June 2006 Mamas - Chatting Away in February! - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Can someone just humor me? I have this silly idea that if our DDC can continue to exist peacefully, that somehow there's hope for the rest of the world...religious or not, Christian or Muslim, black or white, rich or poor, you get what I'm saying? Because if our DDC can't get past our differences and try to understand each other, our children have a very bleak future. I know it sounds stupid, but it's the way I feel.
ITA!

It's not stupid at all. It's pretty much what I was trying to say in my long post the other day....except it took you 2 nice, concise sentences and it took me like 5 paragraphs

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#182 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:08 AM
 
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Can someone just humor me? I have this silly idea that if our DDC can continue to exist peacefully, that somehow there's hope for the rest of the world...religious or not, Christian or Muslim, black or white, rich or poor, you get what I'm saying? Because if our DDC can't get past our differences and try to understand each other, our children have a very bleak future. I know it sounds stupid, but it's the way I feel.
you're right. carry on.

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#183 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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Lindsey, thats sooo cute!! You're lucky too, he sounds like an awesome guy!

Ok, so how do you change your "member" name if you have a DDDDC. This is a question asked a little too late, seeing as how when I went to change the name, I accidently hit enter and erased my DDDDC that Amy gave me
sure it was an accident?? Love my dd btw!

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#184 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just to add - I think the difference is that the "Catholic guilt" joke could potentially be taken as an insult (not saying I took it that way, just saying I can pretty readily see how a person might) while mentioning how your church marriage prep class gave you some good insights on dealing with your spouse, or that you have a tradition of burying a statue when you're selling a house or whatever is just talking about who you are and where you come from and why you do what you do, IMHO. Same as if I tell someone I am very, very pro-breastfeeding, and I talk about breastfeeding a lot because it's important to me, and I relate a lot of things back to breastfeeding, I don't want to make a bottle-feeding friend not want to be around me - but I can't hide a part of myself from her either.

Believe me I understand though - my mother's side of the family is Catholic and my father's is Jewish, and I grew up with people always either insulting each other over religion or being afraid to be themselves and it sucks. I think people should be free to talk about what's important to them as long as they are not attacking someone else or debating doctrine or whatever, obviously that belongs on another thread (the doctrine part - not the attacking part! Hope that one was clear! )

Anyway, glad we are talking about it openly, see this is good - we are discussing nicely and trying to make everyone comfortable, right?! Maybe? I hope? :

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#185 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:31 AM
 
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Can I make a small request? Can we not talk about catholicism all the time? If we aren't allowed (as a former catholic) to joke about catholic guilt, can we avoid the topic all together? :
Sorry I talked about burying St Joseph but it was part of my day and it also had something to do w what I had been talking about the last few days. I try to refrain much as possible but sorry I will only talk about waht we should talk about.


So moving on,

Does anyone know any "stepford wives"? Just like in the movie, dressed perfect and everything they say comes with a big phoony smile and tweak in their voice?? A couple of us were in a pizza place the other day eating with the kids. This place is great because its Italian and can feed ususally 99% of the group incl kids. We meet people there all the time w kids anytime of day. Anyhow, so do a lot of other people. So it was me, my 2 dds and a couple of friends and their kids before preschool one day. We were finishing up when in walked two stepford ladies. They were dressed perfect with their two kids each dressed perfect. They were setting up for two others coming as well. They both matched perfect all the way down to the diaper bag. When they talked to each other, they had this shrill in their voice and it was accomanied by a weird phony smile. We watched them for about 5 minutes and then had to pack up ourselves. So I offered them Maggie's high chair since they had more coming. One looked at me oddly and the other one saved her with a "Great! Thank you" and a phony smile. As we left, we saw their friends who would meet them a mile away. I was this close to saying- your friends are in that room right there but I bit my tongue. That was weird! we all LOL but were wondering- how do you live like that!!

