Why do I feel so guilty for putting baby down? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 17 Old 10-12-2005, 06:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
Serenity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 955
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've read lots on attachment parenting, have a sling, cosleep, breastfeed, etc. But I feel so guilty if I put my newborn in his swing or bouncy seat like I'm depriving him of attachment. Even if he's sleeping, which is most of the time, I feel like I should be holding him. But I have a 3.y.o. too who would like to still be in my arms. Am I driving myself crazy for nothing? It is ok to put baby down and still be AP right?
Serenity is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 17 Old 10-12-2005, 06:54 PM
 
joy11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 285
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hope so, cause I do it all the time! LOL. I have a recurring neck injury, so I'd be no good to any of us if I carried him all the time, though I also have a hard time not holding him, cause he's so darn sweet!! But, if your baby is happy, I say you are doing just fine. Babies know they are loved and their needs are met, if they are. JMO
joy11 is offline  
#3 of 17 Old 10-12-2005, 07:09 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,596
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel guilty all day. If I'm holding/nursing ds2, I feel guilty because I'm not holding dd. If I'm holdnig dd, I feel guilty because I'm not holding ds2. If I'm holding both of them, I feel guilty because I'm not donig anything with ds1.

And, if I'm somehow managing to take care of/interact with all three of them...I feel guilty because the house is a pigsty, and they deserve better.

I think it's just a mom thing - and I wouldn't trade it for the world, even if I do feel as though I'm screwing up more often than not...

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#4 of 17 Old 10-12-2005, 07:10 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,596
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh - and I forgot - if I'm actually doing housework of some kind, I feel guilty because I'm not holding any babies!! If ds2 is sleeping, I have a good spell, because dd will help me load/unload the dishwasher or put clothes in the dryer or whatever. :LOL

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#5 of 17 Old 10-12-2005, 10:22 PM
 
hollyhobbie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: victoria, bc
Posts: 423
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
count me in. i have been struggling with this too. i do all the AP things but this is #2 so i do put him in the swing to get things done and/or spend time with my dd. he is almost 12 lbs and i pictured slinging a 7 lb baby all the time so the reality is a bit different. i feel horribly guilty but he seems to love the swing. my dd would not go in the swing and would vomit if i tried to put her in it when she was a baby. i had no choice but to carry her all the time but ya know, i feel much more calm and sane this time out with the ability to put him down sometimes. balance. that is what it is supposed to be about right?????
hollyhobbie is offline  
#6 of 17 Old 10-12-2005, 10:55 PM
 
beaches1098's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 750
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I put my son down at times and if I put him in the swing to unload the dishwasher then I put the swing where I can talk to him and interact. Don't feel guilty. We all try to do our best and give enough time to each child. Do what works for you. Sometimes I'll put him down on the floor and we all lay down and read a book. Sometimes I just want to go to the bathroom by myself so I'll put him in his little play seat but right where I can see him and talk to him.
beaches1098 is offline  
#7 of 17 Old 10-12-2005, 11:41 PM
 
hipumpkins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 5,987
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Guilty as charged. I feel so badly for putting DS down. If he doesn't want to be put down I hold him but if he is willing I let him roll around and kick but I feel guilty about it. I also use a bouncy chair for putting away dishes and making DD meals.

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
hipumpkins is offline  
#8 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 12:18 AM
 
saratchka's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NY's Hudson Valley
Posts: 1,104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I personally feel that the most important part of attachment parenting is responding to your baby's needs promptly and with love. If your baby seems content, I don't see any reason to feel bad for putting him down to do other necessary things. The key is to make sure you can see/hear his cues when he needs to be held, fed, changed, etc. As long as you are responding when he communicates his needs, I don't think you're depriving him of anything.
saratchka is offline  
#9 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 12:38 AM
 
OnTheFence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Alabama
Posts: 3,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oy, it makes me sooo sad when I read posts like this. Of course you are still AP if you put your baby down, use a baby bucket, swing or whatever. Attachment Parenting isn't defined on how long you hold your baby or by having them in your arms constantly. The premise is based on the relationship you have with your child and responding to their needs (not necessarily their wants all the time). I say don't feel guilty! It's really important for babies to roll around on the floor, and many of them enjoy being in the swing, bouncer, etc. My baby just turned 16 weeks old and she loves to roll around on the floor and look at her mobile. I have a home and three other children, and while I hold her alot, there are times that I need to get things done, and that is a good opportunity to use the swing or bouncer. Of course there are people who abuse baby contraptions, but I doubt any mom coming on to mothering is one of them!

