This is the link to my blog if anyone would like to read along.
I wasn't sure where to post this, so if there is somewhere else this belongs feel free to let me know and I can put it there as well.
So sorry mama. She was beautiful.
I am sure your post is fine right where it is but there is a grief and loss board also if you are wanting to reach out to other mommas experiencing loss -http://www.mothering.com/community/f/64/grief-and-loss
I am so very sorry for your loss. I too lost a child - a little boy - when he was about 17 months old to cancer. It's something that I profoundly wish no parent ever had to go through, and I'm so sad for you that you have had to suffer this tremendous loss. I see that your location is Utah; our little boy received his treatments at Primary Children's; is that where they were trying to life flight her to? If you haven't, you might look into their grief support programs; we moved before our son died, but we loved Primary's, and they have a very supportive staff, so I'm sure that they have some help to offer grieving parents if you are close enough and feel like it might be helpful for you. I found a lot of comfort in attending our local Compassionate Friends chapter and connecting with other parents, although I did wait for over a year before attending those meetings. At first it was all that I could do to survive my own grief; hearing other people's was beyond my ability. That has changed over the past year and a half or so though, and it was so comforting to know that I wasn't alone and that other people understood the depth of my pain and loss.
If you ever want to talk about your sweet baby, or anything that you went through during that experience (I know how profoundly traumatic all aspects of losing a child to illness can be, and how hard it can be to talk about with other people), please feel free to PM me.
Again, I am so very sorry; my heart absolutely aches for you.
It was Primary's that they life flighted is to. They are amazing there. I will look into any grief support programs they have. I'm not ready yet. But, I hope someday I will be. Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm sure you know as well as I do that it helps knowing you aren't alone in this endless sea of sorrow.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your pain is heart wrenching and I know that these words we string together can't bring her back or make you feel less shattered. You will always have our love and support though. Big tight hugs. I'm so, so, sorry!
How horrible! I'm so very sorry. It sounds like you are doing some wise things to manage your grief, and I hope in the long run you will heal well, but I'm sure it will be a long long process that to some extent affects you all your life.
Mama to a boy EnviroKid 9 years old and a new little girl EnviroBaby !
I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more.
Oh mama. I haven't seen this thread until now and I haven't been on our sept DDC in months and never joined the facebook group so I'm just totally out of the loop with our DDC but.... oh, my god, I'm on the other side of the world and in tears. I of course remember our summer trying to cook our little girls long enough as we fought back preterm labor symptoms and I spent the last seven weeks of my pregnancy admiring the photos of Violet and the little bow you put on her head for pictures and your how beautiful and proud her big sister looked. There are no words. There is only knowing that you are not alone, there is a vast sea of other women since the dawn of humanity and even alive on the earth today who have also had to find a way to keep going after the loss of a child. Try to close your eyes and imagine their collective strength out there in the ether as an intangible source of power you can tap into to help prop you up....the strength of millions of women who have somehow coped with enduring any mother's worst nightmare, and the power of finding a way to not dissolve into the wind from the total incapacitating pain of it. You must be so deep in the blackest grief. It will not always be this bad, but I'm sure that doesn't even help since I'm sure you want the pain of your feelings about your daughter's death, as it's one of the few things you have left of her in your present life. One day you can let go of these throes of acute bereavement and instead her memory will be in your life, every day, as something that isn't quite so raw and painful, something that also makes you feel grateful for the chance to have known her and loved her and enjoyed her. But it will take a long time. Your husband and daughter need you to eventually find your way there, and you will.
I'm so, so beyond sorry. There needs to be another word that means the sorry above all other sorries. There is no greater sorry I have for anyone under any other circumstances, a sorry that makes me weep tears of empathy at my laptop screen, but I know it's nothing close to the heartbreak you are enduring.
Violet was so very beautiful. You were lucky to have held an angel from heaven in your arms for the months you had with her, not everyone gets even that much beauty in their lifetime.