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#186 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh back to the 48-hour rule, Sarah, that is a great idea - I just wonder how it would work for us. Because DH and I usually don't fight over specific incidents but more like general "issues" if that makes sense? Like it's not that he came home late or he forgot to do something I asked him to....more like we both have some general ways of being that have been bothering the other for some time, and they come and go but it's hard to pinpoint like "you did this yesterday." Like the birthday thing - the whole issue is pretty trivial in itself but it brought up underlying issues - he feels that I am too controlling, and I feel that he is unappreciative of me. This birthday issue is just one example. Also, he feels that I spend too much money (probably true in some situations) and I feel that he's unrealistic in terms of what things cost (there's the finance thing you mentioned too - is there any couple that does NOT argue about money? If so I want to meet you!)

Amy I like your perspective a lot. You sound very unselfish and that's how I need to be more often. I think part of our problem is that both DH and I think of ourselves too much and each other not enough.

Anyway I hope I haven't made it sound like our marriage is a disaster or anything!! DH is a GREAT guy, a fantastic husband and father, and most of the time we're very, very happy and in love - it just bothers me that there are a few problems that come up over and over and over and never seem to get resolved once and for all.

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#187 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:41 AM
 
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Two things I was just thinking about over dinner...

1) I was raised Catholic, and that leads me to believe that it must be hard to find Catholic AP people to converse with. So if I am right, it must be pretty exciting to be able to do that here.

2) I am atheist, well, secular humanist actually, and I often feel, here and other places, that people talk about Christianity as if everyone is in on it. I feel like there is this expectation for people to be accepting and tolerant of religion, but not of non-religion. I guess this is what sometimes makes it exhausting to hear about religion all the time for me.

Now, let's sing Kumbaya.
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#188 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone know any "stepford wives"?
YES!!! There are a few of them who have daughters in Teresa's ballet and tap class! It drives me nuts. They are TOO perfect - and this is coming from someone who as you know tries to look nice and put-together, but with them it's ridiculous. It goes beyond makeup and nice clothes - it's an attitude. They hang together apart from all the other moms and barely look at you or talk to you. I am SO not used to that because I'm very outgoing and I'm usually one of the people who knows everyone, talking, sitting together, etc. So I finally made an effort to talk to them a bit and they made a big show of being sooooo syrupy-sweet nice to me, but the conversation always lasts like 2 minutes and I still get the feeling they are talking about me behind my back the minute I turn around! One of them has a daughter who LOVES Andrew so she always runs out of class and asks me if she can hold him, and I let her, and the mom rushes over and I can tell she's trying to get her daughter to stop fawning over him and just go with her. She's got that shrill, patronizing voice you describe and she's like, "Oh yeeeees, the baby is veeeeery cute. Now come along, we have somewhere to be...."

I admit though, part of it is probably a teeny bit of jealousy - they have some HUGE diamonds they always wear : I have to keep telling myself, "You really don't want those! They were probably blood diamonds from Africa! You don't want that on your conscience! Really!"

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#189 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 12:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Two things I was just thinking about over dinner...

1) I was raised Catholic, and that leads me to believe that it must be hard to find Catholic AP people to converse with. So if I am right, it must be pretty exciting to be able to do that here.

2) I am atheist, well, secular humanist actually, and I often feel, here and other places, that people talk about Christianity as if everyone is in on it. I feel like there is this expectation for people to be accepting and tolerant of religion, but not of non-religion. I guess this is what sometimes makes it exhausting to hear about religion all the time for me.

Now, let's sing Kumbaya.
Actually, Candice, pretty much all of the practicing Catholics I know IRL are very, very AP - I can really think of only one exception offhand. There are actually a few books I love (PM me if anyone is interested) which make the case that AP parenting and particularly extended breastfeeding are almost requirements for being a good Catholic mother. It's been my experience that most Catholics are AP (Dr. Sears types) although many Protestants I know are not (a lot of the non-Catholic Christian books are like Dr. Dobson etc. who are far from AP!) And I mean no disrespect at all to Protestant mamas!!! Just saying that the famous child-rearing books by Protestants that I am aware of are not really AP but obviously I don't know all of them so correct me if I am wrong!

