What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? - Page 17 - Mothering Forums

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#481 of 5048 Old 10-02-2003, 02:52 PM
 
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Originally posted by sun-shine01
My step-uncle who is 55-60 years old, never been married and has no children asked me how long I planned on breast-feeding and I told him until DD weaned herself (she was 8 months at the time). He then said that after age 2 the child would be manipulating me. I just said HMMMMM!


I hate when I don't say what I'm thinking just to be nice. What I wanted to say is something like "so Patrick, I did not realize that you were so well informed on the topic of breast-feeding. Can you please send me the info you have found so that I can compare it to my hours and hours of research that I have spent - because i haven't found anything to support your advice.


Still kicking myself for not saying SOMETHING like that.
Me too. I generally stick up for bf'ing, cd'ing, bedsharing etc to the point of being obnoxious but sometimes I try to be polite in public company. : After all the unwanted advice I've received sometimes I think I should just speak my mind in an even tone of voice. Lets them know how informed I am... unlike some people! ag
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#482 of 5048 Old 10-02-2003, 03:19 PM
 
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"Third babies are the easiest, least demanding, quietest....."

-My doctor

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#483 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 02:50 AM
 
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my mother made a comment when i started to nurse dd#2 again after I'd just recently nursed her. I said, "when YOU'RE hungry, nobody tells YOU not to eat. and when you want a snack, nobody says you can't have that either!"
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#484 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 10:23 AM
 
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This one ticks me off EVERY TIME I HEAR/READ IT:

"oh so knowledgable person": you HAVE to spank your child or else they won't have any discipline and they'll end up in jail! Even the Bible says, "spare the rod, spoil the child"!

Me: (trying to understand that this person just doesn't know any better and only cares to look at ONE verse in the Bible about discipline and then feels they are an expert on God's will for children around the world.) "o.k....so when did the Bible ever say that the 'rod' was used for physical punishment?"

And then, if they are willing, I usually go into this "lecture" about what the word rod actually means, what it was/is used for, what it means in relation to disciplining children, etc., etc. Then I usually point them in this direction: http://www.christianitytoday.com/cpt/2003/002/6.50.html
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#485 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 11:48 AM
 
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Oh, and what really gets me about the "rod" thing is that the phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" isn't even in the Bible.

Good resources for gentle discipline for christian parents at www.aolff.org
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#486 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 01:07 PM
 
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oh, and i just rememberd what happened at the ped. (that we switched from, because she wouldnt keep us if we didnt vax - even tho she's a really good DR) -
She told me I have to move dd to the crib in another room so she should sleep good because the reason she wakes up and wants to eat is because she knows I'm there. So I said "really now, of course she knows I'm there, that's the whole point! Who else is going to be there for her if not her own mother??!"
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#487 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 01:24 PM
 
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I got a good one in the NICU from a nurse. I was changing DD's diaper, and she made a comment about how inventive it was for me to use the hospital's burp rags for diapers.

My reply: "Actually, they're prefold diapers y'all use for burp rags."

I don't think she completely believed me. I got the impression I was the first person in a long time to come through that hospital to cloth diaper while there, and they do over 700 births a month!

breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!

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#488 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 04:26 PM
 
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I've seen this one in previous posts, but the one I H A T E the most is:

"Do you let him exercise his lungs?"

as in "Do you ignore him when he's cold or wet or scared or hungry to scream?"


Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!!

My reply?

"UM, no, we don't like him to over-exert himself. We like to keep his breathing to a minimum"

No one knows what to say after that one

Mama to Thing 1 and Thing 2.
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#489 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 04:45 PM
 
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1. When I tried to nurse my very first baby for the very first time in the hospital, the nurse gasped loudly and said,
"You can't nurse that baby! You don't have any nipples!"
then she ran to get a horrible nipple shield thingie, looked like the nipple from a baby bottle, made my infant cry, and did NOT work.
Fortunately, when she left, a *nice* nurse came in and told me that flat nipples did not prevent nursing, and she showed me what to do. DD nursed like a champ from the start, and she was shortly a *very* hefty little chunk, which leads to stupid statement number 2....

2. While visiting the in-laws, ALL of them were pinching dd's fat little dimpled thighs, commenting on how healthy she was. Then they tried to give my five month old some fried chicken from the table. I said she couldn't eat that. They asked what I fed her. I said breast-milk.
Shocked stares, then, "YOu can't just feed this baby breast-milk. You'll starve her to death!"

