how to listen while a relative/sitter tries to comfort baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 06:39 PM - Thread Starter
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Have you gone through this? My mother is starting to come over some afternoons to look after ds so I can get work done on my thesis, and we want her to learn to get him to sleep for his nap. Normally I nurse him to sleep (he's 8 mo.), but we'd like her to have some reliable way -- rocking him, etc.

I'm sure we'll get there eventually, but at the moment he cries a lot before she can get him to sleep. I find it SO HARD to listen to him cry when I know I could just nurse him and make it better. She's not letting him CIO -- she's holding him and trying things to see what will work, but it still feels like CIO to my mama monkey brain. But if I just do the nap myself then it kind of misses the point of her coming over and giving me time for my work. Anyone else go through this?
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#2 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 06:48 PM
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I haven't BTDT, just wanted to offer hugs and support . When my MIL was here not too long ago I'd let her try to comfort DS for all of literally two seconds then I had to go scoop him up. I hope you can get some work done and can find a solution!

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#3 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 06:59 PM
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Is it possible for you to actually physically leave hte house during those times? Do your work at the library or a coffeeshop or something?

This is not just to make it easier on you, not hearing baby cry, but babies have this *sense*. They Know when mommy is nearby.

Dh used to say how strange it was, that I could leave ds with him, ds would cry a second when I was leaving but hten be fine the whole rest of hte time-but would inevitably, every single time, start fussing about 2 minutes before I walked int he door. Like he could tell somehow that I was getting close, even when I was still driving down the road.

So if baby can sense that you are still close enough, he won't want to settle for anythign less than the boobies. But if you are not htere he may be perfectly happy to let grandma rock him or walk him or whatever to sleep.

Even now at 2 1/2 my son won't accept anyone else putting him to bed *if I'm home*. If I'm out, he is perfectly content to let daddy do it. Having someone else put him down while I was within a mile of the house would never happen, he just Knows.
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#4 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 07:54 PM
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I agree with a lot of Sarah's advice. My dd has only fallen asleep for dh a few times when I'm home, but almost everytime I'm gone I come back to find her crashed out on his shoulder. She's not having it if mama's here.
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#5 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 08:08 PM
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subbing - b/c I am having the same issue, only ds will still cry for 15+ mins during bedtime while being held when I am not there so it makes it hard to leave him...and if anyone offers to watch him a couple of hours so I can have quiet time to get masters work done, I can't do it b/c I don't know how he will be. My DS is 5mos.
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#6 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 08:40 PM
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Has she tried wearing the baby, my ds hates strollers, will fall asleep but only for a short time. But if anyone wears him he will sleep longer, then its wearers preference, front with an option to put him down (try anyway) or back where he will sleep comfortably for the whole nap. Also the framed backpack it good for this becase you can take it off and it has a stand, you could probably find a cheap second hand one. Or the stroller, my first ds really liked it, this one hates it.
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#7 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 10:43 PM
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that's sad.
i've had similar experiences.

i read somewhere..forget where....

that when women hear a baby cry, their bodies release a hormone...chemical...that upsets us more than ANY OTHER SOUND on the planet.

when a man hears a baby cry, it gives them the same responses as any loud sound.

so, there is reason to feel upset, besides the obvious love.

it is also to speak.

good luck getting your thesis done. it is good you have help.

(would you object to a bottle of water or pacifier?--just a thought)
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#8 of 9 Old 08-31-2006, 10:55 PM
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i agree with the advice about leaving the house to work. i'm not a mommy (yet), but i have nannied many years. in my experience, on the caregiver side, the babies really do know that their mothers are near. it's eerie.

something else that i think contributes to the phenomenon -- a caregiver knows when mommy is near. even though i have the utmost faith in my ability to care for a child, when he/she is crying and mommy is within earshot, i tense up. there's a lot of pressure there to soothe the baby AND the mom if mom can hear the cries. i think a child can certainly feel that tension and it just makes matters worse.

i had a mom for two years who was working on her thesis and we found that if she would just leave the house in the afternoon, go down the street to the coffee shop or library to work, everyone did better.

Rachel. Devoted wife and joyful mama to Beatrice June(2/25/08) and Leona Agnes (8/10/10).
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#9 of 9 Old 09-01-2006, 10:18 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks to everybody for the ideas and support! I'm so glad you guys are here...

I think I'll try to get out of the house -- I know my Mom cares for him well and I want to give them a chance to figure out a routine together. There's a coffee shop nearby and I could be home in 5 mins if necessary. It's so hard to let go!
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