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Barring any emergency, how old was your baby the first time you left them overnight?
i am a single mom. dd was very high needs. i have no family here. the first time was when ex started taking her overnight. she was 3. it took her a few nights to adjust before she was willing to spend the night with him.
i would have left her with trusted family earlier if there were any around. if dd was willing.
My 7 almost 8 year old hasn't spent the night w/ anyone other than dh or I (& it was only dh last fall when the two of them & dd went on a road trip for 5 days). He's been invited to sleep at dh's mom's, but I don't think he's in a real big hurry to go.
Before dd was born, dh kept saying we'd take a trip just the two of us when she was 2 or 3 months old. I was like, "okay." But after she was born, it changed to, "no way!" I had a hard enough time putting her down if she was or wasn't sleeping, let alone putting her down & walking out of & driving away from the building - no way!
Momma-ing the Muffin since October 2011!
Thanks. I am just trying to check myself.
I know someone with NICU twins who are 6 months old (3 months adjusted she always informs me) who let for Vegas for 5 days....including her FIRST Mother's Day.
I was thrown by this and was wondering if I was out of line thinking that it seems awfully young to be leaving for days at a time. I'm not trying to judge as it isn't my kid or my life but I was wondering if I am the strange one. I think DS was 3, DD was 2 and DS2 about 19 months and it has only been with DH except for one night (3 PM till noon the next day) with my Mom when they were 3 and 5.
wow 6 months for FIVE days. for a fun trip and not a forced business trip. wow. i am myself not trying to be judgemental.
i have friends who have left their 6 month old with grandma for the night. one night. nothing more.
what i see here where i live which is mostly mainstream - under one a one night is the norm. more common. not more than a night. at 2 perhaps the weekend. two nights. these are incredibly close extended families where one does not have issues over children with parents or inlaws.
however having said that dd had her first solo sleepover at 5 and her first vacation away from parents at 8 for 5 days. she had a ball. however who she went with i call family. we have known them since the kids were 6 months old (they are days apart) and they are more like siblings than friends. my friend is dd's second mom whom dd has chosen to live with if i die. she had her first ever week long vacation totally by herself when she went to camp in another city last year.
Nope, couldn't leave my 6 month old child/children for five days. And certainly not over my first mother's day.
I think my oldest was a year when we were away for one night. She was with the grandparents.
Both parents leaving 6-month-olds for 5 days does seem like a long time, but it sounds like they've been through a lot, having twins who needed NICU care. I don't begrudge them taking some time to focus on each other. Are the babies with a grandparent? The fact that it's over Mother's Day doesn't bug me at all -- the babies have no idea.
Yesterday we asked my parents to mind her for a couple of hours. When I told her she was going to their place she said "I'll have to pack a bag. I need pyjamas. I'm going to sleep over." We didn't know if she'd stay or not but she did. We dropped her off at 3:30pm and they brought her to church for 9:30am. She's a week away from her 3rd b'day.
I've never left DD2 for longer than 1.5hrs. She's 6 months old. I left her with my mum because she was asleep and I had to go out and didn't want to wake her.
Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012
I can't pump and nurse for a long time.
My oldest was 4.5yrs.
Youngest, still havent. If it wasn't for nursing, dh could do it and I would be will for another person if one was available.
Traditional & nutrient-dense foods/Weston A. Price Foundation advocate, Reiki II practitioner, EFT practitioner, past life & life between lives Hypnotherapist practitioner. Home birth with DD 2007 = never vaccinated, breastfed 3 years
Me: Sarah, married to: J, mommy to: C (8/10) and E (11/12)
Mine was 3 months when I started leaving her with my parents from Sunday night through Tuesday night every week while I went to work those days. I had to help pay for our huge mortgage and car payment and the dad wouldn't agree to let the house go into foreclosure until DD was 18 months and then I quit working and stayed home with her. I pumped out so much milk for her those 2 days each week and always had too much milk and not enough storage. I had to go through lots of plugged ducts and my DD would always have to suck out the plugs every Tuesday night. I hated leaving her, hated working and hated pumping. I was so happy to finally stay home with her and quit working.
awww mama. i so feel your pain. i so hear you. it was the same with me. but daytime. i guess you worked night shift right? at 3 months i had to leave dd home with her dad. she HATED it. the first week whenever i called i heard her screaming in the background. it was soo hard. i cried my whole first week. but i had to work. the next week for my peace of mind i stopped calling to check in on her. i was so happy i was laid off at 9 months. i llived off of savings and unemployment till i went back to work when dd was 2. same thing. she cried so hard. she hated being away from me.
those days are still the most painful for me. lack of sleep and tiredness was nothing compared to leaving your child behind. esp. since i had friends who could stay home, but chose to go to work. how i would have loved to stay home.
My brother and his wife left their 6 week old with me for a whole weekend. And they kept up this behavior their kids' whole lives so far. Just to be alone together, not emergency. No way in hell I could do that so young. We got married and went out for two nights after and my parents kept the kids but they were 3years and 18 months old. I also have a neice whose mom left her at 8 days old overnight and went to the bar. I know because we were there (my kids were like 4 and 5 and at their grandma's) and SIL and BIL walked in. BIL asked us not to tell MIL LOL SIL ended up abandoning my neice a few times, the last time was 9 years ago and hasn't seen her since :(
drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.
I think the first time we tried was when DD was 3 - as a trial run for when we'd be away at the birthing centre 3 months later. That night was not a success. She came back home at about 10:00. :p When DS was born Mum slept over at our place with her the first night, then DD slept at Nana's the second.
