I'm never without my babies. . . problem? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 06-10-2003, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aside from a 30 minute dentist appointment, I've never been away from my babies since they were born almost 4 months ago. I just have no desire to be without them. People (whom I trust) keep offering to watch the babies so that Dp and I can go out for an hour or so alone (they are exclusively breastfed, so longer than that could be trouble). Dp really wants to, but I just don't want to be without them. I think I would feel naked without them. And I am so happy to have them with me/us. All of my mama friends IRL have left their babies already, and think I'm nuts/overly anxious. But I don't even know that I am anxious about leaving them. . . I just don't want to.

Also, sometimes Dp wants to take one baby with her while she goes for an errand in town. I just don't feel comfortable with it. I want to feel okay about it, but I don't. I don't mind when she takes one for a short walk up the mountain behind our house, but I don't want her to take them in the car. It just feels like they'll be too far away or something.

Is this normal?

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#2 of 17 Old 06-10-2003, 11:44 AM
 
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For the first few months I didn't want to be away from dd either. Now that she is older I don't mind so much, but only for a couple of hours at a time. And only with people she is comfortable with. I think it is normal to want to be with your babies
P.S. cute boys!

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#3 of 17 Old 06-10-2003, 11:48 AM
 
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Perfectly normal. I was the same way. I do leave one or both with dh to do shopping now, and have gone to a movie or two while they stayed with grandma, but they are now 3.5 and 20 months. I still feel naked without them

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#4 of 17 Old 06-10-2003, 11:59 AM
 
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i feel the same about my 4 month old.

Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan dust.gifage8, Ava energy.gifage 4 and baby Georgia baby.gif (6/3/11).

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#5 of 17 Old 06-10-2003, 12:13 PM
 
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I still feel this way about my 16 month old dd! On occasion dh will take her to work with him for a couple hours. Sometimes he gets up really early with her and takes her to the coffee shop too. I always miss her tremendously and love seeing her when she gets back! Dh loves having her by himself sometimes so he can "show her off." He's so proud of his little girl!
I think in a few months, you will probably be ready to let dp take one of your boys out for errands once in a while. I don't think there's any need to rush it though if you don't feel comfortable with it. Also, don't let people make you feel like you are abnormal for wanting to be with your boys all the time! It's totally normal.
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#6 of 17 Old 06-10-2003, 10:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Mamas!

I was starting to worry that I had some weird post-partum separation anxiety disorder. Glad to hear that others have felt the same way. Guess I'll just enjoy feeling this way while it lasts!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#7 of 17 Old 06-11-2003, 12:53 AM
 
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I haven't left dd with anyone but dh and she's a year. We have had volunteers for people to watch her but like you I don't feel comfortable doing it.

Some people can't seem to believe that I like to be with her all the time but I really do. She's wonderful and we enjoy being with each other.

Don't let people pressure you into doing something you aren't ready to do. Take your time, there is no rush.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#8 of 17 Old 06-11-2003, 08:51 PM
 
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DH came home from work a while ago and we needed to run to the store, but DS nursed himself to sleep. DH offered to stay home with the baby so I could get out of the house and get the shopping done. I just looked at him and went, "Go by myself? With no one else? All alone? Un... No, can't do it. I'll wait til the baby wakes up and we can all go together." And that's what we did. =)

~Melissa
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#9 of 17 Old 06-11-2003, 09:02 PM
 
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I feel the same way about all my kids! I will leave the 3 older ones but have yet to leave my baby, he just turned one. I have only been away from my kids overnight once when I had to have my appendix removed.

Melissa- I too would rather go shopping with everybody. I feel incomplete without someone in the sling or a little hand in mine.



Sarah
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#10 of 17 Old 06-11-2003, 09:55 PM
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Sounds like there are trust issues between you and DP? Do you consider the kids to be hers, too?
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#11 of 17 Old 06-11-2003, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamajulie
Sounds like there are trust issues between you and DP? Do you consider the kids to be hers, too?
OF COURSE I consider the babies to be hers--they are hers!! Honestly, I am offended by your question. If she were my husband, I don't think you would have asked it.

That said, it's not about trust. It's not that I think anything bad will happen to the babies if I'm not with them. I just don't want to be without them. Whenever I consider leaving them/having Dp take one out I get this feeling of something tugging at my heart and I just can't imagine not being with them.

