I don't mean any offense by this but have you considered counseling? it sounds like you have some food issues and trying to be too neat with ds or not feeding hiom because you are scared of a mess may be passing some of those issues on to him. Also as he gets older and starts drinking after you, grabbing stuff off your plate, eating stuff that has drpopped on the floor (or stuff that other people dropped on the floor) you might really have a hard time dealing with it. And it is normal fo kids to act that way. we can all encourage kids to have good manners and eat neatly but lets face it. some kids are just messy and clumsy. My 6 year old still gets lots of food on her face and her friends are the same way. so it seems normal. How is your child going to feel if, at any age, you are constantly hovering over them wiping thier face, in essence telling them "you can just not do this good enough" or severly limiting what they can eat to things that are dry and messless. it is more than just quirky eating habits. there are some real issues here. If it were just you it would be one thing but your son is already having to deal with how they effect him.
Would it perhaps be easier if you didn't loo while he was eating and thenjust cleaned him and were done with it for the day? You could just put him the bath or even take him out and hose him off (its summer ).
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
Today at lunch I had to hide in the kitchen while dd dipped her pbj sandwich in ketchup. So very gross.
Last night at dinner I had to pretend not to see the lettuce and rice floating in her water glass. Again, very gross.
I also found purée a little icky.
I don't think it's a big worry. You (and I) can live with being grossed out.
And trying to work up to less messy finger foods as soon as you can might help. My dd liked finger foods and did not like puree at all...mastering finger foods early has made her overall, a pretty neat eater for a toddler. And now she likes to use spoons and forks, I have never made her use them. We also only give her a small portion at a time and get down from the high chair right away once playtime begins. At the same time I give her snack foods out of her high chair and other neater foods she can "play" with as much as she wants.