2 wk old- when is it okay to let her cry? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 42 Old 12-22-2012, 09:56 AM
 
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My personal experience is with parents who didn't respect my feelings. Perhaps this colors my views, but I am concerned that swaddling is too easy to be abused. I encourage caution in the area of swaddling. And we are talking about a 2 week old, not a four month old. I suggest the OP do her own research on the subject of swaddling. That seems reasonable to me.
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#32 of 42 Old 12-22-2012, 10:23 AM
 
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I kind of think swaddling is like pacifiers. Most (or maybe even all) parents who have enough interest in what they're doing to be active at Mothering are probably concerned enough and paying enough attention to make sure their children are happy (or as a mom of a baby who had colic I'll say "as happy as possible), and aren't using it as a crutch to get their kids to shut up and be quiet no matter how they feel. But they could be used that way potentially, and it's worth learning about so we can be aware of potential problems associated with it so we can make sure those problems don't happen with our kids.
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#33 of 42 Old 12-22-2012, 10:27 AM
 
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I kind of think swaddling is like pacifiers. Most (or maybe even all) parents who have enough interest in what they're doing to be active at Mothering are probably concerned enough and paying enough attention to make sure their children are happy (or as a mom of a baby who had colic I'll say "as happy as possible), and aren't using it as a crutch to get their kids to shut up and be quiet no matter how they feel. But they could be used that way potentially, and it's worth learning about so we can be aware of potential problems associated with it so we can make sure those problems don't happen with our kids.

Thank you. This attitude makes me feel better.
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#34 of 42 Old 12-22-2012, 02:40 PM
 
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OP, I think by the number of responses you can gather that this is a very common, if not standard, issue for new moms with a newborn.  It is VERY frustrating, but you have to remember that just 2 weeks ago your LO was all snuggled up and insolated from all the hubbub of daily life, and this is very overwhelming for her.  Is there another family member close by, or close friend, or even just an awesome neighbor, who can come and hold your LO while you take some time to yourself?  When my DD was 2 weeks, I was lucky in that my husband works from home and could hold her at most times, unless he had meetings that day.  I also had my MIL over almost every day, and she would just hold DD while I shower, clean, cook, gel out, whatever!  Now, seperation anxiety is an entirely different beast, now DD will SCREAM if I try to get MIL to hold her!  I almost miss those newborn days! 

 

Ask for, and take, any help you can get so that you don't get overwhelmed.  Newborns need more care than just one person can provide. 


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#35 of 42 Old 12-22-2012, 07:06 PM
 
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My personal experience is with parents who didn't respect my feelings. Perhaps this colors my views, but I am concerned that swaddling is too easy to be abused. I encourage caution in the area of swaddling. And we are talking about a 2 week old, not a four month old. I suggest the OP do her own research on the subject of swaddling. That seems reasonable to me.

 

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I kind of think swaddling is like pacifiers. Most (or maybe even all) parents who have enough interest in what they're doing to be active at Mothering are probably concerned enough and paying enough attention to make sure their children are happy (or as a mom of a baby who had colic I'll say "as happy as possible), and aren't using it as a crutch to get their kids to shut up and be quiet no matter how they feel. But they could be used that way potentially, and it's worth learning about so we can be aware of potential problems associated with it so we can make sure those problems don't happen with our kids.

This thread has kind of been derailed, but I wanted to add that I agree with these posts. DD didn't like being tightly swaddled from the day she was born. At night she sleeps in a sleep sack where her arms are out and free, her legs are inside but free (she can bend them, kick them, do whatever she would like), and it has a kind of wide strap part that goes around her belly and velcros in the back, so it's almost like she's being swaddled around her torso, and she likes it a lot. But try to swaddle her arms and she goes nuts. I've read some stuff that kind of makes sense to me about how newborns use their arms to wake themselves up (definitely true with DD) and if they're tightly swaddled it's harder for them to wake up, which is nice as far as sleep goes, but they may not be waking up to eat as early as they normally would.  


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#36 of 42 Old 12-23-2012, 12:26 AM
 
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There is controversy around swaddling. Studies of facial muscles of swaddled babies show distress. Lack of crying is not the same as happy. And the baby may tire after struggling to get free, and you may not be able to see the struggling.

 

Cultures all around the world swaddle/wrap their babies. When I swaddle ds, he smiles and gabbers, then nurses and falls asleep. It works for us.


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#37 of 42 Old 12-23-2012, 12:30 AM
 
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If she worked at it until she got her hands free, then she did *not* like it.
I wonder how you, or any adult, would react if you woke up swaddled.

