For moms with baby daughters - Pierce ears or not? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 08:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BookGoddess

I thought of asking the pediatrician to do it but I wonder if he'll go for it. He already thinks I'm a bit odd. If you had your dd's ears pierced where was it done?
oh and to answer that OP, pediatritians aren't trained in piercing so yeah, it would be sterile, but the placement and earring size and diameter are important too.

my first girls ears were done at two weeks in our living room while she slept, by my husband, a body piecer of 15 years. she woke up, fussed, went back to sleep, we did the other side, she fussed, nursed and when back to sleep.

then we did her sister at 4 weeks ( big sis was 2yo now) and it was in my nursing rocking chair while baby nursed. dd#1 passed on her gold earrings to baby and got her new bigger, gold rings with ruby-studded beads and it was VERY special for her to pass on her earrings to her new sister and get fancier earrings. it was a bonding experience for her, and important to my husband and me as well.

both of their baby books have pages dediacated to showing the ritual-- pictures, the baggies the earrings came in, even the needles (sealed up tight of course), and their papa holding them afterwards (no they are not crying or in pain at all)
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#32 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 09:21 PM
 
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oops sorry, didn't mean to kill the thread.....
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#33 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 09:55 PM
 
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My DD is 10 months old, and her ears won't get extra holes until she asks for them. Her body is her body, just like my son's is his own and whole.

If she wants earrings later, then fine.
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#34 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 10:42 PM
 
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mama nomad - you didn't kill the thread - I really thought your story was very sweet and you definitely made a big deal and a ritual out of the piercing and I think that was very cool.

If/when my dd gets hers done - I hope to take her and make it an event and and turn it into a special thing for us to share - like you did

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#35 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 10:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ChelseaG
mama nomad - you didn't kill the thread - I really thought your story was very sweet and you definitely made a big deal and a ritual out of the piercing and I think that was very cool.

If/when my dd gets hers done - I hope to take her and make it an event and and turn it into a special thing for us to share - like you did

thank you!
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#36 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 11:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by dynamohumm6
Nope, I would never, not until she is old enough to make the choice herself. It's her body, not my place to be poking decorative holes.
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#37 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 11:22 PM
 
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Dd will absolutely not be getting her ears pierced till she's old enough to make that decision for herself and take care of them herself. I don't think I'll make her wait as long as my parents made me wait (17), but probably early teens or tweens. Every child is different though so if she's responsible and really wants them sooner then I'll probably let her as early as 6

Her ears shall remain as intact as a son's penis would! It's not nearly remotely the SAME thing, but it's definitely similar. Parents choosing to hurt their child for cosmetic purposes... religious and cultural reasons (and I loved mama_nomad's story!) are cool, but I have none so... yeah!

love and peace.

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#38 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 11:27 PM
 
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IMO it makes them look like those little pageant girls who are dressed like adults. very creepy. we'll wait til she asks.
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#39 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 11:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mothragirl
IMO it makes them look like those little pageant girls who are dressed like adults. very creepy. we'll wait til she asks.
Yeah... now that I think about it, you're right! I never thought of that before though.... creepy indeed.

love and peace.

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#40 of 130 Old 12-07-2005, 11:50 PM
 
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I wouldn't do it. For me it's all about the pain. Even if it doesn't hurt to actually do it, there is soreness afterward, and if they get infected (which can happen even with the best of care) there is definitely pain then. I have 7 holes in my ears and a pierced naval, so I know.

A baby or toddler can't understand the reason for this pain, and just knows that it HURTS. That feels wrong to me. An older child or adult can understand the cause of the pain and that the pain will end, but a baby cannot. I wouldn't do anything painful to a baby unless it was urgently necessary. I think it's wrong to inflict pain unnecessarily on anyone not capable of understanding and consenting.

I don't know about the cultural issues. That's a tough call. My gut still says it's not right, but then again I'm not part of a culture where such a thing is common and normal. So I'm really in no position to judge.

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#41 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 01:54 AM
 
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It's not my body, therefore not my choice.

Ditto about infection, I have had my ear holes infected many times despite good care, it is painful for an adult, I couldn't imagine for a baby. 7 years ago I made the choice to let my holes close up instead of dealing with the constant infections.Turns out they didn't close up, I ended up with another bad infection this week, despite no earrings for years.

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#42 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 01:59 AM
 
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For what it's worth I am part a culture that considers infant ear piercing normal. Mine were done when I was just a couple days old by an aunt. I don't remeber anything about it. It is such a norm in our society that I never regret having it done. Good luck with your decision making I hope that you choose with what you are most comfortable with.

