CIO in a car seat? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 05:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am just wondering what some of you think about crying in a car seat. I know most of you (just like me) would never consider letting your DSs and DDs cry themselves to sleep or sit in a swing, etc. crying, yet what are we to do about crying in a car seat. I usually try to leave when DS is pretty tired so he just falls asleep or I give him novel toys to play with, but sometimes nothing will make him happy in the car seat and he just cries. If I think this is because he is hungry I usually pull over and feed him, but sometimes he just isn't tired and doesn't want to be in the car seat. This especially happens often on the way home. What do you do about this?
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#2 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 05:09 PM
 
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I don’t think it’s CIO but I also don’t really think that matters. How your child is feeling is more important than the label, yk?

Are there any changes you can make to your lifestyle so that your child doesn’t need to be in the car as much and/or times of days that are less upsetting?

If not, I would talk to your child, constantly reassuring him that you’re there, maybe telling him why this is happening and etc.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#3 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 05:11 PM
 
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I would always sit with dd and nurse her if possible. Short of that, like on a few memorable hour long car trips where she just cried and I was driving or was in the front seat and the back seat was full of kiddos, I just tried to reach around and pat her, and talked/sang to her. That's all you can do imo. But I didn't like it and would avoid taking her in the car (which you can only do if your lifestyle permits).

Good luck mama!
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#4 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 05:12 PM
 
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This has only happened to me once. Usually she's happy to be in the car.

I was on the freeway and it was pouring rain. : So I got to where I was going as quickly as possible--which took about 10 minutes. But I felt terrible because she stopped crying before we arrived. Basically I let her CIO without intending to.

Next time I won't care that I'm on the freeway or that it's raining and I'll pull over and hold my girl.
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#5 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 05:17 PM
 
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My DD used to HATE the carseat and cried every time we put her in it. That lasted about 4 months or so.

My solution was to limit her time in the car to those instances when it truly couldn't be avoided and then usually I'd have DH drive and I'd sit in the backseat with her and try to comfort her.

Now that she's older she's often happy in the carseat - at least during daytime hours. For some reason the girl melts down after dark and we just stay home after dark because otherwise she cries unconsoleably in the carseat.

--Kari
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#6 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 05:56 PM
 
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Oh. Memories...

DS HATED the carseat for the first 4 months. We couldn't go anywhere without a major meltdown. I didn't go anywhere really, but we had no choice when it came time for Christmas.

We had no idea what we were getting into. It snowed and the roads were horrible. What usually takes 3 hours took 6 because the roads were so bad.

He would SCEAM bloody murder until I felt like my ears were bleeding. We couldn't pull off because there were no shoulders and the the roads were so bad. he'd scream and I'd try eveything to comfort him. I was sitting next to him, but it didn't matter, nothing I did helped.

We did manage to pull over a few times, but as soon as he was strapped back in the screaming would start.

Once we were pulled over in a parking lot and I was nursing him. A car lost control on the road and came within inches of hitting us while I had DS in my arms!

The most stressfull time I've ever had with my little one.

We haven't been back to visit the inlaws!!
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#7 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 06:11 PM
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My daughter hated her infant car seat and would always cry in it non stop. She almost never fell asleep in it. At first I tried stopping when she cried and nursing her, readjusting her, holding her, or changing her, but this did not help, she just hated the car seat. I had to resort to going hardly anywhere, walking with her in a front pack to get groceries, and driving as fast as I could without getting a ticket to minimize how long she had to be in there. I sang to her almost constantly when she was in the infant car seat so she would know I was still there. When I switched her to the car seat that she could sit up in (and still face the rear), it was a miracle, she almost never cried in the car seat again.
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#8 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 06:15 PM
 
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I think cry it out implies that you are expecting your child to cry through something...hunger, saddness, wanting mama.... A child crying in a car seat is totally different. It took me a while to get to this place, but if my dd was well fed, clean diaper, had toys, and was just unhappy about the car seat I had to stop pulling over every 2 miles because she didn't like the seat. I put her favorite tunes on, I talked to her (and really, more to me) to tell her that she was okay, mama was right here, and that I know she doesn't like the car seat but she is in the safest place possible when we are in a moving car.

