Baby wants to be held too much - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is now one year old and thinks she needs to be held and nursed all the time. She wants to be held all the time and won't go to sleep unless I am holding her and nursing. If I try to put her down she starts crying and won't stop. I also have a two year old daughter who needs my attention and I can't always give it to her because of the younger one. I hate to let her cry but I don't know what to do. I have tryed rocking and singing to her and rubbing her back with her in the crib, she is just soooo clingy. She does the same thing when I try to wean her. HELP!! What should I do? I don't get any sleep or have time to do things that need to get done.
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#2 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 03:41 PM
 
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Sounds tough. My dd is going through a clingy stage right now too, so I feel your pain. A couple of thoughts- your dd is way too young to wean, she still needs your milk for nutrition and comfort. 2. do you have a carrier of some sort? Some days the only way I get anything done is if I'm wearing my dd in one of our mei tais.

hope that helps!

-Angela
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#3 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 03:51 PM
 
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Another voice seconding what alegna said.

Babycarriers are great. Plenty of security. And the right one can really free up your hands.

And the posters in Babywearing have lots of great advice for finding the right carrier with your bodytype and back issues/non-issues in mind.

I carried my little guy around all the time until he wanted DOWN :LOL And now he refuses to be carried, unless super tired.
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#4 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 03:58 PM
 
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If your post had said that your dd was 1 month old, I'd think okay that's normal...but at 1 year? I would think she should be a little more independent some of the time at least. Is she not feeling well? Maybe a check in with the doctor is in order?

But if she is healthy and thinks she needs to held, then she probably does need to held (babies are pretty smart)! Ditto on the carrier/sling idea.

Maybe she is really resisting weaning and is being clingy because she knows she is going to be loosing this comfort? Can you reconsider weaning until she is a little older?

For sleep, I can see why she would want to be held and nursed if that is what you have always done and what she is used to. Keep trying to rub and pat her in the crib some of the time like you have. If she resists, then pick her up and do what works, but she might get more comfortable with a different soothing technique over time-it won't be an instant solution though. The book No Cry Sleep Solution might give you more ideas for getting her to sleep by other methods. I also find it easier to lie down with my baby and soothe her to sleep with pats and cuddles there. Its better than standing over the crib for an extended amount of time-although I am usually drifting off while she is still wide awake.
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#5 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 03:59 PM
 
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Keep in mind that teeth - maybe those pointy one or molars - are coming in around this age. She may be feeling them more than most children. MY dd was the same way at that age. She is very independent now, if it helps you. It's a tough time when they are so very needy.
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#6 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 04:09 PM
 
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Has your daughter started walking recently? I found w/ds that when ever he was about to accomplish another developmental milestone he regressed just prior. And right around 1 is when he went back to being almost as needy as a newborn! Or so it seemed.

Your daughter is still figuring out her place in the world, that she and you are seperate beings, that when you leave a room you still exist and WILL come back. We as a society think of 1 year olds as toddlers and little kids, but they are more like babies than preschoolers. It could be possible that your daughter is a more cautious, cuddly person than your eldest. Doesn't make it wrong, just different.

Regarding breastfeeding/weaning, maybe she senses that you are trying to wean her and remove that source of comfort in her life (as seen from her perspective) and she isn't ready for it to go yet. The AAP recently recommended nursing AT LEAST one year and as long after as is mutually desired. Maybe she really needs it still, not only for the nutrition, but for the comfort and love she gets "refilled" with everytime you do it.

Hugs to you Mama, it's a rough time, but in a year you'll be trying to cuddle w/her and she'll be saying, "No, no, no - side" (which means outside) while pushing away from you.

Peace and Light to you Mama.
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#7 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 04:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajlanders
My daughter is now one year old and thinks she needs to be held and nursed all the time. She wants to be held all the time and won't go to sleep unless I am holding her and nursing. If I try to put her down she starts crying and won't stop. I also have a two year old daughter who needs my attention and I can't always give it to her because of the younger one. I hate to let her cry but I don't know what to do. I have tryed rocking and singing to her and rubbing her back with her in the crib, she is just soooo clingy. She does the same thing when I try to wean her. HELP!! What should I do? I don't get any sleep or have time to do things that need to get done.
Have you tried having her in a sling all day?? My dd was very much like yours, and that truly helped. Also, this won't last. Trust me. She needs to be held now, because that's what she needs, but it won't be like this forever, I promise.
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#8 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 04:20 PM
 
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*hugs* to you! sounds like my son. A high needs baby! I bet if your other children had been hn you wouldn't have tried for a 3rd! LOL!! Well, strap her on and continue! My son wouldn't even deal with a sling... I had to physically hold him 24 hours a day for about a year. It sucked. I just started catching up on sleep at two years! LOL. I cannot even imagine having 2 other kids to contend with during that first year... I would have thrown in the towel! My heart goes out to you!
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#9 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 04:23 PM
 
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I found that my son went through a lot of changes right around the 1-year mark, which resulted in him nursing A. LOT. and being much more clingy than usual. He goes in stages - I like to say just when I've figured him out, he changes completely!