And I don't mean to spark and controversy over what is norm in our society it is just my opinion.
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#43 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 02:03 AM
 
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Our story!

My DD asked me if she could get her ears peirced for her 3rd birthday (young, I know....But she's always been very advanced, very grown-up, etc etc) She asked me about it, I think because her best friend has them done. I said "we'll see, we'll talk about it later" etc etc. I figured she would forget about it - she was asking me for something different every week in the 2 months leading up to her birthday. But she wouldn't let go of this issue!! She kept asking and asking for her ears to be pierced for her birthday. I told her "it will reeeeeeally hurt to get it done!" I told her "it will reeeeeeeally hurt to change the earrings!" I told her "once it's done, it's done!" but still she insisted that she wanted it done! So I went into the beauty salon that I always used, I asked them to do both ears at once (which BTW cost me DOUBLE!! but I didn't mind that much) and we both got our nails done together first ( I am not very girly at all, all I get done is waxing usually... but my DD is the girliest girl I have ever met!!) ANYHOO I kept telling her she didn't have to get it done, it will hurt more than anything she's experienced, etc etc. But she insisted she wanted it done. So they did it. She SCREAMED (i cried ) she grabbed on to me and gave the beautician's the dirtiest look ever.... Then once she got over that initial pain/shock, she was very happy to have these beautiful earrings in. BUT she wouldn't let me touch them, wouldn't let me clean them or anything! It freaked her out if I went near her earlobes. I had to spray the antiseptic stuff on them after she was asleep. Then about 8 weeks after they'd been done, I said we could change them if she wanted, so we bought a pair of sterling silver sleepers, and I prepared her that it might feel a bit strange when i take the studs out. But again, she insisted she wanted the "silver hoops" in (my little J-Lo ) And when I took the first stud out, she freaked right out, I had to literally hold her down to put the first sleeper in! Then I felt so bad (it didn't hurt her, she was just scared I think) so I waited until she was asleep to change the other one. Then at day care a few months later, she lost one sleeper. And would not, for love nor money, allow me to put another one in. She had now decided she only wanted one earring, "just like my daddy". And then a few months ago, she had to have facial/skull x-rays (she was born with a cleft lip) so we had to take the other sleeper out. And again, I had to hold her down to take it out (they didn't tell me she'd need to have them taken out, so this had to be done in the x-ray room) and she won't let me put new ones in. Which doesn't matter anyway, the holes are probably closed over completely by now.
I've told her she'll have to have her ears pierced again if she wants earrings in. She says she'll do it "when i'm a teenager". I regret getting them done for her, but maybe in a way it's taught her that sometimes the things that look beautiful are very painful. Beauty = pain. Perhaps I've taught her a lesson about vanity. I don't know; all I know is, the whole episode completely did my head in!!!
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#44 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 03:09 AM
 
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IMO I would wait until they start to ask for it and they are old enough to clean and take care of the area.
Sidenote: For any of you who have seen the show "House of Babies", did you see the episode where they pierced a baby's ears right after birth? The mom had just had a gentle birthcenter birth and then when her baby was only a couple of hours old, or maybe even less, Shari Daniels (head midwife) pierced the baby's ears with a needle. She said that it was a great way for people to know it's a girl! I think it's great to see midwives and natural birth on TV more, but the way they do a lot of things doesn't really help much (lots of lights, 4 or 5 midwives with one woman, lots of talking/yelling during birth - not what I would want to find in a birthcenter). Anyway, apparently they pierce a lot of the babies' ears right after birth. To me, if you're against circ, you should also be against piercing for babies/toddlers. Not your body = not your choice.
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#45 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 03:31 AM
 
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sorry but the whole comparison to circ is BS!!! removing the main sensory part of your sexual organ and putting a hole in your earlobe NOT EVEN IN THE SAME BALLPARk. you can't put back foreskin, you can take out an earring.

again find my previous post, it doesn't have to hurt to get your ears done. The is a right and wrong way and very, very few people have done it the right way...NO MALLs, No GUNS, NO CHEAP JEWELRY. most people that have had infections all of there life, never had their ears redone by a professional with a not irriating metal like surgical stainless steel or platinum (yes, gold and sterling can be irriating to some people). most of all of the bad experiences i've read here were preventable/fixable.

