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8 month old baby STILL HATES car seat

10K views 13 replies 8 participants last post by  Daisy8s 
#1 ·
Hello Mamas!

My girl has hated the carseat since she was about 6 weeks old . She suddenly stopped falling asleep and then would scream until we couldn't take it anymore and I would take her out and hold her. We live in NYC so she was never in a car on a regular basis but lately we've been driving more often and I don't know what to do. I actually sit back there with her (if I sit up front the screaming will begin right away) and after about 15//20 mins she usually starts protesting. I've tried entertaining her, singing, whatever and she will escalarte into a full on screaming session. My husband and I simply can't bear hearing her cry like that so I always end up taking her out and holding her (and praying, lots of praying).
She hates being restrained and hates sitting backwards, not able to see what's going on. I'm thinking about trying a forward facing seat even though it's said they're not as safe, but hey, must be safer than my lap.
Has anyone experienced this and if so did your child just grow out of it? Any tricks to prevent her from getting to the point of hysteria? I'm at a loss on what to do here!
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
 
#2 · (Edited)
I know you already know this but it needs to be said: taking your child out of the car seat in a moving car is dangerous and illegal. So is putting an eight-month-old forward-facing.

I know it's hard to listen to your baby scream, but in this situation, you really need to give her a chance to learn that the car seat won't hurt her. She is too young to reasoned with or "taught," but she can be trained that the car seat is non-negotiable. Moving car=car seat, no exceptions.

If you are worried that she will choke or vomit, or if the driver becomes too distracted, please pull over before you unbuckle your child.

If you think that's just not possible, please stop driving. Since you live in a place with lots of public transit options, that may be a good solution for you!

Edit to add: it does suck, but just letting them cry was the only thing that worked for my kids, and also the only safe option that doesn't involve stopping the car. Toys, songs, etc., only made mine mine angrier. Twenty minutes of travel time before screaming is pretty good! If you are going farther than that, maybe you could try timing car rides for naptime (you'll probably have to listen to her cry to sleep, though), or for road trips, traveling overnight.
 
#5 ·
I know you already know this but it needs to be said: taking your child out of the car seat in a moving car is dangerous and illegal. So is putting an eight-month-old forward-facing.

I know it's hard to listen to your baby scream, but in this situation, you really need to give her a chance to learn that the car seat won't hurt her. She is too young to reasoned with or "taught," but she can be trained that the car seat is non-negotiable. Moving car=car seat, no exceptions.

If you are worried that she will choke or vomit, or if the driver becomes too distracted, please pull over before you unbuckle your child.

If you think that's just not possible, please stop driving. Since you live in a place with lots of public transit options, that may be a good solution for you!

Edit to add: it does suck, but just letting them cry was the only thing that worked for my kids, and also the only safe option that doesn't involve stopping the car. Toys, songs, etc., only made mine mine angrier. Twenty minutes of travel time before screaming is pretty good! If you are going farther than that, maybe you could try timing car rides for naptime (you'll probably have to listen to her cry to sleep, though), or for road trips, traveling overnight.
As a person who gets car sick, and the parent of two kids who get car sick, the bolded part is very troubling. Not all kids can "learn" or "be trained" to tolerate a carseat. A different seat, or different position, or a smoother-riding car might trigger the nausea less, and as my kids grew they learned coping strategies, etc... or as some kids grows they might become less prone to nausea, but many kids who scream in cars are in genuine physical discomfort that can't be "trained" away.
 
#3 ·
Both of my babies were just like that. If I was lucky baby would last 15-20 min then god awful screaming. I don't think it is ok to let a baby scream like that.

We avoided car rides as much as possible. When we did have to travel by car we timed it out to try to get baby to fall asleep during the ride. I also rode in the back and nursed baby in the car seat. As soon as legally possible our babies rode forward facing.

It is tough but it won't last too much longer.
 
#4 ·
A couple of our kids were like that and we turned them forward facing a bit early. There were also times on long trips they were held to be nursed while the car was in motion (this is actually legal in some states). Even if you don't normally use them have you tried a pacifier or a bottle/sippy with diluted juice. Another option is trying different seats. One of our kids didn't like the bucket seat we had but was much happier in a cushy rear facing convertible. It's not super safe but a DVD player is another option, baby Einstein videos could hold off the crying for awhile for us. Just be sure to attach it very securely. Something we would do is turn the seat forward facing on long drives but keep it rear facing on shorter ones. Not the safest option but I don't feel it's healthy for an infant to be left to scream for hours.
 
#6 ·
As a person who gets car sick, and the parent of two kids who get car sick, the bolded part is very troubling. Not all kids can "learn" or "be trained" to tolerate a carseat.
I'm a car-sick person, too, so I know what you mean. But being buckled in while the car is moving is still non-negotiable; if a child is ever going to be in a car, they do have to tolerate any discomfort that goes with it.

The OP didn't mention any concerns about nausea and I think motion sickness is rather uncommon in very small children, so I didn't think of that. Are there any motion-sickness cures that work for 8-month-olds anyway?

My bottom line is, if you rule out dangerous things like forward-facing or unbuckling in traffic; expensive options like trying a bunch of different car seats; and comfort measures like toys, hand-holding, or singing, the two real options are to just keep driving or stop the car. I would try "just keep driving" first to see if training to tolerate works.
 
