Maui wedding with a newborn? Am I nuts? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 09-20-2013, 09:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm an old member who hasn't posted in years--we currently have 4 kids (oldest is 9) and are expecting #5 mid-May. My brother, who lives 25 minutes from us in CA, has decided to have a destination wedding in Maui next June 20. The airfare alone will cost us thousands, which we can technically afford, but is obviously a really big deal. Now, throw a weeks-old child into the mix, and I'm wondering if this is even worth doing. Won't we be sleep deprived and stressed already?

 

Has anyone traveled with such a small baby before? Is this just nutty to even consider? Or do you think we should suck it up and do it for the sake of a family wedding? Maybe you have a wonderful success story about traveling with a tiny baby that you'd like to share? Thoughts???


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#2 of 23 Old 09-20-2013, 11:18 AM
 
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I can't begin to imagine traveling with a newborn. Not just the baby but your recovery as well. Me personally I wouldn't go. Extra money would be useful with a new baby too smile.gif
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#3 of 23 Old 09-21-2013, 05:26 AM
 
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I wouldn't do it, personally. It wouldn't be worth the nightmare of travel and I would just want to sleep the whole time!
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#4 of 23 Old 09-23-2013, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My gut agrees with you two ladies. I'm just going to be really bummed out if I can't be there for my brother's wedding. But I guess I can't have it all, right??


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#5 of 23 Old 09-24-2013, 08:13 AM
 
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My 8 week old and I are just getting into a good pattern - until now it's been trying to establish breast feeding, then a weeks long battle with thrush, then ulcerations in her mouth due to the thrush treatment and all the pumping that comes along with a baby being in too much mouth pain to nurse. It's been a nightmare until a few days ago and I can't imagine travel on top of that. Hopefully you'll have no issues but things like this can happen. If at all, I'd wait to see what baby is like and see about booking closer to the date. Maybe get tickets which are fully refundable if your heart is set on going.
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#6 of 23 Old 09-26-2013, 05:51 AM
 
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I'm going to give my experience, just in case your mind wasn't already made up -

I flew cross-country with my daughter for a wedding in wine country when she was six weeks old. She was my first, and I was really ready to get out and do things! The whole travel experience was great, and we enjoyed the wedding and seeing family. However, upon return home, she contracted a very scary UTI that escalated into a kidney infection, from a strange strain of e. coli. (Doc said she probably got it orally, and that UTIs don't always develop "down there".) This was despite constant breastfeeding, nonstop babywearing, cosleeping, etc., etc. So, even with my best efforts, I managed to expose my vulnerable babe to nasty germs. Then again, that was probably a *very* rare occurrence and I've heard of many very successful trips with tiny ones.

Follow your heart, experienced mama! What does your instinct say?
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#7 of 23 Old 09-26-2013, 06:18 AM
 
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That does suck to miss your brother's wedding, but if he'd really wanted you there above all else he could have made it more convenient. I probably wouldn't go--it just sounds like another layer of headache that you don't need. 

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#8 of 23 Old 09-26-2013, 07:18 AM
 
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I can't imagine hauling 4 kids plus a newborn to Hawaii.  I don't mean this the way it's going to come out, but if it was a priority for you to be there I'd like to think your brother would have planned a later date.

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#9 of 23 Old 09-26-2013, 07:33 AM
 
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We traveled by car to a big family thanksgiving when my daughter was about 4 weeks old. At that age, it wasn't bad-- she just nursed and slept.  We had our older twins, so we weren't inexperienced with the baby thing. Planes are different, of course: you've got the whole contained atmosphere that is probably germy, and dealing with airline schedules. 

 

In your situation, I'd worry about baby's exposure to germs, and the behavior of and stress to the older kids related to traveling. If you think that your older kids would be good travelers, you can afford it, and you want to go, I'd suggest purchasing refundable tickets, and then travel as long as no one is critically ill and baby arrives healthy.


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#10 of 23 Old 09-26-2013, 07:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post
 

I can't imagine hauling 4 kids plus a newborn to Hawaii.  I don't mean this the way it's going to come out, but if it was a priority for you to be there I'd like to think your brother would have planned a later date.

 

Just as a thought: the wedding was probably planned before the baby!  My sister had a weeks-old infant at my wedding. I certainly wanted her there!

 

Is your brother going to do a reception in California for those that can't make the trip? That would be another solution to your problem. 