On your second point, I can only speak for myself but I think I am very tolerant of non-religion as well as religions of all types. I believe what I believe very firmly and I do believe it to be true, but I can understand how others would not - mostly because I was an agnostic for most of my life. I was raised in a non-religious family (as I mentioned before, everyone fought about it, but mostly for cultural-identity reasons, hard to explain but nobody actually believed in or followed anything!) and it wasn't until late in college and after that I actually started practicing a particular faith. So believe me, I do understand. I actually used to think organized religion was ridiculous. Also I've lived all over the world including places where Christianity is very much a minority. So I can only speak for myself, but while I do talk about what I believe I definitely do not expect others to necessarily believe it too and I respect others' beliefs even if they differ from mine. If someone asked me why I believe what I do, I would be happy to tell them, but I'm not out to prostyletize anybody, unless they're asking!

I do think though, that in our country now, the expectation is just the opposite - people of faith are expected to keep it to themselves and have the public domain be totally secular. In fact one of the things my DH is working on now is an academic debate over whether to remove a cross from a chapel at his alma mater (Willam and Mary). It was a Protestant school but is now public - but the cross is in the chapel, not in a classroom! And the default assumption was to take it down - now people are fighting to keep a cross in a chapel, which kind of seems crazy to me.

Sorry to go so OT....yes, back to Kumbaya And I think I've enough tonight so I'm heading to bed!

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#190 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:00 AM
 
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they can keep their diamonds! I do know one girl who lives in my town and soon to be my neighbor. She is like that. But everyone I talk to LOL that I will soon live by her. She is like that but people roll their eyes at her when she is not looking. I called her out once and I know her since she was also on the board at dd's preschool. She has never been a snot to me, actaully would walk across the pool in the summer to talk to me, but is a snot to one of my good friends until she learned where she lived. Now she talks to her. That kind of stuff makes me want to puke so I conventienly filled her position on the board with someone else for this year since she never let me know if she wanted to return.

Also BFM, another thing we learned from our pre cana work- Dont use phrases like- "You work too much, You spend too much money, You dont do this and YOU dont do that." or You're a ____ and you do ____too much. Its better to say, "You know dh, sometimes I feel lonely when you have to spend so much time at the office. I miss you and so do the kids." Then discuss it and allow him to say something similar. He can say "it worries me when I see the visa statement. I understand sometimes we need to spend on ___ but I worry about it since we just got a new house, etc"
Its hard but well worth it!

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#191 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Also BFM, another thing we learned from our pre cana work- Dont use phrases like- "You work too much, You spend too much money, You dont do this and YOU dont do that." or You're a ____ and you do ____too much. Its better to say, "You know dh, sometimes I feel lonely when you have to spend so much time at the office. I miss you and so do the kids." Then discuss it and allow him to say something similar. He can say "it worries me when I see the visa statement. I understand sometimes we need to spend on ___ but I worry about it since we just got a new house, etc"
Its hard but well worth it!
See, you are SO good!! You need to come to PA and teach me how to be a better wife. I always try not to generalize like that but I get mad and do it anyway and you're right, it's not productive. Our pre-cana was terrible. I actually got a lot more out of the communications skills sessions that LLL Leaders take. They said something like what you said, express how you feel when certain things happen without labeling, accusing, etc. I try but I have too much of a temper - I get mad and then all these resolutions of what I'm going to say or not say go right out the window. And I know this sounds pathetic but I want him to do it first. I get stuck thinking, 'well, when HE stops doing that, then I will stop too - when HE starts saying things nicely, then I will..." Pretty immature of me I guess.

Anyway I am really shutting up and going upstairs now. It's getting too freaking cold in our office here!!

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#192 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 02:07 AM
 
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Holy catch up Batman.


