SO not interested in sex after baby... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 03-05-2013, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
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I have a beautiful almost 4 month old who I stay at home to take care of. I absolutely LOVE being a SAHM and getting to see my little lovebug grow and change. My husband and I just started making love again (bad tear) and it is pretty uncomfortable due to my tear. We've been taking it slow, lubrication, etc but I am also finding myself to have absolutely no interest in sex. I feel ' touched out' taking care of DD and I quite honestly find my husband's affections uncomfortable. I feel really bad and quite selfish as he's had the patience of a saint waiting so long after giving birth. And now that we finally started again he wants it every night. Most nights I am exhausted but even when I'm not I have zero interest and don't even find it enjoyable. At all. It's like a chore to make him happy. We've never had issues and before baby sex was all the time and fun. My mom warned me about this...that I'll suddenly think it's gross, etc I feel really bad for my husband, but how do I become more interested? Is breastfeeding killing any desire or because my fertility hasn't returned I'm not as amorous? Anyone else feeling this way? Advice?
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#2 of 9 Old 03-05-2013, 04:52 PM
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I had that feeling after my first was born until the moment I started menstruating again. Hormonal. Be patient and know it's temporary. Hugs!

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#3 of 9 Old 03-05-2013, 06:34 PM
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I found men horrifying during pregnancy, including my husband.  They smelled awful.  I honestly wanted to axe-murder any male within 5 feet of me the whole time. 

My Little Miss is 17 months old, and we've just started to get our groove back.  My husband, the sweet old goat, doesn't care for pity sex.  Even without a bad tear, things can still be extremely uncomfortable.  Be sure to communicate.  A foot to the face does nicely.  

And like mamazee said, it's hormonal.  It will get better, but you do need to prioritize your marriage and your husband in other, more do-able ways, and you do need to keep sexual activity on your radar.  I have been working hard to get back to where I was pre-baby, in terms of body and libido.  My drive was never very strong anyway, and I have had to realize that unless I'm thinking about sex and making sure I keep sex on my radar, I'm the sort to simply decide that I've had a child, my job is done, my sex-having days are over.  And it's OK to be this kind of person, but it's probably not OK to have your husband married to this kind of person.  Keep trying, and it will get better.  smile.gif 

lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

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#4 of 9 Old 03-05-2013, 08:41 PM
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What you're experiencing is a really normal postpartum feeling. My youngest is nine months old and I could still take it or leave it. I am back to where I enjoy sex, but I'm not the one initiating it. I know we'll get back to where I'm actually interested again, it has always happened.

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Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#5 of 9 Old 03-06-2013, 10:20 AM
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This is normal, but also I think you can work on feeding your libido too. Just start with small stuff like some daydreaming/fantasying, even just about kissing or whatever that is tame. Make a point to think about that sort of thing a few times each day. And since you are still having pain with sex, I would consider doing other things that don't involve pain for you but that are still enjoyable and satisfying to you and DH. Keep trying sex on occasion as it will get better, but there are lots of options smile.gif

And make sure there aren't other resentment issues holding you back. I found postpartum that even the most minor of annoyances with DH (often not justified) would fizzle anything out immediately. Make sure he is helping and supporting you how you need so that you can feel positive toward him.

Katie trekkie.gif - Married to Mike 06/02/01, Mom to Sydney Anne born 11/21/09 and Alice Maeryn & Oliver Thomas born 04/24/13  hug.gif 



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#6 of 9 Old 03-06-2013, 10:34 AM
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Just wanted to chime in with a ME TOO. It is hormonal. I had zero libido from DS's birth to when we weaned (15 months). Then, I was totally into it! And....pregnant a month later. Oh dear.


I also had zero libido while on the pill, which defeated the purpose. I don't have any advice,'re not alone, and it does end. 


My DH knows when he's getting pity sex, and doesn't like we muddle through, and try to accept that this is just a weird little phase in our (hopefully) long life together.

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Mama to Silas Anansi, born 9/9/10 and Petra Eadaion, born 10/1/12.

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#7 of 9 Old 03-06-2013, 11:16 AM
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I had almost no interest in it either while I was on hormonal birth control and also not much while I was breastfeeding... then when I stopped (and I have a copper IUD now) I'm all sorts of interested... For a while I thought someone was spiking my drinks with viagra.

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#8 of 9 Old 03-06-2013, 01:00 PM
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My biggest pointer is spend some alone time with DH without sex or feeling pressured to have sex. Reconnect emotionally and intellectually to get back to that intimate place and then you are much more likely to enjoy sex again. I'd open up to DH about how you're feeling. It is temporary but some of us take longer to recover than others. The key to me was to get a break from baby so I didn't feel as touched out and to feel like a woman instead of mommy by doing something with DH that both of us enjoy. It wasn't a lot of time but it was crucial. Something like a date night may be helpful to you as well.
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#9 of 9 Old 03-11-2013, 02:51 PM
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Another vote for normal.  Baby #3 is now 8 weeks old and I know, for me, all I can do is wait it out.  Getting AF back did change things with my first two...right now, the thought of DH coming anywhere near my boob, and I mean anywhere, is enough to squick me out.  Poor guy.  It's really weird to go from pregnant with crazy sex dreams all the time to zero interest.  I didn't fully have interest again until I was done BF'ing my first two.  My boobs are just way too painful/sensitive right now.  It takes time, but it will get back to being fun. 

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