Janulicious #1 - Page 17 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-10-2005, 03:53 AM
 
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la, la, la still not vacuumed, but link to this comment on the Nurse- IN, and wait till the clip is over to see what the anchorwoman says about it!

And on the feminism breastfeeding this:
I am a women' studies major and midwife...right now I am watching the first of my educated peer group have babies as most people I know from school still have not at age 30...the one who did hget pregnant first really resented having her programming career side tracked, they got a vasectomy to insure it will never happen again, but she loves her baby. I gotta say, I think our babies need us and breastfeeding is natures way of keeping baby on the body that first year. I have been reading Rahima Baldwins "You are your Childs First Teacher" and she quotes a pediatrician who will not back down on the stance that mothers are best to parent babies, followed by other family members. I know this instictively...my baby needs me now and she's not going to be over it any time soon! I am really struggling with what I will do with my work come December when the midwife covering my job leaves- (I am looking for someone to hire! Calling all LMs!)- but I am reading all the Waldorf stuff about babies incarnating and the special window of a baby and ages three to seven, and I feel irreplaceable. I have no good family options, its me or dh to care for baby and thats all I am comfortable with for the early years. Some school for fun only, like montessori or waldorf 3 hours a morning a few days a week, but...anyway, I am unsure what that will mean for me. We are living very modestly at the moment to make me being at home work, and gratefully dh can make enough to keep us afloat at that level. My cousin who gave birth tonight will have her baby in day care from 8 weeks on, and I know it will break her heart, she doesn't want to do it. And honestly, the main reason she has to work is to pay off the huge loan she got to go to school so she can work (so it's almost like indentured servitude to her plans), and they live in a really big house, have 2 new cars, and I just wonder how it will go for her. My other friend who just had a baby 8 weeks ago is on the professional track in Washingotn DC doing stuff in International Trade, and I know she wants to stay with her baby, and I can't wait to hear what she's going to do. I sent an e-mail to her and used the work account that sent an automatic message "so and so is out of the office.." I wonder how she will balance her acheivements, and the fact that her current ranking and investment in her career is equal to her husband's, who is in the same field, with her motherhood which I know is so important to her. How will it feel as he gets ahead if she chooses to be home? She was my best friend from 6-8 years old, and we both had stay at home moms and I think we both really value that looking back-nothign like having a mom to be brownie leader or sew a platypus costume when you are 7 right Andy! I can't imagine not being there for my baby, or young child in those ways, but am unsure what to do with my work and a business thats taken me 7 years to create that ironically, is all about mothers and babies! That is demanding, because babies can't wait and won't conform to decent hours and time frames when being born! I know I can't work like I did or like my replacement is- its weird to see someone be as frazzled as I was, to observe how she is starting to look rundown after walking in my shoes just 5 months, even though she has more help and support than I ever had! ANyway, I think the questions of feminism and breastfeeding brought up in the article are really feminism and motherhood. MArtin said tonight "I think my parenting philosophy is summed up by a quote I read "He's your son, you're his life" " He was like, to an adult obligations to a kid are just another task to some degree, but we are their world....This was really poignant and sad cause MArtin's dad was not there for him, he had another kid with someone else and moved far away to the states, leaving young MArtin with a depressed and cranky mother. He remembers sitting with model airplanes, never finishing them cause he realized what he really was wanting was to do them with his dad...how sad is that...I don't want to
not be there. I feel like the most feminsit thing I could do is really help cultivate a secure, happy, functional person to bloom into the world. I'm just not sure what that means for my work vs. just being there. I also love the quote "Children need interesting mothers", and want to balance my passion of helping women have sane births with being a sane mother. It would be INSANE and ironic to sacrfice my own mothering to be a midwife! But, I have the local birth center, if I close it it just means more women to be treated like total crap by some of the abusive docs, or just be subjected to illogical hospital policies that ruin their births even if they do have a nice midwife there. I could have others work it, sell it, who know the infinite number sof way i can try to invent my life....ANyway, i think all we can do is live our questions out loud...because that is how we learn, and most importantly, that is how we avoid nagging house work! Heidi
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Old 06-10-2005, 03:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aaaak! Even my linking button is gone...gone...gone...it's all gone!!! I'm going to cry...

http://69.20.14.30/discussions/newth...newthread&f=32

Mama to B and O , wife to J and me to me! :
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:03 AM
 
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THanks for the article Joyce- but I gotta dissent from Andy's opinion and say it was a grrrrr article to me. It makes the ASSumption that lactivists (or whatever you wanna call them) are unequivocally against formula feeding. It's just not an all or nothing thing. I've been leading LLL meetings for 6 years and I have yet to come across a mom who does not truly support other womens feeding choices.
I mean, that article starts out dissing BW, but then goes on to really diss other moms. I understand that many women HAVE to go back to work. But women CAN work and bf, and women can work and ff while they're gone. ugh. I think it's articles like this that undermine the work that bf advocates do- makes us look mean and unsupportive of women.

