed so now I have enough of a supply to be ahead of her so she gets 90ml of breast milk every 3 hours in a bottle and then I pump.  At the moment I can only get about 65ml per session.  I know it's good that she's still getting breast milk and not formula but I really miss breast feeding!   Now she drinks, burps and falls straight to sleep for three hours, I was used to nursing her constantly so it feels really strange not to hold her as much, sometimes I just let her sleep on me or we take a nap together in the bed.  I really hope I can produce enough milk to go back to breastfeeding her.  Also it's not that easy using the electric pump in the middle of the night or if you have to go somewhere!  I will be so worried though if I can go back to breastfeeding her normally, that I won't know if she's got enough to gain enough weight and if she doesn't suck enough my milk might back off again and the motilium course you can only take once.

 

I'm trying to drink a lot of water, two cups of breast feeding tea per day and drinking full fat milk, hope this helps...greensad.gif
 

glad you found that out and are able to do something about it! but don't stress out so much (it's no good for your supply). think positive - it's powerful. you WILL have a full and plentiful supply soon, and you WILL be back to nursing her before you know it. you'll all be ok :) just keep her close, maybe feed her skin to skin (to remind her of what nursing is like) and keep up the fluids etc.

 

good luck!

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#16 of 22 Old 05-20-2012, 08:11 AM
 
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Good thing you got it figured out!!  We've had issues with weight gain as well.  I ended up taking Fenugreek which worked really well to boost my milk supply.  I believe it's safe to be on and off it too.  You only need to take it as long as you need it.  One problem I ran into when my ds hit 3 months is that he didn't think my letdown was fast enough and would pull off the breast.  The Fenugreek really made it so my letdown came almost immediately. 


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#17 of 22 Old 05-20-2012, 08:11 AM
 
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Don't beat yourself up, you did an are doing the best you can for that little one and she's a lucky girl to have a mama whose so committed to her welfare.
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#18 of 22 Old 05-20-2012, 08:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am glad you found out what the problem was. When I first brought my little guy home, he lost 5 oz in two days. In the hospital he had only lost 7 oz in three days. I was worried that I wasnt producing enough. It turned out I needed to use a nipple shield for him to eat properly. I also looked up ways to boost milk production and I read that sports drinks with electrolites help. Until I started doing that he would eat every hour or so. Now we go like two hours at a time. So you could try like poweraide or gatoraide and it might help. I also had someone tell me that drinking a beer at night encourages letdown because of the yeast. I had one last night and pumped 2.5 oz in like 5 minutes this morning. Also, everyone tells me to eat eat eat eat. so I am constantly eating something. Some might not agree with the beer thing, but i read an article that when you drink coffee or a glass of wine it does not get into the breast milk. Plus, i love using old remedies to solve problems because they are part of our history.

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#19 of 22 Old 05-20-2012, 08:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am glad you found out what the problem was. When I first brought my little guy home, he lost 5 oz in two days. In the hospital he had only lost 7 oz in three days. I was worried that I wasnt producing enough. It turned out I needed to use a nipple shield for him to eat properly. I also looked up ways to boost milk production and I read that sports drinks with electrolites help. Until I started doing that he would eat every hour or so. Now we go like two hours at a time. So you could try like poweraide or gatoraide and it might help. I also had someone tell me that drinking a beer at night encourages letdown because of the yeast. I had one last night and pumped 2.5 oz in like 5 minutes this morning. Also, everyone tells me to eat eat eat eat. so I am constantly eating something. Some might not agree with the beer thing, but i read an article that when you drink coffee or a glass of wine it does not get into the breast milk. Plus, i love using old remedies to solve problems because they are part of our history.

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#20 of 22 Old 05-21-2012, 12:48 AM
 
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Thanks so much for your replies!

 

I have also started a thread in the breastfeeding forum.  Sometimes even though i've read the books etc I still feel like such an idiot redface.gif

 

That was a good tip about the sports drinks, it's on todays shopping list now.  Here (Belgium) they say that dark low alcohol beer, like stout, helps and I don't think one can hurt as it's really low alcohol, i'm also eating porridge for breakfast as I hear that oats help.  This afternoon we have nothing to do so I am going to pump before I feed her and then have her lay on me in just her nappy, me in my bra to stop me leaking all over her, and we're going to take a well needed nap!

 

My breastfeeding tea is almost finished so I will be off to the health food shop tomm, is it best to take fenugreek in tablets or tea do you think?

 

Thanks so much!
 


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#21 of 22 Old 05-21-2012, 08:14 AM
 
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I've heard Fenugreek tastes horrible, so I would do the tablets.  Plus I think you get more that way.  Word of warning....after taking it a few days, I started smelling like maple syrup.  Could be a worse smell, I suppose, but I had no idea what was going on until I googled it.  redface.gif


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#22 of 22 Old 05-23-2012, 04:51 AM
 
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Well they only had 'raw' fenugreek it looks like little pellets, so I guess I will make tea from it, good job I like maple syrup!
 


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