How will you discipline your child? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
M_of_M's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 698
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If you don't like the approach "Nanny 911" is taking when she does time-outs or put the child on a chair for a minute or two, how are you planning to discipline your child? Yes, maybe it is a bit early for this board, but maybe you have older kids?

My dd occasionally does things that she knows she is not supposed to do (like painting her brother's head with markers while I am in the washroom or drawing on the curtains). She does know that she is not supposed to do it. I explained to her several times and gave her reasons why such behaviour is bad. She has full access to drawing paper, etc. So, if you don't like "Nanny's 911" methods, than what would you do?

By the way, it is a GENERAL question and has NOTHING to do with my daughter, who 99% of the time is an angel.
M_of_M is offline  
#2 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 05:38 PM
 
prettypixels's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: MD
Posts: 2,835
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just asked the same kind of thing on that thread I would love to see alternatives to the methods they use discussed, especially as applies to the specific things we see there. That'd reassure moms like me who are total newbies and trying to think what they'd ever do, if.... !
prettypixels is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 05:59 PM
 
calendulamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 304
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hi mamas, my ds is just 4 months old, so I'm not sure how it will be once I have to deal with real true difficult behaviour (and not just imagined scenarios) but I have read and thought a lot about this. I am also a teacher, so I have had the chance to try out some things on other peoples kids! :
I really like the ideas behind NVC (non violent communication) and Alfie Kohn's books- especially "Unconditional Parenting". The later especially gives real concrete examples of non-punitive discipline, with the intent being that children always know that you love them, and not using "love withdrawl" (aka "timeouts") to scare them into behaving. But like I said- I haven't had to deal with this yet with my own child, so I'm in no position to give advice!
calendulamama is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 06:55 PM
 
rmzbm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 16,378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Discipline = gentle guidance.

That's what we do.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
rmzbm is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 07:14 PM
 
Persephone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hmm... I have a lot of vague, general ideas, but I'm not sure about how to implement them, really. While I'm not actively disciplining dd (or maybe I am, by Marie's definition), I already use a ton of redirection and distraction which is working really well right now. (I also use a fair helping of frustration and yelling, but I"m working on it) As she grows, I'll implement natural consequences, I need to reread unconditional parenting and "hold on to your kids", and one book I LOVE is "becoming the parent you want to be". I also like the ideas from the continuum concept about not being too child centered. I think a lot of us AP moms can fall into that trap. So, blend all those together, and I think you'll have my personal GD style.

Honestly, discipline is one area of parenting that scares me silly. I can see how all the other aspects of AP work very clearly, but GD is one area where there are so many choices and subject to so many different situations, that I don't really know how I"ll react to things til they come up. Coming from an authoritarian background where spanking and grounding was about the only punishment I got, I can't do what comes naturally.
Persephone is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 07:26 PM
 
mothragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: neverland
Posts: 3,332
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by M_of_M
If you don't like the approach "Nanny 911" is taking when she does time-outs or put the child on a chair for a minute or two, how are you planning to discipline your child? Yes, maybe it is a bit early for this board, but maybe you have older kids?

My dd occasionally does things that she knows she is not supposed to do (like painting her brother's head with markers while I am in the washroom or drawing on the curtains). She does know that she is not supposed to do it. I explained to her several times and gave her reasons why such behaviour is bad. She has full access to drawing paper, etc. So, if you don't like "Nanny's 911" methods, than what would you do?

By the way, it is a GENERAL question and has NOTHING to do with my daughter, who 99% of the time is an angel.
not labeling alice's behavior as "bad" or "good" is something i definately keep in mind. i model behavior that i feel is appropriate and i believe she will follow suit.
that isn't to say that she doesn't/won't do things that drive me nuts, but i don't see that making her sit in a corner etc will teach her anything positive.
i keep things that are breakable/dangerous out of the way. children are curious and don't have much if any impulse control til a certain age, so i don't tempt her.
in your situation i would remove the markers when i wasn't able to supervise. no fuss, no muss
mothragirl is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 08:23 PM
 
trmpetplaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,918
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Gentle-guidance for sure For now it's just redirecting and putting things out of dd's reach. When she's older there will be natural consequences, but not as a punishment per se. As soon as she's interested (and won't eat the rag) then whenever she pees on the floor she'll get to help out because pee on the floor gets cleaned up

Until she's older than 3, we won't be expecting her to understand what is okay to touch and what isn't. We'll give her no reason to lie and encourage openness and communication.

That's the ideal that we'll be striving for, and I think we'll make it :

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
trmpetplaya is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 08:26 PM
 
North_Of_60's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Posts: 7,622
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mothragirl
not labeling alice's behavior as "bad" or "good" is something i definately keep in mind.
For anyone interested, I started a thread the other day called "Good Girl, Bad Girl" about this very thing. I was curious about it, since it is something I subconsciously do. Though I see the point, it's not something I totally understand, but I do plan to read up on it. I don't see anything wrong with rewarding/praising/encouraging good behavior, so I'll be looking into "good" alternatives.

As for actually disciplining, it will be a long while before she's ready for that. I don't think that young children have the impulse control for a lot of heavy handed teaching approaches. Not really at any age, actually.

I'm a professional dog trainer, (hence the "good girl" thing), and if there is one thing I think that may carry over into raising a human (as opposed to a puppy) it's that we, as their caretakers and confidants, should not set them up to fail from the beginning. Modeling good behavior, and removing temptations are the two biggest things that I can think of.

I sit on the fence between following my parental instincts and being aware of what those instincts are doing. So far I've been right on the money (breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc), but discipline, gentle or otherwise, is a whole new kettle of fish for me. I have several titles written down for my next trip to the library (thanx to MDC), but as of now, I plan to take each day and each situation at a time.

Although, after watching Supernanny/Nanny 911, I know what NOT to do.

Frankenstein never scared me. Marsupials do. Because they're FAST.
North_Of_60 is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 08:35 PM
 
The4OfUs's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 5,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
GD, all the way, baby!

My solution to renegade artwork is to ony let DS play with his markers and crayons when I'm right there with him. Period. I know he doesn't have full impulse control yet, so I'm not going to put either of us in the situation (him of drawing on something I don't want him to, and me being mad because it happened when I know I can avoid it by always supervising him until he's shown he can control his impulses)

I think when you read up and learn about age appropriate behaviors, and how children don't gain impulse control or empathy until they're around 3, and even then it's not 100% reliable (and of course there are exceptions where children are more sedate and compliant by nature; but for the most part, children simply aren't able to reliably control their impulses or feel empathy for their actions), there's no real way to go other than GD; how can you punish a child for something they aren't developmentally able to do?

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
The4OfUs is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 08:48 PM
 
Jazzmin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,726
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am going to guide DS2 the same way I guide DS1. Lots of positive redirection, encouragement and limit setting. I have finally learned how to avoid power struggles with DS1!
I plan to fine tune my skills with DS2.

I have tried many meothods of discipline and NOTHING works better than positive redirection and encouragement (aside from being a positive role model). I am so much more excited about going through toddlerhood now that I know how to deal with it.

Mom to DS1, DS2, DD1 and DD2! h20homebirth.gif
Jazzmin is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 09-10-2006, 10:17 PM
 
siobhang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Annandale, VA
Posts: 2,507
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I really recommend yall check out the GD boards and the recommended books. I have learned SO much about different effective options AND the subtle messages we send our kids through our discipline approaches (some good and others pretty bad).

I am reminded of the Abraham Lincoln quote - "When you look for the bad in people, you will surely find it. " I believe this is doubly true for children.

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
siobhang is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off