Leaving happy, awake baby in crib? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 12:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
teachma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: My new house!
Posts: 4,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We co-sleep with 3.5 month old dd at night, but for a variety of reasons, I often put her in her crib for daytime naps. Her naps are rarely more than 45 mintutes long, regardless of where she is sleeping (stroller, carseat, or in our bed or arms). Yesterday, I went upstairs to her room at about the time I expected she would be waking up, and I peeked in. I saw her lying there, staring at her mobile and looking all around, smiling and happy. She didn't see me, so I tiptoed out, went back downstairs and continued what I had been doing before. It was FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER that I heard the first "unhappy" sound from her, and of course, I ran upstairs and scooped her out of the crib right away. She never cried, and she was instantly thrilled when she saw me. Why do I feel guilty about leaving her in the crib for those fifteen minutes though she was clearly "fine?" Would you have done the same, or would you instantly pick up a baby if she/ he was awake?
teachma is offline  
#2 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 12:59 PM
 
stafl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: standing in a doorway
Posts: 9,227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My new baby is like that. My first was not, and needed to be held constantly if she was awake.

My mommy-instincts tell me to pick her up. I can't always do that with a high maintenance, spirited, three-year-old running around. I feel like as long as baby is happy, I'm doing a good job. Some babies are simply better at entertaining themselves than others, and I'm starting to see that as a good thing instead of stressing over whether I'm doing enough for her or not. So to answer your question, most of the time I do pick her up, but I don't beat myself up over it when she's laying there happy and I'm not able to get her up immediately.
stafl is offline  
#3 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 01:02 PM
 
Caring Touch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: East Bay, San Francisco
Posts: 326
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel that ultimately it's about the baby being happy. If she was fine then she was fine....you are doing a good job!
Caring Touch is offline  
#4 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 01:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
teachma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: My new house!
Posts: 4,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, see, part of this guilt is, I think, coming from the fact that I mothered my first child, now almost 4 years old, very differently. He was (and still is) a high-needs kid. He only slept at all if we held him and also required holding for all of his waking hours. So, I think I feel that when I let dd ""entertain herself," or even when she lies next to me on the sofa rather than in my arms, I am not providing her with as much nurturing as I did my son. Then, I sometims think, "Well, maybe she is telling me she doesn't need it the same way he did." But my own instincts really prevent me from believing that little voice I sometimes hear. There was a thread recently about whether it was easier or more difficult to AP an "easy" baby; maybe this is part of that issue.
teachma is offline  
#5 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 01:12 PM
 
Ex Libris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Reading in Gryffindor Common Room
Posts: 1,079
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a 4 month old who is just beginning to entertain himself after a nap for a little while before needing to be picked up. i just listen for a turn in those happy cooing sounds and then rush in and pick him up. i think it's a good idea to let babies "play" by themselves for a little while. my dh and i always laugh and say that he's in there doing higher math so we shouldn't disturb him! seriously, i think that infants need quiet times, too, and don't always need to be stimulated. lots of learning going on either way. just my humble opinion.
Ex Libris is offline  
#6 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 01:22 PM
 
loving-my-babies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: From Chile but live in Pgh, PA
Posts: 6,426
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel differently about this. my baby takes his naps in my arms, but sometimes we have put him on his bouncy chair or on the bed, and I run to him when he wakes. he's a VERY calm baby, so he never cries, but he starts cooing and I feel my instinct wants him to coo in my arms, not anywhere else, maybe (and probably) I'm paranoid, but I also think that since he can't understand why I'm not there, he may feel lonely and sad, so right now, for example, I have the boppy on me, and him on top, he's smiling at me.. so cute! I don't know, I have can't-put-baby-down syndrome!!!!!!

lol
loving-my-babies is offline  
#7 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 01:57 PM
 
CajunMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: nakX2- sweating to death
Posts: 1,595
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
IMO as long as the baby is happy in the crib, leave her for a little while. I agree that we all need some "quiet time" - even babies. My little one loves to play in his crib- even though he does't sleep in it( we co-sleep too). Enjoy the couple of minutes to your self.
CajunMama is offline  
#8 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 02:15 PM
tug
 
tug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 1,333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i agree with the moms who say let baby have time for baby. i love when my ds plays by himself in his crib. he is sooooo cute. he talks to his bunny and plays with his musical toy that hangs in the crib. i also love when i come to get him out after that too because he turns around and smiles the biggest biggest smile.
tug is offline  
#9 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 02:42 PM
 
Eustacia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 325
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dd has always nested so happily in her crib. She sings, reads, talks, etc. It feels counterintuitive in the ap mind but I believe that ap contributed to her security and she takes that security to her alone time. It may also be part of her genetics - I have always liked alone time (but DH can't stand it; he hates being alone).

I think your story is wonderful. It will be magic to your ears when you hear chatter and songs coming from the quiet time.
Eustacia is offline  
#10 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 02:54 PM
 
Slackermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DD naps in her crib, and almost always coos, squeals and plays with her lovey for a few minutes when she first wakes up or is falling asleep. I used to feel guilty too. But then I thought that learning to stimulate and entertain herself for short periods is an important skill to learn, and helps to develop creativity and imagination. I usually go in after a few minutes to play with her and see what she's up to, and she's happy and playful, having a great time. I've learned not to feel guilt about the crib when I know I'd never use it in place of my arms when she needs me.
Slackermom is offline  
#11 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 05:47 PM
 
polka hop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 849
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
*
polka hop is offline  
#12 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 05:58 PM
 
Destinye's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA
Posts: 3,267
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it is good and when my baby does that and is happy to play then I am also glad that she can be a little self entertaining and happy. Sometimes lately she has fussed to get down and play with her toys and did not want to be held so I figure thats a good thing. I would be a little concerned if a baby did not develop this ability to be happy alone sometimes and I am sure it depends on the child when that happens and needs to be respected whenever it occurs. Each child is an individual in any case. It seems a little ironic to feel gulity when your baby is happy, we have enough guilt to deal with when they are not! But I know how THAT goes!

Who stole my signature!
Destinye is offline  
#13 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 10:22 PM
 
sandsprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 443
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think each baby just like each person is different. some are quite content by themselves, others just need to see you and they are happy to play by themselves for a while, and others want lots of attention.

i have noticed since i started slinging my baby everywhere, he rather enjoys playing by himself.
sandsprite is offline  
#14 of 14 Old 07-08-2004, 10:33 PM
 
Eustacia's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 325
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
quote : "i have noticed since i started slinging my baby everywhere, he rather enjoys playing by himself"

Eustacia is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off