Attending a funeral with a baby - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-19-2007, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We had a death in the family, and the funeral will be sometime next week. I have a black nursing dress that will work for the funeral, but what about 10-month-old DD? And what about babycarrying--should I try to borrow a black sling or Mei Tai?

What if she starts shrieking in the middle of the service? I'm not worried about nursing her if she's hungry, but what if she starts doing that happy-baby-shrieking thing and I have to flee the chapel?


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Old 01-19-2007, 11:03 PM
 
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Sit near the door and slip out if needed.
I think, in most cases the family will not resent a bit of baby noise (it's nicely symbolic of the circle of life if anything). It depends of course, how close you are to the departed, and the approach that the close family take.

nothing more to say I guess :
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Old 01-19-2007, 11:06 PM
 
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I've attended a few funerals where I had a baby with me. If she gets seriously loud, then you can leave, or a lot of churches have children's rooms where you can go in with the baby and you can here the mass, while no one can hear you! But I would definately bring her, because there is nothing more enlightening and heartening to those around you to have a baby at a funeral. They bring joy in a very somber moment.

 
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Old 01-19-2007, 11:07 PM
 
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Unless the happy baby noises are too distracting (or you think they're bothering the family) I'd stay put. Otherwise you can slip out for a few minutes. Maybe standing in the back (my kiddos are quieter when I'm standing). My dad's brother died when I was ten months old. My parents flew back for the funeral. My mom has always said that having me there (the ONLY baby) was really neat because I brought joy to a sad situation.
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Old 01-19-2007, 11:09 PM
 
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As for the baby carrier - I'd just wear whatever you're comfortable with. I wouldn't worry about finding one specifically for the funeral. I've only been to one funeral with a baby, but it was a family service (the deceased was a baby - the friends of the family were mostly families with young children), so there were a ton of people with baby carriers.
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Old 01-19-2007, 11:11 PM
 
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Ugh. My brain's not working. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-20-2007, 12:54 AM
 
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My mom and I were just today reminising about my great grandfather's funeral.
Everyone was sad, but we laughed a lot at stories about him, and all the children were happy and playful.
I say, it depends on the tone of the funeral, but in our family, happy babies are always welcome.

((hugs)) for your loss.

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Old 01-20-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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I don't think you need to spring for a black carrier.

As for the happy baby shreiking...you may feel a little embarrassed but as long as it is indeed happy baby sounds, that might serve as some relief for others. There is nothing better than making people who are grieveing smile. It's hard not to smile at that sound.

We attended a funeral when ds was about that same age. The chapel had a room off to the side that was desinated for young children (had toys, a couch or 2, etc.) It had a large window that looked in on the main chapel area and a speaker system so that you could hear the sermon/eulogy. That was nice.

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Old 01-20-2007, 01:10 AM
 
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I went to a funeral this summer of a friend and brought all 3 of my kids. We do not go to church so my kids do not know how to behave in church...I did try to prep them. Anyway, my 10 year old was fine, the 4 year old was acting up a little, but then again he is 4 and the people around me afterwards told me they had never seen such well behaved children in church! The baby was making babbling noises...people also seemed to like the fact that there were young children there bringing some life and hope to the funeral, if that makes any sense.

I would go ahead and bring the baby.

I am sorry for your loss....
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Old 01-20-2007, 01:33 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would go, take the baby, and sit near a door, or at the end of on aisle. You're not "fleeing the chapel," you just calmly walk out for a few minutes. It's no big deal.

The more relaxed you are about taking your baby, the more relaxed your baby will be while you are there.

I think that most people like seeing a baby at a funeral. It was wonderful to be reminded that life goes on and it starting anew, even during a time of loss. Your baby's smiles and coos will most likely be a blessing to others who are there.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 01-20-2007, 01:35 AM
 
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Unfortunately, I've attended several funerals with my baby. I just wore him in my mei tai (which is black with a pattern in the middle) and left if he got noisy, which only happened once (last month, at his great-grandfather's funeral).
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Old 01-20-2007, 02:15 AM
 
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I had to do a funeral when dd was around 8 or 9 months. A full-day affair. Luckily it was a small town thing where everyone was child-friendly. We couldn't even sit by the door- we were up close to the front with family (it was dh's grandma who had died) I put dd in the MT (not black though...) and nursed. She slept and nursed through most of the church service, though she'd been awake and passed around during the wake earlier.

It will work out.



-Angela
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Old 01-20-2007, 01:41 PM
 
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I'm sorry about your loss, Birth Junky.

Is it horrible of me that the first thing I thought was "If everyone else gets to cry at a funeral, why not the baby, too?"

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
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Old 01-20-2007, 03:13 PM
 
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I'm sorry for you loss.

When my baby was 7 months old my mil passed and she had a 4 hour funeral. When dd got loud I would go to be back of the room but I wasn't too concernec about it, since we were family.

Now that she is 9 months old, my bil just passed yesterday and we'll be doing the same thing again. I don't necessarily wear black to funerals, we just wear clothes that are nicer than jeans. And I use my usual navy pouch.
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Old 01-20-2007, 03:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the responses and sympathy, mamas.

Just to clarify--there is no question about whether to bring her or not; I'm just really wondering about the etiquette of how to dress her and carry her. (That last paragraph in my original post was really more of an afterthought.) I know it probably sounds stupid, to be worrying about such trivial stuff . . . but DH's family's community is very staid and traditional, and I don't want to cause upset or tension (because of imagined disrespect) on such a solemn day.

I've just got this image in my head of all of us gathered around the burial site, everyone all in black, including myself . . . and then this bright splash of color with the blue-and-purple sling and whatever color DD is wearing. And people shaking their heads and "tsk"ing.
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