at what age did your baby start to like a relative they previously didn't like? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-02-2012, 11:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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To make a long story short, our 5 month old DD doesn't like her grandmother. Our experience so far is that she's happy to be held and cared for by other people, but with one of her grandmothers she cries.

My question is, if you had a similar experience with a baby who didn't like a specific person, was there an age at which this changed and the baby became more comfortable with this person?

Our baby has seen this grandmother pretty much once a week since birth, so the negative response isn't from lack of familiarity.
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Old 06-02-2012, 11:52 AM
 
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My babies didn't care for grandmothers/old ladies either. My theory is that old moms forget that babies don't like intense eye contact. Or maybe they hold them too tightly or talk too oddly to them.
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Old 06-02-2012, 12:31 PM
 
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My mischief maker used to always, always get upset by the presence of one of my aunts (I think maybe due to her big, dark bouffant hair...) anyhow, we see her about every 2-3months, and yesterday was the first time he smiled and charmed her rather than bawled, and he is now 16months! Maybe this would have happened sooner if he was more familiar with her, however im so relieved its resolved as it was so obvious that he had a distaste for her, which made for AWKWARD times. 


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Old 06-02-2012, 12:46 PM
 
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My niece didn't like me until she was 2.  Her older sister and younger sister always liked me, so it was strange that she didn't.  Now she does- and won't leave me alone (c:  My DH is sad because I'm now the favorite!

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Old 06-02-2012, 03:30 PM
 
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My DD was scared of my BIL (who is a really nice guy and a dad - just something about his voice and style of interacting were too different from the other people she was used to, I guess.)  By the time she was 1 1/2, she was still nervous about him.  By the time she was 2, she wasn't scared if he got close to her, but she still wasn't totally at ease with him.  She was probably 3 before she got really comfortable with him.  She's 9 now, and she likes him just fine and has for years.  She thinks it's funny that she was scared of him as a baby.

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Old 06-02-2012, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Interesting stuff. In our case, as far as we can tell her opinion doesn't seem to extend to other grandmothers/old ladies. Just this one. Maybe it has to do with style/mannerisms, or maybe this one has lost DD's trust because she tries to calm her when she cries (unsuccessfully), rather than handing her back to mama as most relatives do.

It's an interesting theory about intense eye contact, though -- this grandmother's style is probably more "in-your-face" eye contact than most. Do you think it's true that most babies don't like intense eye contact?
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Old 06-02-2012, 07:20 PM
 
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I don't know about family members, but we have a friend who scared our daughter the first few times she saw him, but she was okay with him the few more recent times. Maybe around 8 months was when she started to come around.

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Old 06-02-2012, 07:23 PM
 
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My youngest did not like my MIL until last week. She is just turned 2.

 

MIL is sweet, quiet, doesn't press it, and dd still didn't like her- literally struggled to get away from her at every visit. Now she likes her just fine. I have no clue what it was about, but I'm glad it's over.

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Old 06-02-2012, 08:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Did anyone have any luck trying to take some action to improve the relationship? Or is it just hopeless until the baby/kid changes his/her mind?

The grandmother in question was supposed to be our primary childcare person (as she is for our older daughter) when I go to work part-time, and it's sort of a mess to have the baby crying inconsolably every time the grandmother holds her for more than 15 minutes.

Keep the experiences coming -- it's very interesting to hear how seemingly common this is!
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Old 06-03-2012, 05:57 PM
 
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We tried like crazy to get dd to like MIL- no dice. We gave MIL the good toys, the good treats, the good books, everything. Dd wouldn't go to her. It was soooooo hard to watch; this is MIL's only grandchild and she won't have more. I wish I had some advice for you, because nothing we did worked. Luckily for us it didn't matter in our day to day lives.

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Old 06-04-2012, 12:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone else have experience with this? It's sounding like age 2 is about the earliest we're likely to have success ...
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