3. There isn't anything remotely funny about this one. We have a severely disabled child. She is profoundly retarded, doesn't speak, can't run, is 16 and still in diapers at night (but toilet trained in the day, woo-hoo!)- she is also very affectionate, loving, full of hugs, warm smiles, and loves to tease.

And I have actually had somebody who just met us say, "It's too bad you didn't know she was handicapped before she was born. YOu could have aborted."

HELLO? Would you like a knife to terminate her existance right now, maybe? Isn't she a valuable, precious human being? What a *stupid* thing to say, especially from a person who was practically a total stranger, who would never, ever have to spend another minute, nay, not even a second, around my child, and never be in the least inconvenienced by my sweetie's existance. Jerk. My child may be brain damaged, but she will *never* be so insensitive and cruel to others as that idiot woman was. She said it in front of my daughter, too. Ghastly woman.

(The one thing that did make this kind of funny was that we happened to have adopted this child when she was almost six years old, and I did enjoy seeing the idiotic look at that woman's face when I told her so).


Kanga

With six girls and one boy, we have often heard the insensitive 'Trying for a boy' remark. I have responded with, "Nope, just a baby, and we get it right every time."
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#490 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 04:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kanga Mom

3. There isn't anything remotely funny about this one. We have a severely disabled child. She is profoundly retarded, doesn't speak, can't run, is 16 and still in diapers at night (but toilet trained in the day, woo-hoo!)- she is also very affectionate, loving, full of hugs, warm smiles, and loves to tease.

And I have actually had somebody who just met us say, "It's too bad you didn't know she was handicapped before she was born. YOu could have aborted."

Grrr. It's statements like this that make me cry for mankind sometimes.

The worst I've heard has come from MIL.."She seems pretty smart for a girl."
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#491 of 5048 Old 10-10-2003, 05:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kanga Mom
(The one thing that did make this kind of funny was that we happened to have adopted this child when she was almost six years old, and I did enjoy seeing the idiotic look at that woman's face when I told her so).
Ohhhhh baby! Would I have LOVED to have been a fly on the wall for that one.

Quote:
Originally posted by Kanga Mom
With six girls and one boy, we have often heard the insensitive 'Trying for a boy' remark. I have responded with, "Nope, just a baby, and we get it right every time."
And that reminds me of how I was repeatedly asked what I wanted, a boy or a girl. I would invariably answer a healthy baby. But, they would press, so I would also invariably answer "Boy, girl or hermaphrodite, healthy is all I care about." I was tempted a few times to reply "I want a puppy.":
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#492 of 5048 Old 11-05-2003, 02:15 PM
 
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Wow. This thread has been a real eye-opener for me. I never was around babies until I had one myself, and I live in Westchester County NY (educated /affluent - high bfing rates comparitively) and most of my mom friends breastfed for at least a few months. I have been hearing/reading about how in this country not that many people breastfeed etc etc, and I've never really been able to understand it. I mean, anyone who (like me) starts from complete ignorance would just have to go read a few baby books and figure out pretty damn fast that breastfeeding is the best thing to do. Extended/tandem bfing, well that's another story, but at least the first 6-12 months seems pretty much recommended now, even for the What to Expect crowd. This thread really opened up my eyes... it is just amazing that all these mothers / grandmothers were so totally taken in by the doctors and the formula companies, and now they are still trying to justify what they did and get the younger generation to follow suit. In such ignorant ways. I sure hope that when I am an old cantankerous lady in the supermarket, I am clever enough to keep my advice to myself except where I am pretty sure of my ground, ie I am up to date and not just relying on what was true when I was in my child-bearing/rearing years! I mean, it's just amazing that a lot of these people can't even conceive that they might be wrong?

OK so here are a couple of stupid comments that I've had:

- 'you're squashing him!' (in the sling) this one just seems really dumb - babies will squawk if they're cold/hot/hungry/wet... why would they sit in blissful happiness if they were getting squashed? I got this one from old ladies all the time in the mall.
- 'aren't you worried you'll fall down and he'll get hurt?' (in the sling again) - I'm like, well if I was carrying him in my arms instead he'd go flying - are you suggesting I shouldn't carry him at all in case I fall down?
- 'doesn't it hurt your back?' - I say, a lot less than it hurts my arms to carry him for the same amount of time, or are you suggesting I shouldn't pick him up at all? (I guess, having read the one up-thread about the lady who bought a stroller for inside the house, they might be!)
- one that really irked me at the time... my dd was 10 weeks old and someone said 'what a beautiful boy' (of course she had a pink flowered outfit on at the time, but not much hair) so I said 'she's a girl' and the woman said 'but she has a boy's haircut!' like my kid's been having weekly trims since birth?????
- the nursery nurse who brought in my dd for a middle of the night feeding... I said 'isn't she beautiful?' because she WAS!!! omg what a precious angel... and then she says 'they all are dear'... would it have killed the old bag to just say 'Yes!'?


