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#1 of 15 Old 11-28-2012, 07:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Moms, what's your husband involvement level in raising your baby? Do you split tasks? Is there something else you would want him to do?

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#2 of 15 Old 11-28-2012, 02:56 PM
 
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my dh will help but i have to be specific about what needs to be done.  he isn't a mind reader ;) and even tho this is his 4th (our second) he just is not me n doesn't 'see' what needs to be done.  he also doesn't get as anxious as i do when the baby fusses... so he doesn't jump to respond but rather has a wait n see approach which drives me nuts - however guys generally aren't wired like moms are to a baby's cry.  he doesn't do night care since he works horrible hours.  dh is the best at playing n being goofy like a big kid!  he keeps things fun :)  he balances me out well since i have been known to be a bit of a control freak at times altho i'm learning to let go more redface.gif


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#3 of 15 Old 11-29-2012, 10:34 AM
 
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DH is responsible for washing baby's laundry (clothes and cloth diapers).  I handle our laundry since he doesn't really understand all the complexities of women's clothes.  He changes most of the diapers when he's home and for middle of the night feedings, when I pull her out of the bassinet, he'll put her back in when she's asleep again (if I choose to wake him, which I don't always). 

 

When I'm at work he obviously handles everything.  As PP said, this level of involvement involves compromises on my part.  He is much more willing to let her cry for a few minutes when he puts her down, while I prefer to nurse her to sleep.  I would rather he not let her cry at all, but I realize I have tools that he doesn't.  eyesroll.gif  He's very excited for her to start solids (which I'm not) since he'll be able to play a more active role in feeding her.  He's a former chef, so he does most of the cooking for our family as well.  I consider myself pretty lucky that he's so hands on and really loves spending time with her (even if sometimes he spends it letting her watch sports with him).


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#4 of 15 Old 11-30-2012, 12:39 PM
 
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My Dh works 12 hours a day but when he's home he will hold and soothe DS (6 months) about half the time. He is a total softie about him crying wink1.gifHe changes diapers when he's home and likes to go into DS's room on the weekends when he wakes up - DS does a really awesome happy wiggle in the morning! (I stopped co-sleeping about a month ago for a few different reasons but DH would have been supportive of it had it been the right choice). I handle laundry since I'm home during the day. I am very happy with his level of involvement.

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#5 of 15 Old 12-01-2012, 01:49 PM
 
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DH entertains baby during diaper changes (he is very wiggly), reads his night-time story, will play with him while I get a shower, take him to his high chair while I'm putting dinner on the table, hold him when I need to hand him off for a sec, hold him while I'm trying to dress him (again, wiggly), and puts him in the carseat most of the time (something I hate to do because it upsets DS).

 

His role is basically support person and he needs me to tell him what I need help with. He's very willing to help, but would have a hard time caring for DS if I weren't there.

 

I suppose I would like it if he took on a few more responsibilities, but being that he works and I stay at home, I don't mind. He is definitely not the more attentive parent and will let DS fuss a bit while he is caring for him. But he's also the more light-hearted parent who gets a lot of giggles out of DS. I am more concerned with his basic needs, etc. I like the contrast; I think we balance each other out.


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Stay-at-home mama to DS1 (01/12) & DS2 (01/14)

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#6 of 15 Old 12-01-2012, 05:02 PM
 
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What an intersting thread. My hubby and I were just talking about this the other night. We have VERY defined roles...basically he is the financial provider and I am the MAMA, that is my job. I handle everything from the daily diaper changes to doctors appts and everything in-between. With that said, it works for us, and neither of us is resentful of the other. I CHERISH being able to be home with my baby, and actually enjoy being what I refer to as the CEO of the household. DH is also great at funny, goofball play with DS, which he loves! DH also trusts me, and never makes me feel badly about parenting decisions which is very important, respect is huge. We are both family, homebody people so that works well for us.


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#7 of 15 Old 12-03-2012, 11:19 AM
 
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I am extremely fortunate and blessed by my husband's involvement with our children (DS 3 yrs, DD 2 yrs, DD 2 mos).  My husband does pretty much everything I do, except nurse.  RIght now our infant is very hands-on, seldom sleeps without one of us holding her, so we trade off.  For example, one of us will read to the 2 older ones and sing them to sleep while the other is holding/bouncing/rocking the baby to sleep at night.  If I am with the baby when he gets home, he finishes dinner and gets the kids fed until I can rejoin (with or without the babe.) He carries her in the Moby when I need a break.  He vacuums, does dishes, cooks, does laundry, etc when I'm not able to keep up with it.  (He works out of the house full time, I stay home full time.) He will take care of middle-of-the-night parenting when I am too frustrated or tired with the baby, and he generally takes care of the 3 yo, who still wakes to come into our bed at night.  

