To sum it up, he just seems very limp and lifeless. Almost like he's completely disconnected from the world. He doesn't use his arms, they just lay limp on his sides. He won't make eye contact no matter what I try to do. She has said that he still can't pick his head up when laying on his tummy. When holding him he just kinda flopped his head around and then rested it against my chest. No batting at toys or anything. Also, I'm not sure if this could be related but he all of a sudden just started to freak out, screaming so much that he could barely catch his breath. Nothing could calm him down until his Dad took him in the other room and I think he just wore himself out (it lasted about an hour) from screaming so much. We tried rocking, walking, sitting, standing, holding him in different positions, giving him a bottle, absolutely everything. They said it never happens but by the way they reacted it felt like a normal occurrence for them.
Some background on her and her pregnancy, she had him about 3 weeks premature. I know she got prenatal care from an early start. She had also told us that she smoked pot ' a couple of times' while pregnant.
I just don't know if I'm thinking too much into this and he'll develop on his own schedule or if this is cause for alarm. Any input is really appreciated.
It sounds to me like there's a problem, though how much of one is a little unclear. By four months (which is her baby's adjusted age), babies should be making eye contact, among other things. Preemies, however, often develop differently, so comparing her baby to your baby isn't appropriate in this instance, even though their birthdates are similar. I hope her doctor is paying close attention to developmental milestones. I'm not sure what you can do, other than ask her if her doctor has any advice or gently suggest that she ask her doctor for clarification on where her son should be at this point. It's likely she saw your daughter's behavior and made these comparisons herself. Early intervention for social development problems and other issues is critical, so hopefully she has a good support network and an excellent doc. It doesn't sound like she lives nearby. Does she have family near her who might be able to gently suggest getting him checked out?
Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
My sister. 5 months. I saw her son for the first time since he was born tonight and can't help but worry.
To sum it up, he just seems very limp and lifeless. Almost like he's completely disconnected from the world. He doesn't use his arms, they just lay limp on his sides. He won't make eye contact no matter what I try to do. She has said that he still can't pick his head up when laying on his tummy. When holding him he just kinda flopped his head around and then rested it against my chest. No batting at toys or anything. Also, I'm not sure if this could be related but he all of a sudden just started to freak out, screaming so much that he could barely catch his breath. Nothing could calm him down until his Dad took him in the other room. They said it never happens but by the way they reacted it felt like a normal occurrence for them.
she had him premature.
Does he have a doctor? What does your sister think or does she share any concerns with you?
happy family! we
Telling another person that you don't think that their child is developing typically seldom goes well. If she brings it up with you, encourage her to seek the opinions of QUALIFIED professionals, such as a developmental pediatrician.
One of my children has special needs, and any one bringing up the red flags before I was ready to face this just made me very defensive. Some one comparing her to their child made me angry. (And I think I'm pretty normal in this respect -- most parents never know what it means to face your child having serious developmental issues).
My special needs kiddo was my easy baby. The behavior you described of just screaming forever and nothing providing comfort was exhibited by my other child, who is gifted and at the top of her class. She was a very intense baby.
My advice -- stay out of it.
but everything has pros and cons
Premature babies should be breastfed and that's all there is to it. Even if it's only for the 3 weeks that he wasn't in the womb and "should" have been.
It sounds to me like there's something wrong but like PP said, your sister might become your enemy if you say something about it.
For the crying, well my baby did that when my best friend and her boyfriend came to stay 3 days with us. But he was 1 month old. He never did that before either. I think that sometimes they just want some alone time with their mom and dad...
Good luck with that! Hopefully he will grow up to be a smart little fella :)
French Canadian living in the Big Easy. Happy mama to Jaxson Lee born on 9/16/12 and loving wife to Denis Lee since 11/03/11
Lovesand all that good stuff
I too would stay out of it. Unless she's a total clueless, neglectful, absent parent (which it doesn't sound like she is), she probably surfs the web and has noticed everything you have. Just to check up on her, you might ask if her doctor asks the same questions as yours does like "do they point", "do they bat at toys", "do they follow objects", things like that and compare notes on what the doctor's been asking, but nothing directly about her baby.
Also, I don't think it has much to do with him being 3 weeks early or her smoking pot a few times. I know several babies who have been 3,4,5 and even 8 weeks early and none of them have behaved that way. The 8 weeker was delayed in his development but just needed some extra attention and stimulation and now is a normal 2 year old.
While the people saying "stay out of it" may be right, I'd probably say something like "He's so adorable! His nose looks just like your DH's! (or some other similar positive observation). He seems like he has low muscle tone. What does the doctor say about that?" My feeling is that focusing on a specific physical problem is less threatening than an implication that something might be intellectually wrong, and gives her the opening to talk about any concerns she has.
Some of it depends on your relationship. If she trusts you and respects your opinion in general, you can probably feel free to say something. If you have a more adversarial relationship and any advice is just going to make her feel threatened and push her in the opposite direction, then maybe not.
3 weeks prematurity should not account for these sort of problems at 5 months, unless I'm misunderstanding how early he was. 37 weeks is considered term, and no significant delays would be expected. A healthy 37-weeker would be moving its arms at birth (not purposefully, but not hanging limply), let alone at 5 months. I really doubt the pot smoking has anything to do with it unless she was actually using something much harder than pot. The little research there is just doesn't show that marijuana usage during pregnancy causes problems for babies. I wouldn't even bring it up with her, or anything else that might imply that it is her fault. Because chances are it isn't, and she needs support, not guilt.
DS born 6/03, DD1 born 9/06, DD2 born 10/10, DD3 born 4/14.