Leaving baby in hotel room? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 01:18 PM
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Originally Posted by mkmama
Ok, i'm not a bad mama! Ds is with me all the time, I've never left him. However, my husband and I are going to a bed and breakfast to get away, and our Ds is coming along of course! There is a restaurant in the "hotel". There are only 12 rooms so I gather its not far away from our room. We would like to have dinner alone. Ds sleeps from 8pm to 8 or 9am for months now so i'm not worried that he would wake up if we left him for dinner. But I feel really bad about leaving him, even though it would be just as far as if we were at home. What would you do?

I don't want to take him with, because I like to let him sleep in peace in his travel cot rather than moving him around.

Sorry, but this is an idea that could land you in hot water with CPS. To be honest, were I a chambermaid who entered the room when you were gone, or were I a guest who passed the room when the child were crying, I would call CPS without hesitation because of concerns that the child had been abandoned or was being neglected.

Bottom line, as another poster wisely observed, a hotel is not your home. There's childproofing you have not done, dangers of which you're not aware, and people besides yourself have access to that room when you're gone. Would you leave ten million dollars in that room while you have dinner? If the answer is "no," then why would you consider leaving someone infinitely more valuable?

What if your child starts crying and you're not there? Can you imagine something more terrifying to a young child than to wake up in an utterly strange environment and have neither parent there? That would scare me, and believe me, I am a long way from measuring my years in single digits.

I cannot think of another, politer way to put this idea than this: I believe that to leave him alone in a hotel room while you eat dinner is selfish. Though I sympathize with the desire to have dinner solo, let me say the absolutely obvious: as a parent, for much of the time especially when your child is very young, your desires are secondary to a child's needs. You're not the most important person now.

Again, I apologize for bluntness, but you asked for our opinions.

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I don't think the liklihood of intruders or fire in the hotel are that large, but nonetheless, I think of my baby as a human being, and, that said, the golden rule applies. How would *I* feel if I were helpless as an infant and I happened to wake up in a strange place, all alone, with the people I depend on nowhere in sight? I'd be terrified, and the 10 minutes it took them to trudge upstairs and rescue me would be the longest 10 minutes in my life. And the baby monitor wouldn't do a thing to make *me* feel better! It's there to make my parents feel better about leaving me all alone and vulnerable.
I totally agree. I'd like to add that while yes, you could hear an intruder on a baby monitor, by the time you heard it, it might be too late.
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#122 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by KoalaMommy
okay, so this is a really old thread, but let's be serious for a second.

Do you leave your babes to nap?
When mine was a baby, she slept in the sling or on me or her father most of the time. We lived in a small apartment, so I put her down on a cushy blanket in the living room where I could see her the whole time when I did laundry or made dinner.
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If I were in this situation, I would wait and see what I thought when I got there. If I felt like it would be okay, I might even ask the inkeeper if it would be okay. At a small B&B, there is no housekeeping staff on at that time at night, even most Marriots only have 2 or 3 people on after 5. Chances are, the place is run by a sweet couple who like people and wanted to have lots of visitors.
...whom you don't know and who have keys to your room.
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I'll bet it would be just fine to leave your soundly sleeping baby for a relaxing dinner, especially with your baby monitor in hand, so you could run upstairs at the slightest noise. And if the inkeepers knew you were doing this, they wouldn't accuse you of child abandonment. I don't think any sane police officer would either if you had the monitor on and in hand. You're in the same building, afterall.
I am not a legal expert, but I don't believe the law agrees with you.
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#123 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 01:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by bri276
We do live in a culture of fear- unfortunately, so do B&B owners, maids (hate that word), policemen, judges, etc. People don't look kindly upon infants being left in what is considered a public place. Even with a monitor, the baby is still technically alone in a room, unsupervised. So, even if you're not worried about kidnappings, fires, etc- the general public is, and they'll report you to authorities who agree with them. People get VERY high up on their horse when it comes to what they perceive to be child neglect.
The B&Bs I've been to are just large homes. THe owners live there.....the last one I went to the owners had 2 children. Would those children be alone in a public place if they are sleeping while their parents are cleaning down stairs? The WHOLE house is their home IMO. I'm having a hard time seeing the difference.

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#124 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 02:10 PM
 
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First I'll say I haven't read the all the previous posts.

We stay at B&B's all the time. They have only been an average of two bedrooms. I have no problem going for breakfast when dd has been sleeping. I just left the door open (which I could see). When she woke up I went and got her. No problem.

