I guess my question is this: I get extremely anxious at the thought of leaving him with a babysitter or with anyone besides my husband. Rationally, I know that everything would probably be fine. Maybe if my son wasn't so attached to me I wouldn't worry about it so much? He is at the stage now where if I even put him down to go do something he starts crying immediately! The nursery at our church takes babies starting at six months old, but I can't even imagine leaving him in the nursery! But a lot of my friends leave their babies with babysitters, family members, or in nurseries fairly often and they don't seem to be worried.
Am I just crazy?
Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!
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OH goodness, yes. I HATED the idea of leaving my baby for months and months. I didn't even like to pass her around at gatherings. I just felt better and more secure about having her with me. She's barely 9mos now and I am now one of those moms who's like YAY FREE BABYSITTING at parties :), and then I go hide in another room with wine and adult conversation.
It's funny because when Julia was a newborn people were constantly like "we'd love to babysit" but I didn't want to leave her. I just didn't see a need or have a desire. Now that she is 9mos and I NEED babysitters for some school stuff/packing up the house... no one but the in-laws has volunteered in months... :( :(
I would say this: if you really don't want to use outside care, don't. For all I know, there's loads of kids out there who were never left with other caregivers and then did just fine with kindergarden or babysitters when really needed. But that seems unlikely. It's my intuition that this could snowball. For you or for him! Like, you just get more and more nervous about leaving him., he gets more and more used to never being without you, and then when you desperately need a mom's day out, you don't enjoy it or worse, never take it because it's too hard on everyone.
IDK how to time things with separation anxiety, since we got a baby sitter/took MIL up on her offers before this stage and so it wasn't an issue, but I would recommend finding some space and trust (educated trust!!!) in other caregivers. For us separation anxiety was a really brief flare up at 8mos. She cried every time I even left the room for a week. I reacted by doubling down on my attention and sensitivity to her social needs. Lots of cuddling. Lots of baby wearing.
Then it passed, and now I LOVE LOVE LOVE things like the drop in care at my gym, and so does she. Doesn't even look for me once she sees all the kids playing. I am finally getting into shape again, and if I hadn't gotten over my fear of leaving her, I'd still be trying to convince myself I'd get over my hate of jogging if only I had a fancy stroller to take.
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25yo FTM to a Wiggle Panda , student teacher , newlywed