AND, I don't agree that LLL goes on about how you need to bf for 2 years. they talk about an ideal of quitting when the child outgrows the need, but also recognizes that that's not always possible for all moms.

I think orgs like LLL fill a niche in our culture where bf is NOT the norm. Moms of nbs need support and THe moms who do bf into the 2nd and beyond year need support- because there are not a whole lot of them (contrary to what you see here on MDC) and people say all kinds of crazy stuff about moms who bf "older" children.

years ago we had a new to our area mom come to LLL. She had a 3 or 4 month old. She was really weary about coming, but was looking for friends. Anyhow, she had not really wanted to bf (had mega body issues) but had decided to try- felt really bullied by moms in her old area to continue. Well at our meeting the moms just said "well whenever you quit is your choice- you've done a wonderful job giving your son as much bm as you're comfy with" and she was floored. She really expected us to be mean to her. and I think it's articles like this one that perpetuate that myth.

"But I can't help feeling a little sorry for Walters too. She learned the hard way that the lactivists take no prisoners, a lesson many new mothers also learn. Breast-feeding is the party line. If you deviate from it, you're a bad mother. Tell a lactivist that you can't or don't want to breast-feed, and she'll insist that you're condemning your child to a lifetime of poor health."

OK. I'm over it.

Heidi- so sorry to hear about the prevalence of c-births in the family. it's just, unfortunately so common these days. the hard part is like this cousin of yours who surely had an unnecessary one. I hate that stupid failure to progress label. ugh. (of course I had that with my 1st birth, but that was after days.....).

Andy- I love little boys who play dress up in girl's stuff. my boys always wore nailpolish (yes I know it's bad for me/them- it's one of my vices), dresses, etc.....

OK. Luka has been FUUUUUSSSY all day. he's happy after waking and that lasts all of 20? minutes. I'm so tired of it. THe boys are gone and dh is working and I'm tired of trying to entertain a fussy baby. and of course he's not ready to go to sleep. i keep trying. oh...... me.....
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:23 AM
 
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nak
Heidi- it's all certainly thought provoking, huh?? I have been struggling w/ when i will return to the birth world. I heard from my friend that the mw i work w/ said "doesn't seem like Karen is into midwifery right now" and the comment REALLY upset me. it's not that i'm not "into" it, I just don't think i'm willing to have Luka sacrifice for other women right now. this mw started her apprenticeship when her last baby was an infant. she attended 70 births in 1 year, and often her 10 yo dd watched the other kids (never took baby to births)! she's obviously way more driven nd dedicated than i, and that's ok

you have to find the right truth for your family. i hear you feeling responsible for the families in your area- to have an option for ooh and gentle birth..... but search w/in, cuz you need to feel comfy about the choices you make. mw is hard just because of the insane schedule. i'm so afraid if committing to a birth that ends up being long.... things are so spread out here, i could be 2 hours away from Luka for 2 days. yikes.
maybe you could find something to do- stasying connected but not attending too many births ANDmaking $$?? and when you figure out what it is, will you let me know?? lol
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:25 AM
 
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hmmmm just got an email about a post from Andy and i don't see it here.... whats up w/ that???
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:25 AM
 
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Yeah, I agree with Karen the overalltone of the article did make me bristle, I hate when advocates are pidgeon- holed as being narrow minded...it's usually a gross oversimplification. Like, do you know women never burned bras!!! The orginal instance that started that was a big media staged thing, like the toppling of the Sadam statue was in the early days of the Iraq war. SO "A bra-burning feminist" should mean literally mean "A mythic feminst characature created for media hype that distorts the reality and missin of the true feminists".

Hate to get political, but since we are talking advocacy stuff that reminds me I just saw a funny bumper sticer that says "Iraq is Arabic for Vietnam", he also had a Vets for Peace sticker...don't want to start off in that direction, but the real point is once you have a voice you are easliy subject to being misinterpreted and ill-portrayed in the inevitable over simplification that happens in the media! KAren, you're just a hairy boob bareing exhibitionist and retro-thinking anti-feminst lactating ludite with no AC!! Haven't you heard its the 2000's!!!! Heidi
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:26 AM
 
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andy- i found it. slow down mama!!! you need time to breathe!!!!
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:53 AM
 
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Andy- your link dind't work. Are you sure you didn't somehow check the disable smileys box? Its at the bottom of the page, or maybe in the user cp.
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Old 06-10-2005, 04:55 AM
 
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ok, here we go:

janulicious pt. 2
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Old 06-10-2005, 05:31 AM
 
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