3 Month Old Driving Me INSANE- Perhaps advice of parents with precocious baby might prove invaluable - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 10-10-2013, 03:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Everyone,

As you can tell by the title, I'm a ftm. I have very little generational experience passed down to me from mother and grandmother or even in laws- I'm alone. My ebf three month old has been tracking with eyes since birth, rolling since day 2, lifting his body first month and babbling my ears off today.  He is extremely energetic and seems to require a certain amount of stimulation in the day of which I feel I never provide enough. He is a lovely baby but never seems to want to nap! He also wakes up multiple times in the night. This is no good for me. What can I do to help him find some peace in the day? Will he grow out of this? I am at my wits end here and return to school in about less than 3 months. In very humble words - HELP!!

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#2 of 9 Old 10-10-2013, 04:48 PM
 
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Most babies that age wake multiple times a night and napping is often infrequent or inconsistent at that age because babies don't really start to organize their sleep until around 4 months.

 

I had a very strong (though not necessarily "precocious") baby.  She was holding her head up and moving it independently at birth.  But she would not tolerate being put down, whether in a swing or bouncer.   We got very good at babywearing.  She napped in the sling or the moby on long walks (which were also great for stimulation).  But generally, a baby that young doesn't really need a lot of stimulation.  Sing to him, talk to him while you do your own work, and spend time outdoors (gardening, walking the dogs, whatever) and he'll get all the stimulation he needs. 

 

The first three months are REALLY intense.  I was at my wits end too many days just trying to deal with the huge change that had happened in my life and come to terms with the fact that my body and my time were no longer my own.  It gets a lot easier.  For us, night sleep got much better at 6 months and day time sleep started getting better around then too (though it was hit or miss until 9 months).

 

And it helped me to think of those first three or four months as the fourth trimester.  Babies are not and cannot be independent at that age.  They are 100% dependent on you for everything.  It's not their fault, they're not trying to be difficult, and you can't spoil them.  So responding to my daughter's needs became a loving act setting us up for an independent future, rather than an exhausting one.  It's not easy though.  Try to get help if you can from your partner (if you have one) or from family, friends, or other caregivers.  Moms need support and help to parent.  Motherhood has traditionally not been a solo occupation.  You say you don't have generational support, so you might have to go out and create your own.  But being around other mothers with babies that age can give you a lot of perspective.  And it really does get better!  By 6 months when you go back to school, chances are good things will be much different.  My daughter was a totally different baby at 3 months than at 6.

 

Good luck!  And let us know how things go. 

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Beautiful baby girl born 8/13/2012. Little star baby lost at 10 weeks pregnant, 12/18/2013. Currently due 12/13/2014 with a rainbow.
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#3 of 9 Old 10-12-2013, 07:53 PM
 
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I absolutely second the idea of creating your own support. I meet up wth a mom I met on mothering, and another I met on meetup.com. It's a blessing to have mom friends. At first, I was also going to a breastfeeding support group, but grew out of needing it.

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#4 of 9 Old 10-12-2013, 07:58 PM
 
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Can you go out for walks? With him in the carrier or stroller. Being outside is often good for settling babies.

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#5 of 9 Old 10-15-2013, 08:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your responses. @LilyTiger these  last three months have been super hard in terms of sleep and recooperation. I wish I was 100%, I'm still dealing with a wound from 12 weeks ago. It's just been hard. I'll do my best to look into a group to join to find more support. @cynthiamoon I've heard about meetup.com  and I'll be poking around to see if something works out. @katelove going out for walks helps occasionally, I admit we don't get out too much.

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#6 of 9 Old 10-15-2013, 12:41 PM
 
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It's a little hit or miss, which is disappointing, so I would recommend using meetup.com just as the introduction venue, and then taking it upon yourself to follow up. For example, the woman I became friends with, I met through meetup.com, but when that group fell apart and stopped having meetups, I was so glad to have a few people's numbers and emails so I could organize stuff. 

 

Good luck! I know it can be exhausting to even think about socializing, but even as an introvert, I found it a great relief. **HUGS**


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#7 of 9 Old 10-16-2013, 07:00 AM
 
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Sounds like you may have a high needs baby, which are much harder than a more typical baby. My first was and I really doubted myself, especially in the first few months. It gets better as they get older, but it takes awhile unfortunately! I would look around at all those other babies, the ones that were content to chill in a stroller or carrier or on the floor(!) and was so jealous and wondered what I did wrong, DD1 never wanted to be put down, hated to sleep, etc. Now that I have my twins who are both more typical babies, I know that I was not a bad Mom or imagining how much more attention DD1 needed and how hard she was to get to sleep, she really needed so much more, way more than my two infants need if you can believe it. I also got less sleep with her than with my twins too.

Anyway, I too recommend getting out when you can and building support for yourself. It helps immensely! And I promise it will get better with the sleep, hopefully faster than my DD1 who I remember celebrating when she was only consistently waking 3 times a night, at that point all the other kids in her daycare room had been sleep through the night forever. I don't say this to discourage you, but so that you know you aren't the only one out there. Libraries often have 30 minutes to an hour of baby lap time which I went to often with my babies. I didn't end up meeting anyone who became a longtime friend, but it was still nice to get out and chat with some other moms a bit and have something to do with my babies.

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#8 of 9 Old 10-16-2013, 10:31 AM
 
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Like many of the OPs say, some babies are harder/more intense and you may have one of those. I've never had a kid I could put down for any length of time until they were at least-year-old. And sleeping through the night sounds like some wild fairytale. Fortunately both liked carriers. So I spend a lot of time walking around. I've noticed they both do better if you take them outside at least once a day, so definitely try that. Both Ds1 and Ds2 shrieked like pterodactyls if I tried putting them anywhere that wasn't ON me. Oh well, They learn how to call and walk and then that stage is over I promise!
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#9 of 9 Old 10-26-2013, 04:26 PM
 
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I was very overwhelmed by my DD at the beginning, too. Pretty much still am, in fact! What helped give me insight was reading The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. Sears. It really helped me to realize: (1) my DD wasn't broken or wrong, just different from others, and (2) I didn't make her like that--she was born that way! I got my copy at the library.

I also started seeing a therapist for tips to deal with feelings of stress, anxiety, inadequacy, etc. That has also helped.

Hang in there!
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