 

Basically, I do all the housework/cooking/shopping/cleaning - - except when I can't.  Then he steps in without a complaint and does what I'm not able to, or don't care anymore about!

 

He doesn't really put the clothes away once they're clean, regardless of which of us laundered them.  He doesn't "see" the full recycling unless I ask him a few times to take it out if I'm not able.  I tend to mow the lawn more then he, and I do all the gardening.  He does the car maintenance, but if he's extra busy at work I try to check oil/fill tires, I changed the battery this summer when he was too busy, etc.

 

I guess we both just do what's needed!  We do have our arguments over some things, and when there isn't a newborn I do more of the house stuff.  But I am fortunate with his level of involvement, and I don't have many complaints about his style of parenting our children.

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#8 of 15 Old 12-03-2012, 08:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Christalena View Post

I am extremely fortunate and blessed by my husband.  My husband does pretty much everything I do, except nurse.  

This, we are a team.  He is amazing with DS and DS adores him.  Thankfully we agree on parenting styes, like no CIO, nutrition, medical decisions, etc.


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#9 of 15 Old 12-14-2012, 10:36 AM
 
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After DD was born, DH did everything for two weeks because I was in A LOT of pain.  He cooked, cleaned, took care of me, and took care of DD.  

 

Then, it stopped.

 

After three months I was near breakdown because DD is no easy baby and I was putting in my all and really at the end of my rope.  

 

So, I laid it all out for him.  I said, DH, you need to step up to the plate, man.  THIS is what I need: I need you to give me a few hours without the baby several days a week.  I need you to do the bedtime routine when you are home from work.  I need you bottle feed DD my breastmilk in the mornings so I can sleep in.  

 

He was upset at first. Then, I started doing everything around the house while applying for jobs (I'm going back to work soon).  He was like, "what, are you some poster girl for women's rights?  Are you a single mom now?"  And I was like, "Damn straight, if you aren't going to help me then I am going to help myself." 

 

Done.

 

He has been a very big help to me since then.  In fact, now that he's thrown in the arena he feels much more confident and really NEEDS his time with DD every day.  Thank goodness.  


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#10 of 15 Old 12-20-2012, 10:42 AM
 
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My husband is a SAHD for our first baby (4mo), so he's plenty involved!  He's also in charge of daily housecleaning (we do big stuff together on the weekends - he's in charge of tidying, vacuuming, maintenance, etc) and the baby's laundry.  I've been back at work for 4 weeks now, and it's been going pretty well.  He's usually ready for some time away from the baby when I get home, which is when I'm DYING for time with the baby!  So it all works.

 

...except for last night when the baby was up every hour on the hour to eat.  At 4am he was up again, but was just sort of fooling around, so I was getting really frustrated trying to figure out what to do when my husband (who had been fast asleep through all of it) rolled over and said "you might want to check his diaper."  OH REALLY.  I centered myself before cheerfully responding "that's a great idea!  I'd love for YOU to check his diaper!"  2whistle.gif


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#11 of 15 Old 12-20-2012, 11:21 PM
 
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My husband is autistic, so it's possible that how we do it is just so "out there" that it's not something most other people do. My husband has pretty much no involvement whatsoever. In some ways, it's exhausting. In other ways however, it's fantastic!

 

I do get tired taking care of both kids completely by myself. I've never really had a break except once when I was pregnant with DS and left DD with DH at a bounce park so I could go see Michel Odent <<luxlove.gif>> speak at our university. The most he will do is watch the baby for a few minutes so I can take a super fast shower. He's less afraid of our son who is happy-go-lucky than he was of our daughter who hated him. :(

 

On the bright side, ALL of the parenting decisions are mine which is spectacular. I never have anyone question my parenting practices. He never says I should do things differently or argues. There was no debate about vaccines or schooling or where I was going to give birth. I got to decide how I wanted everything to be. It has never been overwhelming and I've never had a moment where I couldn't handle both kids all of the time by myself.