It started to feel really unsafe to always be pulling over and holding her on busy roads/parkinglots. It always ended the same; no matter how long I held her she always started crying as soon as I put her back in.

That being said, I didn't leave her to cry just cause. I have to leave the house....we can't just be home all the time...Someone has to go shopping, kwim?
Basically, she didn't like the car seat and she wanted me to hold her. I spend all day and night holding my sweet daughter but it just isn't safe to do that in a car. I had to help her learn that by making her car seat as fun as its ever going to be....good music, toys, me talking.

We went though a phase of this and she is just fine. She sometimes is unhappy there, but as soon as her favorite music is on, shes happy! I guess that's my suggestion. Get some good Dan Zanes CD's...you will all be happier with some singing. I am sure when she is 18 I am going to miss the days when I could comfort her by singing polly wolly doodle at the top of my lungs!!


Good luck mama!!
Sarah
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#9 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 06:23 PM
 
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[QUOTE=KariM]My DD used to HATE the carseat and cried every time we put her in it. That lasted about 4 months or so.

My solution was to limit her time in the car to those instances when it truly couldn't be avoided and then usually I'd have DH drive and I'd sit in the backseat with her and try to comfort her.

This was us to a tee...only with a him instead of a her :LOL

Ewan hated hated hated the car seat, we had to go to a funeral once 2 hours away and he did ok on the way there but on the way back it was awful. He screamed for alike an hour...we kept pulling over to try different things but nothing worked, he didn't want to nurse, or need a change and if I cuddled with him and put him back he got worse. So eventually I just told my dh to put the pedal to the metal and we flew home.

The longest we have been in the car since then is 20 min tops.
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#10 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 09:25 PM
 
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Sarah hates the car seat. I think it's mostly because we can't pick her up, ya know. When it's me, dh and the babe in the car, I sit in the back and let her suck on my pinkie. If it's just me, then she just cries until we either get to our destination or until she falls asleep. I don't consider it CIO because I'm not doing it to get her to go to sleep. I avoid the car as mich as posible because I know she doesn't like it. When it's just her and I, I talk to her so she knows I'm still there. I have a mirror placed in front of her so I can see her. At stop lights, I'll look back and she can see my face in the mirror. I think this helps her to know I haven't left.

Mama of three.
 
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#11 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 09:58 PM
 
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My babe HATES his car seat too, DS#3 was the same way for the first few months. It really sucks, makes my heart break to hear him cry. Unfortunetly we do have to leave the house sometimes, I don't consider it CIO but instead I consider it a safety issue. He MUST ride in his car seat to be safe so it's not an optional thing.

DS#3 started to be soothed by listening to Norah Jones after awhile and that was AWESOME. We would pop in her CD and instant silence!!! We have yet to figure out DS#4's musical taste though.

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#12 of 19 Old 03-14-2005, 11:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, I think I actually have it easy compared to some of you. Ds only cries if he has just napped on the way to a place, we are there only a short times and the we head home. Mostly he sleeps or will look around. Its just those few times when he wants to be held. You are all right, that it is not really CIO since I don't want him to sleep, nor do I want to leave him there. It still makes me feel really bad though! I try to limit time, but sometimes we have to go somewhere. If I am in the back with him, it does usually help. Also, I have found that ds loves opera! Thanks for all the commiseration and advice.
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#13 of 19 Old 03-15-2005, 02:04 AM
 
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My dd likes Shaggy's "Angel", she settles for that and highway speeds most times, but the first time she screamed in the car seat I can tell you that I was driving along bawling my eyes out because she was upset and I couldn't do anything about it.
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#14 of 19 Old 03-15-2005, 02:38 AM
 
