Piercing baby ears - okay or not? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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#91 of 120 Old 10-26-2013, 11:09 PM
 
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Not the ears, not the belly button, certainly not a Prince Albert, not the nose, not the tongue or eyebrow. I would not stick holes in my kids so that (s)he could participate in consumerism and adornment with my encouragement. Nope. She is fine just the way she came out of the box. No enhancements necessary.

 

Besides, mine always drove me insane, and I just couldn't do that to a little kid with no words yet.

 

Earrings are like long fingernails. It's nearly impossible to do really fun things when they are in the way.

 

I wish I still had smooth earlobes, but they were forever scarred by those funny holes that just mark me as a victim of fashion. or something.

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#92 of 120 Old 10-27-2013, 08:28 AM
 
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 being strapped into an infant carrier for long periods of time day in and day out. 

 

People do this?! Am I mis-understanding?

I mean in their car seats.  Yes, some infants seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in their infant car seat/carrier.  How much time, I don't know.  What I do know is that babies can go into the seat, into the car, into the store, back into the car and then remain there for a nap...... all without being unstrapped for more than a diaper change.  I've even heard complaints from moms I knew that their babies spent a lot of their day care time in the car seats as well (time for a new daycare, I think!)  But I see less and less of this even since my oldest was an infant.  It seemed like I was the only one around and about that always left the car seat in the car.  So it is starting to be kind of an outdated rant, thankfully.

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#93 of 120 Old 10-27-2013, 09:10 AM
 
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I think people should wait for their children to ask to have their ears pierced and they are at an age where they can have their ears pierced by a professional piercer and can care for them. I disagree with the notion that an infant should have it done so they don't remember the pain. Infants can't make sense of pain the same way children and adults can and thus, it's actually worse, IMO. Piercing by a professional with a ring is the safest method. I would never pierce my child's ears with a stud and a gun because it's not safe and those that pierce this way are not well trained. The one piercing I had with a gun resulted in a permenant scar. I have had many piercings and they are not painful, simply uncomfortable, when done properly. They require aftercare and there is always a risk of allergy, rejection, and/ or infection. The holes may never close up and scar tissue may occur, so there is an element of permency to piercings. Children should be able to understand that before they get them done. I see piercings and tattoos as rights of passage and personal decisions that should be made by the person whose body is being modified.

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#94 of 120 Old 10-27-2013, 09:22 AM
 
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Well said, Sukhada! I agree completely!
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#95 of 120 Old 11-04-2013, 03:31 PM
 
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I wouldn't do it, and I would never encourage anyone else to do it. But I'm not going to judge a parent solely on whether or not they choose to piece their infant's ears. I think it's silly and unnecessary, but not deeply morally repugnant.

 

As everyone else has said, I try not to make permanent alterations to my child's body without his consent, unless I have a good (usually medical) reason to do so. I admit I've never understood the idea that you need a child's consent to cut their hair, though. Not like that doesn't grow back. And I've never seen anyone arguing that you should never, ever cut a child's fingernails until they're old enough to consent.

 

Just to address some random points I've seen as I've read through:

 

-I don't think anyone is implying you shouldn't pierce your daughter's ears because people will think she's a harlot. I think the "wrong message" people worry about sending is that their daughter isn't pretty enough/woman enough/whatever if she doesn't wear earrings

-You don't have to wait until a child is 12+ to get their ears pierced without a piercing gun. Many doctors will do it in-office with a needle.

-Of course parents make many decisions that influence their child's future. How many of those decisions parents choose to make vs allowing the child to make is part of what defines one's personal parenting philosophy. It's ludicrous to say that either you make all decisions or no decisions, or that the choices you make for your child when they are an infant must continue to be the same until they are legally adults

-I do not get the cultural argument at all, unless there is a culture in which ear piercing has some sort of religious significance. I do not think it's necessary to impose cultural standards of beauty on an infant. (I also do not think it's necessary to deliberately make your child "ugly" to prove a point, either, but would really like to hope there's no culture on earth where a child's earrings are the only thing that can make them look pretty in the eyes of others.)

-I'm not even going to waste my time on a detailed argument, but no, it is not a given that all girls will want/have their ears pierced at some point in their lives.

