you came to a good place, there are so many mamas here just to support you. I suggest not putting so much pressure on yourself. When you constantly feel like a failure, it is easy to project those feelings on your baby and that makes bonding even harder.
Start with little things, I definitely agree with the previous poster-get help with the bfing issue, preferably with a lactation consultant or your local LLL group. It's a lot easier to find an answer when someone can actually be present to see what is going on. Once that becomes easier, a lot of stuff falls in line.
Not all mamas instantly bond with their babies. My first born was a homebirth with no complications and my feelings were really similar to yours. It is hard to give give give and not get anything back. Once your baby is able to respond by a means other than crying it will get easier.
If your baby sleeps great in the carseat,
. Whatever gets everyone the most sleep is going to be the best for everyone. A lot of us co-sleep b/c our babies sleep better near us and b/c it is easier (and you get more sleep!) for nursing. We don't do it b/c there is some secret AP code that says we have to. And lots of us don't have the baby in the bed b/c of the same reasons.
Does she have reflux? That seems to be common to babies that want to sleep upright. Getting that diagnosed early could save you a lot of hard nights later on.
If you don't have family/friends that can help out, you might try to squeeze the money for a postpartum doula from your budget. If only for a week or a few days a week over the course of a month, that is going to help you a lot. You sound really exhausted. My first baby, I had help for a week. After they left, I wanted to kill myself. Not literally, I wasn't coherent enough to think about it, I was too tired. For my second, I lined up a month of someone being with me. It was a lot better and I bonded with him easier.
Even if you don't feel bonded now, that doesn't mean you or your baby are permanently damaged, just take it easy, give it time to blossom. You both are going through a lot of changes. Take a deep breath. Honor how you feel today, don't try to stifle it. It's okay to feel angry, helpless, frustrated. I found once I allowed myself to feel that way without judging myself for it, it was easier to let those feelings go.
Not everyone can carry their baby all the time. At this age, if you can cuddle her on the couch or sitting in a chair or lay with her (while awake) in the bed, that is still good. It helped me bond to my first-lying next to him, looking at his little toes, watching his face watch mine, touching him, rubbing his belly, finding myself in him and seeing the man I love in him too. Trying to find a time to be with him when the rest of the world could melt away, when the dirty dishes weren't on my mind, or the laundry or the fact that I hadn't showered in 5 days, when he didn't need to eat or be changed. When I could just be with him and he was content with that.
As for dipes, that really sucks about the covers! Try Fuzzi Bunz, they work a lot like sposies, even down to multiple wettings before needing changed (allow for a few washings before this truly works). Also, as they get older, they don't pee (or poop) as often and that makes cding a lot easier. I didn't cd my first until he was 3-4 months old. I cd'd my second from the beginning and it was hard! But by the time he was about 4 months, it was a lot easier. We had figured out what worked and what didn't. I also use sposies when going out and sometimes when I can't deal with life and also b/c we have to pay to launder. AP isn't all or nothing, it's more like a work in progress.
Oh, and you might want to look up the Postpartum Depression forum here, sounds like you might have a touch of it.
Keep posting, let us know how you are doing...