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No alternative to Cry-it-out? Moms of many (and all Others) please help!

3K views 10 replies 10 participants last post by  Wildflower 
#1 ·
Hi there!

I desperately Need suggestions! My lo is Four month old and High Need (what a surprise- sigh) i Cannot manage anymore. He needs carrying and wrapping and often Even white Noise to calm down.
I have back Problems and am in quite a Bit of pain, there are Times where i cannot Carry him anymore.

I Need to hold him than, but i don't have the Time! Today he was crying for 30 min, being in his pack and play (or whatever it is called) in the Kitchen while i was preparing dinner, singing to him, touching him, but it did not help.

I don't know what to do, i have three other ones to care for, no help other than a cleaning Lady Who is at least getting rid of the worst mess ...

Help?


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#2 ·
That sounds really tough. How old are your other children? Are they of an age that they can help by holding the baby, and engaging him for awhile? Or have you tried something like a baby swing? My children had a period of time around that age where they enjoyed sitting in the swing, and it would lull them to sleep.
 
#3 ·
That sounds so hard. :(
My first suggestion would be to wear your baby as much as you can without hurting yourself. I find carrying my DS (15 months old) in arms or on my hip is MUCH harder on my body than wearing him in a good carrier. Is your back problem something treatable? I find acupuncture very helpful when I have back pain.
Second suggestion is to see if your older children can help with the baby. Even a 4 or 5 year old can make faces, sing songs, rock a swing or cradle to entertain or soothe a fussy sibling. I'm so lucky to have my DD who is 10 years old in the house, she is a huge help with DS. She can feed him, change his diaper, even bathe him! Though he has never been high needs, thank goodness. She was so high needs as a baby, and there were times I was just at my wits end.
Lastly I would suggest ruling out any possible medical reason for his crying. I know now that DD has some major food sensitivities and was likely having lots of painful gas due to things in my breastmilk. She also had a chronically recurring diaper rash that I didn't really know what to do about, and a rough go at teething. It's hard, but I know I could have helped her more I just didn't have the information then.
Also keep in mind that it is really normal for babies to want to be held all the time until 6 months or so when they start being interested in learning to sit and crawl. It may continue to be hard for a while, but most likely as your LO gets to the next phase it will get a bit easier to set him down. And cry-it-out is when you leave them alone and ignore their cries. You aren't doing that, he's unhappy but he is safe and with you which is a totally different thing.
:hug
 
#5 ·
I remember 4 months was a hard time for us. My littlest had slept well until then, but at 4 months she started waking multiple times a night and really struggling with naps too. I ended up doing a pick up- put down routine. When she cried, I would pick her up and then when she settled, I'd lay her down. That usually resulted in crying, so I would pick her up and then as soon as she settled put her down. It look many many repetitions but it worked, and I didn't need to leave her. Over a few days it got much much easier. Now we are back to great sleep at night.

I didn't do this with my oldest. i carried her constantly and I was in so much pain. I really needed alternatives but I was afraid to experiment with anything that could involve crying. The irony was that my oldest cried far more because she slept poorly and would always wake crying or was difficult to comfort. I now really value helping baby learn to sleep really well without crying it out.
 
#6 ·
thanks, don't have time to answer to everybody at the moment.

my lo is quite intense at the moment, crying a lot even WHILE i carry him...

i'll try your suggestions!
 
#7 ·
Oh, I feel for you. My kids are 6 and 7 now, but the 6 year old cried SOOOO much when he was a baby. It felt like all the time that he was not nursing. We used:
1) Me rocking him (really hard rocking, has to be a trustable chair), while I rhythmically and very fast thumped his big soft cloth-diaper bottom and said "Shhhssshhhh" and we played white noise (tuning a radio to static works well) and he sucked on a pacifier (he wasn't nursing from me, is 2-mom household)
2) We kept him swaddled for sleep a pretty long time, well past 3 months
3) We carried him a lot. I have a very sturdy back so it didn't matter what I used, but my partner used just a long piece of cloth and swaddled him to her body when he was very little then switched to and Ergo. Both of those methods are much easier than carrying in your arms.
4) We used a commercial swing, set at its highest arc. Ours was a hand-me-down (he was something like its 8th kid), but I've seen them used for cheap. Ours was a Fisher-Price.

It was really, really hard. Really hard on our relationship, really hard on my relationship with him. But eventually, the crying did stop. It feels like forever at the time, but it's not.
 
#8 · (Edited)
I'm also curious about what kind of carrier you have. I understand that you are in pain and cannot carry him as much as he'd like. BUT it sounds like he's going to need some baby wearing and you're going to need to be as comfortable as possible. My daughter is 4.5 months and I've just started doing back carries for when she's awake and wants to be carried around while I do things around the house. She (usually) loves it! And having her on my back is actually MUCH easier on my back than carrying her on my front. Have you tried back carries with him? Do you have a carrier that would allow you to do so?

The only other thing I can say: it won't always be like this. You obviously know this since this is your 4th baby, but I totally find myself needing reassurance/reminding from friends about certain things even though I've been through it with a baby before. Its hard to think clearly and keep perspective when you're right in the middle of a rough patch! hugs to you <3
 
#9 ·
I feel for you, Triniity, this is a really tough time for you. 3-5 mos was the most intense for me with DS2, who also needed to be held non-stop. I didn't have back problems prior but very quickly developed serious pain in my knees and back. And I felt I was on the brink of insanity. Everyone has really good advice here. I would emphasize that you need look into a medical reason for the crying, and either treat or rule that out. I'd also just add two suggestions: find a baby-wearing instructor or support group who can help you find a solution that is good for your baby and your back. There are so many options and all use your body in different ways, there may be something that doesn't hurt you as much. And try wearing your son as tightly as possible, this is what finally worked for us. Either in a stretchy wrap, Ergo or swaddle, my son had to be done up so tightly I worried it could be dangerous (I was careful to be sure it wasn't) before he would settle down. Wearing him tightly was also MUCH better for my back as he became one with my body. Even the slightest space between us would cause my muscles to tense, or me to move more cautiously, thus straining my back. Wearing him on my back, rather than front, was also much easier on my body. I moved him to my back around 4 months, earlier than the recommended age (6 months i think) but I was desperate and it helped us both. It took practice to be able to wear him on my back safely at that age but it is possible.

I hope that things get easier for you soon.
 
#10 ·
Hi there!

I desperately Need suggestions! My lo is Four month old and High Need (what a surprise- sigh) i Cannot manage anymore. He needs carrying and wrapping and often Even white Noise to calm down.
I have back Problems and am in quite a Bit of pain, there are Times where i cannot Carry him anymore.

I Need to hold him than, but i don't have the Time! Today he was crying for 30 min, being in his pack and play (or whatever it is called) in the Kitchen while i was preparing dinner, singing to him, touching him, but it did not help.

I don't know what to do, i have three other ones to care for, no help other than a cleaning Lady Who is at least getting rid of the worst mess ...

Help?

Gesendet von iPhone mit Tapatalk
Could he have an intolerance to something you are eating? My second son was terribly colicky until I eliminated dairy from my diet.
 
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