 

There also seems to be a lot of disagreement about whether or not ear piercing actually hurts. All I can say from personal experience is that is certainly possible that it will hurt! I cannot speak to painless piercings, as I haven't experienced that. I can also speak to having my ears pierced against my will. I wanted my ears pierced for the longest time, but my parents said I had to wait until I was 12. When I was 11, my mom decided to have it done for my birthday. Well, I didn't want my ears pierced any more! I was afraid of needles and pain. My mom made me do it anyway. It hurt a lot, and I still remember my earlobes burning hours later. In retrospect, I wonder if this is because I had a reaction to the metal. I'm sure having it done with a gun at the mall didn't help anything. I definitely had scar tissue from my piercing experience, and it took YEARS to go away. I developed sensitivities to the metal in earrings, too, to the point that I haven't worn any regularly for years, and I'm not sure the last time I put any in at all. I have yet to find earrings that I do not react to. I would like to wear earrings sometimes, but it isn't worth the burning and the itching and the trying to poke them through the half-healed holes.


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#96 of 120 Old 11-04-2013, 04:25 PM
 
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Some women don't want their ears pierced, actually!

 

I never did.

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#97 of 120 Old 11-04-2013, 04:34 PM
 
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As for cosmetic dentistry on children, never heard of it. Do people do that??

 

What do you think braces are? Sometimes correction is needed for comfort/performance, but it's mostly to correct gaps in teeth and crooked teeth that are just unsightly. 


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#98 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 10:16 AM
 
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let me guess, i'm sure there are those against ear piercing are against circumcision as well. 
 

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#99 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 10:23 AM
 
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What do you think braces are? Sometimes correction is needed for comfort/performance, but it's mostly to correct gaps in teeth and crooked teeth that are just unsightly. 


I know what braces are. Are they called cosmetic dentistry now? I thought cosmetic dentistry was teeth whitening, veneers... stuff like that. Braces have more of a purpose than straightening teeth because they may look unsightly. Didn't realize they are categorized as "cosmetic". Excuse me for my ignorance af.gif


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#100 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 10:24 AM
 
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let me guess, i'm sure there are those against ear piercing are against circumcision as well. 
 

Speaking for myself only, yes my son is intact. What is your point? Or, are you just making an observation?


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#101 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 10:24 AM
 
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let me guess, i'm sure there are those against ear piercing are against circumcision as well. 
 

Not necessarily.  I have never liked the piercing of baby's ears, long before I even knew about the issue of circumcision, and long before I came to my current stance.  I do happen to be anti-circ, so I'm curious about the other answers.  I think we've found in this thread that the two are not analogous, but that doesn't mean you aren't right.  But I think if you are, the connection between the two runs to a much deeper issue that would affect decisions beyond circ and piercing.


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#102 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 10:34 AM
 
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i'm about parental choice. there was a movement in san francisco to legislate banning circumcision.. and depicted mohels as evil beings out to get your son's foreskin... deeply anti-semitic and against the very notion of freedom of religion… and the head guy for the movement? unapologetic.

 

if the baby in my belly is a boy, we are definitely circumcising. 

as far as ear-piercing is concerned, i'm glad my mom chose to have my ears pierced when i was 18 months old. if the child in my belly is a girl, we will definitely have her ears pierced.

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#103 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 10:42 AM
 
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I'm anti circ and anti piercing. Basically I think they both carry risks and are irreversible and done to a nonconsenting human being.

My opinion is mine and others make the choices that work for them. I think as parents we all have our children's best interest at heart and make our decisions with that in mind. If a parent thinks it through and believes circumcision and/or piercing is in their child's best interest, then they are doing exactly what I do, we simply disagree on the details.
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#104 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 10:48 AM
 
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i'm about parental choice. there was a movement in san francisco to legislate banning circumcision.. and depicted mohels as evil beings out to get your son's foreskin... deeply anti-semitic and against the very notion of freedom of religion… and the head guy for the movement? unapologetic.

 

if the baby in my belly is a boy, we are definitely circumcising. 

as far as ear-piercing is concerned, i'm glad my mom chose to have my ears pierced when i was 18 months old. if the child in my belly is a girl, we will definitely have her ears pierced.


Ok, good for you. Since you gave your opinions on ear piercing and circumcision, I will too. I don't agree with parents piercing their kids ears until the kid can give consent. IMO, there is no logical reason for it. And, I certainly don't agree with mutilating a boys' intact penis that they were born with. Foreskin has a purpose, that's why it's there. My two cents. Ultimately, it is the parents choice to make those decisions. The OP was here getting opinions about the ear piercing so that's what she got. Moving on, I still don't understand your point about your previous post, which was this...

 

"let me guess, i'm sure there are those against ear piercing are against circumcision as well."