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Why are eggs "on sale" for $1.99? Why are they so expensive now? These aren't even happy chicken eggs- they're from battery cage chickens. ???
I buy my eggs from my SIL, she's got chickens, and they live inside now because they'd freeze to death or get eaten by a hungry coyote if they didn't, but they are happy chickens. I pay $2/doz for them. It's been so long since I bought eggs at the store, I don't remember how much they cost there.

: DH is home!!! Still not 100% on when he's going back, it'll be next Monday at the latest, but one of the 3 companies he's working for : may want him back a couple days early. Next shift should be better. If the company east of us wants him during his 2 weeks "off", he's going to schedule it for in the middle somewhere and maybe we'll see about getting a hotel room so K & I can stay over there & visit. We have friends we can visit during the days too, I miss them a lot.

It is absolutely miserable here. It was above freezing temps this afternoon, but freezing rain falling so bad that we almost couldn't drive because our windshield was freezing over. Then, the temperature dropped 15*C (not sure what that is F), so the roads coming home were oh so wonderful that it took twice as long to get home as it usually does. Tonight they say 3*F and tomorrow night, -9*F. Brrr.

Can I just say how glad I am not to be the only grown up here anymore? I've had a cold for a week. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm coming out of it, and now Katie has it. :Phlegm, sneezing, coughing, the works. Fevers 2 mornings in a row. Yuck. Boogers are so gross on my cute baby's face. Oh, and to top it all off, she's still working on that tooth. She seems to do better if I strip her to her diaper and let her cuddle with her back on my belly with just a sheet over us. Brings her temperature down pretty well too. Fortunately, she hasn't had any major fever, but she's definitely warm. Poor baby.

Yea, I forget what else I was going to say. Off to watch a movie with DH. Hooray!

Mom to K (06.23.06) & A (09.13.09)
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#193 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 02:10 AM
 
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Oh yea. Stepford Wives. I know a lady who appears to be one, but actually knowing her, she's totally not. That's just her personality. She's the little perfectionist. How she manages it with 4 kids 5 & under, I'll never know.

And, my diamonds are Canadian. Which brings a whole other set of arguements, but at least there's no war in Canada.

Mom to K (06.23.06) & A (09.13.09)
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#194 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 04:20 AM
 
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: With so much drama in our DDC, it's kind of hard bein' Snoop D-O-double-G...:
I just love your member name!!! "Doodies"! Cute!

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sure it was an accident?? Love my dd btw!
I swear, I swear!! I was changing mine, cuz the superbowls over and since I get to change it for free, I wanna keep thinking of fun things to put. Then when I tried to just retype what you put up there, it only lets you have so much space. Oh well....Im glad you like DDDDC. I know we didn't "bet" on it, but I couldn't help myself! :

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Just to add - I think the difference is that the "Catholic guilt" joke could potentially be taken as an insult (not saying I took it that way, just saying I can pretty readily see how a person might) while mentioning how your church marriage prep class gave you some good insights on dealing with your spouse, or that you have a tradition of burying a statue when you're selling a house or whatever is just talking about who you are and where you come from and why you do what you do, IMHO. Same as if I tell someone I am very, very pro-breastfeeding, and I talk about breastfeeding a lot because it's important to me, and I relate a lot of things back to breastfeeding, I don't want to make a bottle-feeding friend not want to be around me - but I can't hide a part of myself from her either.

Anyway, glad we are talking about it openly, see this is good - we are discussing nicely and trying to make everyone comfortable, right?! Maybe? I hope? :
Actually a very good analogy w/ the breastfeeding issue. ITA. And Im glad that we can all discuss it and just let each other know how we feel and now be fearful of judgement or backlash. This is why I love our DDC. We're all mama's with a commonality, our babies

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So moving on,

Does anyone know any "stepford wives"?
YES!! There's a whole city of them here in Ms. : J/K, well almost. One of the cities near me is full of very "stepfordish" wives. They all drive the huge SUV's, their children are always wearing very uncomfortable looking clothes, and the girls wear these HUGE bows. I call them power bows

