Hair clips in 1 year old cause of serious contention - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 8 Old 06-27-2016, 10:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Red face Hair clips in 1 year old cause of serious contention

I'm a father of a 14 month old and need advise from mothers. I have an almost phobia over her choking. I need to know if I'm being unreasonable here.

Case #1 ) Mom wanted to give her raw pea pods, cut up in squares. These don't break apart, and they don't get soft. It's just like squares of plastic IMO.

Case #2 ) She wanted to put a small hair clip in her hair while she's at daycare. This is not a high-end daycare, they are understaffed. I just picture her taking this thing off or a kid pulling it off and it going straight into her mouth.

So am I being unreasonable here? There is no tone I seem to be able to use to not offend my wifey. She takes it as criticism like I think she doesn't know what she's doing.

Thanks moms.
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#2 of 8 Old 06-27-2016, 11:15 AM
 
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When it comes to choking, i save my paranoia for things like grapes. Those can get lodged real good. I cut those suckers into 1/4ths. Something like a hair clip is irregular shaped and wouldn't clog the entire airway, and would be comparably easier for emergency responderd/drs to remove. I know, semi morbid way of thinking about it, but for me, determining the most likely worst case scenario is calming

As for the pea pods, read up on baby led weaning. She would probably do very well holding a whole pod in her fist and gnawing on it. Remember that gagging is not choking and is a normal protective response when babies learn to eat

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#3 of 8 Old 06-27-2016, 12:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am overly paranoid, for sure. It didn't help that she almost passed out choking on a small cracker. But overall anything that can be mashed with gums and will bear down with sailva is safe. A raw pea pod would not make sense because it's fibrous and can't be gummed. I'm talking about a raw snap pea pod.

And a hair clip, yeah, not shaped like a grape, but to me it's a no-brainer that it's a choking hazard when she's not under close supervision,
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#4 of 8 Old 06-27-2016, 12:16 PM
 
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Maybe you could compromise. Buy her some pretty clips/bows/headbands that are too big to choke on. If she has no teeth, i might have to agree that a raw pod isnt the best food. Shelled peas are great though.

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#5 of 8 Old 06-28-2016, 05:54 AM
 
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i think you are absolutley right.... the certainly is the potential of her taking the clip out and putting it into her mouth at that age, and if there is no1 with their eye on her at the time and she got it lodged you would never forgive yourself. in saying that the chances are probbably very slim but its a possabiluty all the same.
as for the pea pods i personally wouldnt give that kind of food to my child of that age as i would see it as a choking hazzard... they are hard for us alults to chew up at the best of times x
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#6 of 8 Old 06-30-2016, 07:47 AM
 
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If the hair clip were marketed as a "baby toy" it would never get put on the shelf. I don't know why a baby needs a hair clip. Not to mention, little kids rip the clips out of their hair all the time, seems kind of mean to attach something fun to their hair.

The pea pod might depend on your kid. I had one who choked very easily, and would cough until she threw up. She enjoyed finger foods, but it was easier to mill everything until well after a year. I used the baby food mill a lot for a long time. The pea pod could go into a food mill, and if she really wants something to hold onto, she could have a baby spoon. (Might not get much food into her mouth yet, but that's not really the point.)

2nd one ate baby food for about a week before insisting on eating what everyone else was eating, and she was fine with it. I don't recall that she has ever choked.

Either way, you want to supervise eating.
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#7 of 8 Old 06-30-2016, 08:12 AM
 
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Baby CPR / First Aid?

It's a good idea to renew CPR / First Aid certification annually. These classes keep you up to speed on the statistics you really need to worry about (e.g. car crashes are #2 cause of death in America for kids under age 4 -- rear face your child as long as possible! -- and drowning is #1 ), and can give third-party-expert info on these kinds of things. As a kid who ended up nearly getting a tracheotomy on the welcome mat of the emergency room because of a hot dog sliced into coins, I can really appreciate your concern. My son is 7 and I still cut his grapes, cherries and hotdogs into half moons, and I'm a big Debbie Downer at mealtime about laughing with food in one's mouth.

Society does a real number on Moms, in the way they are viewed and valued. You may have to consciously work to counteract that at your house. Going together to parenting classes and a short stint of couples counseling also can help you build a unified front so that small things like this don't stand in for larger issues. Preventative maintenance. Not a bad idea when you have sleep deprivation continually eroding your spirit, to boot.

Good luck!
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#8 of 8 Old 06-30-2016, 08:34 AM
 
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It seems as though we're dealing with two separate issues here: 1) your very valid concerns about your daughter being able to choke on the things she's being given, and 2) your wife having trouble hearing that you don't support her parenting decisions. As a mother and sufferer of anxiety, I know that I tend to take criticism very poorly because I feel like I make the wrong decisions all the time. Your wife is very likely plagued with massive amounts of self-doubt as a mother, and you criticizing her decisions is likely more than she's willing to hear right now. No matter how nicely you phrase it, it sounds like she's hearing what she THINKS you mean, not what you're actually saying. Trying to put myself in your wife's shoes (not easy, since I know nothing about her), I feel like a separate conversation about how you feel that she's doing a fantastic job overall caring for your daughter, but you feel that your input is unwelcome and that makes you feel like you've been pushed aside as a father wouldn't hurt. Also, try deliberately agreeing with some of her decisions, like "I think you did a great job redirecting her from touching something she shouldn't" or something like that.

I just read through what I wrote and I feel like it might come across as bossy and saying that you're not supportive enough of your wife, but that's not what I'm trying to say. It's hard being a mom. I know it's hard being a dad, too, but I've never been a dad so I can't speak to that. But as a mom, there's unbelievable pressure to dress/feed/occupy your child juuuuuuust right. I feel like I'm always coming up short, and I know that's a pretty common feeling for mothers, especially of children that young. Taking the time to let your wife know that at the very least, her husband thinks she's doing a crackerjack job will go a long way toward allaying her mommy anxiety, and likely make her more receptive to hearing your input. For what it's worth, I never understood the concept of putting hair decorations or earrings within a toddler's reach and expecting them to leave them alone. Thankfully, I've only got boys, so that hasn't been an issue at all for me. But those pea pods seem like they're not appropriate for a snack for a child that age. This link from the University of Michigan outlines some examples of appropriate snacks, and they specifically say "Cooked peas (no pod)". While the page is geared toward the under-a-year-old crowd, it also goes on to say that these guidelines apply to kids up to the age of 4-7 because children don't just magically outgrow the risk of choking on their first birthday. Good luck, and I hope you and your wife find a good method of communication without hurt feelings.

www dot med dot umich dot edu/yourchild/topics/choking.htm

Sorry about the link format, but I haven't made enough posts to be allowed to include an actual link

Last edited by GuinnessHarp; 06-30-2016 at 08:37 AM. Reason: Forgot link
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