We live on 2 acres of land and use a baby moniter when we are outside. To make sure it is working I just put it by the clock or put music on low. If I can hear the clock ticking or music then it is working. This is a great option for travelling as well.

I was just at a girls night and when dd went to sleep in just took the moniter to the main house. When you arrive check the set up out and do what you feel comfortable with.

I try not to live my life on fear based decision making. In other words the what if's. Trust your instincts. There aren't boogie monsters lurking behing every door. Use common sense and you and your baby will be great.

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#125 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 02:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by marlee
We live on 2 acres of land and use a baby moniter when we are outside. To make sure it is working I just put it by the clock or put music on low. If I can hear the clock ticking or music then it is working. This is a great option for travelling as well.
i addressed this in a previous post but...

i would be p!ssed if i went for a relaxing, romantic meal with my sweetie and another couple had a baby monitor on their table. how rude and selfish to submit others to that static-y, tinny noise while dining in a public establishment besides the fact that you're basically advertising the fact that the baby has been left alone.

sorry, but i wouldn't do it. not because i live a life based in fear, not because of possible repercussions with cps. my reasons would be that my priority in life has shifted so that my dd is the most important thing to consider. if i really was in such need to have a meal alone with dh, then i would stay close to home and have a trusted caregiver watch dd.
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#126 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by annettemarie
Oh, how I missed this thread. I wonder what ever happened?
Yeah, why IS this thread back!? She must have decided what to do by now...
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#127 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 05:32 PM
 
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I thought this was reposted or something because it's so old!

Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February! 
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#128 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 06:20 PM
 
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I wouldn't--it would just make me too nervous. I worked in a hotel once where one of our engineers was discovered to be a convinced sex offender. He actually exposed himself to the vice president of the hotel chain's son in the jacuzzi. This guy had access to the hotel rooms. I always deadbolt my room door (and use the chain) when I'm staying in a hotel, and I just couldn't leave my child alone in a room like that. Even a b&b. Who knows who has access? It just isn't worth the risk, imo.

I don't have a problem with monitors, either. We use a video monitor for when DD goes to sleep at night. I just wouldn't use them in a public place.
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#129 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 06:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by annettemarie
Oh, how I missed this thread. I wonder what ever happened?
I am curious too.

OP, what did you end up doing?

I am hoping you guys were able to get in that relaxing dinner you had hoped for!


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Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
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#130 of 138 Old 09-03-2006, 10:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mama Poot
Eeeek....I'm just paranoid. Creepy weird people, strange place, accidents, fire, anything could happen. I couldn't do it because I would be so nervous I wouldn't enjoy my dinner.
That is exactly how I feel - paranoid! I wouldn't do it. When our first son was 3 mos. old, dh and I went to the Mandalay Bay in Vegas for 2 nights and we took him to dinner with us at Aureole, which is a very fancy restaurant. I nursed him first till he was asleep, and we took him to dinner in the infant car seat bucket and he slept in it next to us. We were at dinner for two hours, and I nursed him once and he went back to sleep. And I was able to enjoy an adult "date" dinner with my dh. It was great!

However, now we have 2 kids so if we go on a vacation I think we'll take one of our MIL's along to be the trip babysitter to give us an evening out.
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#131 of 138 Old 09-04-2006, 02:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BensMom
Gasp! 2 levels of house separate me from my sleeping baby, with only a *baby monitor* to protect her from the evils lurking in the world!

.
except there aren't random people in your house at all times...
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#132 of 138 Old 09-04-2006, 02:39 AM
 
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[QUOTE=Valian]Obviously we all have different comfort levels with being seprated from our babes and QUOTE]


its not about mother and baby being separated. its about baby being left alone without ANY caregiver. hire a babysitter, but please, don't leave your baby alone.
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#133 of 138 Old 09-04-2006, 02:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog
Culture of fear my posterior, like others have said, the letter of the law in this country calls it child neglect. Since I like having my child in my life, I prefer not to have her removed from my custody simply because I wanted a "romantic evening."

I don't think the liklihood of intruders or fire in the hotel are that large, but nonetheless, I think of my baby as a human being, and, that said, the golden rule applies. How would *I* feel if I were helpless as an infant and I happened to wake up in a strange place, all alone, with the people I depend on nowhere in sight? I'd be terrified, and the 10 minutes it took them to trudge upstairs and rescue me would be the longest 10 minutes in my life. And the baby monitor wouldn't do a thing to make *me* feel better! It's there to make my parents feel better about leaving me all alone and vulnerable.