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I was an agnostic for most of my life. I was raised in a non-religious family (as I mentioned before, everyone fought about it, but mostly for cultural-identity reasons, hard to explain but nobody actually believed in or followed anything!) and it wasn't until late in college and after that I actually started practicing a particular faith. So believe me, I do understand. I actually used to think organized religion was ridiculous.
Me too! My parents are very spiritual, but not religious, does that make sense. My stepmom is very metaphysical and thats how I was raised. I didn't belong to an organized religion (except for being baptized Lutheran as a baby) until we started having children. Its very easy to be agnostic/atheist in Ca. but its a whole lot different in Ms. I remember when I first moved here and one of the first questions people ask when you meet is "where did you go to church?" That was very surprising to me, cuz no one asks that in Ca. I always believed that organized religion only seemed to separate people not unite. But I'm very comfortable where I am in my life and my religion. JasN is a cradle catholic and luckily I feel like I fit here too. To me it doesn't matter what religion you are, what color you are, what sexual orientation you are, what music you listen to, etc..thats all arbitrary to me. Whats important to me is WHO you are as a person. It makes life so much easier and peaceful to!:

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: DH is home!!!!
Awesome!! Yay!! Enjoy your movie! And I can't even imagine what your weather must feel like. I've never been in that kind of cold. Snuggle down and get warm and cozy with dh home
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#195 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 07:16 AM
 
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I didn't get a chance to read the whole thread but in response to the original question "what our dc do that you think is cute": See Below Post
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#196 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 07:16 AM
 
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I am so glad that I found this thread.

My ds isn't crawling but that doesn't stop him from getting around . . . . instead he gets around by rolling around . He is just now starting to scoot and rotate a little. I think it's just so cute.
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#197 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 10:15 AM
 
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Can someone just humor me? I have this silly idea that if our DDC can continue to exist peacefully, that somehow there's hope for the rest of the world...religious or not, Christian or Muslim, black or white, rich or poor, you get what I'm saying? Because if our DDC can't get past our differences and try to understand each other, our children have a very bleak future. I know it sounds stupid, but it's the way I feel.
It's not stupid at all. ITA.


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Oh back to the 48-hour rule, Sarah, that is a great idea - I just wonder how it would work for us. Because DH and I usually don't fight over specific incidents but more like general "issues" if that makes sense? Like it's not that he came home late or he forgot to do something I asked him to....more like we both have some general ways of being that have been bothering the other for some time, and they come and go but it's hard to pinpoint like "you did this yesterday." Like the birthday thing - the whole issue is pretty trivial in itself but it brought up underlying issues - he feels that I am too controlling, and I feel that he is unappreciative of me. This birthday issue is just one example. Also, he feels that I spend too much money (probably true in some situations) and I feel that he's unrealistic in terms of what things cost (there's the finance thing you mentioned too - is there any couple that does NOT argue about money? If so I want to meet you!)

Amy I like your perspective a lot. You sound very unselfish and that's how I need to be more often. I think part of our problem is that both DH and I think of ourselves too much and each other not enough.

Anyway I hope I haven't made it sound like our marriage is a disaster or anything!! DH is a GREAT guy, a fantastic husband and father, and most of the time we're very, very happy and in love - it just bothers me that there are a few problems that come up over and over and over and never seem to get resolved once and for all.
No, it doesn't sound disastrous, and as Amy said, try and stay away from the generalizations if at all possible. And, there's no shame in saying, "You know what? We need to table this discussion until I have a better handle on what I want to say. I'd really like to come to a resolution, but need some time to work out my thoughts/feelings on this particular topic." If you are both respectful of the fact that the other one might not be able to have a specific conversation right then it could really work to your benefit. Gives both of you time to cool off, mellow out, and gather your thoughts...all important!

