My 1st was like that, needed to be held and moved constantly. His frustration peaked before he could crawl then was a bit better. He has continued to be a passionate, active child. If she is safe, fed, changed, and comfortable it's ok to let her yell until you finish what you need to do. Not to train her, but to take care of what needs to happen, including taking care of yourself.
Do check for signs of reflux, gassiness, or not getting enough milk. You could try a chiro adjustment for her, some babies need that. Avoid lifting her bottom/curling her up when you change diapers, that can cause tummy issues and misalignments (roll to the side or lift her back, bottom, legs, and all to wipe up). Try a food diary just to see if some things you eat do make her worse, maybe skip cow milk for several days just to check.
I think it's pretty normal. I had a "happy, friendly" baby, who rarely cried and smiled and looked at everyone. But I don't think I ever put him down, really, not for the first few months. When I put him in his bouncy chair so I could pee, he did cry, but I expected that.
When she falls asleep in your arms, can you put her down? I gradually found I was able to do that sometimes, with my newborn.
Yeah, it sounds like a personality thing. It is also true that most newborns *need* to be held a lot more than we expect them to be. You can try a food diary, and you can try putting her to sleep before you think she is sleepy - my babies are much harder to get to sleep when they are over tired, My first was just how you described he did end up having some food sensitivities, and removing the trigger foods did help a little, but he can still be pretty needy/intense, even now at 2.5 - -it's who he is. My DD is a bit more open to being put down, and it's not because of anything i've done differently to "train her".
FWIW the chest sleeping is not that uncommon either - my son needed to sleep like that for months, even for naps. but he did eventually grow out of it, and it's true, you will miss it. it was also impossible to transfer him to a bouncy or crib once he was asleep, but he did eventually start to like the wraps.
it's definitely hard to handle, and like a pp mentioned, try not to feel guilty for taking care of yourself - it needs to happen so that you have the stamina to care for her.
hugs and good luck, and remember to listen to your mommy instincts!
Mommy to DS born 11-10-10 And DD born 6-3-13
Sounds pretty normal, or within the range of normal. She'll likely start calming down somewhat now and eventually be "happier" by 12 weeks. That was about the time I could put my baby on a play mat (with toy arch) for a few (~5+) minutes, if I really needed to. I had the same kid you did, but I expected to hold her constantly (never even really tried a bouncer or whatever), so it didn't faze me that much, I guess.
WAHer & Wannabe, Wife to DH 1998, Mama to Buko, Born at Home March 2013
She sounds normal, maybe slightly high needs. I think that people who have a lot of experience with kids totally underestimate their own needs postpartum and the stress of a newborn plus the huge LOAD of responsibility and care needed. It really is totally different and much harder when you are IT.
Just retrench, focus on getting through a day, and rock that sling. Get an exercise ball if you don't have one. And the Harvey Karp video is really helpful.
Baby #3 was honestly just the same but by that time it was old hat and the three year old was the challenge.
It gets better. I promise.
It sounds to me that she just needs more time and care to adjust to life outside the womb. Have you heard about the fourth trimester?
I do agree with previous comments about the chiropractic adjustment though. What we thought was colic in my smallest twincess turned out to be silent reflux (there's no spitting up, so harder to recognize) and the chiro adjustment ended up solving so many little issues.
Remember that your emotions can also dictate (? not sure I'm using the right term) her behaviour. My son is now 6 years old and my twincesses 3 years old. And every single day still I realise that their behaviour tends to reflect my emotions. When I'm relaxed and happy we have an awesome day. But when I'm tired, stressed or sad, we have a horrible day.
Even if it means waiting for daddy to get home to help, take time to relax in a hot bath or do whatever fills up YOUR cup. You will survive this and it does get easier.
Elsabé Marlene Rabé
Helping babies not only survive, but thrive through touch.
It's a phase. They need to be close to mommy. You'll get through this. Look up the book, "The Happiest Baby on the Block" byHarvey Karp. It explains the 'fourth trimester' idea and why babies are so needy.
My DD was much like this too. Fortunately she's the first so she had all my attention, we'll see how #2 is!
