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#61 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 01:16 AM
 
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wow.... hugs mama....this must be hard.... keep a level head....
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#62 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 01:24 AM
 
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I hope everything goes well.
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#63 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 01:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#64 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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I would be really scared if CPS showed up at my door and I am a social worker. I would make sure you know your rights and that she has the authority/warrant needed to make you come in. However because many things are up to her discretion you want to be as compliant as possible-or at least appear to be. Once you have a bad name with CPS it is hard to shake which is not fair. Also if your dc has any bruises/marks make sure you can explain them. It might help to bring your dh in if you think he would be good support. Could it be because you don't vax your dc? Good luck
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#65 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 01:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#66 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 02:14 AM
 
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I hope everything goes okay! Good luck!
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#67 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 09:22 AM
 
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Okay, now it sounds like they may just be trying to be sure you arent in the DV situation because of the restraining order and a call to 911.. I dont think you have anything to worry about but I would still want to meet at a coffee shop or somewhere out in the open, I really wouldnt want to go to her office and I sure as hell wouldnt be letting her into my home LOL
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#68 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 09:44 AM
 
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Wow... I have no advice to give, but wanted to give you a and wish you the best.
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#69 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 11:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#70 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 11:49 AM
 
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Good luck!
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#71 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 12:24 PM
 
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Just now reading this but couldn't read without responding... Good Luck Momma! I hope everything turns out okay and she's just being extra careful! I can't imagine how scary this must be for you. My worst nightmare is having CPS called on me falsely. ((((((((hugs))))))))))

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#72 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 12:38 PM
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Ok, that explanation sounds perfectly reasonable. Police made a CPS call because your husband violated a TRO, you called 911 and hung up. Even though it was a series of innocent mistakes and reasonable explanations, it doesn't look so good, kwim?

Given that information, I would clean up you and the baby, put on some nice clothes, and go to the appt. (granted it's 1130 now so it's a little late for the advice ).

I would be firm, saying, "You know, I know that I didn't have to do this without a warrant, but because this is clearly a misunderstanding I thought it would be best if we could address the matter quickly. I'll be taking notes during our conversation and if I'm at all uncomfortable, I'll terminate the conversation and contact my lawyer."
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#73 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 12:49 PM
 
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If everything is how you say it is, then I wouldn't worry about CPS seeing your child or your home. I honestly don't understand the paranoia about them, nor refusing to talk to them without a warrant. Actually, demanding a warrant when you "have nothing to hide" is what seems fishy.

Am I the only who would just cooperate and be done with it? Demanding a warrant when there isn't a problem seems like it might send up red flags when there aren't any. HOWEVER, if I knew there was something actually wrong it might be nice security to ensure my defense is in order (pediatrician and medical records, lawyer, etc), otherwise I just don't understand not cooperating and getting it over with. Sorry.

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#74 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 12:59 PM
 
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To answer your question North of 60 - I guess I just know people who did "cooperate" with CPS and they ended up getting their kids taken away for a while so CPS could "investigate." The case was dropped but the harm and trama to the children still affects their everyday life. They fear that someone will come and take them away from mom and dad (who are good people by the way). CPS just does not always look kindly on alternative methods of parenting.

It scares the heck out of me to know that ANYONE has the authority to take my children away from me. I believe in COMPLETE parental authority.
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#75 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 01:02 PM
 
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Its very easy for CPS to tramp all over your rights as a person and family. Appearing to cooperate, yes. But cooperation doesn't necessarily mean that things will go in your favor. Its sad but very true. While they are supposed to be there to protect our children, all too often once they are allowed entry they will fabricate or stretch things to fit what they want. 2 dirty cups by the sink become a "sinkful of dirty dishes." A basket of clean laundry on the floor become "A whole room full of dirty unwashed clothes."

To any regular person with minimal experience with CPS the first thought would be to just cooperate and they'll be gone as soon as they see you aren't abusive. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. All too often they want to see things wrong with the situation.

