Bonding and Attachment - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How do you know if your 5 month old is bonding properly. I am concerned.
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#2 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 07:39 PM
 
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What are your concerns? How is your baby acting? Every baby is different so it would be hard to say what the "norm" is for a 5 month old.
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#3 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really don't know what a 5 month old is supposed to act like. The only baby I was ever around was a Babywise/CIO baby and I really don't remember what she was like anyway. I am probably little paranoid about bonding because I don't feel like I ever bonded properly to my mother, and I am scared that will happen with my DS.

The things that concern me are...
He wouldn't look into my eyes as a newborn, like the baby books said he would.
He doesn't like to be held facing me.
He doesn't ever raise his arms to me to ask to be held, like Dr. Sears said he would at this age.
He has never looked content while nursing.
He won't look at you when he is in your arms, only when he's a few feet or more away.
He reacts to strangers the same way he reacts to mommy and daddy.
When he first began smiling, he wouldn't look at us and smile. He would look above our heads or some reason.
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#4 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 08:51 PM
 
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Every baby is his/her own self, and their temperament as well as their biography contribute to behaviour. I suggest reading Spiritual Midwifery- though it is about birth there's a lot of excellent insight into relationships with babies, and some anecdotes about bonding with babies who didn't get off to the best start. Also good is the Kennell/Klaus book Bonding. If you have an experienced friend or doula have them spend an afternoon with you and offer you some advice. I've done this for a few clients. Also, though it's not popular these days, the Dr Spock book is great for down to earth advice about how to "be" with your baby and how to relax and enjoy him.
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#5 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 09:07 PM
 
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I think the main thing at this age would be if you're able to comfort him when he's upset...
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#6 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 09:14 PM
 
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sounds allot like my DD was when she was 4 or 5 months old.kinda funny how she never wanted to look at us when we were holding her until someone else held her then she would not look at them but at me.

and she was not happy to BF and still isn't sometimes....but allot changed by six months and now she does all of those things and so much more,so dont worry,like i did...it will all turn out just right.

 Mama of DD 04/04 and DS 06/08  and DS2 11/13. Married to the love of my life and best friend DH and as a family we  ,     
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#7 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 09:15 PM
 
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Do you have a pediatrition that you trust? I would mention it to the dr. if it worries you, and it sounds like it does...

I have a child on the autistic spectrum, and I kick myself for not persuing her differences earlier, to find out why she did certain things. It's much easier to raise and love a child if your expectations of them are appropriate.
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#8 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 09:16 PM
 
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sorry, but everyone seems to not think it's anything. It's your child, and you know best. Trust your instincts!
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#9 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 09:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plantmommy
sorry, but everyone seems to not think it's anything. It's your child, and you know best. Trust your instincts!
I agree. I would absolutly mention it to your ped!!
Amy

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#10 of 10 Old 10-29-2004, 11:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NathanaelsMommy
I really don't know what a 5 month old is supposed to act like. The only baby I was ever around was a Babywise/CIO baby and I really don't remember what she was like anyway. I am probably little paranoid about bonding because I don't feel like I ever bonded properly to my mother, and I am scared that will happen with my DS.

The things that concern me are...
He wouldn't look into my eyes as a newborn, like the baby books said he would.
He doesn't like to be held facing me.
He doesn't ever raise his arms to me to ask to be held, like Dr. Sears said he would at this age.
He has never looked content while nursing.
He won't look at you when he is in your arms, only when he's a few feet or more away.
He reacts to strangers the same way he reacts to mommy and daddy.
When he first began smiling, he wouldn't look at us and smile. He would look above our heads or some reason.

Sounds just like my DS at that age. He didn't start raising his arms to us until a few months later. Many other similarities as well, except DS did like to look in our eyes when he was a newborn.

If you have concerns, you should def. ask the ped about it at your next visit. I think the ped will be able to tell pretty quickly whether your baby is showing the amount of interaction that's normal for this age.

My DS was.... probably 7-8 months before I felt as though he REALLY displayed a preference towards me and DH. Hope this helps.
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