It seems as though we're dealing with two separate issues here: 1) your very valid concerns about your daughter being able to choke on the things she's being given, and 2) your wife having trouble hearing that you don't support her parenting decisions. As a mother and sufferer of anxiety, I know that I tend to take criticism very poorly because I feel like I make the wrong decisions all the time. Your wife is very likely plagued with massive amounts of self-doubt as a mother, and you criticizing her decisions is likely more than she's willing to hear right now. No matter how nicely you phrase it, it sounds like she's hearing what she THINKS you mean, not what you're actually saying. Trying to put myself in your wife's shoes (not easy, since I know nothing about her), I feel like a separate conversation about how you feel that she's doing a fantastic job overall caring for your daughter, but you feel that your input is unwelcome and that makes you feel like you've been pushed aside as a father wouldn't hurt. Also, try deliberately agreeing with some of her decisions, like "I think you did a great job redirecting her from touching something she shouldn't" or something like that.
I just read through what I wrote and I feel like it might come across as bossy and saying that you're not supportive enough of your wife, but that's not what I'm trying to say. It's hard being a mom. I know it's hard being a dad, too, but I've never been a dad so I can't speak to that. But as a mom, there's unbelievable pressure to dress/feed/occupy your child juuuuuuust right. I feel like I'm always coming up short, and I know that's a pretty common feeling for mothers, especially of children that young. Taking the time to let your wife know that at the very least, her husband thinks she's doing a crackerjack job will go a long way toward allaying her mommy anxiety, and likely make her more receptive to hearing your input. For what it's worth, I never understood the concept of putting hair decorations or earrings within a toddler's reach and expecting them to leave them alone. Thankfully, I've only got boys, so that hasn't been an issue at all for me. But those pea pods seem like they're not appropriate for a snack for a child that age. This link from the University of Michigan outlines some examples of appropriate snacks, and they specifically say "Cooked peas (no pod)". While the page is geared toward the under-a-year-old crowd, it also goes on to say that these guidelines apply to kids up to the age of 4-7 because children don't just magically outgrow the risk of choking on their first birthday. Good luck, and I hope you and your wife find a good method of communication without hurt feelings.
www dot med dot umich dot edu/yourchild/topics/choking.htm
Sorry about the link format, but I haven't made enough posts to be allowed to include an actual link