any situation is what you perceive it. if you feel something is wrong and your gut says no and you have fear then if you were to do it, it would be all of those things. but if you believe in something and you have knowledge about something, and you gaze sweetly at your infant and nurse them while you do this ritual with them, they know that they are loved and it teaches them that pain is okay, it's a part of life, it is not always about fear and badness....my birth was painful, and my birth had beautiful purpose. it feels good to experience pain and get to the other side with those that love you helping you get there. it gives you strength and power. we lack that in our culture, no clear ritual or rite of passage, so if a family wants to create that with love, you can't knock it. but this is rarely how it's done......

ps my daughters look absolutely amazing in their earrings because they are simple and sized appropriately to their faces (another skill of a good piercer), not creepy and pagenty at all. i wish i could show you pictures.
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#46 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 04:55 AM
 
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I waited until I was 12 to have my ears pierced, mainly because I am a huge chicken, so when I finally decided that the moment had come, my mom accompanied me to the mall (yes, I had them pierced at one of those mall places) and had both ears done at the same time and did not feel a thing - now I'm not saying that it NEVER hurts to have your ears pierced with one of the guns, but my own personal experience wasn't so bad. (Years later my sorority sisters pierced another sister's ears with an earring gun that they had purchased at Ulta 3 - now that was scary!)

In the end, this is a decision that only you can make - if it is a cultural thing that is important to you and your DH then it is the right decision to make - I would imagine that she will have no memory of the day in the years to come.
Good luck Mama, I know that you will make the decision that is right for you and your daughter!
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#47 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 06:02 AM
 
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Just thinking about percing Myla's ears makes me tear up! I can't imagine (as a PP sad) paying someone to hurt her so she could have jewelry. When she is old enough to ask for her ears to be pierced & care for them, I'll let her. I have 3 holes in each ear & don't wear earrings (I was 7 yrs for the first hole, 12 the second, 15 the third).Many of my friends have their DDs ears pierced as it is a cultural tradition. To each thier own.

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#48 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 07:35 AM
 
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My parents had my ears pierced when I was 6 mos because everyone thought I was a boy. It didn't matter though because they still thought I was a boy.
I would not pierce my daughter's (if I had one) ears. Like other have said, it's not my body to choose that for.

The other day I saw a *gasp* 3 or 4 month old baby boy with his ears pierced. I felt soooo sorry for him. Not only for that either, his grandmother had him in a bucket seat and was bumping it into everything slinging him (not in the wearing or good sense) all around. He was getting jarred up pretty good. I felt like the little guy needed to be rescued. Sorry this got OT
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#49 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 12:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by dynamohumm6
Nope, I would never, not until she is old enough to make the choice herself. It's her body, not my place to be poking decorative holes.


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#50 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 01:42 PM
 
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I have a boy, so this issue hasn't come up yet, but I've already decided that when I have a girl, I'll wait until she's old enough to care for the earrings herself. My ears were pierced when I was a baby and I've had no problems with them, but I can imagine it was hell on my parents trying to turn them and keep them from getting infected. My sister's ears were also pierced as a baby but she's so sensitive that she could only ever have 24k gold or surgical steel. That must have been MUCH harder than mine to deal with.

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#51 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 03:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mama_nomad

it teaches them that pain is okay, it's a part of life
While that is true, that pain is a part of life, it's not what I want my child to learn in the early months of life. I just don't think it's right to inflict pain without consent, unless there is an urgent reason. I don't think enhancing appearance is sufficient reason. I think it's a terrible lesson that we teach girls, that they have to endure pain in order to be beautiful. Culture or no culture, I think it's wrong, and I'm not ashamed to say so. I hemmed and hawed in my previous post, but I've had time to think awhile and this is what I've come up with.

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#52 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 03:57 PM
 
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Personally I think that earings on babies looks just awful. In fact I hate any kind of jewellry on young children. It's gilding the lilly IMHO.

Apart from that I wouldn't do anything to DD which is in effect purely cosmetic until she can make an informed choice herself. I ahd my ears pierced at 16 but I would be happy for DD to have them done from 12 if that was what she wanted.
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#53 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 04:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Llyra
While that is true, that pain is a part of life, it's not what I want my child to learn in the early months of life. I just don't think it's right to inflict pain without consent, unless there is an urgent reason. I don't think enhancing appearance is sufficient reason. I think it's a terrible lesson that we teach girls, that they have to endure pain in order to be beautiful. Culture or no culture, I think it's wrong, and I'm not ashamed to say so. I hemmed and hawed in my previous post, but I've had time to think awhile and this is what I've come up with.

I agree.

