Someone reassure me... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-30-2012, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
redcanary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 43
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am feeling stupidly guilty about putting my 7 week old daughter in a baby swing.  She loves it, falls asleep in it, and I am able to get some stuff done around the house. But, whenever I put her in and start doing other things, I have this terrible anxious guilt over it - thinking like I really should be holding her all the time, I should be wearing her instead of putting her down, this is a precious time that only lasts so long, I should be appreciating it to it's fullest... but the fact of the matter is she likes it and there are a lot of things that are easier done without wearing her! And I know these things, but somehow I still feel bad. Should I? Someone tell me it's okay, I guess! Thanks.

redcanary is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-30-2012, 12:05 PM
 
skycheattraffic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,699
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Can you think that maybe it's meeting a different need of hers? That she is learning to trust that even if she can't see or feel you at the moment, you are always there for her when she needs you. To me AP is about being available to our children when they need us. It doesn't mean wearing them 24-7 or not taking opportunities to let them experience the world in another way IF they are happy to do so. Your baby needs a happy mommy to parent her, not a mom who burns herself out needlessly. I know if she didn't like the swing, you wouldn't use it. I used a swing in the early months and it was a lifesaver! I started off EPing and if it wasn't for the swing, I would never have had much opportunity to pump. Being very rigid of my expectations of myself would not have allowed us to develop the nursing relationship we both still love now at 20 months. You need to make nutritious meals, keep the house running, do laundry, and take time to yourself to reenergize from time to time. The swing is safe, she loves it and I'm sure you're not keeping her in there for hours on end. Please give yourself permission to use what works for you and baby. If you get a little time to yourself then you will be all the more ready to give her your undivided attention once she wakes up. I hope that helps smile.gif
skycheattraffic is offline  
Old 11-30-2012, 01:36 PM
 
Katherine73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 50
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I agree with the above poster. If she is happy for short periods in that swing then you are not a bad mommy. My first choice was to hold DS or wear him, but I couldn't always do things with him in the Moby. AP is about listening to our babies and following their cues and their lead. I think a big trap to AP mommies is to burn themselves out. Your little girl will tell you when she's ready to be picked up out of the swing. Just listen to her cues. 

Katherine73 is offline  
Old 11-30-2012, 10:06 PM
 
JudiAU's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Where creepy facebook-featured threads can't find me
Posts: 3,609
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

I think it is delightful that your young infant is soothed by the sling and can drift peacefully off. If she accepts other means of comfort, great. You might find that it works for a short time or a longer time but either way, I wouldn't have a real issue with it. I assume that she is getting plenty of mama time otherwise. 

 

Both my kids hated the swing...

JudiAU is online now  
Old 12-01-2012, 06:16 AM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,604
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
I had that guilt with my first child and not with my second. smile.gif don't leave the baby in there ALL day, but it is ok to use. Really.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is online now  
Old 12-01-2012, 10:45 AM
 
LilyTiger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,995
Mentioned: 26 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 38 Post(s)

My daughter hated the swing, the vibrating chair, everything when she was new.  I had to wear her pretty much all day and she slept with me at night.  I would have given my right arm to have a few minutes out of the day when I wasn't attached to her to just shower or unload the dishwasher or just be an independent being again. 

 

Being able to put her down would have allowed me to really cherish the rest of the time more, instead of feeling resentful and overwhelmed much of the time.  Remember, babies respond to healthy and happy moms too.  Swing time lets you both get a break and recharges you to love her even more when you're back together.


Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
LilyTiger is offline  
Old 12-02-2012, 12:06 PM
 
Kaydove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Guadalajara, Mexico
Posts: 892
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It took me a long time to like babywearing because I needed to feel like my body was my own again. That's what I hated about pregnancy was that I felt like my body wasn't my own. I've co slept since birth as well. I had my adult step daughter living with us so either her or DH would hold DD when I made dinner or showered, so its not like DD was spending all day in a swing but when they both weren't home and I needed a minute, I loved the swing and so did DD. Don't feel guilty.

DD Seraphina born at home on 2/21/2012! 

