I am having unwanted thoughts of hurting my baby - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 11-01-2013, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My little girl is 11 months old and recently I have had some disturbing thoughts about hurting her. These usually occur when I am frustrated/overwhelmed with her when she is fussy/wants to be held all day/etc. I have never experienced this before, didn't have postpartum despression, etc. The thoughts terrify me and I find them extremely upsetting that they are coming to my mind. Is this normal? Even though I would never harm my sweet little one, its scares me to think that maybe I am capable of it? I'm afraid to tell my mom, husband, etc. Please help!

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#2 of 8 Old 11-01-2013, 04:05 PM
 
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Please reach out to someone.  You need support to figure out how to deal with those feelings.  I think those feelings are more normal than people admit, but it's very very important that you reach out to someone.  Do you attend a church?  Do you or your husband have an employee assistance program that includes free or low-cost counseling?  Is there a community center nearby that offers counseling?  You can also call the national hotline to discuss these feelings well.  All calls are totally confidential: http://www.childhelp.org/pages/hotline-home

 

Obviously, you don't want to harm your child.  But since these thoughts are strong enough to terrify you and upset you, it's really important that you reach out.  It could be a symptom of a panic disorder or the onset of depression.  For your own peace of mind, reach out to whoever you think will be most supportive and keep us updated.  Good luck.

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#3 of 8 Old 11-01-2013, 04:50 PM
 
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I agree with the poster above me.  You need to tell someone and get some support. 

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#4 of 8 Old 11-01-2013, 06:03 PM
 
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Are they just sort of in and out of your head in a flash?  Because if so, it's pretty normal.  Scary, but normal.  Every now and then when my toddler is being particularly clingy and I'm already feeling at my limit, I'll have a horrible thought flash in and out.  I'd never hurt her, but the thoughts really freak me out.   They are very rare, I should add.   Honestly, I think it's not uncommon when we are really stressed out; I mean, how many times have you wanted to ram some driver on the road who has pissed you off?  But you've never actually ran them off the road, right?  I understand it's totally different when thinking about hurting your own child; much more scary, but I doubt you'd actually follow through.  But if you are really worried about it, definitely talk to a professional.

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#5 of 8 Old 11-02-2013, 09:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by train View Post
 

Are they just sort of in and out of your head in a flash?  Because if so, it's pretty normal.  Scary, but normal.  Every now and then when my toddler is being particularly clingy and I'm already feeling at my limit, I'll have a horrible thought flash in and out.  I'd never hurt her, but the thoughts really freak me out.   They are very rare, I should add.   Honestly, I think it's not uncommon when we are really stressed out; I mean, how many times have you wanted to ram some driver on the road who has pissed you off?  But you've never actually ran them off the road, right?  I understand it's totally different when thinking about hurting your own child; much more scary, but I doubt you'd actually follow through.  But if you are really worried about it, definitely talk to a professional.

 

That's what I think... these kind of "intrusive thoughts," as they're called, are considered to be normal from what I've read. But I guess it depends exactly what is happening here, Rosie -- do you mean you get to breaking point and your mind brings up a "flash" image of you hurting your baby? Or is it more like, you're sitting there feeling so done with everything and all you can think about is how you want to hurt her? Sorry, I know that sounds awful, but rest assured either case DOES NOT mean you will, or actually want to, harm your daughter! It's just that the second case is one I would consider more serious and worth talking to someone about. In my opinion it would point to something in YOUR past which caused YOU harm as a young child, so it could be very helpful to dig deeper into it. Sorry you're experiencing this, are you having a particularly stressful time right now? x

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#6 of 8 Old 11-02-2013, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Exactly, like wanting to smash my car into another on the road when someone cuts you off, etc. I am just stressing and PMS is only making things worse right now.

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#7 of 8 Old 11-02-2013, 12:53 PM
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Please get your thyroid checked.  This can be a symptom.  


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#8 of 8 Old 11-02-2013, 01:22 PM
 
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If it's what it sounds like, they're called "intrusive thoughts" and they can set in motion a cycle of guilt and obsessing. They are normal, but very disturbing. Read up on that some and look into cognitive behavioral techniques to get them under control. You have my sympathies- its a sad thing to deal with, and hard to talk about because people almost always misunderstand.

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