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#1 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
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Ok I don't agree with CIOat all. But is there a age that you need to let babies CIO when they go for nap or bedtime? My ds is almost 7 months and I don't let him CIO at all but he doesn't nap on his own and I nurse him to sleep or rock him to sleep. Is there anything wrong with that? I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing so I don't have problems when he gets older. Also how do you deal with parents who agree with CIO? Like grandparents when they are going to be babysitting.

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#2 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 10:50 AM
 
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When we put 14-mo dd down at night, she will fuss (not really cry, but whimper a little) for maybe 2-3 minutes while she settles herself. If it is much longer or an intense cry, we go in with her. I believe that some babies need to get out a bit of energy and settle themselves. Now 2-3 minutes of a low-grade cry is a lot different than 45 minutes of screaming.

At 7 months, dd wasn't ready and whenever we would try to put her down she would immediately start bawling and at that point she was still nursing to sleep anyway, so we just let it go for a while, figuring she'd let us know when she was ready to go to sleep on her own. Around 11 months is when she got to the point she is at today. Follow your baby's cues to see what he is ready for and when. Good Luck.
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#3 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 11:21 AM
 
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I don't let anyone who is in favor of CIO watch my kids. It is a requirement for my babysitter that she does not let my ds cry, and since my ds still nurses to sleep at 7 months, overnight with anyone that thinks CIO is necessary (ie, MIL) isn't an option. Plus, my MIL lives 20 hours away, so overnight without me will likely never be an option ANYWAY.

My daughter, who is almost 7, nursed to sleep every night for 2 years. She would not fall asleep without my nipple in her mouth, and she would wake up if I took it out of her mouth. I was certain that I was setting myself up for the worst sleeping kid on the planet.
We never did any sleep training or CIO with her at all, and she falls asleep perfectly fine, and sleeps with no problems whatsoever. Babies like to nurse to sleep, there's nothing wrong with that
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#4 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 11:27 AM
 
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I don't want to be mean, but is there an age when YOU would like to be left alone to cry from being scared or lonely with no one to help you or comfort you?

My dd is 12 months and I still nurse her to sleep for naps/bedtime. I expect to continue to parent her to sleep in some form or another until she is ready to do it on her own. And like pp, I wouldn't let anyone watch her who thinks it's okay to leave a babe to cry. For what it's worth, my dd has gone through many changes in sleep...she used to need to be completely asleep before I laid her down. Now she can be laid down before she's in that limp sleep state. She used to sleep only while nursing or being held. Now she is able to sleep for 2-3 hours on her own.

I think you'll know when your babe is ready to be more independant in sleep if you follow her cues. Good luck!
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#5 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 11:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlemama77
is there an age when YOU would like to be left alone to cry from being scared or lonely with no one to help you or comfort you?


You are TOTALLY doing the right thing! My 3 1/2 year old nursed to sleep EVERY NIGHT and EVERY NAP until he weaned shortly after he turned 3. Same with my 18 month old who just weaned himself this last month. I'd make it VERY clear to whoever is watching them that you do NOT CIO and if they can't respect that, then they don't get the priviledge of watching your ds.

I've never CIO and never will. Sleep time is a peaceful time for us. I'm not in a hurry and they look forward to bedtime. Sometimes my 18 month old doesn't want to settle down, but it's my job to help teach him how to settle and relax and crying isn't relaxing at all. My 3 1/2 year old looks forward to bedtime and went from a crazy night owl who would never sleep, to asking to go to bed at 8pm every night.

Developing healthy sleep habits takes time, patience and understanding. It doesn't happen overnight and there are nights when it can be frustrating, but it helped me to ask myself WHY am I frustrated? Most of the time I was frustrated because of my own selfish needs. Instead of trying to fulfill them after the kids went to bed, I changed my 'me' time to other times of the day. This reduced our stress at night and allowed me to enjoy this time when my kids actually WANT me with them....they grow so fast and someday they won't need me to snuggle, rock or sing them to sleep. I'll miss that when they are older. I try to keep my eye on the big picture.