Asking for a warrant is within your legal rights. They rely on people not realizing that this is the law they have to abide. Many times they will close the case and walk away because they have nothing to substantiate getting a warrant. But if you let them in they have the possibility of "finding" something wrong. Asking to come into your home is purely for them to snoop and find ways to substantiate their case against you.

Some county's are better than others thats for sure.. there are still some good case workers and agencies out there though they are becoming few and far in between.

And no, I would never let them in my house without a warrant. I've had experience, lived to tell about it.. and will never make the mistake of cooperating blindly again.

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#76 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 01:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama View Post
She might be trying to help you, if the police assumed that you are currently in a DV situation (which I very much hope you're not). Also, to ascertain whether the baby is witnessing abuse. I hope his head is OK, if it was bad enough for you to want to call 9-1-1. She probably wants to see if you and the baby might need help.
Yeah, I'm thinking it's this. Still, I'd have a doctor examine the baby before letting the CPS worker do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
If everything is how you say it is, then I wouldn't worry about CPS seeing your child or your home. I honestly don't understand the paranoia about them, nor refusing to talk to them without a warrant. Actually, demanding a warrant when you "have nothing to hide" is what seems fishy.

Am I the only who would just cooperate and be done with it? Demanding a warrant when there isn't a problem seems like it might send up red flags when there aren't any. HOWEVER, if I knew there was something actually wrong it might be nice security to ensure my defense is in order (pediatrician and medical records, lawyer, etc), otherwise I just don't understand not cooperating and getting it over with. Sorry.
Guess you've never dealt with CPS before. I've defended many parents who shouldn't have been in court at all. I've had to have numerous petitions corrected for false information put in by caseworkers. Some of them are overzealous. Some of them are just overworked and take shortcuts. I've also worked on the children's side, so I'm not saying I don't understand the overzealousness. You wouldn't believe how many children are hurt by their parents. Anyway, knowing and asserting your rights should never be cause for suspicion.
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#77 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 02:25 PM
 
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Thinking of you this afternoon. I hope the appointment went well.

mama

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#78 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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Thinking of you...

I've done CPS. They terrify me, to the point that I have written instructions to the DCP on what to do if they come.

I'm interested in seeing the update.

I could go either way on this. My guess is the concern is DV. Hang up- 911 calls often happen because of DV, and the TRO did not help matters when LE showed up.

Did you get the baby medical care even without an ambulance?
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#79 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 03:53 PM
 
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I'm very glad that there is a CPS, from my own life experience. I'm very glad that our society doesn't believe in "complete parental authority" or else there would be many more dead children than even currently. After all, wouldn't it be up to the parents whether their children should be beaten, starved, or killed? My biggest issue with the websites that counsel an adversarial relationship with CPS also support corporal punishment and are very anti-children's rights (UN rights of the child). This very much taints the whole scene, I think. It looks like a bunch of child abusers who'd like to continue to "parent as they see fit" whether it harms their children or not.

I certainly understand that there are CPS workers who are overworked, overzealous, or see things that aren't there, and most situations are reported by angry family members. But I do believe the majority have good intentions to prevent abuse or abusive situations and don't rip children from homes without soul-searching. An investigation will not necessarily lead to removal, and in the majority of cases, it doesn't unless the worker thinks there's immediate risk to life. It's far less common to have children removed from nonabusive homes than for children to stay in abusive homes in the name of mandated reconcilation. Not to say it's not frightening or worrisome, but in most cases, things resolve in a good way (counseling, support, or dismissal investigation). I hope this one turns out well also.
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#80 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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Aw desirae,
I'll be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes. everything will be just fine. you are an awesome mom so don't worry!

Mama to a 3.5 yo dd
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#81 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 04:40 PM
 
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I hope it went okay. Please update when you can.

Julia
dd 1 year old
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#82 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 04:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sweetaspickles View Post
ok I called her back and she actaully answered this time.

