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#31 of 45 Old 04-14-2013, 11:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Escaping View Post

Just for the sake of argument, I think there can be situations where parents hold their baby too much, but it should be up to the baby/child to decide how much is required. I always respond if my baby (now toddler) needs something, but I wait for him to seek help first. If he falls, trips, bumps himself, etc. I don't react. I wait for his natural reaction rather than have him feed off of my emotions. At first it was really hard to keep a straight face when I saw him running across the room, trip and do a face-plant on the hardwood floor, but I've noticed that since I've stopped reacting before he does, he has been crying less. 
I know we're talking about an infant here, but the same can apply for infants. If an infant is by themselves, not crying, chances are they're either sleeping or something has their attention and they don't need to be held at that moment. Tummy time is also very important, it improves neck muscles, motor skills and reduces the risk of SIDS and suffocation, so the more a baby is held when they may not necessarily need to be held, the less opportunity they have for tummy time and learning to occupy themselves.

But that's the thing. We're not talking about how to deal with your toddler falling down. In that case, I agree with you! My toddler falls down constantly, and I don't like to get all up in his grill, remove him from his activity, and 'poor baby' him if he's really fine. I just wait to see how he reacts, and most of the time, he gets up and keeps playinng.

But that has nothing to do with how much I hold him. He's a toddler and I still hold him frequently. He eats his meals sitting on my lap and chillin' out. The OP's kid is still an infant, and she might as well hold him all day, because where else is he going to go, lol?

There's a difference between too much coddling, like you're talking about (making a bigger deal than necessary of bumps and bruises, disturbing the child's playtime) and what we're talking about, which is just about regular snuggling and carrying along an infant.
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#32 of 45 Old 04-14-2013, 01:51 PM
 
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I didn't read all the replies but just wanted to let you know that my youngest if almost 2 weeks old (baby #4) and he has been in my or dh's arms litterally every single minute of his life unless it was a diaper change. *ONCE* I've laid him on the bed next to me during a nap, otherwise he's been held and cuddled. And he's a FANTASTIC baby, he hardly fusses and is happy and content. It's not possible to spoil a baby!

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#33 of 45 Old 04-14-2013, 04:15 PM
 
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I went to a birth conference once and heard a lecture from a woman who studied nonviolent cultures, and one of the things that stuck out the most to me is that a common thread among them was how much and for how long babies were held. Babies are held for 2 years almost all the time, and most of the time from 2-3. I took a lot of inspiration in that and held my baby all the time, never really put him down except to change him. I didn't do "tummy time" and didn't need to--all his muscles got so strong with his weight shifting in the carrier to adjust to my weight shifting. It was the most beautiful relationship--I wouldn't have given it up for the world. DS also slept (and still sleeps) with us, every night. I got a lot of flack from my MIL, but I just let her know I needed to do what was right for me, and I would ask her, are you concerned for my child? And I would listen to her, and then say, "we have to do what makes sense for us," to make it clear my parenting choices were not up for discussion.

 

I have a beautiful 3.5 year old now, who, more and more every day is showing amazing self assuredness and confidence. He still likes to be with me almost all the time, but doesn't need to be carried (and my back cant handle it now anyway). He is beginning to get more and more independent and it is so beautiful to watch! The time I took meeting his needs and carrying him, being there for him, and nurturing him are and continue to help support him in his growth and development. Parenting can feel like a bit of an island at times, especially when you're going against mainstream. But keep trusting your instincts--deep down you know you are doing right by your child, regardless of what anyone else says.
 

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#34 of 45 Old 04-14-2013, 04:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KermitII63 View Post

I went to a birth conference once and heard a lecture from a woman who studied nonviolent cultures, and one of the things that stuck out the most to me is that a common thread among them was how much and for how long babies were held. Babies are held for 2 years almost all the time, and most of the time from 2-3. I took a lot of inspiration in that and held my baby all the time, never really put him down except to change him. I didn't do "tummy time" and didn't need to--all his muscles got so strong with his weight shifting in the carrier to adjust to my weight shifting. It was the most beautiful relationship--I wouldn't have given it up for the world. DS also slept (and still sleeps) with us, every night. I got a lot of flack from my MIL, but I just let her know I needed to do what was right for me, and I would ask her, are you concerned for my child? And I would listen to her, and then say, "we have to do what makes sense for us," to make it clear my parenting choices were not up for discussion.

 

I have a beautiful 3.5 year old now, who, more and more every day is showing amazing self assuredness and confidence. He still likes to be with me almost all the time, but doesn't need to be carried (and my back cant handle it now anyway). He is beginning to get more and more independent and it is so beautiful to watch! The time I took meeting his needs and carrying him, being there for him, and nurturing him are and continue to help support him in his growth and development. Parenting can feel like a bit of an island at times, especially when you're going against mainstream. But keep trusting your instincts--deep down you know you are doing right by your child, regardless of what anyone else says.
 


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#35 of 45 Old 04-27-2013, 02:07 PM
 
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I'll start by saying I haven't read the other replies, so I apologize if this is redundant...

 

Your story sounds exactly like mine, only I was hounded by my in-laws for "holding him too much." MIL actually said, "It's no good, he only wants you."

 

This drove me nuts, especially since I was hearing this when DS was barely 3 weeks old. I heard it from them a lot, until, like magic, at 6 months they started commenting on how happy and social he was, how he'd go to anyone. All I could think was, of course he is, he's had his mommy time, we're bonded, and he's confident I'll always be here, even if he's with someone else for 10 minutes. They had/have no clue that our early constant contact helped make DS confident and social.

 

Two years later, he's still a very confident, outgoing, and adventurous little guy. However, when he needs me, I'm always there.

 

Do what feels right and you're daughter will mature and explore her boundaries when she's ready. Right now, all she needs is you.