"Childbirth is more admirable than conquest, more amazing than self-defense, and as courageous as either one."
Kaydove is offline  
Old 12-02-2012, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
redcanary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 43
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you all sooo much, your responses have really helped, especially skycheattraffic, I like the way you put it as meeting a different need of hers. As soon as she wakes up, looks hungry, or makes a protesting squawk, I pick her up and get her what she needs. I suppose I should count it as a blessing that's there when we need it! Thank you thank you, I really do feel better.
 

redcanary is offline  
Old 12-02-2012, 04:10 PM
 
here we are's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The swing sounds great to me. Do u mind if i ask what brand it is, where you got it?
here we are is offline  
Old 12-02-2012, 05:49 PM
 
dayiscoming2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Don't worry about it so much. Your baby will be fine. Appreciate the time you get to do things you need to get done when she is enjoying her time in there. My kids are very happy and spent plenty of time in an infant seat and then in a jumperoo. Judge me all you want, but I just can't wear all the time like some of you. I did baby wear some though. Baby wearing was especially helpful for the first month or 2, then we were able to do it less.


Happily married Christian SAHM of 2 boys, DD1 uc.jpg, and DD2 July 2013 homebirth.jpg 

 homeschool.gif   novaxnocirc.gif cd.gif   winner.jpg                                       

 

dayiscoming2006 is offline  
Old 12-02-2012, 10:47 PM
 
MichelleZB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,018
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 25 Post(s)

Your baby likes the swing! Think of it as a fun ride you're allowing her the privilege of enjoying.

MichelleZB is online now  
Old 12-03-2012, 06:42 AM
 
avismama24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: NH
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

So interesting that as AP moms we feel a lot of guilt over not doing EVERYTHING attached. I think the most important message from all the posters here is that AP is not about following the 7 B's necessarily but listening to your child and being responsive 100% of the time. I happen to be a baby wearing maniac bc it is what my son needs a lot, but I too had guilt over other areas, and still do to some extent over co-sleeping.

 

I wanted to co-sleep and planned to do so, but for some reason probably the combo of my Ds sleep personality and his extensive time in the NICU he prefers to sleep alone in his own space. He happily sleeps through the night in his own room on a floor bed. He is welcome in my bed anytime and sometimes we do just for the love, but neither of us sleep as well. This is similar to you using a swing.....it is hard for me, but at the same time it is what works for him!


Me, slinggirl.gif mama to 1.5 yr old kid.gifDS, step mama to two tweens, married to a sarcastic sports nut censored.gif. We are unschooling! mdcblog5.gif http://twocoolfourschool.wordpress.com/

avismama24 is offline  
Old 12-03-2012, 06:51 AM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,604
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)

Most Attachment oriented cultures have lived inter-generationally. Few Americans (including me) have anyone around to help on a regular basis. It may be some specific kind of "ideal" for a baby to be in constant contact with a human being but it is *not* good for all mothers to be required to be in 24/7 contact with their kids. (Deliberately saying that without saying ALL or NONE or anything like that because people vary. Don't flame me. hide.gif)

 

Moms are allowed to have needs to. And if baby is happy and content while mom is meeting her own needs that is a God-send in my opinion. So there.

 

I called my daughter's bouncy chair "baby's first vibrator" because she uhhh really liked it. I felt weird but grateful. And oh I loved the swing. From months 3-10 the swing was the only place my daughter would take a nap other than on my body. It was horribly overwhelming.

 

Bless the swing.


My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is online now  
Old 12-04-2012, 12:57 PM
 
aaahmyeye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 74
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I had the same experience.  DD was a fan of the swing, but I felt like I was ignoring her when I would put her in it and do chores.  I decided to set a time limit - and set the timer - and use it that way.  I think I said 20 mins or something, and I worked super hard those 20 mins, then would take her out once the timer beeped and pay attention to her.  That was a good solution for me.  It helped me get things done, and I knew exactly how long she'd been in there, and didn't feel it was so long that she was neglected.  I knew I hadn't lost track of time and ignored her for an hour or something....
 

aaahmyeye is offline  
Old 12-05-2012, 01:46 PM
 
MrsGregory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: The 'burbs of Central Texas.
Posts: 1,030
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

You're giving your infant the gift of sleep, which is critical to their development. 

(I felt the same kind of guilt when we started using a swing to help Little Miss nap at about the same age as your darling is now.)

 

Here's mine at 9 months old... truth to tell, mine is 14 months old now and is in her swing napping at this very instant.  She's nearing the weight limit, so we're going to have to move her nap soon, but for right now, she's happily snoozing.

700


lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

MrsGregory is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off