DS will be two next month, and we haven't left him yet. Never really saw the need. He might be OK with it - he's a lot less clingy than DD was, and sleeps (by his own choice) in a cot - but he wakes up about 30% of the time for an early-morning breastfeed, so I wouldn't feel confident about it.
Leaving developmentally-three-month-old babies for five days just boggles my mind; but if the mother's at the point of leaving them for five days or drowning them in a bathtub, well, such is life.
If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.
The first time I left my oldest was when she was just over 2 and I was giving birth to her brother. Our plans for MIL to come and be at home with her for the first few days had fallen down and MIL was also in hospital so a couple of friends stepped in and watched her for us. I did feel we dropped them in the deep end since neither of them were very experience with children and had never changed a nappy but everyone survived
After that we've never really needed to leave them, I'd rather have a weekend away as a family. Just recently (now 6 & 8) they have spent a couple of weekends with their grandparents while DH and I have been on a series of training weekends.
High needs people here, too. I went down to my goddaughter's first communion when DS1 was around 8 and DS2 around 5; they had a guy weekend with DH.
These are young men who are now living on the other side of the country.
ETA when DS2 was born, my mother came along and hung out with 3 y.o. DS1. So he was with my mother but around us the whole time.
Empty-nesting SAHM to DS1 (1989), DS2 (1992), and an overachieving mother (1930). Married to DH since 1986.
We tried one of the kids around 16 months at my mom's but I had to go get her like at 10/10:30pm. She "had a tantrum and pooped herself on purpose" when it was bedtime. My mom never liked that child after that and it totally changed our whole relationship. That child was extremely high needs and a close friend whose teen son had been the same level of high needs babysat her one night for dh and I to go to a concert (Nine Inch Nails!)(and I should mention this was extremely brave for me, as I never left my daughter with anyone besides dh before or after my mom incident). When we got back to her house at around 11pm, my daughter was ASLEEP and had not had any kind of breakdown! I believe I could have left her overnight, as she was sleeping through the night at that point, but I woke her up and nursed her and we went home. After that I realized she just needed people who understood her. That family was a lifesaver for me. Even the teen boy was an angel to her.
At this point I would LOVE for my youngest to spend the night somewhere so I could get a full night's sleep. I'd take a benedryl or two to be sure I'd go to sleep instead of worry and go to bed. But she still wakes a few times a night and is hysterical if even her dad tries to calm her down in the night. It has to be me and my boob. She's 19 months old.
drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.
#1 was 3 when #2 was born, and stayed overnight with friends that night. He was still nursing at that point, but it was pretty much unavoidable.
#2 was 3 when DH and I took the weekend away for business reasons. This basically put the seal on her weaning, which she'd been heading towards anyways due to my school schedule.
#3 hasn't had a night alone yet, but I'm thinking DH and I may take a weekend this summer (she'll be 2.5).
DS born 6/03, DD1 born 9/06, DD2 born 10/10, DD3 born 4/14.
Moderator Note: I moved this thread to Life With a Babe because it seems more suited to this forum.
Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!
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DD1 was close to 4 when DD2 was hospitalized for the first of several stays. DD2 was 3 when she spent the night for the first time with my mom. DS1 was 2 when he went away with DH for a night. I just left DS2 for the first time last weekend to take DD1 across the state for a competition, he will be 2 in July. Dh and I have never gone away together since the kids were born. Maybe some day, but they are too young still.
Haven't done it yet, but both kids would probably be fairly comfortable with DH overnight at this point. DS (2.5) still nurses at bedtime and then at 6:30am in the morning so even if I did go somewhere overnight it would only be for 10 or 11 hours. DD did stay with friends of ours for 12 hours (~5am-~5pm, not overnight) while I was having DS and she was 2.5 at the time. I was only nursing her morning and bedtime at that point and she did fine skipping her morning nursing that day. I was prepared at that point to leave her overnight or even for several days if I had a c-section or something, though.
DD (5) hates it when I leave the house after bedtime, I think because she will not see me come home (since she'll be asleep). She asks every night before she goes to bed if anyone is leaving th house. Ever since my mother died suddenly a couple years ago DD sometimes gets really scared when DH or I leave. She has a lot of fears of us dying. So I could see DD being really anxious for me leaving for a weekend or something. Not that it would keep me from going, but it is a consideration. I've thought of going away for a night in a motel just to get a full night's sleep (DS still wakes a lot at night) but it just wouldn't be worth the hassle, anxiety for the kids, stress for DH, and expense just for 10 or 11 hours overnight away from the kids. Honestly I'd rather have 10 or 11 daytime hours away from them because I could get so much stuff done!
I would love to go away for a weekend (either alone or with DH) but with DS still nursing and no one to watch the kids anyway it just isn't going to happen anytime soon. My fantasy is that an awesome nanny comes on a vacation with us for a long weekend (and stays with the kids in a nearby room) and DH and I see the kids several hours a day. :)
Re: the original intent of this post, I know lots and lots of people IRL who have left young (<1 YO) babies for weekends or longer and while I never did it (no one to watch the kids and also I never had a pump) I wouldn't consider it weird or atypical. I wouldn't have done it with DD because I was more protective of her as my first and less in need of a break. But if circumstances had allowed I would have loved a weekend away from time to time starting when DS was about 9 or 10 months old (DD 3.5 YO at that point).
DD 12/07 DS 9/10