Can I just give another perspective though. I can clearly remember times when I have given advice based on no basis, and also when I have said stupid things... I remember before I had kids I read this article about how if you leave a night-light on in your kids room they'll end up short-sighted (thankfully that study has been debunked) but I was telling my sister she had to make her kids sleep in the pitch black (oops way to make a new mom's life harder)... also I'm sure I have said or not said the right thing to two women I know who have lost children at or shortly after birth...

so whenever someone says something thoughtless (eg 'what are you having?') or ill-informed ('when is he going to go onto bottles?') I just treat the person as if they had the best intentions, and make it a teaching moment in a nice way. Although sometimes I know I come off a bit weird... It came up the other day with an acquaintance that I was 'still' bfing my 16 month old, and he said well he's old enough now can't he have milk? and I was like well, their immune systems don't mature until they're 3 or 4 and with his allergies he needs all the help he can get... but thinking back later, I realized it would have sounded pretty funny if he didn't know about the whole antibody thing... lol just a little bit of crucial info I left out there

anyway I love this thread...

Elizabeth
'still'(! hate that word) bfing dd 12-24-00 and ds 7-2-02
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#493 of 5048 Old 11-05-2003, 05:05 PM
 
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When my 7 year old neice saw me breastfeeding my 8 week old son, she asked, "Why is he sucking your stomach?"

I said, he is nursing, he get's his milk from my breast. She replied with "That's gross".

A few moments later she said, "you must have to drink a lot of milk". I said, that's milk from a cow and I don't drink any. My body makes my own milk. She said, "Gross" again. Sad, huh?

A few weeks later my mil said the same, "you must have to drink a lot of milk to nurse that much" I said my body makes it's own milk with blood and water. She said nothing.

At 9 months, mil asked when are you weaning, I said not for at least 1 year, she looked shocked.

Last week (son is now 18 mo) she again asked when are you weaning. I finally respond with the "he'll wean when he's ready, probably when he's around 3". Maybe now she'll stop asking!!!!!!
The whole family's up in arms about it. Think he's spoiled but you know what, he's the only kid in the family who is not spoiled (meaning bratty), and who is treated with the respect every human child deserves.
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#494 of 5048 Old 11-05-2003, 10:49 PM
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Stupidest comment ever was from a total stranger in a shop who tapped me on the shoulder and said in a horrified voice "what on earth is THAT?" pointing to my son's birthmark. I explained and his kind response was "that must have freaked you out"

Well my baby's birthmark is now covered in hair...but I bet that man still hasn't grown a brain!


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#495 of 5048 Old 11-06-2003, 04:24 PM
 
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Originally posted by pip
Stupidest comment ever was from a total stranger in a shop who tapped me on the shoulder and said in a horrified voice "what on earth is THAT?" pointing to my son's birthmark. I explained and his kind response was "that must have freaked you out"

Well my baby's birthmark is now covered in hair...but I bet that man still hasn't grown a brain!
How insensitive!

My brother had a birthmark on his head... I don't remember the birthmark itself being all that noticeable, but the weird thing is when his hair grew in all the hair in the birthmark was darker than the rest of his hair.

People used to ask my mom if she dyed it that way. : Yeah, sure... my 3yo brother was more than happy to sit still while mom dyed a big brown splotch in his blonde hair.
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#496 of 5048 Old 11-06-2003, 05:14 PM
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busybusymomma - you made me laugh, the thought of dying patches in babies hair

Luka's mark is red and lumpy, and someone else once asked if it was where I hit him!!!!
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#497 of 5048 Old 11-06-2003, 11:00 PM
 
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These two uninformed comments come from a 40 something married childless person that I used to see on a weekly basis over dinner.

1. I nursed my then 3 month old ds to sleep and had him swaddled and asleep in the living room while I and the other guests served ourselves dinner. DS woke seconds after aforementioned bozo made an very loud wooping sound while telling a story to my dh. I was PISSED, but "shhh'd" him in a nice way. He said, "Oh, I know this baby who got to where he would sleep while we passed him around from hand to hand all night long." His tone implied that I am spoiling my son and that I should get over myself. I was so mad - all he needed to say was "I'm sorry" or "oops". Of course, baby woke and my dinner was ruined trying to parent disgruntled baby back to sleep.

