Older Moms - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 09-07-2012, 01:56 AM - Thread Starter
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 I am what you would call an "older mom". Married at 35, and now at 38 have a 6 month baby girl. About to turn 39. I really can't stand the discrimination against older moms. People act shocked that DH and I plan to have 1 or 2 more kids even. I have had people just assume that DD will be our one and only just based on my age. No, we plan to have more. I was an only child and extremely lonely through my life because of it, so it is very important to give my daughter a sibling.I will stop by age 45 though, but I see nothing wrong with having another at 41 or 42. DH and I plan to start trying for Baby #2 shortly. We had absolutely no fertility problems with DD. Yet "well meaning" relatives love to tell me how it'll probably be impossible for me to get pregnant at my age. I had no problem with baby#1, so I could very well get pregnant again easily.


 I have endured relatives who say nasty things about older moms. I am told I should've had a baby in my 20s (despite the fact i didn't marry til later and had to live at home cause my job didn't even make enough to cover rent), told how embarrassed my children will be with having a mom who's old enough to be their grandma, how its not fair to be an older mother cause you will die when your children are younger, ect.


 Then there's my own insecurities. I feel badly that I didn't meet my husband til later when all my friends had families by the time they were 30 while I was single til I was 35. Will I be the oldest mom of DD's friends? Will I ever find friends my age who also have kids the same age as mine? Or will I always be the oldest mom among DD's friends when she starts school?


I love being a mom. It is my dream come true cause I thought I'd be single and childless my whole life. But it does feel wierd being the "old mom". We live in a small country town where its the norm for girls to get married straight out of high school and have a couple of kids by the time they are 25. So in that respect I guess I am old enough to be a grandma.

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#2 of 5 Old 09-07-2012, 11:05 AM
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I am not not an older mom but perhaps your area tends to have younger moms? Moms here usually are older and 38 with a baby + more someday would not even raise an eyebrow. Younger would get more comments then older. I know numerous moms that had babies at 43-45. Age is just a number and most of my good mom friends over the years have been quite a few years older me, even 20 years apart! It doesn't bother us though.



ETA: Ahh, missed where you said you live rurally. Yep, that would explain it and yeah, I'm sure you will meet some grandmothers that are your age, but don't let it bother you. 

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#3 of 5 Old 09-07-2012, 11:21 AM
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Agree with pp, depends on the area.
Gave birth to my oldest in the south when I was in my mid 20's and my midwife gave me a big talk about how things will be different since I was an older mom. Bless her heart, not sure what she would think about me having my next 10yrs later.

Now living in the midwest. Just did "back to school night" for my oldest. Not many parents that look younger than I do. Several much older.
Was afraid with my baby starting preschool this year I would stick out as "old". Not so. In my area, many did the career thing before meeting their mate and/or having kids. Several also on their second marriage. Lots of females in their 30's and men in their 40-50's couples. Haven't met many moms my age with kids anywhere near my oldest.

That being said, my dh's younger sister, still living in the south, just became a grandma.

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#4 of 5 Old 09-07-2012, 12:56 PM
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I just had my youngest at 45. My oldest I had at 26. I really enjoy having mom friends of all ages. With my oder daughter I was often one of the youngest moms and I sometimes lacked confidence around older moms who were more sure of themselves than I was. Now I'm much more self confident and comfortable with who I am. I have mommy friends who range in age from their 20's to theit 50's and I love the diversity. I would ignore the negativity and avoid negative people. Seek out those you like regardless of their age. Your reproductive system is not anyones business but yours and your partners and others don't get input on your family size or when or how many kids you have. It's just not any of their business. You could live to see your great grandchildren and a 20 year old mom could die in a car accident tomorrow. No one knows and that kind of comment is hurtful and unnecessary. Enjoy your family however many kids you have and when you have them and be confident in your choices for your family. Your kids will be happy and confident if you are. My mother was 38 when I was born and I never even noticed she was an older mom because she acted so young. Now she still has girlfriends that are my age and she is 83.
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#5 of 5 Old 09-08-2012, 02:46 PM
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That's so funny... it will be difficult to get pregnant at your age... that cracked me up.  I'm 36 with one LO here in the deep south.  There are plenty of moms my age with young children, but I'll admit that most of them have older children too.  I am also an only child.  In fact, my mother & grandmother are only children as well.  It's important to me that my LO have a sibling.  My mother, however, is against me having another one.  I have no idea why.  She's nuts & it's too bad.  It's in our hearts to have another & we're having another.  I love her but she can get over it.

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