Oh man! I have such trouble with 'well meaning' friends like that too!
I can see how you'd be so tempted to tell her off, and definitly hear the frustration! Yikes!
I am so glad for you and your babe that he's gaining weight and doing well...sounds like things are right on track for you guys! Way to go! That can be hard, esp when there are so many opinions out there - and so many feels so free to share them - about what you are doing right or wrong etc...
Have you heard about NonViolent Communication? (NVC). It might be helpful in talking to this woman.
Underneath her words might be a convoluted,hidden attempt at care and concern - or perhaps a real need to be validated herself.
If you have the desire and energy, when she says something that is cutting you, your babe, or your parenting choices, you can see if you can empathize at what might be going on for her - "Wow...when you say that I imagine you must be feeling really scared about my son not pooping. Is that accurate?" That's a start. She may continue, needing to be heard, for a while...and you can say, "OH! That's what you meant, so now what I hear you saying is that....[fill it in]. Did I get that right?" And do that until she says, yes. THEN, you can ask what she may need from you about it, or ask if she's willing to hear something from you, which may be "So, when you say things like you did about comparing your dog's death with my son's change in bm, I feel angry and hurt. I don't feel supported by you, and it would be helpful for me if you asked me what I was thinking or feeling, rather than telling me what you think first..." That's simple to write, not so simple to do...
And, if you don't have the energy, I would get a lot of empathy for yourself around what she says to you - and try to avoid her!
Good luck! Hugs to your good-growin' babe!
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