Mom won't pick up her baby! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 18 Old 05-19-2003, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just so frustrated, I had to post. A friend in my music class brings her baby every week in an infant carrier carseat. She proceeds to leave her there during class but faces her towards the class. Too many times, now, I have had to TELL her her baby was crying and she'd come over. And, most times, she'll be right there and ignore her! I can't take it and so I've now taken to offering to hold her for her. Heck, I may as well bring my sling in (I only use it periodically now for my 2 yo) and carry her baby for her!! Frustrating. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent!

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#2 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 01:37 AM
 
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That's a big ol' pet peeve of mine, I see way too often! I had a kids party and two of the mom's with babies left them in the carriers they arrived in for as long as possible. I was too busy to pick them up but I did ask a couple other moms to offer. They did and finally the babies got out. They were awake the whole time and the moms were just visiting with each other, not doing anything that would prevent them from holding their babies. I just don't get it.
My husband was at babies r us a while back and saw a baby in the cart who was crying the whole time, the mom just kept saying things like, "what do you want?". When my husband passed her in the isle he heard her say that to her screaming baby and muttered (loud enough for her to hear) "pick me up!". The next time he saw her, she was holding her baby, and baby wasn't crying :

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#3 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 01:42 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you have to be around a woman like that. I can see how it would really make you crazy....and pity for that little baby.

I hate it when I'll hold a friends baby and when the child starts to cry she'll ignore him. I know she's happy to get a break but I don't know her child like she does! I don't even have children and she'll just stand where she was, in earshot, unphazed while her baby screams. I'll take her her baby and she'll act all surprised, stick him in the swing and go on about her business. I wish I knew what to do.........

Perpetually TTC #1.  Let's go, Lightning!
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#4 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 08:11 AM
 
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Oh no...poor little girl.
Makes ya wonder how she treats her at home, doesn't it?
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#5 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 09:00 AM
 
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This is also one of my peeves. I couldn't stop holding and cuddling Sam when he was a baby and even now we have extended cuddles. He even cuddles with dad. I will even snuggle with other people's babies. (I can't wait until my SIL has her little one in July. )

It breaks my heart to see people not holding their child. Car seats are for cars. Arms are for babies.
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#6 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 10:20 AM
 
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I am one of the more mainstreaming mom's here at MDC, and i cant stand to see a baby cry! i always always held my kids and picked them up when they cried. I work in an ER, and always carry the crying kids. its awful, even in the stressful enviorment, parents do not pick up their crying kids and babies. and we even have several rocking chairs!
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#7 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 11:37 AM
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Poor Baby!

That hurts my heart.

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#8 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 11:44 AM
 
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I always say "Your baby is calling you" instead of "Your baby is crying." Maybe, just maybe, a seed will be planted ... :
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#9 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 12:01 PM
 
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I feel a lot of sadness for moms (or dads) who do not pick up their children when they are crying. How can they go against that basic instinct. Makes me sad, thinking about how those parents were parented when they were children, about all the messages they must have received to make them override that basic urge to pick up a hurting child... I agree with all who said they feel sad for the baby - my heart aches for children who are not cuddled and held enough... but I feel equally sad for the parents who are missing one of the great joys of parenting a young child.
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#10 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 12:04 PM
 
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glad2bhome, if your already holding her baby, do start slinging her. Maybe the mom will open her eyes and notice how much happier her baby is!


: madrone - : SAHM to 12 y.o. DS, : 9 y.o. DD, and : 4 y.o. DS
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#11 of 18 Old 05-20-2003, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well said, Mirlee!! Madrone, on another note, I am babysitting my 2mo niece next week and am eager to try out the sling on her!! I was the one who posted about giving my sling to my SIL because they said their newborn was fussy. (They said they tried it once and she liked it. Then, I see it hanging on the stairmaster as I walk in the door and they are still complaining about her fussing! ARGH!!!) I found out about slings too late (when my dd#2 was one yr ) and so I LOVE to tell new parents about them. I can't wait to hold a little one in mine!!!

Thanks for your empathetic comments, everyone!
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#12 of 18 Old 05-24-2003, 07:33 PM
 
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I've actually had people tell me that babies don't like you to hold them too much!!!

I don't think I've ever met that kind of baby.:
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#13 of 18 Old 05-24-2003, 10:46 PM
 
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The thing I never understand is when I see a baby crying in the bucket, and her mom is anxiously rocking the bucket and speaking soothingly, trying to calm her down... why expend all that energy when all you have to do is pick the baby up? The baby isn't attached to the bucket, she isn't a turtle.
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#14 of 18 Old 05-25-2003, 08:38 PM
 
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Bucket??? Is that another name for a infant seat? I think that is funny...dunno why:LOL
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#15 of 18 Old 05-26-2003, 05:58 PM
 
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nak

not trying to play devil's advocate, but when ian is in his seat & is happily playing with his mobile & flirting with himself in his mirror, i leave him there. when we are eating out, we often do this -- of course, if he fusses or cries, we pick him right up.

as for babies not liking to be held too much -- i have encountered instances where ian fussed no matter what i did, so i finally plopped him down in his swing where he promptly closed his eyes, stopped fussing & squirming & fell asleep! maybe it isn't a matter of holding too much, but when.

baby buckets (i think that's an amusing term -- kinda makes sense & doesn't offend me at all) have a perfectly healthy place in many homes, and i don't think they should be immediately dismissed as "evil."

If, on the other hand, the baby is unhappy -- as in the OP, then that's a whole other story -- and a very sad one.

Just my $.02
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#16 of 18 Old 05-26-2003, 11:55 PM
 
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Oh yes - if a baby is happy where he is, then by all means leave him alone! I have eaten many a meal while Cole relaxed in his bucket. I'm not anti-bucket, LOL. I just don't like to see a baby crying in one while his mom either ignores him or like I said, tries to comfort him without taking him out of it.
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#17 of 18 Old 05-27-2003, 12:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yep, that's me, too! Although, I wish she'd take her out of the bucket more often, let her be in some arms more, KWIM? And, yes, by all means, pay attention and answer your baby's cries!!!!
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#18 of 18 Old 05-27-2003, 01:07 AM
 
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I know what you mean about the rocking the baby in the bucket thing, it's sad that people can't figure it out. I have a sudden vision of my sister (who was a young mother) yelling in frustration at my nephew at 3am to "just go to sleep!" while he sat in his seat and cried... I don't know why she didn't pick him up, but I wish I could go back & help -- at the time I was filled with self-righteousness...how stupid I was for not helping & thinking myself superior.. :cry I think I'd better write her a letter, now...

I know now that helping these mothers who ignore their babies could make all the difference! So sling that baby, glad2bhome!! Maybe we can help those mommy's who don't know. Thanks so much for this post!
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