I used to get comments like "He'll never fall asleep on his own" and "He'll never wean" and "He'll be in your bed forever!" I got a visual of my 30 year old son buying the house next door so I could go over and nurse him down, coming home for 'lunch' and a nap. It always made me giggle.
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#6 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 11:39 AM
 
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I still have to get my kid to sleep for nap and bedtime and she's close to two. I would never let her cry it out, eventually your kid will naturally start to fall asleep alone. It just takes time (like maybe until they're four). and I wouldn't let anyone watch your baby if you think they might let him cry. I might be a pacifist, but there would probably be bloodshed if I found out someone had let my baby cry.
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#7 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 11:47 AM
 
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You don't put a child to sleep, you parent them to sleep. I still help dd get to sleep and she will be 3 tomorrow.I would not allow someone to watch my child if they did not follow my wishes.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#8 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 12:16 PM
 
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#9 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 01:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by la mamita
I think it is possible for someone with a different parenting philosophy to watch your kid and agree to follow your rules, even if they think you are a little kooky for not doing it their way.
hmmm...not sure if I agree with this...

I mean...they might agree to follow my rules, but whether they actually will or not is another story.

I'd definitely make sure the sitter had a clear understanding of what you wanted and make sure you trust that they're going to follow through.
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#10 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 02:00 PM
 
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my 10 mo old dd was doing this and a few nights ago, I nursed her up real good and just pretended to go to sleep. She unlatched and wanted to play (getting her to sleep takes up to 2 hours sometimes! ARGH)...anyway, she realized I was "sleeping" so she started laying down all over me....changing positions every 3 seconds until finally (30 mins later) she passed out. It's worked ever since then! Lol

Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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#11 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 02:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlemama77
I don't want to be mean, but is there an age when YOU would like to be left alone to cry from being scared or lonely with no one to help you or comfort you?
Actually, I prefer to be alone when I am crying but that's just me.

I don't let my babies CIO. Sometimes they just cry nomatter what I do, but I will hold them and let them cry in my arms. Or let them know I am nearby and there for them if it seems like when I hold him I'm making things worse.

I wouldn't let someone babysit my infant who believed in CIO. Unless I guess I trusted them ALOT and believed they would follow my wishes about not CIO and how to treat my baby. Luckily htis has never happenned. We don't live near family and I have never left my younger two with anyone as babies or even young toddlers. They are always with me or DH. But if I had a babysitter I would be really worried and strict about it.
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#12 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 02:11 PM
 
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Well what I do is I nurse ds in the living room before a nap and put him down awake. If he starts to cry I go into the bedroom and nurse him to sleep. He needs to be nursed to sleep about 85% of the time. I do it this way because sometimes he does go to sleep on his own and I want to encourage that. I don't let him CIO ever.
I would let someone babysit who didn't agree with my methods if I trusted that they would follow my instructions. My parents agree with CIO but they would never do that to my ds. I would freak!

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#13 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 02:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vanessagreene
Well what I do is I nurse ds in the living room before a nap and put him down awake. If he starts to cry I go into the bedroom and nurse him to sleep. He needs to be nursed to sleep about 85% of the time. I do it this way because sometimes he does go to sleep on his own and I want to encourage that. I don't let him CIO ever.
:

Great point here. I also for the first 6 months of DS's life assumed that he couldn't possibly put himself to sleep and that he needed to nurse to sleep every time. Over the last month I have given him the opportunity to fall asleep on his own by laying him down while he is sleepy. To my suprise he does just fine about 50% of the time (with no CIO whatsoever) and is improving each week. I don't think there is anything wrong with a little experimentation (not with CIO I mean but just different ways of falling asleep) as long as it is within your comfort level.
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#14 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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I have an older child and a baby - and I feel totally confident in doing whatever necessary for the child to get to sleep. We coslept until three, and sort of "weaned" from the parent-assisted sleep verrry gradually. As a result, my daughter does not seem to have many of the sleep issues that plague her classmates (whose parents did use CIO). She's 6, goes to sleep by 8PM after a story and a hug, and she sleeps until morning. Many of her friends and family age-mates are having lots of nightmares, in the parents' beds all night, lots of middle of the night drama. Because they're used to bedtime and sleep being a very traumatic, dramatic issue since a young age. Talk about a negative sleep association...

I think that many of the parents who extoll the benefits of CIO don't realize the problems that they are creating for themselves in the long run. My parents used CIO on all of us, and I remembered the middle of the night/bedtime dramas all too well...not to mention, CIO doesn't work so well on a child who can get out of their bed/crib, which happens around 1 year at the earliest.

