Zen and the art of Peaceful Parenting - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 47 Old 02-05-2014, 01:30 PM
 
JustJenny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 691
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you all for being so sensitive, encouraging and non judgemental. :loveeyes  I deeply appreciate your support! We had a very difficult week but things are a bit better today. I had mastitis in both breasts on different days, a recurrent milk blister and dd's growth spurt all in one week.  At my last post I just couldn't take anymore!  Mastitis and blister have resolved and sh's slowed down a little bit on nursing. Super fussy though. Finally getting to heal up a little bit. She does have a shallow latch that we have been working on pretty successfully. I had been starting to heal some deep cracks- one is more like a fissure- before all this happened. So far no thrush - fx'd it stays that way. 

 

sphinxy- thank you. That was just the advice I needed to reset my thinking. I really do want to keep doing this. It was liberating to remember that yes I do have a choice! Taking it one feeding at a time is just what we are doing now :)

 

sparkle- I've resisted la leche groups for some reason. I guess I'm just not feeling real social. However it might be just the thing I need!

 

dak- DH is supportive of whatever I choose.  He's more prone to worry.  He's more concerned with me taking to much advil and it affecting dd than my pain levels.


JustJenny and DH of 20 years 
 
After a 2 year fertility struggle  - Baby girl is here! Jan 8th 2014 
 
2 Boxer Furbabies Buddha and Tootsie 
JustJenny is offline  
#32 of 47 Old 02-05-2014, 02:20 PM
 
hippy mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This might help
http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/newborn-nursing/
You can take echinacea for mastitis. I'd keep taking it daily until all healed up along with probiotics to help prevent thrush. Or gse. Ice packs, or gel packs. http://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/herbs/natural-treatments/#mastitis. You need to rest momma. Get in bed, get water, tea, food, books etc and rest and yes bf if you're still bf. you don't want mastitis to come back.
Advil is class 1 so let your dh know that.
Growth spurts contribute to fussies smile.gif. It's nothing you're doing wrong, though some days it sure feels like it.

My guy still gets a shallow latch if he's fussing and we're still battling thrush. It hurts. My support are my friends, they're lll leaders, have had problems etc. and you guys smile.gif and my dh.
I still have anxiety some days. Not sure why.
hippy mum is offline  
#33 of 47 Old 02-06-2014, 10:22 AM
 
sparklemaman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 692
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Justjenny So glad things are going a bit better. But can I just say ,Ouch! You are truly a trooper, mama! I too resisted LLL and did not feel at all social. In retrospect, it was postpartum depression and anxiety. But it was so very isolating! I didn't really venture out to seek those connections until DD was almost 18 months old. I have more mom friends now but was truly alone back then. I strongly encourage you to find a group of mamas, LLL or other. It helps smile.gif

I'm pumping at work as I write. My little guy is now 13 weeks and over 15#! Crazy, I know. We saw a Peds Gastroenterologist who told us everything is normal and not to worry. It's just an immature gut. I've slowly been adding foods back in. I lost 55# in 12 weeks, only gained 22 with pregnancy. I really needed a good protein source (though it clearly did NOT affect my milk supply/quality). Baby boy is such a happy guy!

Hugs Hippy. It's still hard, even when you've done it before. I hope the thrush clears and your anxiety lessens. Are your IRL supports helpful with the anxiety? I need to feel really comfortable/safe to get the right help/support with my anxiety.

Mama to Little Bean and Baby Bean partner to My Love and loving caretaker to cat.gif dog2.gif and chicken3.gif 

I am a treehugger.gif Mama whocd.gif femalesling.GIFwinner.jpgfamilybed1.gif

sparklemaman is offline  
#34 of 47 Old 02-14-2014, 11:52 AM
 
cwill's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 560
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hello everyone!  I'm a mostly SAHM of 2 year old DS and 4 week old DD.  I was hoping to join the thread because I've been needing to reconnect with my parenting self.  I lost it somewhere in the last weeks of pregnancy.  I used to have an (almost!) endless well of patience.  I struggled, but was able to roll with the trials and tribulations of a newborn and toddler until winter set in and I was so big and uncomfortable and tired.  Lately, I've been impatient, but more importantly, I've been annoyed with my kids.  They're not fitting into the little roles that I've created for them.  Especially DS, I feel like "no" has become a much bigger part of my vocabulary.  I'm not very creative anymore when it comes to parenting.  And I feel like I almost don't know who they are after these last weeks - like I was so busy trying to get them to be what I wanted that I wasn't stepping back and knowing them.  Which is kind of a big deal when one of them is brand new!