#7 ·
I'm a car-sick person, too, so I know what you mean. But being buckled in while the car is moving is still non-negotiable; if a child is ever going to be in a car, they do have to tolerate any discomfort that goes with it.

The OP didn't mention any concerns about nausea and I think motion sickness is rather uncommon in very small children, so I didn't think of that. Are there any motion-sickness cures that work for 8-month-olds anyway?

My bottom line is, if you rule out dangerous things like forward-facing or unbuckling in traffic; expensive options like trying a bunch of different car seats; and comfort measures like toys, hand-holding, or singing, the two real options are to just keep driving or stop the car. I would try "just keep driving" first to see if training to tolerate works.
I think due to communication issues it's difficult to say whether motion sickness is common or uncommon in small children, but it's a plausible explanation for many of the kids who react badly to car rides. I agree that car-seats are non-negotiable if a car ride is necessary, but you come off as dismissive of the possibility that the unhappiness is due to physical discomfort.

To the OP: Does it help to keep the car extra cool, put sunglasses or a sun-hat on your child, put the seat at a slightly more upright angle (check the owner's manual to see if that's okay with your seat) or drive at night instead of daytime? Can you just avoid as many car-trips as possible until your child is a more appropriate age to forward-face?
 
#8 ·
Thanks everyone for your imput and suggestions.
We do avoid car trips as much as possible. It's been hard avoiding day trips and such especially now that the weather is nicer but I keep telling myself it's not forever. I am aware that it is illegal and dangerous but I don't think I stressed how bad it can get - she starts hyperventilating, I've never heard or seen anything like it. Letting her cry like that can't be good. I usually put her back in when she's calmed down and then we do it all over again. Whenever we drive it's usually at least a 30-40 min drive to 2 hours. I know that it's a risk everytime, which is why we avoid driving as much as we can, but my Mom has cancer so we have no choice but to take the 2 hr trip every few weeks now.
I will try some of the suggestions and mive her to forward facing as soon as it's feasible. For those of you that had babies like this when did it get better? When they were 2? 3? Thank God we live somewhere where a car isn't part of the fabric of everyday life but then again, maybe she would just have gotten used to it. (?)
 
#9 ·
I don't know if anyone else has suggested this having not read all the comments, but what about trying a soothing cd. My dd is sensitive (not as sensitive as yours) but when she was younger she would cry in the car...until i got the Raffi Quiet Time cd. She loves that cd. She also loves ambient music, like the orb. In addition to calming music make sure the straps aren't too tight, the temperature in the car is good, and that the sun isn't glaring right in her eyes, even if you have to use one of those stick on shades. We just try to make the car as peaceful as possible.

I agree that they just have to get used to it since car seats are mandatory, but with both of mine i moved them to forward facing a bit early. At 10 months or so with my son, and 11 with my dd.

To get her used to it maybe you should take her for a few drives, just you and her, in the evening around her bed time. That way she can have positive associations with car such as peace, rest, tranquil, relaxing...

Originally dh thought the music idea was hokey, but now he's convinced bc it does work for us.

Here's the orb album they like:

 
#11 ·
Have you tried playing nursery rhymes while traveling? I am taking care of my brother's 11-month-old baby and I often bring him with me. When he's starting to get bored, I would play the CD and he listens until he falls asleep. Now, his favorite is Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud. LOL
 
#12 ·
OP: You asked at what age it stopped being such a problem. I think at about a year we noticed a significant difference so you might not have to suffer for too much longer. But I have to mention that at that point we noticed it get better we also had baby forward facing and in a new, more upright car seat. Both of my children HATE the recline of many baby seats. They are both extremely active and hate being harnessed in and reclined. Good luck!

As for all of the safety arguments occurring- people have to use their own judgement for what is safe. Pulling over can be extremely unsafe. Screaming, hyperventilating, stressed baby and driver can be extremely unsafe. People need to think through their own situation and decide what is best for their safety. People need to think and not simply rely on general rules to make responsible decisions in life.
 
#13 ·
What about trying a few slow, around the neighborhood drives forward facing to see if it helps? If it does then that's an option, either now or in a few months. It's also possible that riding forward facing for a bit will show that the car just isn't so bad which will make rear facing more tolerable.

For one of our kids forward facing was like flipping a switch on the screaming. I do think motion sickness is a very real possibility.
 
#14 ·
That kind of crying sounds like she's in real pain from the seat. Does she have issues with other seated/restrained things like high chairs or swings or bouncy seats? Would she cry if she were placed in her car seat while it was motionless in the house?

When my son was that age he suddenly began screaming on a car trip. I slid my hand under him and felt that his back muscles were in spasm. He was having terrible muscle cramps. I pulled over and took him out and he instantly stopped crying. I gave him a massage for 30 min...put him back in and he started sobbing again. Did different things with rolled towels and blankets to adjust his position till I found something that worked. (I was stuck, the only adult, 3 hrs from my destination, it was hellish.)

I'd try to evaluate if she is in pain. Have you ever taken her to a pediatric chiropractor? Could you borrow someone else's car seat that's a different shape to try her in?
 
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