CIO vent. help me help a mama that wants to CIO - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 08-18-2004, 11:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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please help! a friend of mine keeps saying she's going to let her little 8 month old CIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't say anything but I feel I need to. I can't stand hearing it without me saying anything, if she's telling me and she knows me I hope she's not expecting me to start clapping for her!
she let her first CIO for 2 HOURS every night for like a month. I just don't understand how someone could do this. poor baby! I need to help her NOW! I feel so bad for that baby, I need to do something! I already bought her the no-cry-sleep solution, but somehow she thinks it's "too much work" (ofcourse, anything next to CIO is too much work) as a side note, she is always asking me for parenting advice but then she finds my advice is "too much work" and goes the easy way. how can I portrait gentle mothering practices to be not "hard"? (this argument she has ticks me off.. when was being a mom supposed to be "easy" )

please help!
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#2 of 6 Old 08-18-2004, 11:17 AM
 
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All you can do is tell her how you feel about CIO and give her your reasoning on why you think it is developmentally wrong for babies. If she wants to let her baby CIO, she will do it regardless of the facts you give her because there are just as many "facts" on the other side to back her up -- enough to fill several books, obviously. She's the mom and she has the right to do what she thinks is best, even if it's not what YOU think is best. If her parenting decisions cause you this much heartache, you may want to reconsider the friendship, though. It can't be good for you or your baby to have that much negative stress in your life.
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#3 of 6 Old 08-18-2004, 11:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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yes, it really stresses me and my family to imagine that baby going through that and not being able to do anything!
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#4 of 6 Old 08-18-2004, 12:40 PM
 
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you could give her a copy of that issue of Mothering magazine with the article about holding your crying baby in it. Or just email her the article online, if you don't have a subscription or don't have that issue.

http://www.mothering.com/9-0-0/html/...-comfort.shtml

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#5 of 6 Old 08-18-2004, 02:32 PM
 
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It is so great that you care that much about your friend and her baby. It is a really good sign that she's asking you for parenting advice. I think you should gently tell her what you think, then accept her regardless of her choice. That's a sign of a great friendship. What concerns me more than the cio for 2 hrs, is that she is trying to take the easy way out of everything. I think all mom's can understand from time to time how she feels, but if she is always taking the easy way out it is really going to damage her daughter in the long run. Maybe you should start with that issue since it seems to be the most underlying and pervasive one. Try explaining to her that the best things in life are certainly not easy. Like a marriage for example. A great marriage is a ton of hard work, but well worth it.

Maybe you could try and boost her mothering confidence by telling her yeah it is a lot of work, but it's what's best for your child and I know that you are strong enough to do it. Perhaps she isn't feelin supported and encouraged enough by her partner, friends, and family so she keeps taking the easyway.

Hope that helps and keep us updated on how everything goes with your friend. And remember to try not to take responsiblibty for her choice, so don't feel bad if she still doesn't listen when you have done everything you can!

Ashley, Jesus loving mama to Jaden (8) Trace (6) and Liam (3) and fost/adopt twins Talia and Oliva (1).  Happily married for a decade! 

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#6 of 6 Old 08-18-2004, 04:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks ladies!
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