 

So I really need to just step back and accept and go with the flow again.  Come up with ways to see my children again.

 

How is everyone else doing?

cwill is offline  
#35 of 47 Old 02-14-2014, 08:31 PM
 
hippy mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Okay, what do you do with your baby when cooking, and you have pets? I was thinking a mini co sleeper, so it would fit in my kitchen, and I can use it outside for a few months in the summer if needed. A pnp is too big and my guy is too big for the bassinet weight, which is what I need now. I've tried an excersaucer in the past w no luck. Once my kids are mobile they hate it, and this baby likes to move so much more. We used to have gates up, but we need long ones that need drilled in, and I really don't want to go there again, especially since that doesn't help outside.
Is a mini co sleeper with it? What type of alternatives or ideas can you mommas come up with? We also have dogs, and so I wanted to prevent them from getting to him, so can't have a low bassinet/play yard.


On a good note, baby is much less fussy. I really think it was the thrush. Of course now he's clamping down while bf sometimes, fist in mouth, drooling, so I think he has teething signs already. When I saw my mw, he was almost 14# smile.gif. I'm still having random spotting, and my mw found abrasions on my cervix she thought is causing it. Bed sharing is going great so far. I love how he snuggles right up to me for warmth and comfort and waking up to smiles. So so glad we got laying nursing down, I'm getting so much more sleep than I ever did with the other two.
hippy mum is offline  
#36 of 47 Old 02-14-2014, 11:50 PM
 
Serafina33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Far from home!
Posts: 1,422
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

When I cook, my four month old watches from the sitter on the table, or if she's too wiggly, then in the carrier on my back where she falls asleep.


nak.gif Relentless mommy of 2 mancubs, 8 & 10 years old.... and now a little lady (Oct 2013)!      computergeek2.gif   http://relentlessmommy.com   
Serafina33 is offline  
#37 of 47 Old 02-15-2014, 06:18 AM
 
hippy mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I didn't think of that. Can you do a back carry w legs in with rs? Ds doesn't like legs out yet, but he just. Is turning 12 wks Monday.
hippy mum is offline  
#38 of 47 Old 02-16-2014, 07:40 AM
 
Serafina33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Far from home!
Posts: 1,422
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We do legs out!


nak.gif Relentless mommy of 2 mancubs, 8 & 10 years old.... and now a little lady (Oct 2013)!      computergeek2.gif   http://relentlessmommy.com   
Serafina33 is offline  
#39 of 47 Old 02-23-2014, 03:36 AM
 
Shrimamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh I am so happy to have discovered this thread! After nursing my sixteen week old back to sleep, I couldn't help but joyfully and just as contentedly from 4:30-5:30 in the morning, read all of your delightful, poignant, real, and joy and challenge-filled posts! I am so glad to have found this thread, and I hope, although late in the addition, it's ok for me to join in the conversation.

I am a striving peaceful Mamma, who everyday questions the striving AND the peaceful part, and also embraces fully the striving and peaceful part, does that make sense?! smile.gif I am often confident in my threshold for patience and nurturing and breastfeeding abilities. Letting-go, trusting my strong intuitive instincts (which denying them, in itself is an oxymoron-!!), co-parenting (someone earlier said something along the lines of knowing when to communicate/when to bite tongue with husband) are where my vulnerabilities easily show up.