I asked, "may I ask what this is regarding?"

stupid long story short: I was at my husbands house, my son was in my arms I was walking to the kitchen, he leaned back and hit his head on the wall, he started crying, I wanted to call 9-1-1 my husband told me to hang up the phone and we would take him to the e.r. ourselves since we would get there faster anyways, and wouldn't have to pay out of pocket for an ambulance ride. no one answered, I hung up.

5 minutes later the baby is fine 10 minutes after the the police are at my door.

of course it looks bad because i'm upset that the baby is upset and you can tell we've both been crying.

I explain what happend and they take our information and do a report since they had to come out to the house and while they are running our information a skeleton in the closet comes back to re-visit us.

a judge issued a temporary restraining order a few years back and we thought it had expired. we didn't know it was something that we had to get removed.

anyways they arrested my husband for violating the order.

she said her visit was regarding this incident that happend a few weeks ago.

she said she could go to the house or I could meet her in the office she said she needs to see the baby.


what now?

WOW! You JUST remembered this situation???
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#83 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 05:01 PM
 
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i'm kinda offended

what sounds fishy?

you replied to my thread to call my "story", "fishy"?
No, I'm not meaning to offend. The entire story you described just seems like maybe someone DOES need to look in to. When you give a very limited information kind of story you have to be ready for question. It just all seems to be too cooincidental. And I'm not saying you're not being truthful, something just seems "off" about it. But I hope that everything works out for the safety and well being of your family.
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#84 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 05:08 PM
 
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Desirae I hope things get sorted out for you asap I'm confident if you are calm and confident it will sort out. I can't believe some people think cps are to be trusted. I'm sorry this is a vent, maybe it's high time. I had a cps woman write a report on me after I uc'ed with my ds, she wanted me to take all my dc to a doctor even though they were not ill. I did'nt take them. This woman phoned the police up every other day and got them to come to my home and demand to see my baby,she couldn't be bothered coming herself! I used to have to wake him up to make them go away. I was drained with all this. It seemed like everytime he went to sleep they'd turn up. Also it was hard cos we were living on the road and police harrassment gets weary. She also wrote in her report that I had 10 men in my caravan, it was really funny cos it wasn't actually my caravan!!! I can laugh now I guess.At the time I was less than amused. I recently got my files since birth and if I reall wanted to be a pest I can ask them to remove all innaccurate info on me, some newish law, wish I had the time and energy lol. My mother dumped me as a baby and I stayed with my father on and off till I was 5. My 'mother' went on to birth my 3 half sisters and dumped each one so she could drink and be a whore, sad but true. Cps used to invade our home at 2 am on a regular basis and grab me screaming NO NO, DON'T TAKE ME,from my bed, after a coupla days I would be home again. This went on for years. Once they grabbed me screaming in the night and placed me in temporary foster care, I was 4 and a half, I wet the bed when I eventually got to sleep at the foster carers and was awoken by a man screaming 'get this f***** child out of here', about 4 am, he was the foster carer's husband, a prison screw I found out later. I was packed off to a different school the next morning, at lunch time a man was hanging about at the school fence, it was my dad, he was crying and saying I'd be home soon, I was home next day. I got took off dad aged 5. I have no recollection pf my dad abusing me in any way but now I'm very confused and my relationship with dad took a turn for the worse recently and he's had cancer and I haven't been there for him cos I don't trust him since my auntie, who I seriously avoid and dont trust, told me my dad might be a child abuser, oh life just gets better....: Social services told me there was no mention of any of this kind of things in my childhood files, so I've lost dad again cos I've got dc and need to trust people with them. Many cps personal I have had contact with and I've had plenty right from birth till 18 then nothing till I got pounced on for uc'ing, nonvaxing, living in a trailer, living an unsettled lifestyle, being battered by ex partner, having a rash on my face, even what I was wearing, shaved head, punk clothes, piercings,oh and bfding my ds at 14 months, they said I was not feeding him anything else but I was,etc bla bla and I can tell you many ,many of them are the lowest of the low, they make stuff up and make it stick, they get paid to do this, they are not answerable to anybody, they used to have me in their offices as a young child picking my brains apart till I felt phsycotic.I used to look out at the sunshine and wish I was playing with other kids. I've had depression all my life and severe rejection issues and unable to hold a relationship together, I'm a single-mom with no family support, no support from the fathers( there's 2) in fact I've screwed my life up. Saying that, some of the older social workers were not too bad and were often telling some of the younger ones to get a grip, shaking their heads at them in disgust. I can honestly say imo cps do not care about children at all, they don't care about the adults, they don't care about any of us, they are the morality police, they very rarely save kids from abuse and are very good at walking away from kids who are being abused, probably too busy picking on people like me. You cannot trust these people, they are kid snatchers, they just don't have enough places to snatch kids to or they'd do it more. One girl living on a travellers site went for a dump in the morning with her shovel came back to her trailer and they'd snatched her baby, reckon they'd timed it so when she needed the toilet they just took her baby away, she got the babe back after a lot of hassle, out of order, and so very sad and damaging. Sorry for the rant, am still so angry!
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#85 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 05:34 PM
 