 

Still, I'm looking forward to when they are a bit older and I can think a freaking thought of my own! lol.gif
 


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#12 of 15 Old 12-21-2012, 12:21 AM
 
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We both work and our children are homeschooled, mostly by me and our babysitter. My dh is very involved with all of our children. He's also awesome about housework. He does about half the laundry, dishes when he's home, helps clean up.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#13 of 15 Old 12-21-2012, 10:45 AM
 
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My husband works full time, and I am a stay-at-home parent.  I handle all of the overnight parenting and of course the day while he's gone to work.  When he comes home I hand him the baby and run away screaming and/or crying, and he plays with her for a bit.  He'll change a diaper at this point if it's needed.  He helps feed her dinner, and then gives her a bath and puts her in her pajamas, combs her hair and reads her some bedtime stories.  I re-comb her hair and nurse her and put her down to sleep.  On weekend we usually negotiate a large block on time during which she is all his, depending on what we both want to accomplish on that weekend.  He usually has her for at least 1/2 of one of the days.  He does diapers as needed on the weekends.  I usually make him handle all the poop on weekends.  I'm a fabulous wife like that.  I think we have a pretty good balance.  I'm sure I'll need more help when we have more children.  His work is indoors and intellectual, so I don't feel bad asking for help during the evenings.  When he held a manual labor side job, I did not ask for any assistance.


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#14 of 15 Old 12-21-2012, 09:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LilyTiger View Post

 

When I'm at work he obviously handles everything.  As PP said, this level of involvement involves compromises on my part.  He is much more willing to let her cry for a few minutes when he puts her down, while I prefer to nurse her to sleep.  I would rather he not let her cry at all, but I realize I have tools that he doesn't.  eyesroll.gif  He's very excited for her to start solids (which I'm not) since he'll be able to play a more active role in feeding her.  He's a former chef, so he does most of the cooking for our family as well.  I consider myself pretty lucky that he's so hands on and really loves spending time with her (even if sometimes he spends it letting her watch sports with him).


Wow, that is exactly us! And I mean, on EVERY level!

For the letting DS cry, I'm learning to let go. Because he assured me that he only does that after checking everything (hunger, diaper, holding him in every position possible). I know DS misses THE BOOB....! And that is another subject!

Otherwise DH is very good at taking care of DS, the house when I'm off (cooking, cleaning, errands). He even surprised me quoting magazines like Parents and American Baby (!!!! so not his style lol!!) and saying that he misses DS when he has been asleep for too long!!!

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#15 of 15 Old 12-30-2012, 10:01 AM
 
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my dh will help but i have to be specific about what needs to be done.  he isn't a mind reader ;) and even tho this is his 4th (our second) he just is not me n doesn't 'see' what needs to be done.  he also doesn't get as anxious as i do when the baby fusses... so he doesn't jump to respond but rather has a wait n see approach which drives me nuts - however guys generally aren't wired like moms are to a baby's cry.  he doesn't do night care since he works horrible hours.  dh is the best at playing n being goofy like a big kid!  he keeps things fun :)  he balances me out well since i have been known to be a bit of a control freak at times altho i'm learning to let go more redface.gif

 

This is pretty much us. He's perfectly willing to do whatever, but I have to orchestrate it. She needs a diaper change, she needs new clothes, it's time for her to sleep, she doesn't like that so you need to do something different.. blah blah blah. I get a break when I clearly ask for it. His "not seeing" kind of forces me into a role I'd rather not be in, but here I am. (And yeah, the letting her fuss or not noticing when she's uncomfortable/unhappy drives me NUTS. He was always kind of oblivious, but a quality that was manageable when it was just the two of us has different ramifications now that someone else is affected.) On top of day-to-day stuff, I do all the research and make basically all the decisions. Which, in some ways, works- I'm also a control freak, so it's great for me to not have to do the back-and-forth. Baby is EBF, so nighttime is all me- he'll do diaper duty if I wake him up for it, and he did at first, but this doesn't usually come up anymore. He'll do the last diaper at night/first in the morning.

 

The big thing is that his auxiliary support role has gone through the roof since the baby was born, namely in terms of cooking and grocery shopping. He does these and the dishes more often than not. This is HUGE for me, and makes me much more okay with the way the actual childcare balances out. So all in all, if I had a magic wand and could make him notice things on his own, that'd be what I'd want, but given that that's not going to happen, I'm not unhappy with the way things are going. As long as I get little breaks here and there we're good.

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