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Just to get some sympathy - I once got pulled over for speeding while my baby was SCREAMING in the back. I was absolutely balling myself, lucky I didn't have an accident just from crying! The cop felt bad, but we were speeding, so he wrote me the ticket, which of course made me cry harder, which of course made the baby cry harder (I didn't think that was possible!). The poor cop, a young guy, jsut stood there becuase I was crying too hard to take the ticket from him! Eventually I got myself together, nursed the baby (mostly to make myself feel better, once back in she screamed again), and made it home. All that in a 10 min. car ride from a friend's house. Dd too was sensitive to being strapped in when she'd just woken up. Couldn't stretch, didn't want to sleep, wanted to snuggle, etc. Sucky. You've gotten all the advice I could ever offer and way more - find music that feels right for you guys, play it over and over (not in the car, at home or on walks or wherever but not in the car) until there is an association of happy with that music, then you can use it in the car to replay that response (maybe). Good luck!!!

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#15 of 19 Old 03-15-2005, 03:02 AM
 
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When dd was about 2 weeks old, we got stuck in traffic in a spot where there was no shoulder to pull over onto. My mom was driving, and I was in the back seat with dd, and she was screaming and crying, and I was so frazzled by it. It was ten minutes before we could get off the freeway. I felt like such an awful mama. It may not have scarred dd for life, but it sure did me!
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#16 of 19 Old 03-15-2005, 03:16 AM
 
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This is the only time I can't do anything for her crying. I feel so bad and want to cry with her. If DH is in the car one of us will sit back with her and hold her hand. She is getting better now that she can see out of the window. We had put shades on but pulled them up. The windows are tinted so I'm not worried about the sun.
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#17 of 19 Old 03-15-2005, 06:37 PM
 
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We pull over and fix the problem, dipe, boobie, whatever...

If that's not it, we shake the carseat, b/c he only seems to cry when the car is stopped or the road is too smooth.

A few times, I've taken him out and held him, but only with a conservative view of the safety of the road and the lack of potential tickets from police. We live in a very rural area and lots of the roads are slow, empty and safe. I wouldn't do that in most places people live, though...and when we move next month, we won't be able to do it any more.

I'm lucky, though. Jett mostly likes his seat and is quiet as soon as we are under way. If he didn't like his seat, I don't know what we would do.

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#18 of 19 Old 03-16-2005, 01:59 PM
 
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my baby hates the carseat. my 7 year old can usually keep him entertained for the ride.but when i am alone and running errands, he sometimes cries. i feel so pulled, i have tried pulling over and taking him out, nursing, checkign his diaper. settling him down to put him back in his seat only for him to scream his guts out. well i have to get home... we can't stay in a parking lot all day because he hates the car. but it does limit where i go alone with him.
i have to say i really hate it too.
not sure how to fix it we have toys, a mirror ,blankies , sippy ,paci's
he just wants to be held.
i never thought of it as cio until now. now that makes me even sadder....
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#19 of 19 Old 03-16-2005, 02:17 PM
 
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I honestly don't equate CIO and the carseat together. It's not like I leave the baby in the carseat by himself. I'm right there with him. Taking him out of the carseat and holding him just isn't an option from a safety standpoint. I try to sooth him by talking to him, putting my hand on his head, letting him hold my finger... stuff like that. I also try to have a lovey for him and we'll put on music he likes if he gets fussy.

Luckily all three of my children haven't hated the carseat. We'd have a couple of times were it wasn't "pleasant" but rarely a full on meltdown. Usually once we are moving things would get much better.

When we've made long trips, I've stopped a few times to try to calm one down but usually it was an issue with being wet/dirty diaper or hungry. I did nurse DS#1 leaning over him when we made a 6 hour trip from Houston to New Orleans when he was little (about 4 months old). We drove in the evening/night so that both DD and DS#1 would sleep as much as possible for the trip. Luckily it was only twice on the way to New Orleans, no I didn't have a seatbelt on but it only took about 3 minutes for him to settle back down. It would have taking a whole lot longer if we'd had to try to find a place to pull over on the Atchafalaya Bridge (there aren't that many off-ramps) get DS#1 out of his carseat, get him settled in, nurse him, and then get him back into his carseat and back onto the road.
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