2. "Well I know this guy who trained his baby not to cry. When the baby cried from his crib, the father would go and stand in the doorway to the room where the baby could see him. When the baby stopped crying, the father would go in to him. That trained that baby fast not to cry." I was too horrified to say anything. My thought was something like, "what an *&&$%@@" and "yeah right".
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#498 of 5048 Old 12-03-2003, 10:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by lizziejean
[B]
- 'you're squashing him!' (in the sling)
I've heard that one before too. :


Quote:
- 'doesn't it hurt your back?'
I think that's a good question actually. The carriers where you carry the baby in the front do hurt your back quite a bit. At least mine. Even my OTSBH hurt my back.

Quote:
- one that really irked me at the time... my dd was 10 weeks old and someone said 'what a beautiful boy' (of course she had a pink flowered outfit on at the time, but not much hair) so I said 'she's a girl' and the woman said 'but she has a boy's haircut!' like my kid's been having weekly trims since birth?????
Everyone thought my girls were boys and my boys were girls. :LOL

Quote:
- the nursery nurse who brought in my dd for a middle of the night feeding... I said 'isn't she beautiful?' because she WAS!!! omg what a precious angel... and then she says 'they all are dear'... would it have killed the old bag to just say 'Yes!'?
: I had one of those too. I was at the mall with my daughter and two older women came up to me and were commenting on how beautiful my daughter was. Then one of them says, "She must look like her father." :LOL

Quote:
Can I just give another perspective though. I can clearly remember times when I have given advice based on no basis, and also when I have said stupid things... I remember before I had kids I read this article about how if you leave a night-light on in your kids room they'll end up short-sighted (thankfully that study has been debunked) but I was telling my sister she had to make her kids sleep in the pitch black (oops way to make a new mom's life harder)... also I'm sure I have said or not said the right thing to two women I know who have lost children at or shortly after birth...
I'd be surprised if there wasn't one parent on this board that hasn't given some advise or made some comment to another parent. We all do it.
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#499 of 5048 Old 12-03-2003, 10:19 PM
 
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Originally posted by Kanga Mom
And I have actually had somebody who just met us say, "It's too bad you didn't know she was handicapped before she was born. YOu could have aborted."
I just don't get people. HOW could they think that was OK to say? :

Quote:
(The one thing that did make this kind of funny was that we happened to have adopted this child when she was almost six years old, and I did enjoy seeing the idiotic look at that woman's face when I told her so).
I wish I could have seen the look on her face.
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#500 of 5048 Old 12-04-2003, 02:38 AM
 
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I am so glad this thread got "resurrected". I have been reading it for two hours!

Okay, my stories aren't really advice but I'll share them anyway.

My SIL and I were pg at the same time. She knew I was going to breastfeed and when I asked her if she was she said she wasn't because it wasn't really "her thing". I dunno, you're a woman, you have a baby and breasts, doesn't that make it "your thing"?

And this is the worst: I asked the nurse who was doing our discharge paperwork and stuff for a scissors so I could get DS's hospital bracelet off. She said "Oh, I always recommend that parents leave that on so that if you have an accident on the way home they will be able to identify the body."

I was stunned. I couldn't say anything. I wrote a LONG letter to the hospital administration about a month later.
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#501 of 5048 Old 12-04-2003, 02:09 PM
 
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Oh, I always recommend that parents leave that on so that if you have an accident on the way home they will be able to identify the body."
I actually gasped out loud at this! I cant believe it! What a horrific thing to say!
I'm glad you wrote a letter!
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#502 of 5048 Old 12-04-2003, 02:19 PM
 
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let us know how the hospital responds... I can't BELIEVE she actually said that to you.
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#503 of 5048 Old 12-04-2003, 05:27 PM
 
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A bit after I sent my letter to the hospital I got a call from someone in the labor and delivery department. She apologized for the nurse and said she was going to be "dealt with". She sounded genuinely pissed about her. I was glad she called because it gave me a chance to vent about my generally crappy stay at that hospital (no lactation consultant, being pressured to let the nurses take DS to the nursery so I could rest, DS coming back from the nursery with a pacifier, etc.) So, maybe I got through. Who knows? :

I know this for a fact, my next baby will be born at home! I wonder if a midwife will do a V-bac? I had C-sections with both boys because labor wasn't progressing.
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#504 of 5048 Old 12-04-2003, 06:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by taygabemomma
I know this for a fact, my next baby will be born at home! I wonder if a midwife will do a V-bac? I had C-sections with both boys because labor wasn't progressing.
They are out there! Before you ttc I would start searching around the homebirthing yahoogroups, posting here at the homebirth board and be on the lookout.

