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#1 of 9 Old 07-19-2014, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Question Sleep and Siblings

Hi Everyone,
I'm really struggling with this and I'm looking for advice from moms who have more than one child, because man, it really is changing things for me!

I have a two-and-a-half year old and a six month old. When I had my first child, I nursed him to sleep for ages and often laid with him to nap etc., but when he got to be around 6 months or so it wasn't working any more and I when I started putting him down awake instead, he cried a bit but then went to sleep and slept better than ever. I mean, it was sort of a dream scenario. I felt healthier and happier and the whole family thrived. He is an excellent sleeper to this day.

My concerns are these: with a toddler running around, I'm having trouble because I only nurse to sleep with my new one now, and it doesn't always work, then I'm sort of screwed because I have no recourse if nursing doesn't work. I'm finding it extremely stressful to manage his naps in the bed and my toddler's activity. His night time sleep is great and he has learned to self soothe, but he has reacted really adversely to me putting him down awake for naps. So, I'm back to nursing, but I just wonder how do I eventually get him to sleep in his crib? He is not a 'patting to sleep' kind of baby - really physical and strong and doesn't just lie there for me to pat him. I obviously can't spend an hour in his room rocking him or whatever like you can when you only have one. I've read about the pick up/put down stuff and have the Pantley book but it all seems wildly unrealistic with two.

Please, someone enlighten me...I've been looking in books and online about how to get a second child down, but it seems like information disappears after the second child arrives! What happens, moms of two or more? Do I have to let him cry a bit? Do you give up on having good naps? Or does the second baby sort of get the shaft and just have to roll with it?
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#2 of 9 Old 07-19-2014, 02:09 PM
 
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Subbing for others wisdom as we have the same thing here!
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#3 of 9 Old 07-20-2014, 06:27 AM
 
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I have done different things at different stages. Leaving them to cry is not an option for us though so no, I don't do that.

I think at 6mo we were all still lying down together. I would feed DD2 to sleep while DD1 lay on the other side and I sang to her or patted her.

Sometimes DD2 would fall asleep in the car and we would drive around for an hour. Or she would sleep in the carrier, usually while we were out. We have also gone through stages where she would fall asleep in the car and I could carry her inside. So I would time our morning trip to the park to coincide with that.

I'm also not above giving DD1 the iPhone to watch a movie. In fact, now that she is 4yo and DD2 20mo, we do that every day I am home alone with them both. I don't love it but it is what works best for now. She couldn't have done it at 2.5yo though.

To be honest, I do think the second one gets a bit of a rough deal with sleep though. DD2 went to one sleep/day earlier than she should have I think. Simply because I couldn't give her the quiet time she needed to go to sleep.
I do make her sleeps a priority on DH's days off though. And at night we divide and conquer, except when he is working an evening shift.

It's hard, I agree. I thin you just have to experiment and be prepared to do different things on different days and keep repeating "this too shall pass" over and over to yourself.
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#4 of 9 Old 07-20-2014, 01:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your response, Katelove, I get the idea that most people end up using a kind of ad hoc mix of whatever works, etc. and I'm ok with that, but I guess I want (need?) to know how and that I can eventually get him into a crib if I continue down this path. Any thoughts on how that transition happens?
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#5 of 9 Old 07-20-2014, 01:50 PM
 
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None at all I'm afraid. Neither of our girls ever slept in a cot and we still co-sleep with both of them.
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#6 of 9 Old 07-21-2014, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok thanks so much, I think I'll probably have to come to accept some TV watching or something for naps, but I guess I'm mostly frustrated that nursing to sleep doesn't always work, and then I'm left with nothing. Like, today my toddler interrupted just as he was falling asleep, and then he wouldn't go down and wouldn't nurse any more, so I had to take him for a 2 hour walk with 20 lbs in the Ergo to get him some sleep, all the while trying to entertain a toddler in and out of a stroller, who of course wants me to play with him but I need to keep walking and...you get the idea.
This is a pretty typical day. All of this is to say, I love bf'ing and I want to keep loving it, but relying on it to get him to sleep is making me not love it. It becomes a means to an end and a source of stress. To me, with two I don't really see it as sustainable, if I want to keep my sanity. I'm becoming short with my toddler because I'm grumpy and I hate that.
Sigh. Overwhelmed and out of ideas.
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#7 of 9 Old 07-21-2014, 08:12 PM
 
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Yes, that's happened to me many times too. My 4yo is now very good at not interrupting although she still does occasionally but when she was younger it happened a lot.

I wouldn't worry too much about what may or may not happen in the future if I were you. You don't know what sort of children you're going to have in a month or two or six. Your youngest may suddenly be happy to go down in the cot during the day or your oldest might mature enough to watch a program without interrupting you while you feed to sleep. Do what works *now*. If feeding to sleep works most of the time then do that. On the days that it doesn't, try a car ride or walk no sleep and an earlier bed time or whatever. Have you tried going to a play ground and walking around the perimeter while your oldest son plays? Or bouncing on a yoga ball with your youngest in the carrier while the oldest paints or plays with play dough or plays in the bath.

How many daytime sleeps does the youngest have? If it's more than one can you cut back? It's not ideal but it may make things work better overall.
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#8 of 9 Old 07-22-2014, 06:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bleumommy View Post
Hi Everyone,
I'm really struggling with this and I'm looking for advice from moms who have more than one child, because man, it really is changing things for me!

I have a two-and-a-half year old and a six month old. When I had my first child, I nursed him to sleep for ages and often laid with him to nap etc., but when he got to be around 6 months or so it wasn't working any more and I when I started putting him down awake instead, he cried a bit but then went to sleep and slept better than ever. I mean, it was sort of a dream scenario. I felt healthier and happier and the whole family thrived. He is an excellent sleeper to this day.

My concerns are these: with a toddler running around, I'm having trouble because I only nurse to sleep with my new one now, and it doesn't always work, then I'm sort of screwed because I have no recourse if nursing doesn't work. I'm finding it extremely stressful to manage his naps in the bed and my toddler's activity. His night time sleep is great and he has learned to self soothe, but he has reacted really adversely to me putting him down awake for naps. So, I'm back to nursing, but I just wonder how do I eventually get him to sleep in his crib? He is not a 'patting to sleep' kind of baby - really physical and strong and doesn't just lie there for me to pat him. I obviously can't spend an hour in his room rocking him or whatever like you can when you only have one. I've read about the pick up/put down stuff and have the Pantley book but it all seems wildly unrealistic with two.

Please, someone enlighten me...I've been looking in books and online about how to get a second child down, but it seems like information disappears after the second child arrives! What happens, moms of two or more? Do I have to let him cry a bit? Do you give up on having good naps? Or does the second baby sort of get the shaft and just have to roll with it?
We’ve debated how YOU sharing a room with your baby can affect your baby’s sleep, but what about when your baby needs to share a room with a sibling? We know that some of you have been anxiously awaiting.


Some tips:


Divide to Conquer

Set the Mood


Prepare in Advance
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#9 of 9 Old 07-22-2014, 08:26 PM
 
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I wear my babies quite a bit for naps. When there were just 2, I would nurse baby to sleep while talking to my older one, then I would roll over and either nurse older one, or snuggle or whatever till older fell asleep. it was pretty nice.

Now with #3 , almost always, I nurse on the couch and read to the older 2, or we will all lay in bed while I read, or I will wear the baby (now 17 months), or he will nap in the car.... really he gets his sleep when he can. I don't sleep train at all for naps or bedtime, so I may not be a great person to give advice.

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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