Help! My spouse yells at my 6 month old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 09-23-2013, 01:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 10 Old 09-23-2013, 05:11 PM
 
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I don't want to sound harsh, but your spouse needs counseling.  He needs to understand sooner rather than later that his reaction to your daughter is inappropriate and potentially dangerous.  6 month olds are nothing compared to toddlers and if he can't keep his anger in check for the duration of a diaper change, he's going to have serious trouble during tantrums and other childhood challenges.

 

It's not abnormal to struggle with the transition to a new baby.  Maybe start by asking him why he gets so upset?  What is it about her squirming that makes him react that way?  If he shuts down, he may need a third party to get him to realize that his reactions are not normal.  But seriously, calling a 6 month old a brat is really out of line. 

 

Does he lose his temper with you?  Is he verbally abusive?  I would personally think about how he reacts to other kinds of stressors and if you think this behavior could escalate, get him into couples or individual therapy ASAP.  Good luck.


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#3 of 10 Old 09-23-2013, 06:19 PM
 
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Is he not the father?

Bring back the old MDC
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#4 of 10 Old 09-23-2013, 08:26 PM
 
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Like the OP said, it sounds like he needs an attitude check. I'd be afraid to leave her alone with him...something bad could happen. Anger management or counseling is clearly needed here.
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#5 of 10 Old 09-24-2013, 08:20 AM
 
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It's one thing to be frustrated in the moment, still concerning, but I would be more worried about his attitude afterwards when you talk to him. A 6 month old doesn't understand enough to be defiant, she's just tired or hungry and doesn't like having her diaper changed and letting you know the only way she can, by crying. She's not doing it to frustrate or be mean, she's just communicating. You probably know all that, OP, but does your DH? I know my DH sometimes comes to me because I know more about what behavior is normal for what age when he sometimes misenterprets normal baby/toddler/etc. behavior for something beyond their abilities at the moment. Would talking to you about it help? If not, maybe a book or his parents or another parent friend or your pediatrician? Good luck!

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#6 of 10 Old 09-24-2013, 08:28 AM
 
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Your husband needs counseling immediately. What he is doing to your baby is abuse. Do not leave the baby alone with him. What he is doing is not normal, nor is it safe for your baby. If he rejects counseling, I suggest you start working on an exit plan.

Good for you for following your mama bear instincts. (hug) Don't stop listening to them. Protect that helpless innocent little baby.
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#7 of 10 Old 09-24-2013, 09:38 AM
 
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Do not allow him to change her diaper or even be around her until he cleans up his act. You need to be the mama bear and protect your sweet little baby from this very strange behavior. It is harmful, scary and simply not ok. Ultimatums work. "You may not be around our baby until this stops." It seems harsh, but it is not. 


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#8 of 10 Old 09-24-2013, 10:24 AM
 
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First of all, welcome to Mothering!!

I agree that if he can't handle his temper around the baby, he shouldn't be taking care of her. Logically, he must know you can't "snap" a baby "out of it." It's just a baby! All that could possibly accomplish is to make the baby more scared and cry more. So he isn't working out of logic, and it's scary because he's using the same though process as people who get upset with a crying baby and shake them.

Is there a counselor he could go to, or a religious leader who could counsel him? He needs some help with the transition to fatherhood, which is a tough transition, and there's no reason to feel bad about needing help dealing with it.
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#9 of 10 Old 09-24-2013, 11:08 AM
 
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I agree with the PPs. This is a big issue. Do you know what his childhood was like? Perhaps his folks did a lot of fear based parenting and he thinks he's doing the right thing. Regardless, I would do everything in your power to stop this now, as your child will likely only frustrate him more as she gains independence. If talking to you won't do it, then I think you should take more extreme measures.

Good luck!
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#10 of 10 Old 09-24-2013, 06:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jules831 View Post

I agree with the PPs. This is a big issue. Do you know what his childhood was like? Perhaps his folks did a lot of fear based parenting and he thinks he's doing the right thing. Regardless, I would do everything in your power to stop this now, as your child will likely only frustrate him more as she gains independence. If talking to you won't do it, then I think you should take more extreme measures.

Good luck!

 

I agree with all of the above posts, but especially the point in this one. It may be especially tricky to get him to see how his behavior is innappropriate if he was raised that way. This is totally inappropriate though. If counseling is too expensive or he just won't go, at least invest in a couple of books describing what's normal and how to deal with it. My book is sa textbook I used in school, so maybe others have more parent oriented suggestions?

 

Until then, he shouldn't be left alone with the baby. Your mama bear instincts are right.  


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