We talk a lot on here about "attachment." And I've seen so many threads where women are raked over the coals for leaving their baby in a "bucket" while they eat instead of holding them the whole time. But if I were the baby, I'd rather be in a bucket right next to my mama than laying alone in a strange bed in a strange room.

And, as a parent, how much could I possibly relax while I know my baby is vulnerable and no one is with her to make sure she's OK? HOw much could I relax while listening to the amplified sound of her breathing on a monitor? Baby monitors--ok that's a way stupider invention than the "bucket" seats. Baby monitors are the epitome of detachment parenting and American excess. You leave an electronic transmitter with your baby so you can run to the other end of a 3000 sq ft house while anxiously counting the poor kid's respiration rate. It is a device that is at once a fearmonger, a false sense of security, and a ludicrous waste of money.

If you need a break, get a sitter and take a break. Don't kid yourself into thinking that a machine is a babysitter.
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#134 of 138 Old 09-04-2006, 02:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by millionmom
I'd just take a baby monitor along, that can stick right in your purse. I don't think you're a bad mama at all for wanting to have a nice dinner with you dh( or dp whichever it is). B&Bs are quite small and you'd be right there, just like if you were at your own house. I haven't read the pages of posts but I'm sure this was suggested before...you deserve a dinner together!!
THEN GET A BABYSITTER!!!!!!!
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#135 of 138 Old 09-04-2006, 02:53 AM
 
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[QUOTE=hellyaellen
and i'm really curious about the dangers of your laundry room mama in the boonies. are you saying your dc can't be in the laundry room even w/ you there to watch them?

:[/QUOTE]

I "think" mitb lives in an apt. I could be wrong. but i personally have lived in apt buildings that would not be safe for a toddler - exposed outlets, damp floors, cold , detergent spills on floors, etc...
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#136 of 138 Old 09-04-2006, 03:07 AM
 
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Some of the responses to this thread just boggle the mind.

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id be worried about the RARE events like fire, earthquake, etc
Are you being serious here?! Do you ever leave your house at all with your baby?

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I'd be terrified, and the 10 minutes it took them to trudge upstairs and rescue me would be the longest 10 minutes in my life. And the baby monitor wouldn't do a thing to make *me* feel better! It's there to make my parents feel better about leaving me all alone and vulnerable.
Have you ever been in a B&B?!! It would probably take 5 minutes in a larger hotel to go from a restaurant back to the room. And don't think the monitor would reach that far anyway, nor would it be advisable to leave a baby in a hotel alone. But we aren't talking about a large or even small hotel here. We are talking a B&B.

If our room was steps away (say a 15 second walk?) from the the eating area and we had a monitor we'd totally do it. A baby monitor picks up EVERYTHING and if I turn it up just to 3 or so can hear my DS breathing louder on the monitor than I can when I'm sleeping next to him. I certainly wouldn't be worried about missing an intruder. And a fire? No. Earthquake? Certainly not. Asteroid? Maybe.
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#137 of 138 Old 09-04-2006, 03:07 AM
 
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wow. sometimes ds3 falls asleep upstairs in my bed (where he sleeps) and i come downstairs and play on teh computer. i have a baby monitor that i paid $10 for on the TP...works great. the ONLY time ds3 is away from me is during the few times he falls asleep and stays asleep when i get up. most of the tiime, i cant move from him but every few days he gives me a break (he's sleeping right now with dh and so im here with insomnia).
i really dont think that makes me a detached mom.
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#138 of 138 Old 09-05-2006, 04:04 PM
 
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We actually did this. With two kids. We stayed at a fairly small B&B. the first floor was a big bedroom, a "family" room, a big dining room and a big kitchen. The 2nd floor was 4 bedrooms. Just a two story. Through the kitchen was an entrance to a garage and over the garage were the owner's apartment. We had the bedroom on the first floor because it was the biggest room - big enough for two pack & plays. The layout was really that of a "house". You walked into the foyer - stairs to upstairs bedroom, large bedroom on the left, small family room/living room on the right, then you walk down a hallway (short) to the dining room on the right and the kitchen on the left.

So we had the first floor bedroom and when it was time for breakfast and the kids were still sleeping, we just left our door ajar and ate breakfast. At night, we'd leave our door ajar and watch a movie in the living room or whatever. It was really no different than being at home. Actually, because of the layout of the place, they were actually closer to us there than they are when they are sleeping in their rooms at home.
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