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Co Sleeping Concerns

745 views 13 replies 11 participants last post by  Sierra 
#1 ·
I am really looking for advice here. We just got back from visiting our daughter and had her stay with us for 3 nights in our hotel. We were able to speak with the foster mom and knew that there would be things in her routine that we would have to deal with once we got to that point. We understood this and are fine, its more important to us that she is receiving one on one care.

Initially we had never even considered co sleeping. For us it was a variety of reasons and we just kinda assumed that she would be used to sleeping in a crib. Wrong. Since she was a day old she has been co sleeping with the foster mom.

The first night there I tried walking with her around the room to get her to go to sleep. Nothing. After about 5 minutes I decided to just snuggle with her in bed and see what would happen. And she was out like a light, pure magic. That was all she needed. Now I am a very light sleeper. The slightest movement or noise can wake me. DH on the other hand is the complete opposite he is such a hard sleeper and is constantly turning in bed and flinging pillows everywhere. Once Olivia fell asleep we put her back in her carrier (like a car seat) and put the carrier in the middle of the bed and we layed right next to it. As long as she knew we were close and could see both of us she was fine.

Now I'm kinda at a loss as to what to do when we bring her home. I really don't want to disrupt her whole schedule right away but am not sure how long term co sleeping would be. The one thing that really scares me is the natural concern of what if. What if I roll on top of her? What if she gets trapped under the blankets? But even those I can deal with. My absolute biggest concern is that since we have been married there have 2 times during the middle of the night that DH holds onto a pillow and as he goes to turn he lays the pillow over my head with his hand on top. Both times I woke up gasping for air but was able to move the pillow no problem. Right after that I gave him a nice kick to wake him up and read him the riot act. I just don't see how I can put her at risk. DH never intends to do it and always feels bad in the morning. That and he is an on call fireman. So whenever his pager goes off at night (which is VERY VERY loud) he flies up in a hurry and runs out of the room. Noth the best thing with a baby in bed.

Is it best for DH to sleep somewhere else for a few weeks until I can gradually switch her to the crib? How do you transition a baby to a crib? Are the risks too great to try to continue co sleeping? I just really don't know what to do. Ideally it would be nice if she could learn to fall asleep by being rocked because she is going to be in daycare and I am not sure how much time they would have to lay down with her. Any advice or tips to make things easier?
 
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#3 ·
My DH is a very active sleeper and has, in the past, hit or kicked me while he was dead asleep, and once even tried to throw me out of the bed! So I understand your concerns about having a little one in the bed. Our solution was to have dh sleep in a sleeping bag. He shares the same bed as dd and I, but his kicking and hitting are contained by the sleeping bag.

Often it's recommended that mama sleeps between the babe and the dp, which would keep dd safe from your dp's nighttime pillow attacks. But if that doesn't work I'd second the recommendation of a co-sleeper or crib that has been attached to your larger bed. That way dd could still cuddle, but she'd have her own space.

And please don't worry about rollign over on your new little one...especially if you are a light sleeper you'll find yourself VERY aware of her and if something starts to be a problem you'll be awake before you know it! You might check out the Dr. Sears website at http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp for co-sleeping information, or re-read some of the articles on the Mothering Magazine website (http://www.mothering.com/articles/ne...ep/sleep.html).

Good luck and congratulations on your little one!
 
#4 ·
Ok, I'm laughing at the sleeping bag thing!
I third an arms reach co-sleeper. Although for us, dh had always been (and is again now) a horrible bed mate--while I was pregnant and taking heparin shots he elbowed me in the face-I was up the rest of the night trying to get the nosebleed to stop-I kicked him at the time and woke him to tell me he hurt me, in the morning he got up and rushed out to the kitchen going "where is all that blood from!!" While dd was in bed with us, he actually woke to her before me most of the time!
There are minor dangers to co-sleeping but I believe co-sleeping saved my dd's life, she had reflux and a couple times vomitted straight up in the air and it landed on her face but she didn't know how to clear her own mouth and nose and couldnt' breathe-I was wide awake instantly-I just knew.
 
#8 ·
I looked at the link and while it looks great I don't think she'll like it. Thats similar to the portable crib we tried in Guatemala. She has to have body to body contact to sleep. We may end up getting one and improvising it to make it the same height as the bed.
 
#9 ·
I know a number of people who have attached a crib to the side, just removed one side, at the the same level as the bed. Some mamas I know who have done this have said they often sleep half in the crib themselves, so maybe that would work for her?

We have one of these and it makes it really easy to have baby on the opposite side of DH. As someone else said, I think your light sleeping and mama instincts will kick in to make it very safe if she's sleeping next to you. You will eventually love cosleeping I think! What a great way to bond with your adopted babe. I don't think its a concern at all with the day care. Many babies have different associations with nap than with night time. Good luck!
 
#10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Starr
I looked at the link and while it looks great I don't think she'll like it. Thats similar to the portable crib we tried in Guatemala. She has to have body to body contact to sleep. We may end up getting one and improvising it to make it the same height as the bed.
We have a cosleeper, and though we don't always use it all night long, it's easy for me to lie at the edge and rest my arm alongside my DD or rest my hand on her belly to help her sleep.

Also, it comes in handy just as a barrier to falling out of bed, if the baby's in bed with you anyway.

 
#11 ·
We attached a crib to our bed with the one side rail removed from the crib. The crib mattress is exactly the same height as the bed mattress, and I can (and do) just move my hand over a little and rest it on Rowan if she's restless, but she isn't under our covers or at risk from DH's night-time thrashings. Also, she seems to have inherited his thrashings, so keeping her just a bit removed from me works really well.

The only problem with side-carring a crib like that is that there's a bit of a space between the crib and the bed. I put a blanket over it, which is ok for now as Rowan is too young yet to roll over (I also wedge a towel behind her to keep her on her side so she couldn't roll over in that direction anyway) but as she gets older we'll have to come up with something safer.
 
#12 ·
we bought a co-sleeper that actually goes in the middle of your bed. here it is

it came with a nightlight and stuff.
yeah, haye hated it. he needs to have one hand on him pretty much all night long. we use the nightlight occasionally.
it's good if your daughter is young, i'm not sure about when she gets bigger. i don't think haye would fit it anymore.
 
#13 ·
Hi there! Our son was born in Guatemala and has been home now since Nov 1st. He two coslept with his foster family since day one too. We have his crib in our room near our bed. Each night he falls asleep in my arms, and when he is fast asleep, I place him in the crib. As soon as he makes a noise I bring him back to our bed. This seems to work best for us right now.
 
#14 ·
I'm a very, very, very sound sleeper who used to kick dw all the time in my sleep, but when I have a babe I am cuddling with, my mind is always aware enough of the babe.

It is also a possibility that your husband's sleeping pattern will change with the babe in bed, especially if he has his arm around the baby or the baby is on his chest. You could give it a try and then decide later...since you are such a light sleeper, nothing should happen in the meantime.
 
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