Question to mothers? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-21-2012, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
InGodWeTrust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, I have a question for all the moms out here. My 20 month old son, like any other baby is always wanting to grab something and when we don't let he starts crying and runs to a corner of the house and just sits crying.

I want to raise him to be well behaved, how do you all handle that situation? I'm thinking if we let him cry there without trying to talk to him maybe he will start to think we don't care about him. Or do we let him get over it and show him he can't always get his ways? Please no rude answers
InGodWeTrust is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-21-2012, 04:36 PM
 
katelove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,896
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 32 Post(s)
With my toddler I empathise "you really want the carving knife don't you? I wish I could let you play with it but you could really hurt yourself.", offer an alternative "would you like this wooden spoon instead?" And then give cuddles if they're wanted (my toddler usually doesn't want to be touched until she's calmed down a bit) or either just sit quietly nearby or keep doing what I was doing until she's ready to interact with me again.

Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

katelove is online now  
Old 10-21-2012, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
InGodWeTrust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you, I know we are all different parents but its good to share ideas. This is my first child and I don't want to be a bad parent.
InGodWeTrust is offline  
Old 10-21-2012, 04:45 PM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,604
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)

At that age I stuck with a sympathetic "I know it is hard to be told no. I have to help you learn the rules though." I would give a hug if the kid wants one and other than that let them cry. Everyone has to deal with the hard fact that you are going to be told no in life. *shrug*


My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is offline  
Old 10-21-2012, 06:14 PM
 
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: with the wildlife
Posts: 17,836
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)

I'm going to move this to Life with a Babe. Enjoy the ride!


 
QueenOfTheMeadow is offline  
Old 10-22-2012, 08:00 AM
 
skycheattraffic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,699
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I stick to empathy and explanation, like pps said. "you are upset because mommy won't let you have the knife. It is dangerous and you could get hurt." I usually offer a distraction "how about the spatula instead?". I also try to prevent meltdowns. My 18 month old understands a whole lot more than she can say and explaining ahead of time helps with transitions.for example "after we get changed, we will go outside, get in the car and go see Grandma." and remind her of grandma if she is unhappy about getting dressed or sitting in the car. I also try to say things positively, so instead of saying "it's time to go inside" I say "let's go inside and see kitty!" It's a small difference but the first statement makes her cry and for the second one she says "yeah!" and runs to the door. joy.gif
skycheattraffic is offline  
Old 10-24-2012, 05:55 PM
 
sageowl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 657
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

My 20 month old son, like any other baby is always wanting to grab something and when we don't let he starts crying and runs to a corner of the house and just sits crying.

 

Having a toddler, I deal with this a lot.  My responses are usually some combination of the following:

 

1.  Oops, that's not for touching.  (before he grabs the item--sometimes effective)

2.  Confiscate/redirect.  Can I see that?  Here's something for you...(often works)

3.  Oops, that's dangerous, ouchy, hot, etc.  Not safe!  Sorry bud.  Here's lets go do something else...

4.  Environmental modification (knowing what some of his triggers are, I try to make sure he doesn't have access to the things I'm most concerned about--or has adequate alternatives to those items (e.g. nonworking remotes).

5.  Brief exploration--sometimes if it's not dangerous, I'll let him explore the item for a minute, but then it goes bye-bye.

6.  That's life--sometimes I have to take something away, and there's nothing much that can be done about it.  I try to be empathetic but firm (I know you want that, but it's going bye-bye now), he cries, I dry his tears, and we regroup and move on with our lives.

 

My kid isn't particularly strong willed, so as long as I catch him early, I can usually get him to surrender the object without a lot of fuss.  I realize gentle approaches often don't work well with stronger-willed children.

sageowl is online now  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off