Clingy baby advice
Sorry to hear about your challenges. When my son was seven months he went through some of this, and I have a little girl in nursery at church who is ~18 months with some of these challenges. The best thing I can recommend is just listen to your child without letting your fears/frustration/stress/anxiety get in the way (which I'm sure you're trying to do, no criticism implied) Try and hear past the screaming to what is bothering her. Sounds to me like she is afraid of several things [separation from mom, dad's presence/interaction with dad (which she may equate to separation from mom), being alone], and just needs to be with you. It is very exhausting, but she will eventually grow out of it - my son did. Don't set your expectation for her by comparing her to her siblings - she has a different personality and needs different things (for example, some kids are just not ready for nursery until they are older, or do better being dropped off by dad or an older sibling). Try and contain your worry, fear, and frustration so that she can't sense it (not easy, I know) and be calm about the transitions you force on her. For instance, my son didn't want to sleep in his crib at bedtime, but for our sanity, we had to put him into it and just walk away. We found that if he was tired enough (we judged the timing right), he would go to sleep after less than ten minutes. If we did not judge the timing right, he would cry for hours (only did that once - I couldn't stand to hear him cry either). Our rule is, if he cries more than ten minutes (or sounds totally desperate and not tired), we go back in to see what's wrong and try to rock him or sit with him again. There have been a few times we just let him stay up for another hour or so until he was tired enough to sleep, but we try not to make a practice of it so he doesn't get to expecting it. We gave up on naps at home in the crib at a young age because he just didn't get tired enough to accept the crib during the day. Then, months later, we discovered that he would take naps on my chest (after a 10-15 minute protesting cry), and since he's currently the only baby we have, that's how we do it. Mom and son get a 2-3 hr nap each day around noon. I don't get much done of course, but him being rested/happy and not feeling abandoned is more important to me. You might also see if you can make the room with her crib completely dark. We found that made a big difference with my son being willing to give in to sleep. Now he expects to sleep in his crib at night, and I sit next to the crib until his breathing slows (showing he's asleep), which usually takes less than ten minutes. We avoid any feelings of abandonment but at the same time can get things done for a few hours before going to sleep ourselves. Not sure exactly how you would apply these thoughts to co-sleeping, but I thought the principles or example might help. There's a delicate balance between meeting the needs of your daughter, the rest of your family, and yourself, but make sure you have time to recharge your batteries.
Try and figure out why she is afraid of your husband. Is he not around a lot? Has he not historically shared diapering, feeding, comforting, etc. since day one with her? Is he uncomfortable around her or does something/wears something (like a hat or a beard) which scares her? Has he tried a time or two to do things with her she doesn't like (hair washing for instance), and it made such a big impression she remembers it every time she sees him? I found with my son, that there was always a good reason for him to be having a fit, which might not be to me a sufficient reason to have a fit, but made perfect sense to him. It is okay for her to cry a bit, as long as you are working on figuring out what's wrong - focus on finding out the solution rather than feeling bad and guilty because she's crying (hard, I know!).
You mentioned you go to church - a lot of times personal revelation through prayer can strengthen your mother's intuition to help you figure out what's wrong. Sometimes, that's the best and only way to find the answer that works for your family. Good luck!