I had a similar experience, no pacifier but they kept wanting to take her away and I wondered how I was supposed to nurse on demand if she was down the hall? : They did have a nice lactation consultant though.

ds was born at home and was nursing 30 seconds after birth still in the pool!
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#505 of 5048 Old 12-04-2003, 11:32 PM
 
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One day we were in WalMart and I had a cute little red bindhi sticker on my babes 3rd eye and a very concerned woman asked me what was that thing on my babies head and if it was permanent! I sarcasticly said yes it is permanent and then horrified she wanted to know how I did it and so i told her it was a thumb tack!

Over Thanksgiving at my folks my 6 month old started pulling on my shirt and nuzzling me and my step mother says "oh how dreadful, you poor thing! that reminds me of the time my daughter was 8 months old and wanted to nurse when our minister was over. i was sooo embarrassed!" what? she also told me that nursing past one year or after they could ask for it was "spooky."

my mom says that she is worried that my baby is going to be deformed or bow legged from her cloth diapers!

my inlaws said that our baby wasnt really their grandchild because my bf and i arent married. they also said that by law she couldnt have their last name since we arent married. (as if i would let her have their name! rotten meanies!!! so we made up our own last name for our fam)
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#506 of 5048 Old 12-05-2003, 12:05 AM
 
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A girl i know told me that she stopped breast feeding her son at 5 weeks because he would only look at her breasts and not at her face!
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#507 of 5048 Old 12-06-2003, 01:11 AM
 
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i dont vacc and have had people tell me that they wouldnt want my unvacc kids around theirs cuz mine could infect them with something... : .....

im like "um, no your vacc kids who have all these illnesses in their bodies will infect mine.. AND if you believe in vacc, how could my kids give your so called vacc and "protected" kids any illness?"

I wish people would think before they speak sometimes.....
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#508 of 5048 Old 12-06-2003, 02:06 AM
 
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Last month I flew with my dd, 3 months at the time, to visit my mother. On the flight back I was walking at the back of the plane with dd in the sling to calm her. The flight attendant watched me for about 15 minutes before she came over and said," No offense, but is that how the baby is supposed to be? All squished like that? That can't be comfortable." I just said that she seems to like it and it's not as tight as when she was in the womb. She wasn't convinced and was looking at me like I was torturing my child by making her ride in the strange contraption.

Then when we were starting to land, she told me that I had to take her out of the sling for landing, I questioned her on it, and she told me that the FAA had done studies and that babies were safer being held in their mother's arms. She said if I didn't comply, I could be banned from flying. I didn't really have the energy to get into a confrontation with her, after 7+ hrs of traveling with an infant so I took dd out of the sling, while telling the passenger next to me that it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And the passenger said that she probably didn't want my dd to be strangled.
Umm, yes, I wear my baby in an uncomfortable thing that might strangle her.

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#509 of 5048 Old 12-06-2003, 03:09 AM
 
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I am a strong beliver in no circ'ing and my cousing (male with a cut son of his own!) said "hey did you hear ang is not going to give her son a vacitomy (sp??)" WTF???? I was like "I am not going to circ!" My goodness how people can be so stupid! My BIL was having a baby and I asked him if they were going to circ and he said "what is that?"

My neighbor who is 19 was in wal-mart with me and I whipped out the boob for some snack time for DD and she looked at me with huge eyes and said "is that legal?" I had to give her the 411 on BF'ding.

My grandfather- who I am not fond of gave me the best ever! He said he was so proud of me for BF'ding and CD'ing- that I use regular diapers- lol! I told him he was the only person I have talked to that thinks cloth dipes are regular!

My mom who did not BF my sister and I always says how healthy Rainey is and tells everyone "it is the boob juice!"

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
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#510 of 5048 Old 12-06-2003, 03:11 AM
 
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When I went back to school for my defense, ds was six months old. I was trotting him around to all the profs and secretaries ... showing him off... and one of the secreatries said to me...

"So, are you a screamer or a spanker?"

I was horrified! She said it like I had made some profound discovery about myself through becoming a mother. After I managed to pick my mouth off the floor I said that I wasn't either... besides what possible reason could there be to scream at or spank a six month old baby?!?!?
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