You either end up in bed with them early or late - meet the needs either earlier or later, but they will need to be met at some point. It's way easier to do it earlier than later...
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#15 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 05:26 PM
 
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Well, I'm new to this as dd is only 2mo.
Before dd was born, I read everything from AP to Babywise (and lots in between).

This is what works for us:
We try to follow a "nurse, wake time, sleep" pattern (Babywise), but I also nurse anytime dd wants to (In the evening, she likes to nurse often).
I put dd down for nap/bed at the 1st signs of being sleepy, usually by holding/rocking for a few min, then laying her down awake.
Often, she'll drift off without a complaint or maybe a slight whimper (if so, I don't leave her).
If she starts to cry, I hold/rock her to settle her down, then try again.

We do not CIO, but I almost never nurse to sleep.

I also read The No-Cry Sleep Solution (endorsed by Sears).
Lots of ideas for helping children fall asleep without nursing or crying!
(I understand many people want to nurse to sleep, but there are alternatives)
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#16 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 05:37 PM
 
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NO it is NEVER okay to CIO. Babies are DESIGNED to nurse to sleep.

-Angela
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#17 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 05:48 PM
 
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I've nursed all of mine to sleep, and at this posting, my older two are happily going to sleep on their own (9 and 4).

My 2 year old and my newborn both nurse to sleep (at the same time, and it's a sweet moment, one that I look forward to twice a day). I don't really see what the issue is... Babies like to nurse to sleep. It's a sure bet with my kids, it always was, and I really don't understand the need to make babies independent right from the start. They are supposed to be dependent on us. It's okay!

My kids have all slowly transitioned from a baby who nursed to sleep, to a toddler who occasionally fell asleep in my husband's arms, to a kid who happily goes to sleep on his own. Two out of four so far, and one day, all of them will be sleeping on their own.

Nurse your baby to sleep if you want to. It's not an issue!
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#18 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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To give you another perspective....my DS goes to sleep on his own (ie w/o nursing, he self-weaned when he was 18 months and I was 22 weeks pg w/ DD) and has for a while. I have never (and will never) use CIO. Keep nursing your baby down, you're doing great (and don't worry about the "future" ) Right after DS weaned, at bedtime, he'd sit on my or DH's lap and hang out with us on our bed, reading stories, singing songs, or sometimes watching "Emeril" ( : yeah, yeah, I know, but it was consistently on at his bedtime and had some weird soporific effect on him...plus I knew it was non-violent and not too stimulating.) When he was drowsy, after 15 minutes or so of downtime with us, DH would move him to his bed. Now DH does his bedtime and they have a bath, play, and then I come in and sing some songs before he rolls over and closes his eyes. I used to think (when he was about your DS's age) that I might be making some mistake by nursing him to sleep, that no one else would ever be able to put him to bed, etc., but that wasn't the case. Don't stress about your DS, things have a tendency to work out. I firmly believe that by *never* using CIO and consistently responding to a baby's needs, that you build a foundation of security and trust and ultimately end up with a more secure child (and a better sleeper!! )

Now, with DD (9 months) I nurse her until she's drowsy and then put her down. When she was younger, she'd start crying unless she was "out" and I'd immediately pick her back up and nurse again. Now that she's a bit older, she goes down pretty well when she's tired enough, warm, and has a belly full of mama milk.

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

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#19 of 20 Old 01-06-2006, 10:20 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for the great advice. I now feel about better about what I am doing. I am going to ignore the looks and advice from my CIO friends and continuing doing what I believe is right for my ds.

Mama to Noah- 05, Eden - 07, Isabella -09 and Cade -11 

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#20 of 20 Old 03-28-2014, 10:00 AM
 
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When I had the one daughter, I never let her cry it out until she was old enough to fall asleep. Almost one year old. But now that I have two, sometimes my younger one has to be out down for a few minutes even if she isn't fast asleep. She cries a little, but does fall asleep in five minutes. She is a happy and calm, affectionate baby. I think that like anything, CIO depends on the baby and the family dynamic. If your baby can handle a few minutes of fussing, is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Good to let them learn self-regulation of emotions in a gentle, safe environment where you can soothe hem if they get too worked up with tis challenge.
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