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#12 of 17 Old 06-12-2003, 01:41 AM
 
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Oh, this is so true for me too -its so great to hear that I am also not the only one, but I have a sad story . . .

My MIL and DH both have been pressuring me to leave my dd with MIL since she was only 3 mos old. My MIL said that it would be good for me!
:
So now dd is nearly 6 months old and finally last weekend I gave in and dh and I went out to dinner and left dd at MIL's house. We took the cell phone just in case. On our way back we got a call from MIL saying that dd is starting to complain a little. When we arrived back dd was crying so sadly and her face was all red and sad, but she stopped when she saw me. Normally she almost never cries anymore in general.
Then I found out that 15-20 minutes after we left she started looking around for us and didn't see us and started to cry. MIL chuckled and said that she cries so hard that she almost chokes herself . MIL also said that she was too sad to play with her toys or drink from the bottle (she's only ever had about 1oz from a bottle in her life before anyway) FIL carried her around for an hour and she didn't cry then, but that means that she must have been crying for about an hour, since we were gone for 2 1/2 hours.

We went back to MIL's house the next day and dd wouldn't let anyone else hold her but me, which never happened before the babysitting experience.

So don't give in to the pressure! Wait till you're ready! At least now I think that my MIL is cured of her desire to babysit for awhile.


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#13 of 17 Old 06-12-2003, 02:21 AM
 
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Well, I'm going to pop in here as the voice of dissent.

And, only because I don't think it's fair to the other parent. I understanding the feeling of not wanting to be away from your baby (I still miss my 4 yo when she's sleeping!). But, if you think how bonded you are with your children from spending so much one-on-one time with them, don't you think your dp would benefit from the same? I think individual attention for children is good too. I think having one adult all to themselves is nice sometimes.

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Peace.
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#14 of 17 Old 06-12-2003, 08:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dp is very bonded to both Lukas and Jasper, and the babies are quite bonded to her as well. I think, with twins, that it is sometimes easier for the non-birthmom parent to feel more involved since they are always needed to hold a baby. When Dp is home, she always has one of the boys in her arms/sling, and thus the boys get lots of one-on-one attention from her. I don't see why they'd have to leave the house to get this kind of bonding accomplished?? I am lucky to have a very supportive Dp, who has no desire to take the babies away before I feel ready for it. She does not feel that she is being left out, or that I am being unfair.

My original question was simply whether or not it was normal to feel this fierce desire to be near to my babies whenever possible. It seems, from others' responses, that it IS normal. I do not have any concerns about my relationship with Dp, nor her relationship with the babies, and she doesn't either.

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#15 of 17 Old 06-12-2003, 09:31 AM
 
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As long as you're both content with it, than it's fine!
If you do find yourself going nuts after a while, though, keep in mind that a half hour stroll with your DP, or a quick stop to a bookstore or coffee shop or something, will work wonders for your mental health. You don't have to be gone for long to give yourself a little mental health break
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#16 of 17 Old 06-14-2003, 12:31 AM
 
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I think it's totally normal. I know I felt like no one (not even DH) could care for my baby like I could. Just relax. In time you'll feel more comfortable about letting them out of your sight a bit more. I don't think there's anything wrong with you and DP's relationship.
And enjoy your time with the babies because soon you'll WANT and NEED to be away from them.
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#17 of 17 Old 06-14-2003, 12:48 AM
 
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Four months old is so young! Now granted, by the time I had my fourth, I was out and about for a half hour or an hour at least once a week sans baby by that point, but she was left to a house full of doting brothers and a daddy who wouldn't put her down But with my first two, I was like you, I felt totally naked without them, I didn't even like to let them nap alone lol! I think, though, you should let your dp take them out for a walk every day, just 20 minutes or a half hour. It's good for you to get a little break like that (this is the mother in me talking), and good for her to be "in charge," as it were (this is the wife in me talking). She's proud of her family just like you are, and OF COURSE you can go with her, but maybe she would like the time alone with the boys, too? Maybe not, just something to think about. What you are feeling is totally normal and shows you are truly bonding with your babies. It's nothing to be ashamed of, just don't lose your "self" in it.

And don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, you are the only one who can assess their needs like that (of course your dp can, too, but she's not pressuring you, so it's not an issue, kwim?)

congrats on your bundles of joy, sounds like you have a very sweet family
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