Kim
OnTheFence is offline  
#10 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 01:18 AM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,596
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sometimes I feel as though I abuse the swing this time. DS2 is always so content to be in it that I get caught up doing other things. I guess as long as he's so happy and smiley, it's not really a problem, but...it just doesn't feel right sometimes.

I don't worry about whether or not I'm AP enough, though - I'd never heard of AP until I came here in March.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#11 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 01:26 AM
 
CherryBomb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,885
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
IKWYM. I'd say I'm holding dd2 90% of the time she's awake (and we cosleep, so she's next to me all night, too!) Still, I feel bad if I put her in the swing to do dishes or whatever. I know I shouldn't, but I do.
CherryBomb is offline  
#12 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 01:45 AM
 
jrayn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Central FL
Posts: 1,562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my dd is almost 10 months old and I still hold her quite a bit, I nap with her, sometimes she sleeps on me. I don't get enough done around the house and it drives the boyfriend crazy but you got to put them down sometimes or you would starve and your house would be a mess with no clean dishes, and your baby wouldn't have the muscles to carry him/herself!
jrayn is offline  
#13 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 02:50 AM
 
Nora'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: a state of flux
Posts: 2,321
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel your guilt! :LOL

Almost since birth, DD has napped primarily on my lap in the rocking chair (on a Boppy pillow)...but sometimes she naps on the bed instead and even though I know I can't always spend hours every day rocking (and surfing the 'net ) while she naps on my lap, I still feel guilty, 'cause she naps so well that way. Unless she's deeply asleep when I put her on the bed she tends to wake up pretty early and I feel bad. So that is my "putting her down" guilt.

We were at Babies 'R Us tonight and put DD in a couple of exersaucers just for fun (we don't have one) and she LOVED it! So then I felt guilty for holding her so much that she doesn't get to experience the pleasures of an exersaucer :LOL
Nora'sMama is offline  
#14 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 03:02 AM
 
lactavia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Providence Area
Posts: 272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I put our ds (6 wk old) down to sleep in his own crib in his room at night. Call me crazy, but he does so well by only waking up once in the night and I feel guilty for doing it. But with an appartment, not enough room in the bedroom and crazy sleeping parents (I move around a lot with the covers flying everywhich way and my dh needs the room to be sub-zero) it's the safest thing for him. I pretty much hold him all day except when he's entertaining himself on the floor or if he's napping.
But a girls gots to pee, eat, shower and do something else once in a while.
lactavia is offline  
#15 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
Serenity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 955
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thanks for all the responses. i literally held ds #1 24/7 because he demanded it and i feel bad to give this one less but there are 2 of them and only one of me! plus i had it in my head that i had to recreate the womb for his "fourth trimester". my reality clashes with book's advice. LOL

i'm going to keep in mind what a previous poster said about AP meaning responding to their needs not doing it all perfectly. postpartum hormones make it hard to see things clearly...
Serenity is offline  
#16 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 08:09 PM
 
henhao's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: In my Imagination
Posts: 2,402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I feel guilty, too.

But I get "touching overload" sometimes. And she smiles in the swing so I think she likes it -- as long I come get her when she's done with it.
henhao is offline  
#17 of 17 Old 10-13-2005, 08:26 PM
 
mighty-mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: wanting a normal life
Posts: 2,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am guilty as well. I try to think of it, as I want some space by myself sometimes. But I can't help it too...
mighty-mama is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off