Around one year old I started to get tired of being up all night nursing him and nursing him to sleep, and fought it for a while. Eventually I learned to just let it go and so what was easiest. I kept nursing him to sleep and nursing on demand and after he got over whatever was turning his world upside down (pick one: teething, growth spurt, developmental advance, etc.) he went back to "normal".

I did try to put him in his own bed around this time, too, and it didn't work. I kept him in bed with me while he went through his transition and once he was better I put his bed right next to mine. At 21 months he goes to bed in his own bed, and sometime during the night climbs in with us to get his 4am nursing in. I can definitely say that it's working a lot better now that I just go with the flow.

When I'm feeling particularly stressed or busy, I keep telling myself that the day will come all too soon that he won't want anything to do with his silly old mom, and that helps me remain patient when he wants to be held non-stop or nurse all night long.

Good luck!
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#10 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 07:13 PM
 
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It would be possible for a baby to need to be held "too much" if there was a certain amount of holding that was just right for every baby. But there isn't, so it's not.

One year old looks pretty big and capable compared to 1 month old, or even 6 months old, but it's still really very little. If your baby needs to be held, she needs to be held.

She will learn "independence" when she's ready -- you won't be able to stop it! And in the meantime, a good sling will help you keep your sanity.

(I recently ordered a cotton sari to tie 14-month-old Dd on my back. It just arrived as I was typing this post. I it! )
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#11 of 13 Old 05-18-2005, 09:15 PM
 
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Hang in there! I have a dd with lots of special needs and even she got over this at about 18-20 months. Around one year she got really needy and had to be held 24 hrs. a day (luckily she is #1), all day, all night. And then she just grew up. Now she goes to bed by herself, falls asleep by herself, and usually stays in her bed until 6am or so (and then calls for me and sleeps with me for a few hours). 8 months ago I thought she would never ever be able to fall asleep by herself or sleep through the night. I just kept holding her until she was ready.

BTW, I still need to hold her most of the day. :LOL
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#12 of 13 Old 05-19-2005, 11:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anguschick1
Has your daughter started walking recently? I found w/ds that when ever he was about to accomplish another developmental milestone he regressed just prior. And right around 1 is when he went back to being almost as needy as a newborn! Or so it seemed.

Your daughter is still figuring out her place in the world, that she and you are seperate beings, that when you leave a room you still exist and WILL come back. We as a society think of 1 year olds as toddlers and little kids, but they are more like babies than preschoolers. It could be possible that your daughter is a more cautious, cuddly person than your eldest. Doesn't make it wrong, just different.

Regarding breastfeeding/weaning, maybe she senses that you are trying to wean her and remove that source of comfort in her life (as seen from her perspective) and she isn't ready for it to go yet. The AAP recently recommended nursing AT LEAST one year and as long after as is mutually desired. Maybe she really needs it still, not only for the nutrition, but for the comfort and love she gets "refilled" with everytime you do it.

Hugs to you Mama, it's a rough time, but in a year you'll be trying to cuddle w/her and she'll be saying, "No, no, no - side" (which means outside) while pushing away from you.

Peace and Light to you Mama.
:
Completely agree with everything this poster said.

Our first DD was very much as you describe your 1yr old. If I had had to split time between her and another sibling at that age, I can imagine just how rough it would have been! galore to you.

I know first hand how exhausting it can be ~ physically and emotionally. Be patient and give her all that you can. A need met will go away.
I think efforts towards weaning or distancing yourself will only increase her distress.

BTW, someone mentioned that it might be "normal" in a 1 month old, but perhaps not so in a 1 yr old. I think babies are just really different. If you've never had a child with this personality, it may indeed seem out of the ordinary. As someone with a daughter with a love of being in constant contact with Mama (and also now another daughter with less of a need for this), I can attest that this is a very valid need.

Best wishes! She's a wee babe still, and before you know it she'll be firmly telling you to stay home when she goes out for the day with her Daddy (as I now know )
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#13 of 13 Old 06-11-2005, 04:56 PM
 
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*Bump*

Just wondering if the OP is around and how things are going.

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