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#36 of 45 Old 04-27-2013, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone!

It's weird, my mother in law is actually more supportive then my mother! She co-slept, breast fed and wore her kids. My mom thinks the stroller is better then my carrier, formula is just as good and co sleeping is a death sentence for a baby.

Our baby is now 4 months old and 16 lbs. I always get comments on how alert, responsive and happy she is and it gives me more confidence that what I am doing is right for her. My mom is saying I need to put her down more and I need to buy a walker and bouncer for her to strengthen her muscles. I give her tummy time for as long as she will stand it but she's already trying to crawl! And she's so strong. I am trying my best not to buy any fisher price or graco, cheaper brands like that, for atleast the first year. I don't know of any Better brands for a walker. I don't even know if I really need one. We've been doing fine so far...
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#37 of 45 Old 04-27-2013, 03:32 PM
 
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I am not a walker fan. Every kid I know who has had one has walked later. We did buy a door bouncer that he thought was kind of fun.
 

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#38 of 45 Old 04-27-2013, 03:49 PM
 
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There have been studies that indicate walkers/jumpers will actually cause kids to walk later. That said, my son used them and he was walking at 8.5 months. They were all given to me by a neighbour who was cleaning out her son's toys and gave me everything she had. They were all the cheaper brands, but to be honest, I wouldn't have wasted my money on anything more higher end because by the time they start cruising around 6 months, they're done with them. The neighbour said the things were given to her by someone else and I'm ready to pass them on now and they still look brand new.
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#39 of 45 Old 04-27-2013, 04:23 PM
 
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Yeah our door jumper was never used. Maybe 10 times in total.
 

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#40 of 45 Old 05-18-2013, 10:45 AM
 
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Any chance you have suggested your Mom read the Dr Sears book?  She could check it out at her local library.  It might help her understand where you are.

If anyone suggests that you do something different than what you are doing, be sure to say how much you and your baby enjoy "this and that" and then cite all the ways she is thriving - gaining weight, laughing, alertness, sociable, etc.

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#41 of 45 Old 05-18-2013, 03:33 PM
 
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You're parenting intuitively and lovingly. That makes you a smart cookie and a great mom! I held my oldest all the time, it seemed, until he was crawling. He's a thoughtful, empathic, well-rounded genius, and trust me, at nineteen, he is well and truly independent and competent. I put my LO down just long enough to pee (and not always then!), shower, and drive to the store and back until he was three or four months old. It drove DH crazy at first because he had NEVER seen mothering like that in his life; they're very drop-em-and-go in his family. LO still sleeps wedged up next to me at night (and now that my thyroid is so weak, I appreciate the warmth lol), but let me assure you that he is a little dynamo (four years old tomorrow) with his own agenda that has very little to do with hanging from my neck all day. You cannot spoil a child by loving it. You CAN spoil a child by refusing to listen to its clear communication, ignoring its need for bodily contact, and instead sticking a bottle in its mouth and winding a toy. Keep up the good work! Just stick to your guns, regardless of the naysayers. You're the mother. God gave YOU this blessing because YOU are the right person for this job.
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#42 of 45 Old 05-23-2013, 09:59 PM
 
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I am most impressed your ability to follow your instincts and stick with them in spite of the grandmother's opinion!  Excellent for you!  Carrying your young until she crawls is the most biologically sound way to be with your baby.  I had many a Continumm Concept sessions with Jean Liedloff to guide me through . . .  In short, YOU WILL NEVER REGRET THIS!!  YOU ARE GIVING YOUR BABY THE SECURITY SHE NEEDS AND SHE WILL BE MORE SELF RELIANT, LESS DEMANDING AND EASIER TO BE WITH when she gets older.  In time, when your mother sees how sweet your child's disposition is, she will probably come around. If not, your relationshp with your child and family is priority.   I got so much static from folks once I decided to carry our son 24/7 until he crawled . . . in the end, people came up to me and asked, "How did you raise your son?"  No terrible two's three's or any of that fussing demanding behavior.  BUT, before we carried him 24/7 and MOVED with him, he was nothing but a fuss bucket.  i see this over and over . . .

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#43 of 45 Old 05-24-2013, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone for your support and praise.

My baby is now almost 6 months old and she is thriving. She actually cries to be out down and play some. She loves being in the carrier and will even get into the stroller now for walks. We're just taking everything step by step and waiting till she's ready. We're not trying to force her into anything or do things she isn't ready for.

I doubt my mom would read
anything about parenting, much less Dr.Sears. She still thinks a baby needs to cry and have time to themselves. I doubt she will ever change. We recently moved and I had to drive the car with the baby in the back alone and it was about a 30 minute drive and she flipped out. We've never gone out for that log before with her alone in the back. I'm usually right there with her. To get to the point, I started crying while driving cause my baby cried worse then she has ever cried before and she was screaming. She would cough and scream more. I felt like a terrible mother putting her through it. When I told my mom about it she just laughed and said "you can't cry everytime your baby does". So I don't think she will ever understand me or what I am trying to do.

I just have to do what's right for us, and that's lots of contact and cuddling.
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#44 of 45 Old 05-24-2013, 09:06 PM
 
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I am so sorry about your mother's attitude, and your child's dislike of riding in the back alone! I had to deal with both, as well. It really stinks!

I'm glad you feel confident about your choices. My son is a teen, now, and people tell me how impressed they are with his confidence and compassion, so hopefully you, too, will get to hear compliments about your daughter!
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#45 of 45 Old 05-25-2013, 03:57 PM
 
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You can never hold a baby too much. It's such a short phase of their life (the in arms stage) and you'll miss it so much once it's over. My baby who couldn't be put down as an infant, is now Mr. Independent.
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