 

Maybe so, maybe not. What are you saying here?


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#105 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 11:37 AM
 
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What do you think braces are? Sometimes correction is needed for comfort/performance, but it's mostly to correct gaps in teeth and crooked teeth that are just unsightly. 


I know what braces are. Are they called cosmetic dentistry now? I thought cosmetic dentistry was teeth whitening, veneers... stuff like that. Braces have more of a purpose than straightening teeth because they may look unsightly. Didn't realize they are categorized as "cosmetic". Excuse me for my ignorance af.gif

Sorry for the snark in my original post! I must have been sleep deprived. I am rolling my eyes at myself.

 

But anyway, I suffered braces for no reason other than cosmetics. And they gave me TMJ. IDK if like, the dental association is calling them cosmetic, but I am saying sometimes they are. 

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#106 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 12:07 PM
 
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i'm about parental choice. there was a movement in san francisco to legislate banning circumcision.. and depicted mohels as evil beings out to get your son's foreskin... deeply anti-semitic and against the very notion of freedom of religion… and the head guy for the movement? unapologetic.

 

 

So, anti-baby-ear-piercing=anti-circumcision=anti-semitic?  I hope that's not what you are insinuating with your example on this board.  Feel free to not respond to my post.

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#107 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 12:55 PM
 
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I know what braces are. Are they called cosmetic dentistry now? I thought cosmetic dentistry was teeth whitening, veneers... stuff like that. Braces have more of a purpose than straightening teeth because they may look unsightly. Didn't realize they are categorized as "cosmetic". Excuse me for my ignorance af.gif

 



not all braces are considered cosmetic.
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#108 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 01:11 PM
 
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So, anti-baby-ear-piercing=anti-circumcision=anti-semitic?  I hope that's not what you are insinuating with your example on this board.  Feel free to not respond to my post.

not what i said… a+c≠b… i'm referring, specifically, to the guy who made a comic called "foreskin man" - a white, blonde guy defeating "monster mohels"
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#109 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 01:39 PM
 
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I know what braces are. Are they called cosmetic dentistry now? I thought cosmetic dentistry was teeth whitening, veneers... stuff like that. Braces have more of a purpose than straightening teeth because they may look unsightly. Didn't realize they are categorized as "cosmetic". Excuse me for my ignorance af.gif

 



not all braces are considered cosmetic.


I know. I'd say they are considered 1/3 cosmetic, 2/3 functional/correctional/preventative.

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#110 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 01:51 PM
 
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So, anti-baby-ear-piercing=anti-circumcision=anti-semitic?  I hope that's not what you are insinuating with your example on this board.  Feel free to not respond to my post.

not what i said… a+c≠b… i'm referring, specifically, to the guy who made a comic called "foreskin man" - a white, blonde guy defeating "monster mohels"

I realize that was probably the case, but that makes me confused about the point of bringing it up on a thread about ear piercing.  After a comment wondering if those opposed to ear piercing were also anti-circ, you bring up this example because....... ?

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#111 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 01:55 PM
 
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I realize that was probably the case, but that makes me confused about the point of bringing it up on a thread about ear piercing.  After a comment wondering if those opposed to ear piercing were also anti-circ, you bring up this example because....... ?

personal experience… i've been lambasted countless times for being pro piercing and pro circ… i'm quite sensitive to anti-semitism as it is making a strong comeback in our society, all over the world and you have no idea what i've been on the receiving end of...

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#112 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 02:59 PM
 
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as far as ear-piercing is concerned, i'm glad my mom chose to have my ears pierced when i was 18 months old. if the child in my belly is a girl, we will definitely have her ears pierced.

Why does it matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl?  Will you be not-piercing the baby if it's a boy?  Most boys end up wanting their ears pierced, eventually.  What about the baby's nose?  Nose-rings are quite prevalent now. 

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#113 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 03:01 PM
 
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personal experience… i've been lambasted countless times for being pro piercing and pro circ… i'm quite sensitive to anti-semitism as it is making a strong comeback in our society, all over the world and you have no idea what i've been on the receiving end of...


Why are you bringing anti-Semitism into a debate about piercing baby ears? Seems like you make your bed and set yourself up. You're doing that here. Being anti-circ does not make one anti-Semitic, and if you are insinuating that we are, you will get lambasted for that. It's up to you.