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I admit though, part of it is probably a teeny bit of jealousy - they have some HUGE diamonds they always wear : I have to keep telling myself, "You really don't want those! They were probably blood diamonds from Africa! You don't want that on your conscience! Really!"
I've never actually met any Stepford wives/children, but I know what you're talking about. And it's spooky, Amy, definitely.

As far as the diamonds are concerned, mine's fake, and has stumped many a jeweler. You have to scroll down to 17807L if you wanna see it.

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: DH is home!!!
So glad he's home, and sorry the little one is sick...that's no good!!

We may have discussed this before, but what does your DH do, exactly that required so much travel time? Just curious.

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I am so glad that I found this thread.

My ds isn't crawling but that doesn't stop him from getting around . . . . instead he gets around by rolling around . He is just now starting to scoot and rotate a little. I think it's just so cute.
Welcome! My baby isn't crawling either, and she was born in April (but due in June). She can really get around! It's amazing how quickly they can clear a room, isn't it?!

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#198 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 10:27 AM
 
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Hey ladies - I need to take a couple days and get over myself. I'll be around!

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#199 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 10:49 AM
 
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In the spirit of honesty, I've got to say that I agree with Candice's second point about how there is an assumption that everyone is always down with Christianity. People who are agnostic or atheist don't frequently talk about it because if it's not in your life, why talk about it? Other things fill that space. So we don't pipe up about "Hey, I totally didn't go to church today!"

I respect everyone's right to believe what they believe, but the only times I've been made to feel truly uncomfortable in the ddc have been times when people have started applying their personal belief system in a general way to the choices that others may make. These topics have included the use of hormonal birth control, permanent sterilization, and family size, and I'll discuss exactly what bothered me over PM if anyone is interested. I've never really said anything much when this stuff comes up, trying to follow the "take what you want and leave the rest" strategy. But I think I do see Korin's original point too. The "Catholic guilt" thing that upset a few people was said...by a Catholic! And then someone else added that she was uncomfortable with all the "Catholic bashing." Which I must have missed, since it seemed like only Catholic on Catholic discussion. I'm not offended by talk of burying a statue or marital tips, but it does sort of add up to inconsistent communication - none of it may be criticized or joked about, but it can be freely discussed in detail by anyone who subscribes to the ideals. It seems like if there's a potentially touchy issue, it might be better to discuss it in one of the many wonderful and appropriate other forums. There are so many opportunities to really get into niche conversations with like-minded people on these boards.

It does seem like this thread has evolved a great deal from a place to talk about what babies the same age are doing. I've made the decision that I'm no longer comfortable discussing anything besides my baby. I'm happy to post pictures and share milestones or comiserate about sleepless nights, but I'm going to drop any personal life talk, and I probably won't respond to any. I have other outlets for discussing such things. I think that's what I need to do in order to observe Candice's other point. No one group of people is going to get along on every issue, and that's why boundaries can be really helpful.
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I respect everyone's right to believe what they believe, but the only times I've been made to feel truly uncomfortable in the ddc have been times when people have started applying their personal belief system in a general way to the choices that others may make. These topics have included the use of hormonal birth control, permanent sterilization, and family size, and I'll discuss exactly what bothered me over PM if anyone is interested. I've never really said anything much when this stuff comes up, trying to follow the "take what you want and leave the rest" strategy. But I think I do see Korin's original point too. The "Catholic guilt" thing that upset a few people was said...by a Catholic! And then someone else added that she was uncomfortable with all the "Catholic bashing." Which I must have missed, since it seemed like only Catholic on Catholic discussion. I'm not offended by talk of burying a statue or marital tips, but it does sort of add up to inconsistent communication - none of it may be criticized or joked about, but it can be freely discussed in detail by anyone who subscribes to the ideals.
Helen, I am honestly sorry you felt uncomfortable about any of that. I really think you're a cool person and great mama, and although I am going to disagree with much of what you said here, I am not saying anything against you personally.

