Attached to mom -- not so much dad. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 07-17-2013, 11:57 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi all. I have a wonderful 4.5 month old who has become very attached to me. Not that I mind being the only apple of her eye, but it's becoming a stressful situation during the times when I need to leave her with someone else. I teach yoga twice a week, and soon will begin attending births as a doula again (although this is limited). Currently when I leave her with my husband, she cries uncontrollably until I come home. Last week it was for an hour straight. She seems to do better during the day, but is still really fussy. I nurse her before I leave & also leave a bottle for her. As much as I love being so attached to her, it would be nice to leave her without worrying about if her caregiver is going through utter hell while I'm gone. I'm wondering if anyone else has been through a similar situation and has any advice on how to get baby a little more attached to my husband. We've talked about him attending to her more (right now he's being the primary night time parent for our 3 y.o. son) and trying to wear her more when I'm gone. I'm also a little concerned about the possibility of me having to leave in the middle of the night to attend a birth, as she likes to be attached most of the night. Any and all suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks!

Beth - blissfully married to Doug. DS - Liam (5/10) nocirc.gif &  Darcy (2/13). homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpgNew SAHM & Labor Doula.


babygirl.gif Welcome baby girl! Born at home, in the water, in the caul, and caught by daddy. February 24, 2013!  babygirl.gif


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#2 of 5 Old 07-18-2013, 07:48 AM
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My boys are 9 months old and 21 months old and they are very attached to me, their dad does not live with us so they only get to see him 1 or 2 days out off the week, he gets upset that the boys are so attached to me and not him and I know its because they don't see him enough. Once hes here for awhile and plays with them and stuff they start warming up to him, but it starts all over again the following week. So maybe your husband should try to spend as much time as possible with her and take over more of the responsibility with her even when your home so (maybe) she can get more attached to him too.
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#3 of 5 Old 07-18-2013, 04:45 PM
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I basically have the same problem as you.  My baby apparently fusses and cries whenever he's with someone other than me.  I think some kids are just more sensitive that way--unfortunately there's not really a whole lot you can do about it, but eventually they do grow a little less mamacentric.  Bad news--it won't be for awhile...


Since you can't wait it out, make sure you find a caregiver who has the patience to deal with the crying and has some good comforting moves.  Daddy would be ideal, but sometimes fathers take it very personally that they can't comfort a child who's craving mama, so sometimes it's better to find someone else who won't be offended if the baby cries a lot. 

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#4 of 5 Old 07-18-2013, 04:56 PM
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Unless they are left with non- mom caregivers often- and early on- I think that's pretty much how it goes. Neither of my kids were particularly attached to dad until after a year. Both mine were EBF (exclusive until about 4 months, but continued to BF past 2 years). DS wouldn't even touch a bottle, and DD allowed Dh to bottle feed her exactly once. Other than playing, DH had to wait that long to really develop a strong bond with them both. He was pretty heartbroken with first child, but came to expect it with 2nd.
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#5 of 5 Old 07-19-2013, 09:31 AM
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Around 8 months my daughter started to become very attached to dad too, right around the time she became very shy towards anyone but us. My husband would always put her in our Ergo or wrap when he was watching her alone. Helped her not fuss, and I think it helped them bond. I have had to be away a few nights for work, and he tried to stay with our normal routine. He would feed her, cuddle to sleep. Then we made a couple of bottles that he gave her when she woke up at night. A few evenings if she was being really fussing, he would give her a bath. It always calms her down and makes her sleepy!! Basically, he just did trail and error. What worked for me and her didn't necessarily work for them!
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