Willful and active 9 month old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 09-14-2012, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
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My dd is nine months and I'm just starting to realize how strong willed she is.  She is resisting diaper changes like nobody's business.  She hates getting dressed. If she wants something and you take it away she gets MAD. As I write this, she is napping after a really tough morning (on both of us).  I thought I wouldn't be dealing with a little person's temper for at least another 9 months, but today has proved me wrong.  I have just tried making things fun - singing songs, giving her toys or playing games during changes, redirection, etc.  Sometimes though I just want to yell "stay still!" Argh.  Does anyone have any parenting tips or book recommendations?  Feeling a bit overwhelmed today and slightly concerned of what lies ahead of us if she's already testing my patience so young. :-(


Also, she is cruising furniture but not walking yet.  I think she does better if she can expend a lot of energy.  Any ideas on helping her do this while she has limited mobility?  Also, is there a correlation between getting her out and about in a stroller (wearing her out through sights/sounds) and wearing her out physically?  Has anyone noticed if that helps or not so much...


Thank you!

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#2 of 12 Old 09-14-2012, 01:25 PM
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It's a hard age... they want to do more, but they are restricted by their own skills.  Once she can walk, it opens up a whole new world.


It's frustrating, but even a baby has a will and a mind of her own.  It's natural for her to protest everything that might even possibly look like it's your idea.  You almost have to make things seem like her idea.  (I have to do this with my husband too) 


She has a personality and a will.... this will be the thing you love most about  her one day.  Maybe not for 20 years..but, some day.


Right now, she wants the remote, all your magazines, your cup of coffee...but, she doesn't want toys.  Soon, you will be hiding the dining room chairs so she can't climb on the table.  Then, you have to hide your makeup so she doesn't pour it all in the sink.  


Try giving her things that aren't really toys.  Like an empty oatmeal box, or some water bottles that you have put colorful things into.  But, act like it's your favorite oatmeal box and you don't really want her to have it... but, if she must..."fine.. go ahead, have my oatmeal box."

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#3 of 12 Old 09-14-2012, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you! Yes, good idea on giving her "non toys".  She does like those best. :-) 

I guess I'm just surprised at how opinionated she is at such a young age....  It's really started to  "bloom" this past week and has honestly shocked me.  She seemed so mellow a few months ago..... haha. wink1.gif

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#4 of 12 Old 09-14-2012, 02:58 PM
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Oh Lordy, besides for the walking part, this sounds *exactly* line my 6 month old. Very opinionated, not easily placated, crawling and getting into everything! She's a terror!

DD Seraphina born at home on 2/21/2012! 

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#5 of 12 Old 09-15-2012, 05:51 PM
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I remember those days.... Non toy things are awesome. Spatulas, ladles and an old pot were her favourites: very noisy lol. Also pills :-/ I started hiding my prescriptions and putting dry beans and chickpeas in empty containers for her to rattle. Really anything forbidden and noisy was a real hit. We had good luck getting her a walker: she could hold on for stability and push and walk. Alternately one of us had to hold her hands and walk her which got really tiring really fast. Getting her outside helped a lot, even if she was confined to a stroller. The fresh air, sights and sounds did wear her out and I tried as much as possible to take her places and let her crawl around: the library, early years centres, friends' and family's house. The change of scenery also helped wear her out.

The diaper changes got so bad at our house that I ended up diapering her while she was cruising furniture or crawling. By 11 months I actually started part time EC by plopping her on the potty at diaper changes. Of course we started making catches which is great, but more importantly it broke up the diaper change and she mellowed out about them quite a bit. I still continued to do standing changes (and still do them at 17 months) but she is usually fairly neutral towards them. The ONLY thing that gets her to lay down for a change is if she sees her older cousin lay down for it lol. Good luck and hope you find a system that works for you.
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#6 of 12 Old 09-15-2012, 06:12 PM
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The temper tantrums really kicked up a notch around 9 months here - my husband said, "How did we get a two year old at nine months?!?!" haha


Raising Your Spirited Child really hit the nail on the head for us, and offered lots of strategies to make things a bit easier (like transitions, etc. - ways to make him feel prepared, heard, respected and comfortable - to help him work with us, instead of always fighting!).  Learning to walk helped (for a bit).


Good luck! 

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#7 of 12 Old 09-17-2012, 12:51 AM
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Raising Your Spirited Child has a great chapter on reframing the way we look at our children's personalities. Instead of "willful," she becomes "determined" and suddenly obnoxious is desirable.

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#8 of 12 Old 09-20-2012, 11:20 AM - Thread Starter
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I will look into that book.  Thank you!  Yes, we are doing the standing up diaper changes too.  I guess I'm getting better at them.  Giving her non-toys seems to help, as does singing, though these aren't fool-proof. She is just such an active little thing - I think I need to spend more time outdoors with her.  The weather is getting cooler here, such that it doesn't sound like torture to take her for a walk midday.  Yay!  While she is still very willfulll (ahem, determined winky.gif) I think the day I wrote that post was a particularly crappy day.  She is still an active baby who knows what she wants, but she hasn't had such rough time as she did that morning - thank God.

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#9 of 12 Old 09-20-2012, 08:06 PM
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i could've written your post. 8 month old DS is a handful - and a lot of fun, and very very very determined! we spend a lot of time outdoors for sure, in new places as much as possible too. He also does really well around other kids - when we're with his 18 month old and 5 year old cousins he is in seventh heaven. and then he passes out for two hours! i have a friend whose baby is the complete opposite. when we hang out together he just chiillllls. he is so easy going and mellow, and not much of a mover or shaker. although moment to moment he may be easier, i think i'll take my more challenging and spirited DS any day. After all, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. :)

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#10 of 12 Old 09-27-2012, 10:58 AM
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My DD is 8 months and not crawling yet, but she is SURE trying!  She is also very willful and frustrated by her immobility (she can get around a little, but when she spies a shiny bright object that I don't want her to put in her mouth and she can't get to it, she throws a grade A fit). She also has no interest in her toys, right now her favorites are our phones, cameras, big kitchen serving spoons... but particularly our phones, and see above for reference to the fits she throws when we keep the phones from her. Sigh.  She does better to get out of the house often.  I have to work on getting her around other littles as she seems to enjoy that a lot too. I'm going to have to get that book too!

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#11 of 12 Old 09-27-2012, 11:17 AM
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Sounds just like my youngest son ! 

He is to this day the single most strong-minded person , I have EVER encountered and coming from me , it says a lot , since I am quite head strong myself

So , enjoy , while she is not walking yet and you can pick her up , when she has a tantrum , it will only get worse before it gets better

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#12 of 12 Old 10-06-2012, 07:40 PM
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Willfulness=intelligence at least in my experience wink1.gif my dd was like that and she is so very bright today and ahead of her peers socially. I had nothing to do with it either! It's just who she is and she has been that way since she was born! My baby boy is shaping up to be just like her! He is more mellow but he knows what he wants and how to get it!

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