I still maintain that there's a difference between making a joke or a criticism about someone's religion and merely talking about something to do with your own religion in your life as a mother and wife. Tell me if I have this wrong, but to my reading, that implies that you're saying that if someone expresses something individual about who she is, it is thus fair game to make jokes about it or criticize it. So by that logic, if someone here revealed in conversation that she is bisexual and that it is an essential part of her identity as a spouse and mother, then it would thus be acceptable to you to tell her that she must choose either to not ever mention that part of her identity in our thread (after all, there is a queer parenting thread here, right?) or else accept being teased or criticized about it, yes? Um, I doubt it.

I also have to question whether this discussion would be taking place if it just happened that there were a bunch of June mamas here who were Muslims, or Jews, or Buddhists, or Wiccans. I would wager not. It appears to me that because Christian faiths are often seen as backward or outdated or "oppressive" in certain circles, there is free reign to criticize, but with other "cooler" or more modern belief systems, one dares not "discriminate" and suddenly there's plenty of tolerance for religion. I think an honest look at the state of things nowadays would indicate that prejudice against conservative Christians is the last acceptable prejudice in our country.

I think it's sad when some of us feel like we've made important friendships here, for people to restrict discussion to our babies alone. Personally, I don't know how to separate my faith, my personality, my family, my baby, my other kids, my husband, my parenting practices, my passtimes, etc. - all are interrelated facets of who I am. Maybe some people can draw lines there, but I honestly could not. I don't see how I could have a conversation about my baby with people I consider friends, without being able to talk freely about my family life. I mean, where would the censorship start? If someone said, "So what did you do today?" and I said, "Well, I went to Mass, and then I went out to lunch with the kids..." would be that be permitted? What about if, purely discussing milestones, someone said, "How do your babies behave with stangers, any separation anxiety yet?" and I said, "Oh, Andrew is still OK with strangers, just today he sat with an acquaintance of mine while I taught Catechism class at co-op...?" or would I have to say, "Well, he sat with an acquaintance while I taught...um...a class on something...." See how ridiculous this idea is in practice?

We talked about family size and many people said, "We're done, we're done, we're done," while a few of us said we're leaving our family size up to God. So, saying you're "done" is OK, even if that attitude toward having children bothers some people, but honestly explaining why you're expecting to have more kids is not, because that attitude bothers some people. Should I have lied? OK, then I'm planning to have more kids because I think driving around a full-size van would be fun. Or maybe because I think it will be a challenge to see how many chairs I can squeeze around a dinner table. :

And sorry, but if someone has the right to say, "My DH is getting is fixed and I think it's fine" then I certainly have the right to say, "My DH is never getting fixed since I believe it is not fine." I am not telling anyone else what to do or think or believe, I am not saying that vasectomies should be illegal, I am not saying "you're a bad person because you're having one," - I am merely expressing my opinion as I am entitled to do. You might be offended by my thinking sterilization is wrong, but maybe I'm offended by people thinking it is OK to talk about getting fixed as if you're talking about getting a manicure. Does anyone ever think about that? No - the automatic assumption was that it's OK to talk about vasectomies in a mixed group of people, NOT that it is UNacceptable to do so. So now, tell me again, which philosophy are we assuming everyone should be "down with"?

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#201 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:19 PM
 
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It does seem like this thread has evolved a great deal from a place to talk about what babies the same age are doing. I've made the decision that I'm no longer comfortable discussing anything besides my baby. I'm happy to post pictures and share milestones or comiserate about sleepless nights, but I'm going to drop any personal life talk, and I probably won't respond to any. I have other outlets for discussing such things. I think that's what I need to do in order to observe Candice's other point. No one group of people is going to get along on every issue, and that's why boundaries can be really helpful.
Good point. This is Life With a Babe....

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#202 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good point. This is Life With a Babe....
Yeah, but it's not called "My Baby's Milestones" or "Baby Chat" - it is "LIFE With a Babe" and to me the key word is LIFE. And I don't know about you all, but LIFE with my babe includes a lot more than just sitting around watching him crawl and reporting on when he did it.