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#11 of 23 Old 09-26-2013, 12:01 PM
 
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No way would I want to take that many kids and especially a newborn on a plane. I would be worried about exposure to illness in the airports/hotels, that something would come up last minute and you wouldn't get to go and would not get all the airfare refunded, etc. Now if it was a trip where you could drive, especially less than 3 hours, then I would totally be down and would go unless there was something big that came up. So I agree with the PP that if your brother is having a reception in CA that is what I would attend. I definitely get not wanting to miss your brother's wedding, but I think he will understand since it is a destination wedding and you have all those kids and will have a newborn.

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#12 of 23 Old 09-27-2013, 07:10 AM
 
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Yikes! Four small children plus a newborn on a plane?  yikes2.gif

If it were me, I'd say thank you, but I'll see you the next time you and your new wife are in our area. A lot of people say babies under 2 or 3 months shouldn't fly unless it's a medical emergency (flying to get to a hospital which treats rare disorders etc.) Not to mention your recovering after your 5th childbirth.

 

Planes, with their recycled air are germy places, I know I always end up getting sick after I fly. Plus, the challenges of changing diapers in an airplane bathroom, keeping all 5 kids happy and secure on a long flight, the problem with ears popping in babies and toddlers,  getting everybody through security... it wouldn't be something I'd do.

 

Personally, I'm not a fan of "destination weddings" in the first place. I think it's a huge imposition on people and It puts a lot of burden on the "guests" to pay for airfare and lodging and honestly, I think it's kind of unnecessary.

 

My dh and I always turn down invitations to such weddings. Too pricey, and too much of an interruption in our lives. It's hard enough to go on vacation every few years to a place we chose, pay for it, get all the kids settled etc. Being put in a position where we're kind of obligated to go somewhere we didn't choose, then be expected to purchase a wedding gift, get all dolled up to go to the actual wedding in a strange place... well, I'm not much of a traveler in the first place. But, I wouldn't go at all, and certainly not with 5 kids, including a newborn baby with a developing immune system, working on getting breastfeeding working for that baby and recovering from a birth.

 

I'd talk to your Ped and OB or midwife or Family doctor about the wisdom of taking not only taking a newborn on a plane trip, but also your health while recovering from your 5th childbirth.

 

Mileage and all that. :)


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#13 of 23 Old 09-29-2013, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, ladies! I had a chat with my brother and told him there was a strong possibility that we would not be able to make it. He was very understanding. Of course he and his fiancée planned this before we were pregnant, but I'm not a huge fan of destination weddings from this point on because it does make it so hard for people to come. I know maybe that's the point for some couples--they want to keep things small--but it hurts to think I won't be there.

I suppose there are many months between now and then to make a final decision, but you have all given me a lot to consider. I feel less "selfish" for not wanting to go now. smile.gif

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#14 of 23 Old 10-02-2013, 12:52 PM
 
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Be selfish. Be selfish for you and your immediate family members. Weddings are but a day in a year. Support and love your brother through his marriage and he will appreciate that more. 

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#15 of 23 Old 10-02-2013, 02:12 PM
 
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No way in heck would I travel a week after giving birth for the baby or for me! You will still be recovering. Even for those mamas that recover quickly that seems like waaaaay too much stress. <3

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#16 of 23 Old 10-02-2013, 10:28 PM
 
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Yes I have travelled with a 5 week old and a 3 week old. I moved across country with a 5 week old ( my first child) and I travelled back across country to visit family with a 3 week old ( my third child). My thoughts on the matter: long car travel with young babies should be avoided, but planes usually aren't bad. That being said, when would your flight be and how long would it be (will it affect your sleeping). I have flown many times with small children, and find it nearly impossible to sleep on planes (though they usually can sleep) . My experience is that nursing newborns worn in wraps or slings usually sleep great on planes that lull them to sleep, but can your needs be met? How old are your other children? I find active older babies and toddlers much more difficult to travel with. Will you staying in Maui awhile or for just a few days? I would be more hesitant to travel with a newborn if I wasn't staying at my destination for a longer amount of time. Will your needs be met at the destination? Is it an all inclusive resort where food is taken care of? I find hotels and food to be a bit challenging for families with members who like snacks throughout the day. Is the family you are visiting really helpful? You would be flying with your husband/ partner, right?

But most importantly do you really want to go? I would only consider going if I really wanted to, and if I could easily foresee ways to meet my needs of food and sleep. Travelling with multiple children and big families also brings up its own set of issues (car seats and rental cars being one). Even if you use an airport shuttle, you have to bring your own carseats.