Some peaceful parenting tips that have worked for me-
Meditating, or simply being still, even if just for five minutes in the morning when I can greatly "sets" the tone for the day.
Repeating the mantra when I am struggling:
(In breath) I notice my whole body.
(Out breath) I am aware of any tension in my body.
(In breath) I am aware of the painful feeling in my body.
(Out breath) I embrace this feeling with love and tenderness.
-when feeling anxious about "not doing/being enough" with and for my children, reminding myself, I am enough, and stopping to observe whatever it is my children are doing. -And then embrace what it is they are doing by engaging (quite possibly still in sit back and observe sweet play/discovery mode or participating in play, etc....). Often this letting go of agenda or ego is just the shift needed for all....even if the moment is a challenge-filled one (older son acting out on 4 mo and me in middle of conscious response vs. reactive)!

Cwill-I feel you on "seeing our children". I am often revisiting this with my 3yo son, who my husband and I lovingly (mostly wink1.gif call a gremlin! Embracing his new, and often less favorable behaviors can be tough lately. I have been trying to observe, observe, observe more tenderly and without judgement (or catching myself if I am going there, anyway). I feel like by sitting back and letting him 'be' I am getting to 'know' him over and over again!

Serafina33, How can I wear my babe facing out in a moby, legs in? Is this possible? -Or, show me tutorial on wearing babe on back, please!

Revolting-please share more tips on embracing the spirited child with big emotions. My 3yo spans is a rainbow of feelings, and, to my benefit is at least able to articulate them pretty well. -not to say, it's still hard sometimes. I am finding that myself and husband are spirited grown children with big emotions (or at least with very little filter) too though! Haha... Perhaps, I will look into the Explosive Child.

Sphinxy, the "right" way to care for my littles, is often where my anxiety comes up...hence my aforementioned strong intuition I can fail to listen to! Yikes! Any suggestions out there?

Dakipode-thank you so much for the cave woman/cave baby comparison-this is a remembrance I need and an image that I imagine will be very helpful in any future "instinctive" calls I need.

Sparklemom, I agree on the "cloud of competition hanging behind their eyes" (ani d quote), is far more noticeable than I'd like to admit. It should be just the opposite-we are here to uplift and inspire one another to be our brightest selves in the name of Mammahood! That's why I am so happy to have found this thread and am grateful for efforts, in general, like Mothering's mission.

Amber necklaces-for protection? Tell me more!

Thanks for listening, being you, each and everyone!
pokeyac likes this.
Shrimamma is offline  
#40 of 47 Old 02-23-2014, 06:27 AM
 
hippy mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Shrimamma. I'm not sure back carry is safe in moby? You'd have to make sure tight enough, maybe some others who have exp w moby can chime in. I know for front wearing out, to be very in tune to baby. Young babies get overstimulated quicky, and I read it's not the best carry for the carrier or baby's spine??
When facing us, the can duck their heads and curl into us to get away from it, but not facing out. I like hip carries for facing out, because they can still turn away and it's easier for me to shift them back tummy to tummy. My guy still does not like his legs out, and though great head control, not ready for hip carry, but he's only 3 months old.

Ooh going to check out that book. Mine are pretty laid back, but are quite explosive when dealing with certain things. I usually try to be calm about it, but if it's a bad day, it's so hard to just let things be.

Haven't tried amber yet. Someone suggested for teething. A few moms swear that it keeps their kids more calm and balanced.
hippy mum is offline  
#41 of 47 Old 02-23-2014, 07:36 AM
 
Shrimamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the response hippy mum! Yes, I love the moby for facing in. I used it for my first often and now with my 4 mo. Hip-carry would be perfect; I've tried it a few times-once even with our Ergo with first, but never got it right. Direct me how to please! I agree with the over-stim and not good for growing spine and legs-I am a yoga teacher and am perhaps hyper-vigilant about proper posturing! Brooks seems like he wants a bit more action though, so hip carry might be perfect antidote, or if anyone can direct me to safe back carry.... when he's older anyway...we have a hiking-safe one that won't be used, obviously for quite some time.

Amber for teething! I am intrigued by the idea....I've used licorice root from nat health store. Tell me more!