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#203 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:31 PM
 
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Yeah, but it's not called "My Baby's Milestones" or "Baby Chat" - it is "LIFE With a Babe" and to me the key word is LIFE. And I don't know about you all, but LIFE with my babe includes a lot more than just sitting around watching him crawl and reporting on when he did it.
I understand. But the individual forums are set up for very specific topics, so that it is easier to find help with those topics. And since we all started around having a child around the same time, we naturally migrated to this forum after the babes came. But technically, we don't stay on topic and talk about other things. And yes, you can make the argument that you are speaking of Life and your life does have a babe within it, but it was never anyone's intention to make anyone else feel uncomfortable with the discussions that were going on. So, I think it actually may be a good idea to split the discussion. Specific milestones for kids or support for whatever the babe is going through here and if you just want to have a general chat, there are other areas that you can do that in. :

Ange. Mama to boys. Yup. All Boys. All Intact. A bunch of other NFL, crunchy credentials too.
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#204 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:35 PM
 
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Holy crap batman. The baby who sleeps,sleeps no more. She was up ever hour last nighht!: You can take my MDC card away now cuz I left her in the bucket to sleep after coffee this morn.I didn't want to chance waking her.:

Doing what I can to make better choices every day!
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#205 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I understand. But the individual forums are set up for very specific topics, so that it is easier to find help with those topics. And since we all started around having a child around the same time, we naturally migrated to this forum after the babes came. But technically, we don't stay on topic and talk about other things. And yes, you can make the argument that you are speaking of Life and your life does have a babe within it, but it was never anyone's intention to make anyone else feel uncomfortable with the discussions that were going on. So, I think it actually may be a good idea to split the discussion. Specific milestones for kids or support for whatever the babe is going through here and if you just want to have a general chat, there are other areas that you can do that in. :
I suppose so. I see your point, Ange. This all just makes me really, really sad. The reason I felt free to talk about everything going on in MY 'life with my babe' was that I've "known" many of you all for so many months and trusted that I could share and talk to you all like I would any general group of friends, IRL or online. I was honestly never trying to "convert" anyone to my way of thinking or anything like that, just sharing who I am and what makes me, me. Perhaps I was wrong though, and I took too many liberties talking about my general life as a wife and mom.

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#206 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:37 PM
 
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Nothing much to say just want to wish Candice a :
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#207 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:41 PM
 
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I suppose so. I see your point, Ange. This all just makes me really, really sad. The reason I felt free to talk about everything going on in MY 'life with my babe' was that I've "known" many of you all for so many months and trusted that I could share and talk to you all like I would any general group of friends, IRL or online. I was honestly never trying to "convert" anyone to my way of thinking or anything like that, just sharing who I am and what makes me, me. Perhaps I was wrong though, and I took too many liberties talking about my general life as a wife and mom.
And I agree with you I just think we need a relocation for the thoughts that you want to share. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...19#post7225119

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#208 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:42 PM
 
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Holy crap batman. The baby who sleeps,sleeps no more. She was up ever hour last nighht!: You can take my MDC card away now cuz I left her in the bucket to sleep after coffee this morn.I didn't want to chance waking her.:
so taking away your card! If my kid would sleep in the bucket for a couple minute, I may attempt it. :

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#209 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:50 PM
 
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Holy crap batman. The baby who sleeps,sleeps no more. She was up ever hour last nighht!: You can take my MDC card away now cuz I left her in the bucket to sleep after coffee this morn.I didn't want to chance waking her.:
I let mine sleep in the carseat yesterday, and they both slept for an hour and a half. I turned my card in long ago...
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#210 of 608 Old 02-06-2007, 01:58 PM
 
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I let mine sleep in the carseat yesterday, and they both slept for an hour and a half. I turned my card in long ago...
I think it makes them feel as if they are still being held??? With the 20 lb baby, sometimes, you just gotta put the babe down...

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