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Why does it matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl?  Will you be not-piercing the baby if it's a boy?  Most boys end up wanting their ears pierced, eventually.  What about the baby's nose?  Nose-rings are quite prevalent now. 

ugh gawd

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#115 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 03:03 PM
 
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ugh gawd


Please explain. 

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#116 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 03:52 PM
 
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personal experience… i've been lambasted countless times for being pro piercing and pro circ… i'm quite sensitive to anti-semitism as it is making a strong comeback in our society, all over the world and you have no idea what i've been on the receiving end of...

And anti-semitism was broached by whom?  Anyone here on this thread before you brought it up?  I'm still confused.  I sympathize with your sensitivity, but your example had nothing whatsoever to do with this thread.  In fact, bringing it up was incredibly inflammatory, if your intention for reintroducing the circ comparison was in order to run it smack into an anti-semitism accusation.  And no way around it, despite what you meant, the only way anyone could interpret the San Francisco example is that it is a soft accusation of anti-semitism.  I have no other way to explain why you thought fit to introduce it.


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#117 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 04:50 PM
 
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I think it's cultural, and it's sometimes a combo of that and "oh my gosh she has no hair so I need to make her really girly" which is ridiculous in my opinion. My daughter had no hair until she was almost 3, so she was constantly called a boy. Ironically, she now has crazy thick wavy hair!

 

She was quite mature for her age, so we told her at 3, when she was ready, she could get her ears pierced (her Dad is from a country where baby girls were pierced at birth, if not, shortly after, and my European cousins got pierced as babies too). At 4 she said she was ready. I took her and she got scared so we didn't do it. A few months later, she wanted to try again, and she did it! She was good about letting me care for them for the first week or so too. Only problem is that now she refuses to touch them or let anyone near them, and freaks out if they get caught while brushing or dressing, etc. 

 

We went with small pink flower shaped stones instead of the traditional gold ball that is usually used on little girls. It got caught and ripped out once while rough housing with cousins, but no blood. Just scary, and a big scene trying to get it back in. 

 

I hope they are at least stainless...I don't see her skin turning green, and they never got infected...but she is really sticking to her guns. She said she would never take them out or change them, and so far she hasn't! I know mine get pretty gross between cleanings with dead skin, etc...but from what I can tell, hers don't look that bad for 3 years with no changing or cleaning!

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#118 of 120 Old 12-10-2013, 08:17 PM
 
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Stepping in to remind posters to please try and stay on topic. And please remember that posters sometimes only have a little bit of time and that online boards lose some of the nuances of speech. We lose tone and body language.

Let's try and assume the best, sometimes threads will go on a tangent for whatever reason but that doesn't mean we can assume the worst of posters.

Please let's stay somewhat back on track and stay away from continuing tangents that may lead to further moderator action.

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#119 of 120 Old 12-11-2013, 04:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by erigeron View Post
 

I admit I'm curious to see if any longer-running members are going to speak up in favor of this practice. 

 

I read to here. :D  

 

I'm a longer-running member and would not pierce my DC's ears.... but, with most things parenting I am also concerned for the reasons behind other parent's choices and am cautious to go beyond what I would personally do when giving my opinion.  

 

I really agree with the idea that we shouldn't be making decisions about what to do with our baby's body based on what sex they are. I try to not presume that my children will conform and piercing the ears of a girl is a pretty big assumption.  Plus, it does hurt...though I don't think it hurts all that much even factoring in that I think it's BS that infants can't feel pain like the rest of us. :eyesroll

 

BUT, I also don't have a strong cultural tradition with this practice. The tradition of making a baby look more like a girl doesn't jive well with me (I don't know if that's even what it's about anyway) but cultural belonging isn't something to pass on without a thought, yk? 

 

If someone asked me if I thought they should pierce their baby's ears I guess I'd ask them why they wanted to in the first place. If the issue was looking like a

girl or because it hurts less or is more convenient I would say "no way!". I'd share with them that ear piercing in my little sub-culture is done around 12 and it's a cool right of passage, that it's good left up to the child, that it opens nice discussion about gender, that it doesn't hurt that much (but some people think it does). If there were deeper cultural traditions or granmothers to consider, I'd help them figure out whether it's worth it and try to be open to the fact that not being able to identify with something isn't the same as not being able to understand. 

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#120 of 120 Old 12-11-2013, 05:48 AM
 
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I don't do any modifications to my babies unless their health depends on it.
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nak.gif Relentless mommy of 2 mancubs, 8 & 10 years old.... and now a little lady (Oct 2013)!      computergeek2.gif   http://relentlessmommy.com   
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