I also agree that pain has it's place. Childbirth pain is one form that comes to mind. Tattooing and piercing comes to mind, also. As someone who is covered in tattoos, and has had a fair share of piercing, I can say that I thoroughly enjoy these sensations. But, it's not my place to decide when or if someone else should experience it.
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#54 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 04:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mama_nomad
sorry but the whole comparison to circ is BS!!! removing the main sensory part of your sexual organ and putting a hole in your earlobe NOT EVEN IN THE SAME BALLPARk. you can't put back foreskin, you can take out an earring.
I agree with this but my reasons for not doing either are exactly the same...not my body, not my choice
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#55 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 04:26 PM
 
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We're not doing our DD's ears. She is 2-1/2. One of her little toddler friends just had it done though - per her request. I'll be interested to see how it goes for her.

I had mine done at age 8 and was the only girl in class for a long time with pierced ears (late 70s in MT). I was "supposed" to wait until I was 13, but my cousin got hers done and I bugged my parents till they gave in. I thought it hurt a lot though. (gun)

If DD wants to do it, we'll deal with it then. Hopefully, it will be later on because I think she should be able to take care of them. I don't wear earrings though because I developed an allergy to metals while working in a lab which made retainers. So if she wanted to pierce her ears, it wouldn't be to be like mommy.

I would like to wear some earrings once in a while, so I am looking for something with gold posts to try. I don't really miss wearing earrings much, but I am a belly dancer and it would be nice to be able to wear them again for performances.

I could understand a cultural/religious reason for piercing ears as long as it's done respectfully as described by a PP.

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#56 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 04:48 PM
 
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We'll wait til she's older, and it's her choice. I had to wait til I was 12, and as much as I whinged, I thought it was really special when I finally got them pierced. I don't think it's our place to make a decision like that for her, IMO


It is part of dh's cultural tradition. IMO, there are cultural traditions that are just begging to be changed, and this is one of them. My children are perfect the way they are, and any tradition that requires me to cause them pain is a tradition that needs to go.
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#57 of 130 Old 12-08-2005, 05:16 PM
 
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It is part of dh's cultural tradition. IMO, there are cultural traditions that are just begging to be changed, and this is one of them. My children are perfect the way they are, and any tradition that requires me to cause them pain is a tradition that needs to go.
cool thread! my ears were pierce at about 6 weeks old... i have no memory of it.. the holes are still there; however, i turned out to not have a preference for wearing jewelry of any kind. but on a very special occassion. i'll wear some earrings. my mom actually took me to her neighbor who lived upstairs and she did it. the mexican family next door peirced their daughter's ears at one week at home with a heated pin--she advised me i better do it to my daughter soon, because the older they get the more painful. my spanish wasn't good enough for me to explain to her why i decided not to peirce A's ears, so i just nodded my head in comprehension. guess i would say it's a cultural thing because people always ask me 'when' not 'if' i am going to get my infant daughter's ears piereced--it's definitely a pervasive gender marker for female babies in our north american culture. i'm african american but people of many ethnicities ask this same question of me... and i think its awesome that so many mothers here are questioning and challenging this practice.

i decided not to do it to my daughter cuz she's beautifully female just as she came out of the womb. so, i did it out of respect for her body. *plus i hate to hear her cry in pain (i'm thinking the pain of vaccines...)* but i don't think its an appauling practice or anything, but from my perspective it's simply a gender marker at this age, so if i want strangers [for lack of a better word] to know she's a girl, i'll put her in a dress, put a bow on her hair, or something flowery... i'd be surprised if she doesn't question her difference when she is old enuf to notice... same thing with vegetarianism and all the other ways that make her family oddballs

i'm wondering what parents of boy babys feel about the color pink, infant piercings, and other 'girly' markers....
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#58 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 04:00 AM
 
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There isnothing wrong with doing them when they are born or when they are older. I got mine done at two months, my sister got hers done at two weeks, and i just oeirced my daughters at three weeks. And all of them are fine. But it is everyones own opinion. I personally dotn think there is a problem. My grandma has been peircing ears for almost twenty years. And she does it with the gun. And not one person has come back to complain to her about anything. So i think it is all about opinions.
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#59 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 05:34 AM
 
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WHen dd was born we were given a set of gold baby earrings, everyone kept asking when we would pierce her ears (it's the done thing in my husband's culture) - they were surprised that a few weeks after birth that it hadn't been done - but I was adament along with dh that it wouldn't be done unless she wanted it, now folk have given up asking! It's a bit of a persumption on our part to pierce our kids without asking them first!!

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#60 of 130 Old 12-21-2005, 05:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamohumm6
Nope, I would never, not until she is old enough to make the choice herself. It's her body, not my place to be poking decorative holes.
Yeah that. Although I didn't have any girls, I wouldn't have.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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