I could sometimes put her down for a minute or two (literally) in her crib and spin the ceiling fan and she'd watch it, but mostly I peed holding her on my shoulder unless someone was around to hold her for a couple of minutes. No way could I shower and even her naps were pretty short (I held her for most of them, sometimes sitting in a rocker reading, going for a walk, or napping with her). We had a ring sling which seemed to keep her happy most of the time, but around the house I just carried her over my shoulder or snuggled against my chest. She slept on my chest at night till it was getting hard to breathe LOL, probably 4 months or so. Then she still slept with me in bed for several more till we slowly started putting her in the crib sometimes.
She's a pretty independent 2.5 year old now, will go off on her own to play frequently (sometimes getting into things she shouldn't, but that's sort of the age, haha). She is very happy to explore the world on her own, in fact it is usually hard to get her to stick by me. So her earlier needy phase doesn't really seem to have affected her toddler behaviour.
I agree that this is just a needy phase and mommas need to remember to slow down, take lots of naps with baby, drink lots of water and let the cooking and cleaning slide for a while.
But, just in case this is something other than normal fussy clingy baby behavior . . . .
Have you tried taking her diaper off and seeing if she wants to pee over the sink or in the potty? Our middle kiddo was a crier until we realized that she just didn't want to wet her diaper. We learned her communication and were AMAZED at how often newborns pee (like every 7 minutes when they're awake). After we started responding to her elimination communication we had an incredibly content baby. Phew!
With our youngest, the fussiness seemed to be associated with a lot of tension - his arms and hands would rarely un-curl, even in sleep. So, upon the advice of our midwife, we took him to a cranial sacral practitioner who specializes in babies. After the first session we had a lot less crying around bowel movements and easier sleep. After the 2nd (and final) session those little hands finally uncurled and relaxed. Now, at 9 weeks, he has finally realized the difference between day and night and I'm starting to get some decent sleep and things are looking sooooo much brighter!
Take care of yourself mamma . . . working extensively with children gave me a good bag of tricks to pull from when working with my own children, but it did not prepare me for the fatigue, emotional rollercoaster of hormones, feeling like a failure because I couldn't get a decent meal cooked, etc. The practice of self-compassion has been a good one. Lots and lots of practice! : )
Yup, same. Mine got bored so easily. Once he could grasp well enough to play with things, it got a LOT easier to put him down and do things. He's still clingy, though. And I'm still his preferred sleeping place- it was our first day back to school today. I had him for a few hours, he needed to be held and slept through it on my lap. When my partner had him, he was more willing to entertain himself and my partner was actually able to get work done. (that might've just been timing- I had him right after we got to school, so he probably needed a nap after all the excitement of getting ready to go and such, then my partner had him when he was more energetic, then he needed another nap when I got him back)
We don't have a crib- but we had a bassinet, and he would NOT stay in it. At all. The bassinet was actually the only baby furniture that we paid full price for, so we were pretty annoyed by that. Oh well. We do have a vibrating bouncy chair (like this) and a baby swing- they don't work all the time, but the only time that LO has slept not in our bed with us, it's been in one of those two.
The bouncer- this I would actually suggest because it was the first thing that baby was able to figure out how to play with. It has an arch with toys you can put on it, and he figured out that if he kicked his legs, the toys on the arch would move. He was SO happy with that discovery. He learned to do this a few weeks before he had the motor development to really play with other things, so it was nice that he had a way to entertain himself so soon.
The swing- at first LO wouldn't stay in it, then at 2 or 3 months we gave it a try and he was OUT for hours. So, basically, you have to keep trying things until they work. :|
We got the swing from GoodWill and the bouncer from a family friend, I know that all this baby stuff can be expensive, just a few suggestions that have worked for us. You'll find what works for you and your baby, but it's really just trial and error and, yeah, nothing is going to replace being held, but you can at least get the time to go to the bathroom or make yourself a quick snack.
Of course, even when he's doing fine, I swear he starts crying the second I try to do something important... It's very frustrating. I'm still nervous about how this semester will go. :(
Proud Formula Feeder, I support how ALL parents feed their babies. Breast or bottle, formula or breastmilk, and any combination thereof.
Happily married since 4/30/2009 Our first was born 4/23/2013