Anyone read Parenting for Peace, Marcy Axness? -one of my favorites and I believe she is on the panel, or a guest writer here?? This book, and Planting Seeds, by Thich Naht Hanh-encouraging mindfulness in children are two I highly recmd for anyone on the path to peaceful parenting.
Shrimamma is offline  
#42 of 47 Old 02-23-2014, 08:05 AM
 
hippy mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here's a video that might help http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Txi9SCErUmk

On the sidebar, there are lots of videos. There's one with a back carry comparing stretchy vs woven. On wrapyourbaby she explains the difference in material. The stretchy will be harder to carry bigger babies in at some point I guess. I don't have any experience with wraps, I couldn't figure out so much fabric and it was too hot for where I live, at least for me. Hip carry in ring sling is super easy, she goes into a lot of detail here, good for new rs users http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jnsFymv_M8Q , I usually pop baby in with pouch already spread open and adjust, but I'm used to that. I did get a mei tie, not sure how much I'll use it, it seems easier to bf in later for toddlers or for long days out on weight distribution. Like a wrap but less material.
hippy mum is offline  
#43 of 47 Old 02-24-2014, 11:42 AM
 
Serafina33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Far from home!
Posts: 1,422
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I never carried a babe facing out so I have no idea how to do that.  I'm a facing in babywearer, whether on my front or back.

I exclusively use my Tula with my twenty pound heavy girl.


nak.gif Relentless mommy of 2 mancubs, 8 & 10 years old.... and now a little lady (Oct 2013)!      computergeek2.gif   http://relentlessmommy.com   
Serafina33 is offline  
#44 of 47 Old 02-28-2014, 11:35 AM
 
Shrimamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 7
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Wee-est one is teething and appears to be pretty uncomfortable with this and other various reasons. :(  He also is wanting more active attention, on his own, and with me.  The icky part I am struggling with is he seems to get upset when I connect eyes with him-yikes the past two, three days.  I am trying to be mindful of any "interruptions"  I might cause in his own exploration of the world around him, as to not get in the way; he does NOT LIKE IT when I've obliviously picked him up when he's in the middle of observing our dog or some shadows the light is playing on his hands.  -Also, he can't stand it when he is trying out grabbing, or rolling over, putting something in his mouth when some kind of adjustment is made if he's in the middle of learning it (makes sense). -But, I must say, I don't remember this with my first as much (getting upset or crying when I come into his gaze, or when there needs to be a shift of attention ).  Different person/personality, I know, and new parts emerging everyday.... -Perhaps he senses my discomfort with his own discomfort. -And my insecurity of what's best to do?

 

Suggestions?  Help!

 

P.S. Thanks for amber necklace recommendation for teething.  This one has seemed to stave off the more intense upset from Babe.

Shrimamma is offline  
#45 of 47 Old 03-08-2014, 08:36 PM
 
mamamayhem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Florida
Posts: 75
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Forgiving myself OFTEN! I'm not a perfect parent but I try my best and that comforts me; it gives me peace.

mamamayhem is offline  
#46 of 47 Old 05-20-2014, 11:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
pokeyac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 3,494
Mentioned: 7 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
How is everyone doing? My DS is almost one and I can't believe it has been a whole year since he was born! I feel like after the initial few months, life has been pretty peaceful aside from some sickness and teething and such. I feel like we have found a good routine and we are all sleeping better and learning a lot.



Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!

Check out our User Agreement.
pokeyac is online now  
#47 of 47 Old 05-20-2014, 11:10 AM
 
GISDiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: The land of beer and cheese...
Posts: 2,158
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

That first year goes CRAZY fast, doesn't it?  It's hard to slow down and savor it, especially when working full-time.  And I have a six year old as well, it's so hard to even remember what he was like as a baby.  Fortunately, DD's personality is very similar to DS's as a baby, so I get to remember what it was like again.  :lol


WOHM to Leo (4/08) reading.gif and enjoying the journey with DH geek.gif

Announcing the arrival of Clara in August 2013! homebirth.jpg

GISDiva is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off