 

Babies are not adults. Babies spent the first nine months of their life in a tight space and swaddling can be comforting for them. Try not to think of a baby as a grownup. They have different needs then we do.

 

 

 

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And we are talking about a 2 week old, not a four month old.

 

That's why I'm leaning towards swaddling. A two week old is pretty much still a fetus and being swaddled can help them feel secure. 

 

I'm sorry that you didn't have your needs met by your parents; please understand that what I'm recommending to the OP (and what I tell the parents I work with) is so that those babies and parents can both get what they need.


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#38 of 42 Old 12-23-2012, 12:30 PM
 
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Op, since your baby is nearly 20% older than she was when your first posted this message, I'm guessing things have changed for the better. If not there are some of my thoughts on the subject: 

 

  • I agree with the suggestion to swaddle. I had a much easier time with DC #2 who I swaddled in a Miracle Blanket than I did with DC #1, who I did not swaddle. I think I'm pretty in tune with my babies and I felt swaddling addressed a need in my younger child. I'd be interested in some research that counters what seems to be a fairly cross-cultural tradition and appreciate the words of caution brought up, however, I am skeptical as well.
  • Again, with DC #2 I was more relaxed and I suppose more willing to invest in some of the "material comforts" of modern parenting. So, we had a swing. It was an amazingly wonderful gadget for those first few months and gave me a few hands-free hours in the day, which I found I appreciated very much. Mine was on loan and is now being passed on so it didn't feel like such a huge consumerist waste.
  • With DC #1 we had three adults to one child in the home. We just held her.all.the.time. If that works for you, it is a wonderful way to parent and it is certainly good for the baby. But that isn't practical for everyone in every situation. I know you know this but I wanted to put this out there just in case. It's hard to both give ourselves permission to hold our baby all the time...and it's hard to give ourselves permission to plop them in a swing from time to time. We're hard on ourselves sometimes.
  • A carrier!!  With both my babies I used a ring sling. I can't say enough good things about them. For one, they do have a swaddle type effect so it's calming in a womb type way. The baby is normally content, warm and cozy by mama (papa, friend...) and with practice you can be pretty hands-free. It's the best of both worlds.  

 

Hugs to you and enjoy this time, mama!  It's one of these bits of advice I could give but didn't take until my second but this time goes by so fast. In just a few months you will long for another hour holding your infant. I know this is little comfort when you really need a sandwich but it's true. Lots of love to you and congrats on your little one.  


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#39 of 42 Old 12-23-2012, 12:35 PM
 
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Another suggestion would be to set your baby down on a warm spot (maybe where you were sitting?). Do the arm test: they are sound asleep when their arm drops right down if you lift and drop it. Also maybe set her down with something that smells like you (this is where the sling comes in handy). ALSO, those bouncy chairs are awesome. You can put the baby down and then kind of bounce her. Also again, be sure to get some arms-free time whenever you have friends or family over. Pass that baby...you know they want to hold her. love.gif


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#40 of 42 Old 12-23-2012, 12:50 PM
 
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Here is a good article cautioning against "routine swaddling": http://www.mothering.com/community/a/routine-swaddling  

 

It should be said that this caution is written in response to the wide-spread popularity of swaddling and many articles that endorse it. Both are good to consider. 


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#41 of 42 Old 12-24-2012, 12:10 PM
 
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I agree with the swaddling concerns that pek 64 mentioned We had to really advocate not swaddle my son when he was in the NICU as that is standard practice and he really seemed to not like it. There is an article written, I think by Peggy O'Mara on this site. I will try to find it. It was very informative for me!


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#42 of 42 Old 12-28-2012, 06:37 AM
 
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I too highly recommend a wrap/carrier/sling, something to help you carry the baby but have your hands free. For showers, the bouncy seat right outside the shower with me singing and peeking at DD was only way to get through without much crying. My DD hated laying down flat, but would tolerate being upright in the bouncy seat for a bit especially if she could see me. I also used it so I could use the bathroom without having to hold her. It doesn't work for everyone, but a cheap bouncy seat was a lifesaver for me and my wrap, sling and carrier were also a great help, even though DD didn't like being in them except when facing out so I couldn't use them much until she was older.

And yes, swaddling can help sometimes too, a baby that is fed, had a clean diaper, etc. and you need to take a shower or whatever, if swaddling helps calm them, that's great! I do think swaddling gets overused by some, but I agree it is like pacifiers or any other parenting tool, it has to be used with care and attention and not overused when the baby does have a legitimate need to be held and comforted. However, on the other side of that, those tools are great to use for limited periods of time when the baby's caregiver does need to attend to something, that is what those tools are designed for!

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