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yea I understand.

and you are right, it is not a dv situation but there was one incident where he did hit me and I called the police. he went to jail and when he got out we went to counseling and he went to classes.

since then everything has been fine.

the reason I called was because I had never heard him cry like that, I thought he was seriously injured but he was ok.

I understand what it could've looked like given the past circumstances but if we needed the help I would most certainly not be afraid to ask.
Something is not right here. You say it is not a dv situation, and yet, it obviously was in the past, and since the restraining order is still in effect.... add to that you aren't officially living together and the situation does sound "off". You say you are a "very young mother" so I have to wonder just how long ago did this abuse happen? I don't trust any person/spouse/partner who "did hit me" but "since then everything has been fine". Physical abuse is not the only form of abuse and is usally coupled with emotional abuse. If your child has seen any of this, or been affected by this in any way then a visit from CPS would not be unwarranted in my opinion.

I am shocked - absolutely shocked, that NO ONE that I have seen, (forgive me if I missed it) has posted anything regarding your spouse hitting you. It is inexcusable and most abusers don't just change. I question your judgement because he hit you and when he got out of jail you stayed with him. Your child needs to be your #1 priority and being around an abusive parent is not in his, or your, best interest.

I have dealt with CPS before and I hope, sincerely hope, that your situation improves, in more ways than one.
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#86 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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I agree with you Mom2Joseph, there is no excuse for domestic violence ever. Sweetaspickles says her hb hit her once and went to jail for it, like it was an isolated incident. In my horrible experience of dv it's never once and sweetaspickles is very young which means she does need help if there is more to it, like getting out of an abusive relationship which isn't easy but always worth it. I hope she gets help if she needs it and not punished for possibly being in a situation too many women and therefore children find themselves in. Times when you so desperately need help, support and good advice so often turn to judgement and malice. Sweetaspickles, if you find a certain cps personnel particularly unhelpful or overly judgemental you can ask for another cps person to deal with you and request that you are treated with dignity and that their involvement be beneficial to your family rather than detrimental. Mudslinging does not help families.
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#87 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 08:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#88 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mom2Joseph View Post

I am shocked - absolutely shocked, that NO ONE that I have seen, (forgive me if I missed it) has posted anything regarding your spouse hitting you. It is inexcusable and most abusers don't just change. I question your judgement because he hit you and when he got out of jail you stayed with him. Your child needs to be your #1 priority and being around an abusive parent is not in his, or your, best interest.

I have dealt with CPS before and I hope, sincerely hope, that your situation improves, in more ways than one.

She also said that he went to counseling and classes......

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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#89 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 08:38 PM
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So what happened at the meeting?

I too am concerned that you are back together with a man who once hit you and went to prison for it.

Domestic abusers don't change. Even when they say they've changed, they don't change.
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#90 of 127 Old 03-20-2007, 08:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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