So if you do decide to go, get some sort of trip insurance in case your baby is born late and when you have a breakdown in the middle of the trip remember it is all part of this adventure of life.

Or stay home and have a babymoon..those are nice smile.gif
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#17 of 23 Old 10-03-2013, 11:28 AM
 
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Just chiming in to say that if you'd really like to go, perhaps you should consider it! Your brother will (hopefully) only get married once, and if you can afford it... then perhaps you should consider going. I can't say 5 kids including a newborn on a plane will be awesome. But in the end, it could go okay. Or it could be a really bad day of travel. But a bad day or two happens to us all, whether we travel or not.

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#18 of 23 Old 10-04-2013, 08:48 AM
 
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MichelleZB, she is saying the baby will only be a week old, though. Do you still think that's a good idea? I'm not being snarky but genuinely curious. I don't have any experience with recovery from natural birth (DS1 was a c/s and a long recovery) but seems like even if everything is perfect that getting on plane for five or more hours might be too hard on the body so soon after birth. I'm very curious!

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#19 of 23 Old 10-04-2013, 09:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dalia View Post

MichelleZB, she is saying the baby will only be a week old, though. Do you still think that's a good idea? I'm not being snarky but genuinely curious. I don't have any experience with recovery from natural birth (DS1 was a c/s and a long recovery) but seems like even if everything is perfect that getting on plane for five or more hours might be too hard on the body so soon after birth. I'm very curious!

For me, at least, (and everyone is totally different) I felt physically recovered two days after my natural birth (which was good, because I ended up having to run around pumping because DD spent a week in the special care nursery).  What DID NOT go back to normal was my emotions.  I was extremely fragile for at least 3 weeks.  I was very emotional, easily stressed out, etc.  I really needed a calm, relaxing, totally controlled environment.  So I totally agree with you, dalia, that even if physical recovery is fine, maybe the stress of newbie plus 4 kids plus TSA plus everything else that goes into flying is too much.  But, seeing as this is number 5, the OP might recover differently. 


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#20 of 23 Old 10-04-2013, 09:51 AM
 
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The baby is unlikely to be only a week old. She said the baby is due mid-May and the wedding is June 20. Most of the time, you give birth between 37-42 weeks, so likely the baby will be somewhere between 3-7 weeks old at the time of her brother's wedding.

 

I wouldn't go on a trip with a one-week-old, but I did manage a plane trip to visit my husband's ailing grandfather when my son was 5 weeks, and that was fine.

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#21 of 23 Old 10-04-2013, 09:55 AM
 
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Ahhhh, okay. I did not read the original message correctly. That's why I was like, huh??? LOL.

Good luck, OP!!

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#22 of 23 Old 10-05-2013, 01:41 PM
 
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I would talk to your brother about the possibility of a local reception after the wedding. A friend of ours had a destination wedding, and then her parents threw a small reception afterwards.  It was in a small library community room so the room was free (although technically other people could have wandered in, it was late enough at night no one did).  They had a coffee cart hired for the evening and played a video of the wedding in the background.  Everyone wandered around, ate food, admired the tropical flower decor,chatted, and generally had a good time.  He and his fiancee may find that more people are turning them down on the wedding idea than they thought and would enjoy a celebration with more people involved.

 

But no, I would not haul a newborn and 4 more kids to the tropics.  Nope.  Love ya' lil bro, but you love me too, so you get to understand this one.  I'll have you and the new wife over for a nice dinner afterwards and you can open my present then (assuming he turns down the reception idea).

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#23 of 23 Old 10-05-2013, 01:52 PM
 
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I would talk to your brother about the possibility of a local reception after the wedding. A friend of ours had a destination wedding, and then her parents threw a small reception afterwards.  It was in a small library community room so the room was free (although technically other people could have wandered in, it was late enough at night no one did).  They had a coffee cart hired for the evening and played a video of the wedding in the background.  Everyone wandered around, ate food, admired the tropical flower decor,chatted, and generally had a good time.  He and his fiancee may find that more people are turning them down on the wedding idea than they thought and would enjoy a celebration with more people involved.

But no, I would not haul a newborn and 4 more kids to the tropics.  Nope.  Love ya' lil bro, but you love me too, so you get to understand this one.  I'll have you and the new wife over for a nice dinner afterwards and you can open my present then (assuming he turns down the reception idea).

This. Hubby and I had a destination wedding but also had a big party in our town as well. :-)

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