i'm finding that loss of breastfeeding feels worse than the loss of a vaginal birth, for me
the c-birth happened once ... but i have to bottlefeed this poor baby 8 or more times a day and i grieve every time
i am revulsed by the whole thing ... the plastic bottle, silicone nipple, artificial milk *bleah* i work so hard to keep those emotions out of my head when i'm feeding Willow, i just keep singing to her and rocking her and kissing her little head.
i think she's weaned herself from nursing for comfort already, also
when pumping my supply is down to 1/2 oz or less per breast, so after 9pm i can nurse her for comfort and be sure she's not getting enough of my meds to harm her (i do this after she's had a bottle so she doesn't get frustrated by hunger). last night she latched on just fine (has never showed any nipple confusion, dear thing!) and then totally lost interest. same thing the night before
i wear a sports bra to sleep with nursing pads, if i wake up with milk on my jammies i get too upset.
is there a "breastfeeding loss" forum anywhere i can post in? i don't want to keep venting in here. but if i don't talk about it i feel like i'm going to explode!
Willow is really finding her voice ... she's gone from those newborn little bird cries to vocalizing in all sorts of tones of voice
she says coo, boo, bahhh and AH! so far
i can tell she's going to have a really lovely little elfin voice. her smiles are bright enough to light up the world! no matter how down i'm feeling, i see one smile and i laugh with delight. she's also filling out finally, she had a lil pencil neck and skinny frog legs, and now she's getting little baby-fat folds.
if anyone here knows about formula feeding, i need advice. she's eating 3 oz. per feeding, but she's "cluster" feeding every 1-2 hours sometimes! i can't find anything on that in any of the baby books or websites, it just says feed them every 3-4 hours. i have no idea if this is over-feeding, or what the long-term effects could be. i figure it's a growth spurt but it's been going on 3 days now. everything i've read says what she should be eating in relation to her weight, and she's eating twice that. with good burps and no spitting up. could it have been my milk supply really was low, and she's making up for it now?